THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Tanzi]

Day 12

 

I feel a bit depressed today but I think thats because I had a bit too much too drink last night and am feeling hungover!!

 

Although its Day 12 of NC its been 2 weeks since I ended our "friendship". I had a slight blip 2 days after ending it when he signed off of msn when he saw me sign on. Talk about make it obvious. That hurt me so I sent a text saying that that had been unnecessary. I have now blocked and deleted him.

 

I've ended our "friendship" twice before and have always contacted him after 2 weeks and things have started up again. I guess its not technically 2 weeks full NC yet but it kind of is. I've certainly never gone this long without talking to him. He usually rings me every 4 days or so - but thats when we are friends, in NC its me that has given in. I can't give in this time. I mustn't. The next few days are going to the toughest yet.

 

I want to feel his arms around me and hear him call me "little one". Three weeks today was the last time he did this. I miss him.

 

I can't understand how we can want something so bad yet not have it. Why on earth do we have to be put through this pain.

 

Sorry guys, you've all done so well, I don't mean to put a dampner on things.

 

I am going out tonight so hopefully I will have a good time. Think I will stay off the alcohol tho!!!

[mikel01]

Oh Boy. Day 1 officially begins again after LC for a little bit. So far so good.

[pdoog]

Day 34

 

I feel as though I am not constantly thinking of her all day long. I still of course get triggered by certain things, but I feel a little less obsessed now. I still miss the company of having her around me but It's getting easier.

[hisgirl0507]

beginning day 5,the next few days will be the hardest as its the days he normally contacts me.I cant help being fixated on whether he will contact me today and i think i will be hurt if he doesnt cos part of me does want to talk to him out of habit.But then if he doesnt contact itll make it easier to stick to nc but then i risk turnin into a clingy mess trying to contact him to see why he hasnt contacted.Wish me luck,il need it!Will let you all know how i get on.I need to stay strong and read what others have wrote about my situation,basically that hes using me and has no respect.Ive still got him on a pedestal thinking of all his good qualities but i need to force myself to think of all the bad stuff to help me through this.

[Cat76]

I'm feeling quite good. I've got an exam and a job interview to keep me occupied next week. Just trying to focus on that at the mo.

 

I hope everyone else is having a good day

[Ixtapa]

Day 34

How to really move on ? Why am I still so obsessed with him ??

[spidey112]

Alright, Superdave, I accept your challenge, and I'm gonna take it a step further. I'm going NC with mutual friends as well, even though one mutual friend is MY BEST FRIEND. Or was, it would appear. Here I am in my 30's, had plenty of breakups, but this one sux BAD. Full NC from here on out, 30 day to infinity.

[Tanzi]

Alright, Superdave, I accept your challenge, and I'm gonna take it a step further. I'm going NC with mutual friends as well, even though one mutual friend is MY BEST FRIEND. Or was, it would appear. Here I am in my 30's, had plenty of breakups, but this one sux BAD. Full NC from here on out, 30 day to infinity.

 

Welcome to the Challenge. Can I ask why you would want to include your best friend in that or is that too personal? I only ask because you may need your best friend at a time like this. Not that mine is anywhere in sight at the moment!!!

 

Day 13

 

Wow. What a day. I came in last night feeling really depressed. I signed onto ENA and wrote a thread venting my feelings. I woke up this morning feeling pretty low but when I signed onto ENA there were so many lovely replies to my thread that it has really lifted my spirits. I am going out for a coffee with a friend this afternoon. Got to keep occupied. I find weekends the hardest - especially when my 3 children are with their dad for the whole weekend.

[vertigoxo]

I lost count. Probably Day 50.

 

I guess 10 more days till I have 2 full months of NC. I'm happy. Sorta cried a bit (not bawling, but just shed a bit of tears) last night because I cannot believe I wasted my virginity on a guy who doesn't even deserve an ounce of me. But oh well- What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm excited for this upcoming week; Going to get anti-anxiety pills to make me chill out for once! So I'm going to tackle the first thing off of my life goals list.

 

Overall, I'm just happy I'm healthy and alive.

[tujna]

Day 29 41 since I last saw him...

 

OK, I had to write because tomorrow I will make it to 30 days of NC, something I NEVER thought I would be able to achieve. So, to all of you who think you cannot make it, yes, you can. On the top of all that, I have been having exams and am alone all the time and have still made it. It is not to say that there weren't hard moments: there were, a lot, actually. On the other hand, he seems to be more interested than ever, checking what I am doing all the time, if this means anything at all. Because I need him make one big step, which is the hardest for him but I am determined this time that HE has to make a decision for us to be together and HE has to ACT. I have pulled this relationship for 7 years. I don't intent to pull it from now on. So, the decision is in his hands, possibly, the biggest decision in our lives.

[brazilgirl21]

I haven't been here in a while!! I've been pretty much over my ex... it's been 4 tough months and then finally... I met someone else and fell in love again... Well, things are not really working out with this new person, and I want to do NC with him so he will miss me because we are only in the start of getting to know eachother, etc... I always contact him though and I feel like I'm making him too secure so I want to start NC. The thing is, THIS thread is the only thing that gave me incentive to really keep NC after my break-up with my ex.

 

Therefore, I hope you guys don't mind that I post here just to keep my discipline of not contacting this other guy.

 

There should probably be a no contact challenge on the dating forum, but this one really just seems serious and make us want to keep NC.

 

I'm starting day 1 tomorrow because I bbm'ed today.

 

PS. People, there is HOPE for us to get over our exes!! I was a mess for 4 months, tried dating other people and didn't like anyone... then finally I started to be happier with myself and met someone else I really liked... and even if I don't work out with this person, it showed me that there ARE other people out there and we can fall "in love" and be excited about someone else again!!

[tujna]

We missed you!! Good luck with the new challenge! Congratulations on being over your ex! This is the greatest news on the forum today!!

[brazilgirl21]

I miss you guys so much too!! This has become such a family for me! I will probably always be here to check up on everyone and give advices and help others like SO many amazing people helped me!

 

I'm SO happy with my life at the moment, even though I didn't get my ex back, I don't have a new boyfriend, I don't know what the future holds for me. However, I just found happyness within me and learned that life is SO amazing and exciting and full of twists and turns... most of all, life has SO many amazing people, my family, all my friends, and you guys at ENA!!

[tujna]

I miss you guys so much too!! This has become such a family for me! I will probably always be here to check up on everyone and give advices and help others like SO many amazing people helped me!

 

I'm SO happy with my life at the moment, even though I didn't get my ex back, I don't have a new boyfriend, I don't know what the future holds for me. However, I just found happyness within me and learned that life is SO amazing and exciting and full of twists and turns... most of all, life has SO many amazing people, my family, all my friends, and you guys at ENA!!

 

What made the difference for you in the last several weeks after the conversations with your ex? Was that the final thing that you needed to move on?

[brazilgirl21]

Yes, that was definetly the final thing that I needed to move on. It was very important to me to be able to let go of all the hope that we would reconcile in the near future.

 

That day, I made a choice to STOP obssessing about getting back together and about my ex and made a decision to get on with my life, without him in my thoughts. It wasn't automatic, and I do still think about him at times, however, I feel like a new person.

 

The first thing you need in order to heal is to ACCEPT that it is over. ACCEPT that no matter the feelings, if you love your ex, if your ex still loves you, it is clear that a reconciliation is NOT possible right now. ACCEPT it.

 

That week I accepted that it was over.

 

With that new mindset that my relationship was OVER, I started to enjoy life again. Then, I met someone else that I really liked and I got to a point where I'd genuinely rather start a new relationship with this new person than get back with my ex.

 

Of course I don't love this other person and like I said, I don't even know if we will work out but he has been extremely important in my healing process. He opened up my heart again and made me realize that there ARE other people out there. That was the hardest for me, I did NOT believe anyone else would be as interesting as my ex, and this person proved to me that it IS possible to do so.

 

So I think two things made a big difference, ACCEPTING that it was over and meeting someone who I could AT LEAST imagine a future with.

 

Now I know that I can live without my ex. And although I think it is important to "be happy alone" I think after a heartbreak, meeting someone that make your heart beat again, even if you won't date this person, is the easiest way to let your ex go. And that will ONLY happen if you allow yourself to. If you don't go out, if you are not your confident, happy self, or even if you are obssessing over your ex 24/ that will not happen. You will be stuck in the vicious cycle forever.

 

So single ladies, buy a nice dress, go out, have fun, open yourself up!! I know it's easier said than done, but keep doing it, and ONE day, things will get better for you. I promise!!

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 46

 

Woweee... time sure flew...

 

Thought abt the ex a little bit over the weekend. Wondered how he was doing. But it was okay. I mean, I'm not going to lie and say I never ever think abt him. I do. But it's not so obsessive anymore and it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

 

Onwards... towards day 60...

 

Welcome back brazilgirl21!

[Cat76]

I'm feeling kind of indifferent today. Not a bad thing though, I'm still smiling

[brazilgirl21]

You guys are all doing SO well!! I think its silly that I'm doing NC with a guy I've only.been in a few dates, but after these months at ENA NC seems to be the best wait to get someone back and is probably a good way for me to get this guy to really want to be with me. Does it make sense or am I too ENA-brainwashed?? I don't want to get till day 30 because that doesn't apply to my situation but I want to be NC until Friday when we'll probably hangout with mutual friends!

[Tanzi]

You guys are all doing SO well!! I think its silly that I'm doing NC with a guy I've only.been in a few dates, but after these months at ENA NC seems to be the best wait to get someone back and is probably a good way for me to get this guy to really want to be with me. Does it make sense or am I too ENA-brainwashed?? I don't want to get till day 30 because that doesn't apply to my situation but I want to be NC until Friday when we'll probably hangout with mutual friends!

 

 

I guess it doesn't do any harm to be a little bit "mysterious". Much better than being too clingy, needy or predictable.

 

Good luck

 

Day 14

 

Well its still only 10ish so I guess I can't say much but not feeling too bad so far!! Heading into unchartered territory now. I have never gone longer than 2 weeks without contact.

[Cat76]

I guess it doesn't do any harm to be a little bit "mysterious". Much better than being too clingy, needy or predictable.

 

Good luck

 

Day 14

 

Well its still only 10ish so I guess I can't say much but not feeling too bad so far!! Heading into unchartered territory now. I have never gone longer than 2 weeks without contact.

 

Hi Jellybaby, it's good to hear your doing ok. Onwards and upwards

[Tanzi]

Hi Jellybaby, it's good to hear your doing ok. Onwards and upwards

 

Hi Cat

 

Thank you. Yes I'm feeling a lot better after my "wobble" on Saturday night lol ... and thank you for your support. It sure does help!!

[ToodlePip]

Day in the 40s. Last few days have been odd - met someone I quite like and it looks liek there's potential there, but it has had the effect of making me feel quite emotional and I daresay shed a few tears. I think it's the fact that while I accepted things were over, this is the first big test of things actually moving on.

 

I've also had a break in therapy for a few weeks so struggling a little bit to make sense of my thoughts. Back there next week so will see what my therapist says.

 

It's probably just a bit of wanting the security blanket rather than something new and scary. We'll see!

[hulk7280]

Day 1!

 

well im back at it again and am NC for good this time..

 

Im even going to join a new a gym so the possiblity of us seeing each other are slim to none..

[wanttobehappy]

I am able to waive any negative feeling I got whenever I remember him. I am able to have some particular songs suddenly appear in my head, and nonchalantly tune my mind to another songs before his face appear in my mind... Yay!

 

My mobile phone is old, he bought me a new one. I threw it into fish tank when we broke up. Now I can look at other people's pretty mobile phones and felt like a fool to throw that new mobile into fish tank... I want that new mobile phone back, but I don't want the person back! Yay!

 

I am looking forward to the future. Day by day passing by, I got my study, my job, my beloved sister, and my online game to look forward to, even though I'll get retrenched in the end of this year .. lol.

 

I have started to chat with a few nice guys met on dating sites. They are mild and relatively down to earth.

 

Not like him, he jeered at Asians, he told me he wanted white girls... even though we are both Asians.

What a fool, even if you don't like the skin you were born with, there's no need to despise your own race. And why the hell would he date me if he despises Asian women. Actually the folly is on me, I was blind - why would I go out with him. Good riddance, actually.

 

Anyway, thanks to this Forum, especially this thread, I am able to recover pretty quickly. Writing, reading, and talking about a problem is actually much faster cure than keeping it rotten inside.

 

I won't be writing in this thread again as long as I can keep this recovery process going this smoothly. Again, thank you everyone.

[Tanzi]

Well, wanttobehappy, it sounds like you are happy!

 

It also sounds like you have a lot to look forward and are going to be much better off without him!!