THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[hellohello1]

DAY 27 - i am in pain today..the past few days have been really bad, and i have been hurting..even have some pain in my stomach..i miss you so bad..please come back to me..

[Flyby]

DAY 1 completed of NO CONTACT....

 

Strange, although it's recorded as DAY 1, I have been generally staying out of contact with my ex... I don't feel so bad, it's been 5 months since we really really were together. First 2 months he was confused and needed to make up his mind - I gave him the time, checked in with him now and again. Then I told him that I can't wait forever. So, we called it "SPLITSVILLE". All due to religious differences... I know he still has strong feelings for me and is scared of completely losing me. The fact is, he has lost me.

 

I want to record 30 days of completely no contact, for myself and for my own boost. It will be proof that I am so much stronger than he expected or thought I was.

I lived without him before, I can go on without him even now.

I'm worth more than just a passing thought or a bored moment in his life. If he wants my attention, he will have to work for it. If not, well - just too bad.

 

Initially, I felt bad for ignoring him and telling him to give me some space for a while, but then I thought of the times before we split, all the times I tried to contact him and he was so unresponsive and cold. Now he wants to talk - always on his terms. Guess what - I don't want to talk anymore. I can just imagine him sitting and wondering why I didn't grab his last request to chat. Normally I would jump at the chance of having 5 minutes of his time. He must be very confused now. Perhaps his new girlfriend can ease his confused mind. I finally don't have to deal with my own negative thoughts, nor with his

 

Man, it feels so good letting it all out. I can sleep peacefully again. I can feel my mind and heart being liberated. I can actually feel my old self resurfacing.

 

I'm so happy and proud of myself.

[bluberry]

Ok! I'm starting the challenge. I broke it yesterday because i was stupid and stupid and stupid.

 

DAY 1 - i feel like i'm back where is started 3weeks ago. Why am i doing this to myself? Only i can control my actions and how i feel.

[brandnewday47]

Day 19. This ties the two longest NC stretches. This time, however, it will blow away all the other times.

[brazilgirl21]

Blackberry Messinger? ARGGH I hate that program! She was the only person to contact me via that, so I straight up deleted the program from my BB.

 

Nice work

 

Haha. Yeah. Seriously, along with facebook, blackberry messenger is the DEVIL. Everyone in my social circle has BBM now, I have over 120 contacts. My ex and I used to talk on that 24 hours a day. It's so simple... Every random little: "so what is the number of massage place x?", "did you enjoy the game", "have you eaten today?".

 

Honestly, the small talk on there was ridiculous. When he was "sweet" I got my hopes all up, when he was "cold" it made me feel horrible...

 

The bad news is that he will notice I deleted him and I don't want him to get upset but, I can always say I deleted it off my phone or got a new phone.

 

It will definetly make NC 200000000000000000x easier for me.

[brandnewday47]

Haha. Yeah. Seriously, along with facebook, blackberry messenger is the DEVIL. Everyone in my social circle has BBM now, I have over 120 contacts. My ex and I used to talk on that 24 hours a day. It's so simple... Every random little: "so what is the number of massage place x?", "did you enjoy the game", "have you eaten today?".

 

Honestly, the small talk on there was ridiculous. When he was "sweet" I got my hopes all up, when he was "cold" it made me feel horrible...

 

The bad news is that he will notice I deleted him and I don't want him to get upset but, I can always say I deleted it off my phone or got a new phone.

 

It will definetly make NC 200000000000000000x easier for me.

 

You did the right thing. The main thing is you won't be randomly checking for that little blue notification and wondering "will they message me?" What makes it worse is that it is SO impersonal, and anything can be read into the words that are typed on it. In my opinion, worse that text message!

[yogi]

Proud of you Brazil Girl. I think deleting him will make you feel better. And that's what counts --- YOU and YOUR feelings.

 

Don't beat yourself up over breaking no contact. You just have to start over with a fierceness.

 

Like me, I broke it after almost four weeks yesterday. Got drunk, home alone, and did a little obsessive texting with angry inappropriateness. Yep, a thousand steps back.

 

Today's a new day!

[JoshHimself]

Day 8

 

I'm cracking, but I gotta be strong, I miss her so much, and still realise I'd do anything for her. I need help

[Eddie37]

Day 8

 

I'm cracking, but I gotta be strong, I miss her so much, and still realise I'd do anything for her. I need help

I'm on Day 12. I think the journey of no contact, letting go, and moving on is going to be a roller coaster ride. Right now, like you Josh, I'm in a hard spot. I miss her like crazy, love her and feel like she's slipping away and there's absolutely NOTHING I can do about it. Contacting her is simply not an option...and it's not for you either, Josh. Ride out these rough patches...you can make it.

[brazilgirl21]

For everyone over Day 8 - KEEP STRONG.

 

I made it to 11 last time and I WISH I had never broken NC... I'm back at Day 2 and it sucks.

 

Specially because contact was broken because we saw eachother last weekend and it was good and weird and then we very casual contact this week and this weekend in which he was very cold towards me.

 

I feel so bad.

[ooshiegirl]

I accept the challenge! It's been two weeks since we broke up (long, drawn out story) and I haven't been able to do NC at ALL. But I have two problems- first- my ex's dad just died last week. The fact that he's made it clear he doesn't want any help from me helps the NC thing, but I'm still so worried about him- he was my best friend and feelings like that don't just go away- I want to help him. Second- the keys to the storage facility where all of my stuff is stored are at his place (he broke up with me while I was at home on vacation). So I'm gonna have to talk to him at least once to get those back. Hopefully not soon, though. Does anyone have suggestions about how to handle those situations?

 

Day 1! Damn, this is gonna be hard. He was my best friend, and my only friend at school. Maybe I can talk to all y'all instead

[wildestkabs]

Day 14 NC. Oddly enough, it has gotten harder over the last few days. I miss her dearly. But I have faith.

[Eddie37]

Day 14 NC. Oddly enough, it has gotten harder over the last few days. I miss her dearly. But I have faith.

No doubt! Days 3-7 were pretty good actually...then I hit a really bad rough patch, I'm still in it. I think it has to do with the feeling that we are really becoming separated from our ex's. With each day, the separation grows, the distance grows...and that's hard to accept.

[wildestkabs]

No doubt! Days 3-7 were pretty good actually...then I hit a really bad rough patch, I'm still in it. I think it has to do with the feeling that we are really becoming separated from our ex's. With each day, the separation grows, the distance grows...and that's hard to accept.

 

Well Eddie, here is the weird part. We were in an LDR, the main reason our relationship did not work out, especially for me, since I had become very distant. We live 3,000 miles apart in the US.

 

Now, within the next 3-4 months, I would have relocated to within 10 miles of where she lives because of work!

 

She is in a relationship right now. Got into it within 3 days of breaking up with me, exchanged "I love you's" within the next 48 - 72 hours and other long term plans were quickly made as well. I am thinking probably a rebound one and it will probably not last long but not holding my breath on it. We will see.

 

Right now I am working out like crazy and getting ready to actively date myself, though not sure if it would be easy.

[Eddie37]

Well Eddie, here is the weird part. We were in an LDR, the main reason our relationship did not work out, especially for me, since I had become very distant. We live 3,000 miles apart in the US.

 

Now, within the next 3-4 months, I would have relocated to within 10 miles of where she lives because of work!

 

She is in a relationship right now. Got into it within 3 days of breaking up with me, exchanged "I love you's" within the next 48 - 72 hours and other long term plans were quickly made as well. I am thinking probably a rebound one and it will probably not last long but not holding my breath on it. We will see.

 

Right now I am working out like crazy and getting ready to actively date myself, though not sure if it would be easy.

That just flat out sucks man. One of the benefits of no contact is I don't have to hear about or see her move on with some other guy. Wildestkabs, if I were you I would stay as far away from that girl as I could...she sounds horrible...kinda like my ex, who never really loved me eventhough she would say it 50 times a day. Good for you for working out. You know what, some beautiful woman is going to come along and that wretched ex will be a thing of the past. Keep your chin up...keep looking ahead...the future is brighter than you know.

[Eddie37]

Day 12, done. Really up and down day. The ups were way up and the downs were way down.

 

The hardest thing about love is that it's selfless, it's something you give, and when you love somebody you give and give and give of yourself because that's what love is, that's what love compels us to do...and when you realize that the other person doesn't love you back it's too late to save your heart from the pain and loss. Because when you're busy loving someone you lose sight of whether or not they're loving you back, that's just the nature of love.

 

Loving makes us vulnerable...vulnerable to rejection, and that's the hardest kind of rejection to experience. When someone rejects your love they are rejecting the very core, the very essence of who you are. That hurts. That's what I'm feeling.

[wildestkabs]

she sounds horrible.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words Eddie. I appreciate it.

 

That being said, she is actually a very nice and caring person. During the last few days of our relationship, she was trying her best to make things work and I was the one running away.

 

Long story short, it takes two to tango, she played her part too, though I made it much worse and have only myself to blame for screwing up the relationship right toward the end when it could still have been salvaged. And no, I am not trying to defend her or anything like that, simply stating the truth.](*,)

[Flyby]

DAY 2 of NO CONTACT

[JoshHimself]

Day 9, should be 21....

 

I really dont think this is working, I mean at first I was all positive, but the pain is just getting more intense. I dont know why I want to speak to her, or even try to reach out. I've laid everything out there for her, I've walked away nice. And I just cant get over this. Everytime I really think about her, I fall to pieces. I know I'm doing things to better myself, but I just feel so incomplete and empty without her. I mean I never really asked for a second chance. I know the mistakes we've both made, and I'm totally willing to fix everything. I mean contact has been broken, and it wasnt by me. When I did talk to her she was such an a**hole. Why wont she take my stuff to my brother? She doesnt even have to see me? If she was so sure about this whole thing wouldnt she not care? Why yell and try to fight with me? Why text me and ask me if I've said anything about her to mutual friends? Could it be she is guilty. I know right now we are in two diffrent mind sets. I'm sorta at peace with myself. I'm not questioning anything I did because I know I was wrong in so many ways. But why does she need validation, or cares what others think? I'm cracking more and more every day. I cant get rid of her out my head. I'm being punished for all my offences, I want to touch you but I'm afraid of the consequences, I want to banish you from whence you came, but your part of now, and I got myself to blame.

 

I was saying a prayer for her and her drug problems. I guess I should pray for myself now, because this hurt is becoming to unreal.

[brandnewday47]

Whoo hoo! Day 20; just passed the longest stretch of 19 days (done twice). I feel good about it, can't wait for day 30.

 

I'm actually still thinking about her, but more of a distant memory as in a kind of positive way, but nothing negative or extreme on either side. For today at least, the thought of her doesn't cause much of a reaction in me.

[ooshiegirl]

Day 2 (we broke up over 2 weeks ago, but haven't actually done to NC thing for various reasons, but now I'm sticking to it). I was doing so well this morning, hanging out with my mom, no crying.

 

And then I log on facebook and I see him there. Now, he blocked me from chat 2 days ago, and so now I want to prove to him that I can respect his wishes for space and not hound him.

 

But man, I've already spent an hour staring at his name, wondering what he's thinking. I miss him so much. I miss my lover and my best friend.

[HereIGoAgain]

Day 730

 

I guess it's certain now that the mutual NC is forever after 2 years of not being in contact. The only thing I am left wondering about is from the OP where the last line says:

 

If you accept my challenge, you will be very surprised at the end result.

 

What did Superdave mean by "surprised at the end result"?

[wildestkabs]

Day 730

 

I guess it's certain now that the mutual NC is forever after 2 years of not being in contact.

 

Wow! If after that long, you still have hopes of getting back together, I would just pick up the phone and give the ex a call.

[Eddie37]

 

I'm actually still thinking about her, but more of a distant memory as in a kind of positive way, but nothing negative or extreme on either side. For today at least, the thought of her doesn't cause much of a reaction in me.

Man, I'm so ready to feel the way you do. Still aching over the thought of her moving on without me. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Love isn't supposed to be this way. I thought she loved me.

[brandnewday47]

Man, I'm so ready to feel the way you do. Still aching over the thought of her moving on without me. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Love isn't supposed to be this way. I thought she loved me.

 

 

Time brother; I know it is a cliche, but it is really what is needed... I still think of her pretty much every day.. but it isn't nearly the same as it was. I've been broken up originally since November... she kept me around (breadcrumb fashion) till mid January then accused me of ignoring her. She is no longer on a pedestal. I still care for her, but know that she has made her decisions and has to live with the consequences.

 

Honestly, the big thing that helped me was when I found out my EX did in fact move on to someone else relatively quickly. Hurt for a while... still does... but it brings along acceptance.

 

Know that love is NOT supposed to be like this. You deserve more. You'll get there, just keep going and fight through this. I've had so many stops and restarts during these ~7 months that I lost count. But eventually you'll get there and figure it out. For me, I try not to harbor negativity on this as it leads to dwelling on the past. I wish I could say I'm there and moved on... but not yet. Better than it was but my connection with her was deep and it just takes time.