THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[pg13]

Just when I thought I was over her and ready to date and talk to other people, my optimism diminishes. A girl I met early in the week who I exchanged numbers with has not replied to a text message I sent congratulating her for graduating... She seemed too good to be true and I felt sprung over her since I met her on Tuesday. Haven't received a reply from her at all...

 

A girl that I use to like text me today and said she couldn't meet me up today to have lunch and rescheduled for another day. Bummer.

 

Yes I still think about my ex and I do miss her. But I know in my head that she's not good for me and I'm just deceiving myself for believing that I can be in a happy relationship with her since she broke my trust a few times and has not done anything to improve the relationship at all.

 

I run in to my other ex at the gym today , I was thinking about talking to her since we were good friends; however, as I was about to approach her she gives me this really dirty look so I backed off.

 

Another weekend alone, my heart and my mind is playing tricks on me. I know I should move forward, I know what to do, I know I'm trying to do it. The process is just really difficult. Everytime one of my relationships end, my grieving process is a lot longer than everyone else that I know. It's a gloomy day today, and I just feel so down.

[tujna]

Day 21 33 since I last saw him

 

Positives: I feel much calmer and not dying every minute without him. I am so much stronger.

 

Negatives: even though separated I still know almost everything happening in his life and so does he about mine. Can't let go... I don't think he can let go either.

 

Time will show whether he wants life without me or with me. If he can choose a life without me, then he didn't love me enough. Only if this huge, nasty obstacle never happened, everything would be so different, I would be meeting his parents right now... Sigh...

[hesnotworthit]

I know I should move forward, I know what to do, I know I'm trying to do it. The process is just really difficult. Everytime one of my relationships end, my grieving process is a lot longer than everyone else that I know. It's a gloomy day today, and I just feel so down.

 

Yeh i know what you mean. Everyone around me who brakes up, moves on incredabally faster then me. Its like i almost have this pressure to move on as quickly as i can, so that im normal, and people arnt like "she should be over him by now". But as much as i try, he wont leave my head! Arhg.

[newlife21]

i just made my breakup official, kinda put it in his mouth that he wanted it. then i can go on the kind of NC i want. i hope NC will help.

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 34

i feel like im going backwards. I dont like to be negative, but today feels just as crap as yesterday. i hate this point of my life right now, everything in my life seems to be burning, or at least simmering, and hes just turning up the tempreture.

I want to date again, i know guys like me, but im not intrested in any of the guys i know and its just so hard to meet any new ones in my tiny town, where nothing ever happens to meet new people at my age, except parties, but my ex is almost always connected to those.

I wish i could forget him. I really dont ever ever want him back, i dont want him to contact me, i really dislike him in so many ways now, i defently dont love him anymore, but he's still taking up 80% of my thoughts today. It sucks, because it still hurts to think about him, and i dont want it too.

I guess no one can really spell out how to completely let go of someone, ive gotta discover and work through it myself...i just wish it would end already. Ive been broken up for 2.5 months, and im sick of being exhausted from thinking about him, and grieving for an * * * * * * * ... i know theres a pot of gold waiting for me at the end of this...i know the sun will one day outshine all of this... i just want to get to it now.

I want his file in my brain to burn...now.

[Cat76]

Morning peeps (well it is morning here), day 12 for me. I think I've conquered the multiple of 5 theory (see my previous posts). I have no desire to contact the ex...YAY

 

How are we all doing?

 

I'm ok, feeling good

[Ixtapa]

Day 27 (3)

Feeling rather bad again today. Very nervous about starting my new job tomorrow... and thinking a lot about my ex. Heard that he is probably not doing so well at the moment and Im worrying about him, though I should not ...coz he's probably not thinking about me at all !!

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 30

 

Hooray! I've made it at last. Now to get up, get out there, and have a great time. Life is nothing but limitless possibilities and I can follow any path I choose, with or without her.

[Tanzi]

Day 6

 

Another rollercoaster of emotions. What am I really hoping that NC is going to bring? NC is meant to be all about taking time out for ourselves, evaluating our future, learning from the past in the hope that we will eventually be happy to move on. But aren't most of us really hoping that our ex's will want to contact, that NC suddenly makes them face the fact that we are really out of their lives? Aren't most of us hoping that, faced with this prospect, they will miss us.

 

I guess thats what the 30 day No Contact Challenge is all about ... to go through all these emotions and hopefully come out of it with a different and better attitude towards being on our own than when we first started.

 

I am in a dilema now. I posted a thread about my story and the general concensus was that I should write him a letter and that, due to the nature of the relationship, there may be some hope for us. But then I read a thread that quite clearly said that there was no point in contacting an ex. It all made perfect sense and after much deliberation I have decided that he knows how I feel, he knows I want him back. The ball is in his court now. I will be sticking with NC.

[Tanzi]

It seems to me that you have conquered the hardest part. The rest will all soon follow. Hang on in there. You've come so far already. Well done!!

[LemonCheesecak]

I made it to day 30, and broke it, but I'm fine with that. It's my birthday, and we overtook her in the car on the way for a meal out so she just texted to say she saw me and wished me a happy birthday. I just sent my thanks and told her I had a busy night ahead. Nothing wrong with that I feel good

[Tanzi]

Only 7 days NC and you've already exchange numbers with one girl and arranged a date with another - not bad!! Its a start if nothing else and a lot further than most people get!!

 

Your ex probably didn't give you a dirty look - it was probably shock or awkwardness.

 

As for thinking you are taking longer to heal than most people - I think we would all say that.

 

How we perceive situations depends a lot upon our emotions at the time.

[Tanzi]

I made it to day 30, and broke it, but I'm fine with that. It's my birthday, and we overtook her in the car on the way for a meal out so she just texted to say she saw me and wished me a happy birthday. I just sent my thanks and told her I had a busy night ahead. Nothing wrong with that I feel good

 

 

Agree. Just highlights what a good mood you were in.

[Ixtapa]

So nervous about the new job tomorrow...makes me miss him even more

[Cat76]

So nervous about the new job tomorrow...makes me miss him even more

 

Don't be nervous, you'll be fine. You can let us all know how you got on tomorrow.

 

Good luck

[IBelieve]

Still in NC.. I feel great about it as well. I can't even remember the last time I had a bad day because of NC.. its been awhile. I don't remember how far into NC I am.. I'm past day 30 though. I COULD go back and count but I don't think that is necessary. I don't need to keep track anymore and I am happy for that.

 

I'm just so busy with real life and meeting new people that I realized that thinking about her all day is just a waste of time.

[Talus]

OFFICIAL DAY 1. This is it. From now until whenever later in life. She is out of my life and I am out of hers. I know she's hurting, I am hurting. Most pain I've ever felt that she is now just a memory. I have hope, but I'm being realistic and any chance of a reconciliation would be a VERY long way down the track, possibly years. We both have to move on and experience life I guess. This was her decision and I respect the way she feels, she respects the fact that we both have to be out of each others lives to heal and we agreed that I will never contact her. She knows I still want to be with her, so if she ever changes her mind, she will have to be the one to make contact. I love her, miss her, all the little things, even just looking at her facebook which i've now deleted. She is an amazing person, just things didn't feel right for her.

 

There is nothing I can do, or she can do. Only time will tell I guess.

[tujna]

Day 22 is over, thank God! 34 since I last saw him...

 

I had a terrible 24 hours in which I had this nasty nasty feeling that my heart will explode and my stomach will not make it much longer. I almost thought that I have been through the worst and this almost surprised me. I thought NC is getting easier as you go but for me got a bit harder recently. Possibly because with NC you are increasingly drifting apart from the times you spent together and you are scared you will never get to be together again...

 

Anyone feeling like that?

[tujna]

Welcome to the club We all know what it to feel so powerless that your only option is to call it quits and start NC. Good luck and remember, it definitely it gets better!

[ScorpiGal83]

Wow - congrats pace, lemon cheesecake, hesnotworthit and Cat! You guys have come a looong way and not forgetting phil and others too..

 

I haven't been here in a few days because things at work got real busy and over the weekend I was also working to finish some articles (damn you, procrastination) and didn't have the time to log on to ENA.

 

It is now Day 39.

 

Last night I was trying to remember his phone number (deleted it from my phone arnd a week after the breakup) and guess what... I can't remember it! Granted it was a new number he got when he went back to Australia in Dec 08. But usually I would commit these things to memory and there's no way to ever get rid of them! This time, however, I really CAN'T remember!

 

On the other hand I do miss talking to him. We did have some pretty great, intelligent conversations, and the silly fun ones, too. I really would like to be his friend. But I want to wait til Day 60 to make a decision on that...

 

Congrats everyone and good luck!!!

[aglaia]

I haven't been keeping count but according to my calendar, tomorrow will be day 60! wow... two whole months of not contacting him, not asking about him, not checking up on him, not emailing him, not talking about him with anyone. two months of him being dead to me.

 

And I feel fine, the ache is getting more and more dull each day. No urge to contact him at all. if i can do it, you guys can hang in there too... keep your chin up!

[pace of ace]

Hey, well done you. You seem like you're coming along just fine too! Infact, you seem to be doing amazingly well. You should be proud of yourself!

[ScorpiGal83]

Hey, well done you. You seem like you're coming along just fine too! Infact, you seem to be doing amazingly well. You should be proud of yourself!

 

Aww, thank you pace it means a lot coming from you.

 

Actually I've decided not to see the whole thing as a loss or as a bad thing. The pain is in fact a fertile place for growth to take place. I know it sounds all weird and new-agey, but actually pain and suffering is what makes us strive to be better people. I'm using this as a chance to maximise my own personal growth, which I hope is the healthy way of doing things. It feels like I'm increasing "experience points" in my life bank, if you know what I mean. Haha. Maybe I'm turning this into an unhealthy, "gamer-type" obsession with "leveling up" but oh well. It feels good anyhow!

[Tanzi]

Day 7

 

Looks like I'm going to break NC. Its been suggested on another thread that maybe, just maybe, writing a letter will help to claw things back. He had many issues with our relationship. Mostly created by me. He was very insecure and I never helped him through that - not enough anyway. I held back on my emotions until it was too late. I don't think writing a letter will help but if I don't try I may always regret this decision. It would take me back to day 1 but as I'm only at Day 7 its no "biggie" and at least I can head into NC knowing I have done all that I can to make him believe how I feel ... even if I too late which I suspect by his actions that I now am!!

[pace of ace]

Aww, thank you pace it means a lot coming from you.

 

Actually I've decided not to see the whole thing as a loss or as a bad thing. The pain is in fact a fertile place for growth to take place. I know it sounds all weird and new-agey, but actually pain and suffering is what makes us strive to be better people. I'm using this as a chance to maximise my own personal growth, which I hope is the healthy way of doing things. It feels like I'm increasing "experience points" in my life bank, if you know what I mean. Haha. Maybe I'm turning this into an unhealthy, "gamer-type" obsession with "leveling up" but oh well. It feels good anyhow!

 

 

I think whatever you wanna get out of your experience of your break-up, then it's there to be got. Your posts are mighty positive so you're clearly doing something right.

 

Life is all about learning i feel. From day 1, we learn. If we don't learn from our experiences then that's foolish. I think healing from a break-up, learning, growing will only bring positive results in the future!

 

Your attitude is spot-on ScorpiGal