aglaia

I haven't been keeping count but according to my calendar, tomorrow will be day 60! wow... two whole months of not contacting him, not asking about him, not checking up on him, not emailing him, not talking about him with anyone. two months of him being dead to me. And I feel fine, the ache is getting more and more dull each day. No urge to contact him at all. if i can do it, you guys can hang in there too... keep your chin up!

i've deleted phone contacts and email addresses and other chat accounts but I didn't know you could block their calls... I think you do what's best for you and if blocking is what you need, then go ahead and do it... it's not childish to look out for your own interests

thanks longdist for your input. I had already decided not to worry too much about him because I really need to do some work to get back to being the me I'm proud of and love. But then I've read some conflicting advice that because we are the primary causes of what went wrong, we should try and maintain some contact with our ex to show them that we are taking responsibility for our actions and not running away from them --- since in this case my problem was not communicating well with him, what will he think if i do complete NC? that i'm even more adamant about shutting myself away from him and persist on not being honest? That said however I did tell him that I couldn't be around him for a while, and he did say he understood. You will probably tell me to stop worrying about him and focus on myself. sometimes I really understand this concept and I feel strong and empowered. other times the fear just grabs my heart and makes me shake and I feel so despondent. I'm trying to focus on all the positives... i know this break up was needed because it would have gotten out of control otherwise and the damage would be worse. i've also had many friends reaching out to me to tell me how happy they are that i've decided to change my life, and i'm happy to reconnect with these people again. it just hurts that the person who's my best friend and companion is not around to help me out of this...

Hi UCLAMike and Superdave and everyone else, can you give me some advice? I'm not sure what to do. He broke up with me three weeks ago because he had been unhappy for the last six months -- we had been together for 2.5 years. I'm 28, he's 30. I know it was my fault because I became unsure of myself, insecure about things in my life and shut him out a lot. we had not been communicating emotionally in a long while and he could not take it. I had been so pessimistic and had no interest in things like trying new things, going on vacations.. But when he broke up, it was a wake up call and when we talked that final time, i poured out my feelings and was really honest with him about why I had done what I did and i took full responsibility for my actions. I know and knew that he had been unhappy for a while and I told him as much. He said if only I had said all this stuff earlier... and asked what I wanted to do... I said let's take a three month break so I can put myself back together and see where we are next. he agreed. Also told him I won't be able to stay friends in the mean time because it would hurt too much being around him. He said he understood. I really believe that NC or LC will help me to move on and heal. In the last few weeks i've really examined my life and what i need to do to get myself out of this rut. It's not just about the relationship but my entire outlook on what i want in life. I have not contacted him but he has once -- via email -- to update me on some minor things. Not to be rude, I have replied but kept it casual and friendly. He also sent me an email to wish me happy birthday a few days ago and I let it lie for one day before texting him to thank him. He then said he hoped I had a good day and I replied saying I had a great day, which I did. I also told him I was going on holiday end of this month and I was really looking forward to it.... --> not sure if this was wise? He did not reply after that. On the one hand I want to show him that I know what I need to do to pick myself up and that is staying positive and changing my whole outlook, on the other I want to let him know that I still love him and I still want us to work out. how can I show him that I'm starting to change and I'm now moving forward if I maintain NC? we have no mutual friends that he can hear back news about me from.