THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Loxxt]

Excellent ! Now whos in charge huh ? lol

 

Ou, ou I know!!!

 

ME!

[bitebenot]

Ou, ou I know!!!

 

ME!

 

Lucky you...im waiting for mine to come lol. I am patient tho it might never come ! But even if it doesnt ill be fine. I would just like to tell her to keep on walking !

[Animelover6764]

Lucky you...im waiting for mine to come lol. I am patient tho it might never come ! But even if it doesnt ill be fine. I would just like to tell her to keep on walking !

 

all you guys cheer me up

[Anon333]

some days Im okay with things and accept things are over, but the reality is that I cannot go out and be around my friends and do the things I liked to do, or meet new people, because I really do not want to see him with her. there are so many events coming up, that are interesting with good art, good people, good music, about the community, but I know he will be there with her...I am not strong enough...i wish I had someone I could walk in confidently with..But the reality is I would go alone and feel lonely and awkward and be trying not to cry.....How long will it take for me to not care he is with another girl, so i can go to these events and have fun? It is a small town and these are the social things I like to do and meet people this way...and i cant...

 

Also, is there a turning point where something clicks and you start to feel better? I thought was getting there the other day, but now I am just emotional and depressed every day..I feel ugly on the inside and outside and my confidence is withering away...I hate this feeling.....its been about 23 days NC or so...I just want to know he misses me a little or I meant something to him..Even if we werent right for eachother, its just so hard to be cut out and replaced by someone..feel like a ghost lately....

[mwh67]

round 2 day 35

 

i was all good until a friend of mine asked if i had seen my ex when i last went home...weird it seemed to trigger all the memories in my brain or something because the rest of the day ive been thinking about her and am VERY tempted to contact her. this * * * * is insane!!

[ex sweatheart]

Broke NC last night, stupid stupid stupid, i had message from an ex from long long ago (why do they all come back to bite at once when you vunerable) saying i was still the love of his life 8 yrs on , after i turned down 2 proposals as i was too young ... anyway i got to thinking it was my karma, i was young then and not ready and now i am ready cant seem to find someone who is

so contacted my ex .. out of loneliness, fear and goodness knows what else, originally just to say i have to post some of your stuff back

we chatted for a while and have spent today kicking myself

so i begin again round 5 NC day 1... why do i suck at this ? its not that hard... NO CONTACT, i find it easy when i furious or just plain complacent with anyone else but not with an ex

[jaygirl]

we are in the same boat dear. i have three ex's on my tail........i cant count how many times i have restarted NC. today is another restart again.

 

 

So dear Exsweet heart, lets go thru the challenge together. i am on day 1 too! try meeting me on msn or gtalk. we could always cheer each other up when we feel down or are tempted to break NC.

[TSandullo]

so contacted my ex .. out of loneliness, fear and goodness knows what else, originally just to say i have to post some of your stuff back

we chatted for a while and have spent today kicking myself

 

Hey ex sweetheart

 

I know how you feel. In the state of raw emotion we tend to slip up and do the 'worst' of thing that we end up beating ourselves for seconds later.

 

It happens, and don't be so hard on yourself.

 

As jaygirl says, lets go through the challenge together.

 

hope you are well.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Day 11 - She sits next door...

Monday morning. Im in uni.

It is a bit early for my 'log' but I thought I might do one right now.

 

I'm sitting in on of the computer labs getting on with work and ENA stuff.

Backtrack 5 minutes ago:

I walk through the corridor, look through the door window of one of the labs...and I see her beautiful figure sitting near one of the machines.

 

In the past, I would go up and surprise her. Afterbreaking up I would still go up and casually greet her.

 

Today, I simply went to the lab next door. So close yet miles apart...

 

We have a lecture in 10 minutes.

 

tomorrow she will be giving a presentation in front of us. 2 weeks ago when I did, she congratulated me by text. I won't be doing the same tomorrow. I know it feels bad but I can not afford to send material to her, get things back and then start analyzing every little letter in her text/email.

 

How do I feel today? I'm good really, other than the fact that I know she is next door and I can not go and approach her so casually.

 

But still I feel good. Have a lot of work to be getting on with and I am on my way to completing all my reports.

 

Hope you all have a nice day fellow ENAers

 

TS

[1guygirl]

day 22

 

i finally had the courage to delete a cpl of pics of him (thanks bite for the prompt yesterday )- on on my fone and one on my pc...i loved them pics and they hold something special...but that specialness is a lie as i see it.

 

i also had a few strands of his hair in some small plastic bag...i loved his long hair and when id still find it after split, i basically saved it (how sad i know!!)

 

well thats on its way to landfill

 

but then last night i had vivid dream about him...i was in a handfesting dress and he was walking with me, and we were also in his car driving round my old childhood neighbourhood, he was asking what id change about me, and what i could give to the relationship, it was kinda like an interview and he said he would give me his name.

 

woke up...went back to sleep...another dream with him in it, think i had a cycle of dreaming bout him then waking up dreaming of him again...jus went on and on all night ](*,)

 

i just hope thats my subconcious squeezing every lil last drop of him out of me, and its onwards and upwards from here. i know my issues relate to childhood stuff but he can keep his name...i dont want it

[TSandullo]

i finally had the courage to delete a cpl of pics of him (thanks bite for the prompt yesterday )- on on my fone and one on my pc...i loved them pics and they hold something special...

 

Oh man! Pics! I haven't come round to doing that yet. I'm waiting out until I am truly over her to delete the lot. And when that time comes I know I will have reservations...because there are pics of her child that I am really fond of. Damn.

 

Takes a lot of courage to erase history like that with a click of a button. Then again, she erased our relationship with the 'send' button so there.

 

Wishing you the best 1guygirl

 

TS

[1guygirl]

Oh man! Pics! I haven't come round to doing that yet. I'm waiting out until I am truly over her to delete the lot. And when that time comes I know I will have reservations...because there are pics of her child that I am really fond of. Damn.

 

Takes a lot of courage to erase history like that with a click of a button. Then again, she erased our relationship with the 'send' button so there.

 

Wishing you the best 1guygirl

 

TS

 

thanks TS....jus knowing they were there, was like him being there as a ghost. Im notover him yet, but i had to do it. all i have left is this wooden bust of a horse he got me, and thats too beautiful to skip, so will drop it off at a charity shop when im in town on wednesday. then thats all of him gone.

 

and yes, they bailed on us. he still gave me the 'love yous' etc but talk is cheap, his words are hollow cos he made a big decision to make it impossible for us to be together. we have to remember that. i know when im ove him i will thank my lucky stars that i had just enough self love to go NC and say no more to him, which was hard as he tore my self esteem to shreds to make him feel better and hold the power. he was right...i do desrve a decent guy. its not him.

 

so stay stong TS and everyone...ask yourself do you want to get back with someone who didnt love you enough ?

[TSandullo]

Still day 11 - heart and balls on a leash...

 

so stay stong TS and everyone...ask yourself do you want to get back with someone who didnt love you enough ?

 

thanks 1guygirl

 

Truth is, I think my insecurities at times played its part in killing her love for me...I don't know. And that shouldn't be my concern right now.

 

A few minutes ago, I finished gym and went back to the computer lab to do work. I was about to walk into one until, through the window I saw her and her group sitting in preparation for tomorrow's presentation.

 

My plan: I was going to walk in and say hi to them....and her.

why: So I can see her and have an excuse to be with her.

Her beauty, the way she was sat there, everything...the woman I still love right before me. Less than 4 metres away behind the door...

I want to be next to her....

 

So...I reach for the door....

 

....and I leave it, heading downstairs to another lab. What was I hoping to achieve there? I know not. Any excuse to be with her. Dang. Have to be strong.

 

I havent logged on facebook since I started the challenge. But a friend sitting next to me was logged in. I asked him to look at my profile to see what crap people have been doing on it.

 

Also, I asked him to check out the group for the club me and my ex run. I used to post things up regularly but held back for some time.

 

The most recent post on the group was from her about the weekend event a fortnight back when I began the NC challenge. I saw her profile pic....it was from the event.

 

And though it was an innocent pic of her in an innocent situation, immediately the feelings and thoughts came running through my head:

1)who took that pic, was it him?

2)Is she having a fun time with him?

 

Not that any of the above should be my concern!

 

I said thanks to my friend for showing the club group, as I was glad it is still functional.

 

I sat back down and am typing this. I have to admit, I am far from healing.

But sooner or later, as the club president, I will have to log onto fb and face all that...and deal with it like a man.

 

I try to limit my interaction with her as much as I can. Tomorrow, I have a group meeting. 5 of us: she is one of them. Work only. I will have to try not to analyze her each and every move and word towards me.

 

I think I miss her more when she is so close by like this...

...I'm really looking forward to my exams finishing!

 

TS

[TSandullo]

and yes, they bailed on us. he still gave me the 'love yous' etc but talk is cheap, his words are hollow cos he made a big decision to make it impossible for us to be together. we have to remember that.

 

I used to think everyone else lucky when their exes said 'I love you' though they walked out. I was so wrong. talk is cheap like that.

 

In my case, I must admit, I do give credit to my ex. She told me at the end of november her feelings for me 'had gone a step back' but she wanted to work it again. However, at this time she told me, she was a bit bad - that she was flirting with the other guy (who she is with now), but it was nothing she said to me I wasn't happy about that and should have seen the red flag but overlooked it.

 

Through the first few weeks in December afterwards we continued to date and work on our relationship, but I guess I didn't do enough to rekindle the spark. And one sad evening when I spent time with her and her daughter, the little one said things that broke the mother's heart....I left shortly afterwards.

 

We dated a few more days and she was headed abroad for 2 weeks to get her head clear (xmas hols). Before she left, she wished me a great xmas and looked fwd to see me again. On xmas day I got a txt from her using her pen name I gave her.

 

However...I felt a breakup was on the way and emotionally prepared for it.

 

Upon her return I got an email from her saying, she thought of us over the hols and decided it it best we don't work on us anymore... I won't go into detail there and that was it. We met a week later to talk it out (no beg and plead - I took it like a gentleman) and discussed things before we went our ways....

 

Man! why have I typed all of the above?!!! I have forgotten the reason for this post!

 

Yes, 1guygirl, they did bail on us nonetheless.

 

But I think at times we should, me especially, has to look at what we did wrong and what we can do to ensure a more fruitful relationship in future, with or without our ex...

 

TS

[Loxxt]

Oh man! Pics! I haven't come round to doing that yet. I'm waiting out until I am truly over her to delete the lot. And when that time comes I know I will have reservations...because there are pics of her child that I am really fond of. Damn.

 

Takes a lot of courage to erase history like that with a click of a button. Then again, she erased our relationship with the 'send' button so there.

 

Wishing you the best 1guygirl

 

TS

 

I deleted every pic/video of my ex off my phone and computer. Most of them were trips we went on. Kept ones that didn't have him in them. I did that about a month ago when I was really frustrated (when we spoke last via text). Finally untagged every photo I'm in with him and deleted pics of him in my albums. They're gone now. Emptied my garbage bin, no backups. Looking at them didn't help, neither did keeping them. Deleted all our texts on my phone over a month ago. Kept re-reading them wondering where we went wrong...

[TSandullo]

I deleted every pic/video of my ex off my phone and computer. Most of them were trips we went on. Kept ones that didn't have him in them. I did that about a month ago when I was really frustrated (when we spoke last via text). Finally untagged every photo I'm in with him and deleted pics of him in my albums. They're gone now. Emptied my garbage bin, no backups. Looking at them didn't help, neither did keeping them. Deleted all our texts on my phone over a month ago. Kept re-reading them wondering where we went wrong...

 

Hmm....I have so much to get rid off. the emails and the texts have gone. Even the texts I get from her now are deleted immediately after reading them. I don't ponder over them for minutes as I did before.

 

I wonder why I hold onto the pics and gifts. Possibly because of the morsel of hope of getting back that lingers behind. Also, regarding pics, some of my best photography is there...

 

The funny thing is...she has kept all the poetry I wrote her and the letters I gave her over the years...

 

...I really wonder why...

 

TS

[1guygirl]

i would hold onto the gifts until you are ready...they were given in good intent and so jus box them up and hide them. i did this but now i know its over, it was time to get rid. kisses arent contracts and presents arent promises they say....how true

 

yeah the texts went ages ago...hurt to much to read his words then be able to read between the lines - they were jus words letting me down

 

more time in NC and you will see more red flags....heck, i look back now and my ex had more red flags than a ski course

[TryingVeryHard]

I've been in NC with my ex for 31 days now... When we last spoke, she said she was still "thinking about it" (getting back together), but she's also dating some one else, whom she has admitted to me is a "distraction."

 

When we split she said she was so confused about everything and just thought we needed time apart and to date other people... She said didn't know what to do but her head was telling her she was doing the right thing and blah blah blah... So, instead of continuing to look weak and ask for her to come back, I went NC..

 

Then, Saturday night, after 30 days of NC she texted me this:

 

Hi. Im sure you dont want to hear from me, but i just wanted to say hello and i hope you're doing ok. And i hope we can be friends one day soon

 

So, i'm kinda thinking that now since she's talking about being friends, then she's no longer "thinking about it," which is kinda scaring me a little bit... I never responded, But, I feel like I should send her a light email saying something like:

 

missed your text, good to hear from you... I'm sure we'll talk sometime soon. (or something along those lines)

 

has anyone else gotten any texts like this while trying to do NC? could taking this to LC be the next step toward reconciliation? Ughhh where is Zorba?!

[1guygirl]

 

Then, Saturday night, after 30 days of NC she texted me this:

 

Hi. Im sure you dont want to hear from me, but i just wanted to say hello and i hope you're doing ok. And i hope we can be friends one day soon

 

arrgh the "hope your ok" text...

 

def dont respond to that....its more about her...could be a safety net or guilt or whatever, what its not is reconcilliation talk

[Loxxt]

Hey Trying,

 

Read the first post on this thread of mine,

 

I've been there. I probably wouldn't bother answering. I wrote my ex back and although part of me regrets answering I'm glad I know for sure how he thinks. He wants friendship, doesn't want me to be out of his life that's for sure, yet he's unwilling to work on our relationship. You can't just walk away and be with someone else and expect the ex to be okay with it and be your friend. If you do answer I wouldn't say "soon". You're giving her what she wants. If you're looking for reconciliation that's not going to happen if you stick around, especially if she's seeing someone else. NC is your best choice. You'll think clearer, let her find out what life's like without you and give you time to heal. IMO it's too early for reconciliation.

[bitebenot]

Stop the cry me baby crap ! Hes not for you and thats it ! Stop visualizing him. The day you will start healing is when you will accept the loss and put an X on his name. You pored enough tears and now its the time to move your buns. If he misses you or not.. you shouldnt even care ! I was also replaced ...it doesnt make me a lesser man. I was to good for her,thats it ! Its time for you to get out and seriously search for the right love and not losing time on that wimp ! I never saw anyone crying over a garbage bag at the curb before. Use your pride and proceed. If you think you will see him with his new gf, just make yourself look like a bombshell and make him regret his decision. You know you cant take him back, so why all the anguish ? Leave the moron to his novelty and consider yourself lucky hes not part of your life anymore.

[bitebenot]

HEHEHE ! LOXXT is turning into a women of steel ! TRYING,listen to her,shes totally right !

[TryingVeryHard]

I know what you guys are saying... And I agree... I won't really try to be her friend or anything, but I don't want her to think I hate her... And I know it's definitely too soon for reconciliation... But, from all of the things I've read here, I seems like at some point you have to shift from complete NC to a little LC... I'm saying, I won't contact her further after emailing her, I'll go right back to NC... but if she thinks I hate her, she definitely won't be looking to get back together.

[bitebenot]

By the way Zorba cant bring her back ! No one can ! She says that her new bf is only a " distraction " ! As a man do you know what it means ? Let me tell you in case you dont...shes having great sex and will keep up for as long as she enjoys it ! Ya...attraction again ! Sorry to hurt you but thats the honest truth ! When the honeymoon is over she might come back..yes might ! So listen to LOXXT and ignore her. Dont wait for her ever. Hope can be nasty sometimes. Go out with friends and enjoy your new freedom. She gave you a ticket to ride,use it.

[Loxxt]

HEHEHE ! LOXXT is turning into a women of steel ! TRYING,listen to her,shes totally right !

 

^.^ just sharing what I've learned. Glad I'm being helpful!