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yogi

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  1. yogi
    Proud of you Brazil Girl. I think deleting him will make you feel better. And that's what counts --- YOU and YOUR feelings. Don't beat yourself up over breaking no contact. You just have to start over with a fierceness. Like me, I broke it after almost four weeks yesterday. Got drunk, home alone, and did a little obsessive texting with angry inappropriateness. Yep, a thousand steps back. Today's a new day!
  2. yogi
    I caved right before 4 weeks of no contact. I don't care though. I was still dignified when I said, "I'm glad our relationship is over, thank you. But I love you and would like to get together to reconsider in a few weeks." It's too soon for us to even think about it (I even need more time to heal and put the old relationship to rest) but I'm glad I got it off my chest and he knows how I feel. I don't feel like I lost self-respect. I still feel somewhat strong. Now I'm in no contact until infinity. I made peace with myself that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me. How miserable that would be. It's a comfort to me that he misses me and loves me.
  3. yogi
    I read something helpful yesterday that I wanted to share. It's a way we can trick ourselves into feeling for a few minutes that we're getting over them. OK -- this is the gist. I hope I'm not plagrizing. .. Think back to a boyfriend/girlfriend you had in the past that you don't think of anymore. You loved them or liked them a lot before you moved on. Remember them and think about how you feel about them now. Probably doesn't hurt or even cross your mind on a weekly basis. Hold on to that peace. Are we still going to hurt over our current exes 20 years from now? If they don't come back? Naaahhhhh. Now, let's fast forward 20 years. Make believe that you're (in my case) 53 and happily settled in life doing what you want. See what it feels like in the future and hold on that feeling. Imagine that it's been so long that you're happily married, have great job, a house, maybe children. Maybe it didn't work out with your ex, but that's OK, you don't think of him/her anymore. You've had other things to worry about now. The last 20 years have been full of other relationships, volunteer work, concerts, tea, yoga, reading good books, movies, even deaths of loved ones, vacations, job success and stress, going to baseball games, hiking in the mountains, shopping, good nights of drinking, etc... Someday we'll get there. Let's just pretend maybe 20 minutes a day that we're 20 years older and try to look back and envision we're over them. Note, we can be over them, and they still come back. Being over someone doesn't mean it won't happen in the future. We're just healing for our own. This for us right now. We can't plan ahead for someone else to wake up and come back to us. Not sure if that makes sense. But it's really helping me reduce the sharp knife feelings in my chest. I'm coming to terms with the fact that he's moved on and doesn't think about me much and will never contact me again. I'm feeling and remembering who I am by taking care of myself. I've realized that throughout the whole thing that I've always been here with myself and I'm a good person and have always and will continue to be a hell of a good catch. That hasn't changed just because he isn't in my life anymore. I'm feeling (sometimes) like I did before I met him. The only thing that's different is that someone I loved is gone because he left me. Things have hurt worst when people left my life because of death and there's no chance of seeing them again, my best friend in high school, my grandparents, my first boyfriend, my favorite aunt and uncle, my favorite dog Lassie. I'm healed from those. How could this situation of loss end differently? God, and the fact that good things are still in me and God is what really matters.
  4. yogi
    It's been 15 days and I'm wondering when the anger will stop. I remember him saying he appreciated me wanting to support him while he's making changes (as I am). But he didn't think it was fair for me, that I would wait around. Just shows me that he didn't care as much for me. He didn't say it wasn't fair to him, sounded like he didn't need time to get over me. Now I'm calling him names in my head. And I feel like he never really loved me, he just said he did. Congrats to everyone doing their NC days consecutively. (I had to start over after a week.) But I sure as hell don't want to talk to him at least for now.
  5. yogi
    I haven't called and today is my three weeks of NC. But since someone mentioned blocking... how do you know if your calls/texts have been blocked by your ex? Does it ring and the voice message comes up as usual or does the operator tell you? I imagine if the blocked person knows they've been blocked, stalking issues would arise in the heat of the moment.
  6. yogi
    Thank you!! What a great reminder...a nice reinforcement to similar advice I've read in the past. Thanks for having my online back.
  7. yogi
    Thank you lostnscared. I really needed to hear that. Wasn't listening to my head on this one. You're right, I need to remember the purpose is to get it together and I couldn't have possibly done that in even a month or so. You said you're in a similar situation. How long has it been for you and when was the last time you talked to him?
  8. yogi
    After 3 weeks of no contact, I'm about to call him. Where is SuperDave and his encouraging posts?? Ahhhh! We dated for about a year and essentially we parted because we've both been unhealthy for a while and need to get our stuff together, separately. He said a month or so ago that after this time apart maybe we could see how we could benefit each other when we're solid individuals. Key word is maybe. I've been busy at the gym, classes, life re-organizing, etc. I was the last one to text without him responding. And I was the one who said I couldn't talk to him for a long time. I've heard you can call if it wouldn't affect you in how he responded. And I'm not there yet. Just finished serious medical tests and he told me that he wanted to call a few weeks after and see how they went. Then I aggravated him about something and he said he was sorry he asked. I know he wants to leave the door open but I closed it. So, I guess I answered my own question. Don't call. Right? Help
  9. yogi
    Tomorrow, it'll be 3 weeks. I feel like I'm never going to hear from him again. But that's getting to be more and more OK for me. In this quiet time, I've gone to many classes at the gym, worked out more, hiked, taken better care of myself, my apartment and finances. So I'm on to being a better person. Isn't that what we're supposed to do anyway? But seriously, remember that song by Phil Collins (I think) that goes something like this, "I feel like we never knew each other at all. It might be my fault. There are so many questions. I never find any answers." Blah, blah blah. It's like that. Yo, Mr. Collins. You know my pain. thanks.
  10. yogi
    Just start seeing people when you're ready. Sometimes you can kinda force a start by easing into online (link removed is good) dating. Then you can set up a few dinner meetings a week, where it's just dinner and meeting someone new. It'll get you back in practice. But only when you're ready. Maybe you should hold off on seeing him until you're less terrified? Then you'll be more whole. I mean, unless you think he's going to announce his big mistake and get on bended knee. I'm not ready either. 14 days of no contact and I don't feel he'll ever contact me again either. But I'm getting more and more used to the idea. I kinda wished I hadn't completely closed the door on him but I think he was glad he did. After I contacted him after I told him to not contact me, he began to ignore me. Then my phone broke and lost all possible messages. Yay.
  11. yogi
    That was probably a rhetorical ... but... Sadly, anytime someone wants to leave, it's over. You can keep loving her and hoping for the best for her but you have to do it from afar. Otherwise, you're stalking and making things worse. I'm trying not to be a weirdo. Hang in there Igelchen. Deep breaths. I've been reading a book called "Yoga for Depression" and it's helping. Trying different yoga moves releases emotion and kinda cleanses your system and brings peace. Give it a shot.
  12. yogi
    You rule the Land of Moving On and Self-Improvement, FootofGod. I'll try journal writing. Today is day 10 for me. Thankfully, my phone broke a week ago and none of my missed texts transferred over. So even if he tried to text me, I didn't get it. The mornings and late nights are the worse. Trying not to obsessive over whether I'll pick up if he calls to check on me after my hospital stuff in a couple of weeks. He said he wanted to. And he might not. Trying not to obsess. Focus on work! Focus on work before I get canned and things are worse.
  13. yogi
    My phone broke a few days ago and I'm waiting on a new one. This is a good thing. I'm on day 6 of no contact. So with the phone broken, I can't contact him and don't know that he hasn't contacted me. Yesterday I was feeling strong. I felt like I was doing things for me to make me a better partner for someone someday (all looks stuff) but I don't know if that counts as "me time" or really working on me. It seems like I'm still doing stuff for me that's really for someone else. Anyway, since I haven't heard from him in a week, I feel like he must be seeing someone. Just a week ago he said he wasn't. I might be losing my mind. Just need to get to the gym after work today and pound it out. PMS isn't helping. Maybe that's the culprit. What is everyone's thoughts on when to use No Initiated Contact and when to use No Contact? I'm expecting a call in a couple of weeks.
  14. yogi
    Good luck on your journey brazilgirl. Just remember what you can deal with from a man and what you can't. You deserve to get what you want from someone but we can't change their minds if they're unsure. I've read that it's important to not provide any of the good relationship stuff (like outings, lots of phone calls, sharing jokes) when they're not giving you what you want and need. It seems they're more likely to come around when they see what they've given up when it's gone. Though, I'm impressed you're strong enough to stay in communication with him.
  15. yogi
    I agree. It's been just a week and I think not saying Happy Birthday makes it look like you're hurting enough and trying to prove you're not. Plus, I think it would hurt the dumper's feelings. I think you can go back to No Contact after the Happy Birthday text. But that's it. Nothing more. I'm on day 5 (after a two month break-up) of NCand feeling OK. Rearranged the furniture this weekend, exercised a lot and cleaned out the old.
  16. yogi
    If she wants to reconcile, she will call even if you asked for space. If you're not at work and at home, I think you should go for a walk right now. When you're not OK, you have to get up and do something right then.
  17. yogi
    Day 3 of No Contact after I broke NC to apologize for something. Feeling pretty good today --first thought this morning was to get to work on time and not him. That's refreshing! I've found over the last few weeks that I miss him but I do not miss our relationship. I'm happy to have me-time.
  18. yogi
    Thanks Foot of God. Giving up control is very hard. But you're right! I'm still trying to stay busy and keep distractions coming. Been reading a great book "Yoga for Depression" by Amy Weintraub. It explains how poses and breathing and constant dedication can bring a new peace to your life and release the build-up in muscles caused by traumatic events. You actually get a release of old pent up emotion. I was good -- 7 days of no contact -- then I made a mistake of reading a couple of texts I was ignoring and responded with something I thought was funny. And then, like a dodo bird, wrote that I was sorry I hadn't responded to the text because I wasn't strong enough. Lame and weak. So not me. Of course he didn't respond. He needs NC time, too. I'm looking forward to the day where these tiny communications aren't as much of a big deal anymore to me. But it sounds like you're doing great. Nice! How long has it been since you've talked to her?
  19. yogi
    Good for you. You sound like my ex. I wish I could feel that way about it. Still hanging on to what might come.
  20. yogi
    5th day Stay tough Atticus. She needs time to see where she was wrong and then apologize. But the truth is, she might not. But women are kinda softies and feel guilty when we're nasty to people we care about so she probably will. She just needs to decompress.. but if I were you, I'd journal my feelings. I'm on my 5th day of no contact. There are still two text responses from him that I'm not strong enough to read yet. So I'm testing myself to see if I can wait a few weeks. On the brightside, I've enjoyed not worrying if he's losing interest. haha. And I've enjoyed the quiet where I don't have to help shoulder the burden of hearing about his personal issues. I feel less anxious and more at peace. And it's a comfort for me to know that he's probably looking at his phone and wondering why I haven't texted for the zillionth time this week. HA!
  21. yogi
    You're doing the right thing hater 13. If you know staying in contact with him will hurt you, you have to stay away for your own sanity. Stay strong. You have to let him come to you. Read something in another post yesterday -- for the ex: relief after breakup, guilt two weeks later and then they REALLY miss you around the 6-8 week mark. So this should be right arong the corner. In the meantime, take care of you. (That's what my friends tell me, anyway.)
  22. yogi
    Sounds like you're doing very well! I, too, have been hitting the gym. I think you've turned this situation into an achievement. Good for you!! I've found that filling my days up to where I don't even get home until after supper helps. Though I have been using wine to relax for sleeping EVERY night. And Sundays are the absolute worst. I do think hearing if he's seeing someone now would crush me. But even if he isn't, he's still not beating down my door. So nothing he could write would be good enough for me right now. So much else is happening in my life right now and the pain is still fresh. So I'll wait. Keep up the good work. She'll see in no time what a mistake she's made.
  23. yogi
    nogettingover, how did you get to feeling better? Excellent job maintaining NC for 29 days. Uuugggh. I think I've bugged my ex too much after he left the door open to me. Even Monday, I sent him a text asking if he had someone new in his life. He responded, but I've been afraid to read his response. He waited until I was off work so I imagine it was because he didn't want to upset me with his answer. I've decided to wait three weeks before I read it. He's supposed to call me after I have a few medical procedures done toward the end of June. So hopefully I'll be in a better place to read them and reject him by not answering. Advice?
  24. yogi
    Good luck lostinyou. It's hard when our beloved leaves the door open with "I don't know what the future holds but I can't promise anything." I guess she's doing the best she can without knowing what she wants. You can do the best you can, too, for you. I think a lot of people advocate giving people the time and space they ask for, it's the most loving thing to do. Is SuperDave still around? He always has encouraging words. I am officially starting my 30 days of no contact today. I got the "I don't know what the future holds but I can't promise anything." Made lots of errors of the last few weeks with calling and texting and trying to "figure it out."
  25. yogi
    Getbii, Not sure if anyone is active on this site anymore or if you check it still; but I just wanted to check on you. It's June now -- did she come back? If not, I don't know if it's a comfort to know this, but sometimes when people are mixed up and have psych issues, it really does take a long time for them to come around. But they sometimes do. If you're still in limbo, let me suggest to stick strongly with no contact. That said, if she's in crisis and you'll know it when you see it, then respond and make sure she's OK. It might really be hard for her to stay in contact with you. So look at it as if you're doing this for her. (But really for you, because it totally sucks to be in your position.) I'm not an expert. Just going through something similar right now. Good luck and be well. Yogi P.S. Keep staying busy and healthy. P.S.S. Anyone else out there? Write about what's happening with you.
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