THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Ixtapa]

Nothing new. Except that my previous ex just contacted me again and it was really great hearing from him. Met him back in 1993 and still care about him a lot. Wonder what would have happened if we had decided to stay together, seems that we will never really stop loving each other

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 23

arhg im so sick of this.

i wish i could just forget him, i can force myself not too for a while, and sometimes i do it naturally, but at the end of the day its tiring constintly trying to forget something.

It feels like everything else has moved on, my greiving, wanting him back, regrets, wanting to break NC etc. and my thoughts of him is the only thing thats holding me back.

Arhg shut up already.

Yep, hes really gone out of my life, and i dont think he'll be coming back, nor do i want him too...

I really dont want him at all anymore. He can go screw up some other girl's life haha. I just wish i could forget once and for all that he was ever in my life. Its depressing that i lowered myself to his level and allowed him to manipulate, change, and run my emotions through a mincer.

Why was i so nieve?

Gay mother pucker.

[pdoog]

Woke up today missing her completely and feel very lonely. I wish I could just have her back. I hate this feeling and I cannot seem to shake these feelings. I feel as if she will always be inn my heart. I am on the verge of contacting her but I know that will not make anything better so I am going to continue my NC. I am not sure what day I am on. Haven't contacted her since April 6th.

[wanttobehappy]

Day 6

 

Last time we dated, he asked me to kiss him and said "See you next week". It was Saturday, 3 weeks ago. On Monday, he suddenly became cold to me, ignored my calls and messages. It went on to almost 3 weeks of torture.

 

Last Friday he dumped me. I cried and cried, tried everything to ease the pain. Saturday I went to dating sites right away just to get distracted. I thought breaking up with bad blood was not good, so on Monday morning texted him to keep in touch as friends. He ignored me.

 

I am new here, not sure what the purpose of No Contact is. If it's a game played to get him/her back, then it's not for me, because I know that I would never get him back. If the purpose is to get over this pain, then sign me up!

 

BTW, my head rationally saying I shouldn't thinking of him anymore. My silly emotion is missing him like mad. My head decided to try to ease the pain, so I plan to see if in 1 month this silly emotion is still missing him, I will try to meet him. Not to get him back, but just to see if he's really back with the ex so I can move on.

Does this mean my NC is invalid? Is NC supposed to be forever?

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 19

 

Good day, can't complain.

[Cat76]

Hmmmm...not a good day again. Other stuff again (not just the sadness over the ex, but it is on my mind). Had a chat with someone today and told them all about the stuff I had to put up with, it was quite therapuetic and they agreed that my ex and his family were weird, and I wasn't wrong for thinking so.

 

Anyway, I'll go back to thoughts and curl up and have a cry (again)

[Nick Lansing]

NC isn't a game. It's basically about giving both parties time and space to heal and figure out what they really want. One positive potential side effect is that the dumpee may miss you once they fear/ realize you're really gone, and may come back. They'll generally respect you more if you don't linger around begging and pleading or whatever. But the main thing is that if you have it in your mind that you CAN'T contact them, it makes the pain a little easier to take; you don't have to worry and obsess about what to say, how to come accross, etc., and you can concentrate on getting YOURSELF back together. I'd suggest planning on having no contact for about three months at this point. That should be enough time (it may take more) for you to regain the composure you've lost, to gain some perspective, to see if you still want him, and for him to miss you.

[lauramed]

Day 18

 

He's called me two times in the last hour and I'm going to stay strong. Didn't answer and not going to call him back. Tired of jumping everytime he decides it's covnenient for him then to just disappear on me again. This is why NC is such a great thing. I've finally gained control of myself again. Won't stay in that friendzone that he's put me in. He wants me in his life it's only going to be in one way. Let him sweat a little bit and wonder why I'm not answering as I always have in the past. I'm the one who's going to take control of this situation now. As far as he goes....it's my way or the highway.

[tujna]

Day 11 Day 23 since I haven't seen him.

 

After the bad day yesterday, my day today was good. Still far from moving on but I feel so much stronger and not so much down. I think NC and time on my own really works. And it has been only 23 days... How about after another 23?

 

I used to think that I will not be able to keep NC, I was convinced I couldn't. Now I know that I can. For first time today after 23 days my morning was not horrible but simply bearable. For first time in these 23 days I realize that I deserve someone who trusts me and respects me after everything I have done for us, someone who can forgive and accept and fight for our love. Someone who sees me.

[FriendnorFoe]

day 0...lol, feelin' good went to go see moster vs aliens in 3d with my sister, pretty cool stuff

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 28

 

I'm going out tonight with my two gorgeous sisters cuz it's ladies' night and we're gonna get some free cocktails and my friend's restaurant and bar! It'll be such a nice, chilled out session with family.

 

I am so happy that I am close to my sisters again. Two years ago we would never have gone out like this. I love them dearly, even if they are royal pains at times (i'm sure I am too!)

 

It's just sooo nice to have sisters.

[pace of ace]

Day 23

 

I swear this is getting harder?! Does anyone else find 'cos there is some made up target (30 days in this case) that once you're on day 20 something, you just wanna desperately get to day 30 so you can say you did it???

 

I also just wish i could forget about her ya know. Or at least wish i could think of her without feeling sad.

 

I wanna be over her already! I really do!

[Euterpe]

The start of Day 3

 

Feeling a bit fragile today. No real desire to contact him, but it's hard holding it together and not just curling up in a ball and crying. I keep telling myself to let go of the thoughts of him and be positive, but sometimes it's easier than others.

 

I know I'll get through this, but I just wish it was about 3 weeks from now when it didn't hurt so much.

 

The sun shining doesn't help either, it just reminds me of last summer when we were so happy together and the glorious time we had then. How do I do this?

[philove]

Day 29

 

This is my second time round of making 30 days of NC (my ex broke 31 days of NC last time) Overall I have to say this time round has been harder than last. My emotions towards her are still painful but it's a different sort of pain (if that makes sense).

 

The last week and a half have been particularly difficult on me, although I haven't cried or been tempted to contact her I feel like I just miss her. I wish she could have some sort of personality transplant to stop her from lying, cheating and flirting and then she would ideal for me! lol I know it will never happen and I have to keep telling myself that.

 

I still struggle when friends talk about their relationships, I get an instant pain in my emotions and I immediately think about my ex again. That's just something I need to work on.

 

The most difficult part for me to get over is this obsession of how she hurt me. My emotions still feel quite raw when I think about some of the things she has done to me and I honestly thought I would have got over it by now considering she broke up with me over 4 months ago.

 

I have made a promise to my own sanity to not respond when she does contact me and I have a feeling it will be any day soon so that will be a big test to see how strong I am.

 

Day 30 tomorrow, I don't know whether to celebrate it or cry!

[pace of ace]

Celebrate a job well done Phil and concentrate on the next goal.

 

If i remember rightly, your ex broke up with you 4 months ago but hasn't this been going on alot longer than that??

 

Sorry if i'm wrong or getting you confused with someone else. Would just explain why you're still feeling alot of pain over it.

 

Be cool!

[FigureItOut]

It's beginning to get a bit easier to distract myself and focus on things that make me happy. Yesterday, I went to the gym and had an awesome workout with a friend. This will be continuing. Last night though, I had a meltdown. I questioned everything and myself and how hard it was being in NC. I dreamed about him yet again and us getting back together, which resulted in me waking up in panic and not being able to fall back to sleep (this has been happening every night). Still wonder when and if I'll hear from him. I think that's still my biggest fear. At least yesterday I truly did enjoy myself for some of the dya, and I think that's the first time I've been able to say that since he left. Taking things one day at a time

[philove]

Celebrate a job well done Phil and concentrate on the next goal.

 

If i remember rightly, your ex broke up with you 4 months ago but hasn't this been going on alot longer than that??

 

Sorry if i'm wrong or getting you confused with someone else. Would just explain why you're still feeling alot of pain over it.

 

Be cool!

 

Cheers pace of ace

 

A quick recap; my ex cheated on me 3 years ago and I left her. All throughout last year she literally begged and pleaded to get back with me and finally in November I went back out with her. We lasted 2 months and she dumped me because she felt I was too controlling and she didn't feel comfortable going out with her friends anymore because she was scared I would accuse her of cheating. Since then we had NC on and off for a couple of months and then I decided to go hardcore NC and this is where I am now.

 

I fell in love with her again so this is why I'm struggling atm.

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 24

its stupid how i ever cried over him. Hes a dog. I see it so clearly every mourning i wake up.

Why did i ever love him? Why have i held on to what we had for so long?

It feels like everyday this week ive been taking huge leaps in getting over him.

I miss him less so much more everyday.

I dont regret breaking up with him in the slightest.

Its funny how many positive things have happened, and would of never happened if i was still with him.

In my major year 12 piece ive channeled the pain hes caused me, and expressed it in the most weirdest, unique way that everyone loves. Ive helped two friends overcome their regrets of dumping their looser boyfriends, and get through the break up lows. Ive become so much closer to my family and friends. Ive driven so many hours, and am so close to getting my lisence. Ive switched my focus back on school, and not on him. I feel like my intellegence has grown since we've been apart, haha, funny but true, he was a dumb ass. But most importantly, ive learned to make myself happy, and not rely on him for my self esteme.

God how i hate him.

Hes never going to poison my life ever again!

 

So yea, today was b-e-a-utiful! hehe

[Cat76]

Middle of day 3. Don't want to contact him, but still very sad.

[pace of ace]

Cheers pace of ace

 

A quick recap; my ex cheated on me 3 years ago and I left her. All throughout last year she literally begged and pleaded to get back with me and finally in November I went back out with her. We lasted 2 months and she dumped me because she felt I was too controlling and she didn't feel comfortable going out with her friends anymore because she was scared I would accuse her of cheating. Since then we had NC on and off for a couple of months and then I decided to go hardcore NC and this is where I am now.

 

I fell in love with her again so this is why I'm struggling atm.

 

 

 

Yeah, that would do it

 

But seriously, i know it's a struggle, but what can we do. Stay away and get on with our own things. I'm still in love with my ex who left me over 1 year ago, and because nothing really happened to cause our break up (or so i'm told) and she just got struck by GIGS i've found it so impossible to let go, especially as i know she still has alot of affection for me etc....

 

It's my birthday in about 4 weeks, and she's already asked to see me 'cos she'll have a gift for me. I still harbour hopes of reconcilliation so would like to see her, but i'm afraid of it setting me back. Im on day 23 of nc here!.

 

Anyway, today is another accomplished NC day (almost) Phil, gotta be loving the weather eh! not sure where in UK you are, but on the south coast, it's tropical!!

[philove]

If you want to reconile I would recommend seeing her but try not to get your hopes up too much.

 

The weather is great for a change! I'm in North Devon so I have lots of glorious beaches around here

[pace of ace]

If you want to reconile I would recommend seeing her but try not to get your hopes up too much.

 

The weather is great for a change! I'm in North Devon so I have lots of glorious beaches around here

 

 

A beautiful part of the country! Went there once on holiday, and the beaches are marvellous. I'm on the south coast. Pebbly beaches but hey, still love it when the weather is like it is! Long may it continue

 

Yeah, only sticking point is, she's still seeing some other guy. I don't think they are official but i know it's still going on. If she has a present for me and requests to meet up, i probably will do so. I can handle it, but i'm not going to get "friend-zoned". No way!

[philove]

A beautiful part of the country! Went there once on holiday, and the beaches are marvellous. I'm on the south coast. Pebbly beaches but hey, still love it when the weather is like it is! Long may it continue

 

Yeah, only sticking point is, she's still seeing some other guy. I don't think they are official but i know it's still going on. If she has a present for me and requests to meet up, i probably will do so. I can handle it, but i'm not going to get "friend-zoned". No way!

 

Good stuff, remember to play the cool guy who is completely unphased by everything and you are sure to leave an impression

[pace of ace]

Good stuff, remember to play the cool guy who is completely unphased by everything and you are sure to leave an impression

 

No problem

 

I feel i am healing and all that, but i do still love her, but i can't exactly force that to stop can i. I can think about my ex at times and it really sucks, but other times it barely registers with me. Her "seeing" this guy does sting 'cos of who he is. (some guy who was sniffing around when we were still together which annoyed me greatly)

 

Anyway, don't wanna hijack this thread any longer so i'll leave it there! lol!!

[wanttobehappy]

Thank you Nick, very clear now.

Unfortunately I am back to ground zero... so Day 0 today. But today will be the last time I ever contact him again, at least for 3 months. Hopefully by that time I won't even remember who he is!

 

Today at work I contacted him to say that I want a no-bad-blood break so I can move on. After ignoring my calls, I left message on his mobile. Then he replied my email with just 2 sentences, saying he "wishes me the best and that he cherishes the past".... This is BS, I don't believe it, but still it gives me some peace, felt a bit relieved, breathed a bit better. Feeling like there is a closure, at last.

 

I then deleted all his emails, his phone numbers. After work I went shopping (bought myself a pair of boots, earrings, and nail polish), and came back home quite happily. So probably the main source of my misery is the way it ended, not really the ending itself.

 

Still numbering the days though!

Not hoping to get back together (he won't miss me), but to help myself healing.