ooshiegirl

NC was broken on Monday by him after a week- he asked me for an address to ship my things. THAT exchange really hurt because he seemed so cold (it was also via e-mail). And then on Thursday I contacted him on Facebook chat to finalize details, since my e-mail wasn't working and I had told him the address wrong, and we end up having a long, fun conversation. I admit, this made me feel really good. Especially because today he contacted ME on Facebook chat, just to talk. We're also meeting on Friday to get a few of my things that I need right away and don't want to be shipped. But I don't want to be friend-zoned- I'll probably have to go into NC after Friday again. On the bright side, this might make it easier for him to miss me, since now we've ended on a much more pleasant note than in the past couple of weeks. Anyways, will probably resume counting on Friday.

Broke NC yesterday, after 8 days. Technically, he contacted me, asking for an address to ship my stuff to. I responded because some of my things I need right away, but I don't have an address yes (still looking for an apartment and living at a temporary address), so I asked if I could pick up my things or if he could meet me to give them to me or something. He agreed, but he was also very formal and cold in his e-mail, and he said he'd meet me in an as yet to be determined location with the things i asked for, and that he'd contact me. To be honest, i HATED hearing from him like this. He seems to just completely not care anymore. I understand that he's upset about the recent death of his dad, and he might even subconsciously be using me as an outlet for his pain, and I'm hoping that's something he'll work through, because while all I can do is focus on healing, I still hate the feeling that he's actually hostile towards me. Also, now I'm faced with the problem of meeting him soon (I was planning on contacting him after a week if I hadn't heard from him). What am I supposed to say or do? How do I act? I wanted to tell him "I'm sorry for how things ended"- not really go into detail or anything, but I did want the chance to say that in person. Should I just avoid the past all together? I want to keep the door open for reconciliation, so I don't want to just be completely cold, but I also feel like it'd be stupid to just make idle chitchat. I'm not looking for a deep conversation, but this is something I never got a chance to say to him in person, and regardless of how he responds, it's something I feel I should say. And after that meeting, the NC resumes. Hopefully it'll be soon.

End of Day 7. I feel fine one moment, then just start sobbing the next. I'm still having trouble eating, I dream of him, and I just sort of sit on the couch with the TV on, not really watching. I feel so alone. I miss having someone to laugh at my jokes, someone who makes me laugh, someone who I can share all the funny little moments of my day with. I miss his smile, his laughter, his hair, his nerdy musician talk, and the way he made me feel so special. I'm finally flying back to his city tomorrow (where I go to school- I've been home for a month), and knowing that, a month ago, I was looking forward to coming back to him on this day is totally crushing. Now I have no one to go home to. No one to spend the rest of my empty summer days with (he was the whole reason I decided to come back before the beginning of the school year). I miss him so much. I have to break NC soon to get my things back, and part of me wants to do it right away so I can see him. Which is exactly why I plan on waiting a few days, so I don't come off as needy, and to show myself that I can. Then it's back to NC. But man, I miss him.

Beginning of Day 5, and it is NOT going well. I keep pacing around the room, feeling lost, and breaking down into tears. I've gotten to the point where it all seems kind of like a dream- both bad and good. I had no idea that anything could hurt this much, and I know I still have a long ways to go. I'm trying to keep busy, but books and TV not only can't hold my attention for long, but everything keeps reminding me of him. I'm still having trouble letting go and moving on- there's a part of me that WANTS to carry a torch for this guy, even though the rest of me keeps telling it how dumb that is, and until I can fully let go and move on, it will just hurt all the time.

End of Day 3. Finally blocked him on Facebook chat, AIM, Skype, etc, so at least I don't have to constantly stare at his name. Keeping busy definitely helps. Unfortunately, I'm about to go back to NYC (where I go to school), but I'm not working an awful lot before school starts. I'm really dreading all of that empty time, because I was planning on, and so looking forward to, spending it all with him. Oh well. Time to act like a tourist! Hang tough, everyone.

Hahaha, no idea- didn't even look at the date- but it kept me occupied for a bit. I mean, I could just start talking to people who aren't there... I mean... yeah.

Oh, God, I love you so much. I miss you so much it's like I'm walking around with an arm missing. All I want is to hear you say "I love you," see you smile, feel your arms around me. I can't stop crying. I miss you, my partner, my best friend, my soul mate. I wish you'd come back to me. But you're being such a jerk. You actually freaking blocked me on facebook chat yesterday? Why would you do that? Do you think I'm some crazy obsessive girlfriend? Your dad just died- all I want to do is help you, let you know it's ok, and you don't want my help. Why don't you care what happens to me? How can you go from being my best friend and promising to always be there to just ignoring me, hanging me out to dry? And for all of that, I still love you. I still want to work things out. You and me could be great together, but we have a lot of learning and growing up to do, and I want you to be there beside me.

Day 2 (we broke up over 2 weeks ago, but haven't actually done to NC thing for various reasons, but now I'm sticking to it). I was doing so well this morning, hanging out with my mom, no crying. And then I log on facebook and I see him there. Now, he blocked me from chat 2 days ago, and so now I want to prove to him that I can respect his wishes for space and not hound him. But man, I've already spent an hour staring at his name, wondering what he's thinking. I miss him so much. I miss my lover and my best friend.

I'm in a similar situation. While my relationship was only 8 months long, we were still very close, and I miss the idea of being able to hug my ex and lie next to him and night, just feeling his arms wrapped around me. And, like you, he told me he loved me up until the night he broke up with me, although he stated later that he had fallen out of love with me after a big fight we'd had a few weeks ago. I feel your confusion and your pain.

I accept the challenge! It's been two weeks since we broke up (long, drawn out story) and I haven't been able to do NC at ALL. But I have two problems- first- my ex's dad just died last week. The fact that he's made it clear he doesn't want any help from me helps the NC thing, but I'm still so worried about him- he was my best friend and feelings like that don't just go away- I want to help him. Second- the keys to the storage facility where all of my stuff is stored are at his place (he broke up with me while I was at home on vacation). So I'm gonna have to talk to him at least once to get those back. Hopefully not soon, though. Does anyone have suggestions about how to handle those situations? Day 1! Damn, this is gonna be hard. He was my best friend, and my only friend at school. Maybe I can talk to all y'all instead