wanttobehappy

I am able to waive any negative feeling I got whenever I remember him. I am able to have some particular songs suddenly appear in my head, and nonchalantly tune my mind to another songs before his face appear in my mind... Yay! My mobile phone is old, he bought me a new one. I threw it into fish tank when we broke up. Now I can look at other people's pretty mobile phones and felt like a fool to throw that new mobile into fish tank... I want that new mobile phone back, but I don't want the person back! Yay! I am looking forward to the future. Day by day passing by, I got my study, my job, my beloved sister, and my online game to look forward to, even though I'll get retrenched in the end of this year .. lol. I have started to chat with a few nice guys met on dating sites. They are mild and relatively down to earth. Not like him, he jeered at Asians, he told me he wanted white girls... even though we are both Asians. What a fool, even if you don't like the skin you were born with, there's no need to despise your own race. And why the hell would he date me if he despises Asian women. Actually the folly is on me, I was blind - why would I go out with him. Good riddance, actually. Anyway, thanks to this Forum, especially this thread, I am able to recover pretty quickly. Writing, reading, and talking about a problem is actually much faster cure than keeping it rotten inside. I won't be writing in this thread again as long as I can keep this recovery process going this smoothly. Again, thank you everyone.

Lost count.. weeks ago - after closure. Glad that I could say "lost count" because I have been trying to forget. Haven't been to this forum for some time, partly because of above reason, but mostly because I am busy and tired, and a bit worried about job stability. Good thing. These 2 days snippets of memories kept bothering me. Those made me more convinced that not being with him is actually for the best! We both could say "Good Riddance!". Any future with him will be full of sufferings, will never be able to achieve anything with a grown-up toddler boy like that. Guess there is still anger deep down in my gut, and they bite me when I am having PMS like now.

Day 7 - after closure Doing really good! Thank you to this forum and everyone here. Reading about it, talking about it, writing about it, all make the healing faster than trying to bury it down. One other thing that also help is, it was announced that our jobs are going by November. The certainty about being jobless really helpful in moving on!

Day 5 - after closure A good day, I sometimes thought about him, but I could redirect my thoughts to something else. The only thing that bothered me is, last night I dreamt of him (one dream out of a series of dreams). He was upset and he said he cheated on me. Why should I dream like that.. I hope it's not because it's HIM, but because he's a "symbol" of something I feel strongly (negative) about.

Day 4 (after closure) Basically an ok day. I still remembered him a lot, but it's not very painful, sometimes even felt it's a good riddance. Also started to feel at this moment and that moment he probably was thinking how I was so lame or no good... not a very positive thought but it's good in terms of making me feel cold about him. The only thing was, he got a friend working at the same company as I am. Last week I talked to this girl asking if she knew his ex who he said he dumped me for, or if she knew the real reason. This friend messaged him on weekend, but he didn't respond or contacting me (like she asked him to, apparently). I am not sure if this broke the NC. I'd like to think it does not. I asked her last week, not after my after-closure NC. Anyway, I don't care what he thinks or if he even think. It makes no difference, because I am doing NC for my own healing, and rationally I don't want him anymore.

Sorry to hear that.. I got my closure, and that was like, half my bitterness gone! Day 3 (after closure) Spent peaceful time at home. Sister worked whole day, and at first I was scared I'd break down being all alone. So I put all my attention to this MMORPG. The only times I were miserable was when I was not thinking about the game, I then hurriedly humming a song in my mind, or redirect my thoughts to the game. Edit: Probably better not to say anything mean. He'll ignore you, and that's painful. I wrote him an email that sounds cheerful, friendly, and humbled myself apologising about the mobile phone I threw into fish tank that night, recognising whatever he gave me when we were together.

Day 2 Surprisingly well... feeling sad but not anger anymore. Well, there is anger, but not much. This is a passive kind of anger, not a gut-wrenchingly asking-myself-why-this-happened anger. Begin to see how we are very incompatible. Actually have seen it before, but was in denial. Now my sister basically is saying "good riddance", I couldn't digest it before, but now I kinda agree.

Day 1 After getting my closure yesterday, the pain is much less than before. It's still consistently hurting my chest, but I could ignore it. The hardest was when I was sitting in training room, the trainer played Viva La Vida along with training opening clips. It hurt.... eyes became watery and chest felt so heavy. So I put my hands on the side of my head as if I was leaning on the desk while actually I pressed my ears hard to block the music. Viva La Vida was the song I chose to learn guitar, under his guidance. Still having his guitar at my place, have thought about throwing it away, but I can't... probably later when I am completely healed.

Thank you Nick, very clear now. Unfortunately I am back to ground zero... so Day 0 today. But today will be the last time I ever contact him again, at least for 3 months. Hopefully by that time I won't even remember who he is! Today at work I contacted him to say that I want a no-bad-blood break so I can move on. After ignoring my calls, I left message on his mobile. Then he replied my email with just 2 sentences, saying he "wishes me the best and that he cherishes the past".... This is BS, I don't believe it, but still it gives me some peace, felt a bit relieved, breathed a bit better. Feeling like there is a closure, at last. I then deleted all his emails, his phone numbers. After work I went shopping (bought myself a pair of boots, earrings, and nail polish), and came back home quite happily. So probably the main source of my misery is the way it ended, not really the ending itself. Still numbering the days though! Not hoping to get back together (he won't miss me), but to help myself healing.

Day 6 Last time we dated, he asked me to kiss him and said "See you next week". It was Saturday, 3 weeks ago. On Monday, he suddenly became cold to me, ignored my calls and messages. It went on to almost 3 weeks of torture. Last Friday he dumped me. I cried and cried, tried everything to ease the pain. Saturday I went to dating sites right away just to get distracted. I thought breaking up with bad blood was not good, so on Monday morning texted him to keep in touch as friends. He ignored me. I am new here, not sure what the purpose of No Contact is. If it's a game played to get him/her back, then it's not for me, because I know that I would never get him back. If the purpose is to get over this pain, then sign me up! BTW, my head rationally saying I shouldn't thinking of him anymore. My silly emotion is missing him like mad. My head decided to try to ease the pain, so I plan to see if in 1 month this silly emotion is still missing him, I will try to meet him. Not to get him back, but just to see if he's really back with the ex so I can move on. Does this mean my NC is invalid? Is NC supposed to be forever?