Getting back together really does happen!

[mona123456]

bump.. does anyone have anymore stories?

[IGotMine]

I do have one story about a coworker of mine. I don't know all the details though.

 

She and her boyfriend broke up somewhere in late 2012. Her boyfriend used to gamble a lot and used to lose a LOT of money in casinos. She was not amused by this and confronted him with his behavior. As a result, he started lying about his gambling. One day, my coworker found a casino entrance ticket in his car, while he had told her he was at a birthday party that night. I believe they got into a big fight. A little while later, her boyfriend called her and told her that he was sick of her nagging and he ended the relationship. I don't know how much contact the two of them had during their break-up, but I believe it was very minimal.

Anyway, I don't know about the guy, but my coworker dated two guys during the break-up (not at the same time, obviously). However, she kept feeling that her relationships with those other guys were okay, but they were not nearly as good as the one she had had with her ex. Somewhere in late 2013 I spoke to my coworker and she mentioned her boyfriend. When I asked her if she was in a new relationship she told me that she got back together with her ex, after 11 months. Apparently, he felt the same way as she had felt: what they had together was too special to give up. I don't know who initiated the reconciliation, but they have been together for about six months now, and I think they're still happy together!

 

(Although she did tell me that it will be completely over if he starts lying to her again, but I guess she has every right to feel that way)

[Beduldac]

I'm not arguing anything. I'm just stating i would rather find someone who wanted me because they loved me, as opposed to someone who only wants me because they couldn't find anyone better.

 

I just wouldn't want to be someones consolation prize. I *personally* wouldn't be happy knowing that.

 

I do believe in reconciliations under different circumstances though so i do believe in second chances.

 

This is so tough. It could be a simpler case of the new person not measuring up or they had their fun, so they decide to go back to their Ex. Still, if they wanted to be with you, they would have stayed with you. It does not sound like the relationship would be on solid ground.

 

If my Ex tries to reconcile, I guess I will find out.

[imconfused11]

I have been reading through this entire thread for the past week and a half and it really does help. Just adding that bit of positivity into my day helps me to move on and enjoy my life again after my fiancé of 6 years broke up with me 6 weeks ago (bad case of GIGS, we got together very young). I know he still has feelings for me, which makes this break up harder for me to deal with, and I hope that one day he wakes up realizes that single life isn't all it's cracked up to be, but I understand his need to do this and I had to let him go. In the meantime I have to continue living my life. I miss hearing his laugh and seeing his amazing smile. I've enjoyed reading these stories so much, hopefully one day I'll have my own story to post here for everyone's enjoyment.

 

 

But back on topic, this story isn't a successful reconciliation, but it shows that the ex tried for it:

 

My sister's fiancé dated a girl for a few years (his first love) in his late teens/very early 20's. They parted ways when he decided to move to Australia. About 6 or so years later with NC, the girl decided to come to Australia for a visit. She found a way to contact him and asked to spend a day together. During this time together, she expressed that she still loves him. Unfortunately for her, by this time, he had already been dating my sister for the past 4 years.

[phil17]

Hope things work out for you Imconfused. don't want to derail this thread but my fiancée left me 3 weeks ago after dating for 6 years too so we're in a similar situation. she say she doesn't feel she loves me enough to commit >_

[Seankbq]

This thread is amazing, so thank you to all those involved.

 

My ex left me in April, saying that she is moving on... however two weeks before that, she wrote me saying that I was worth the pain, and heartache, and that as long as we had each other would be ok. She's got a new set of friends, and they pulled her away, saying she deserves better. They aren't entirely wrong, cause I have abandonment issues that I needed to work on, but they also don't know me, and just hear the bad, and none of the good.

 

Anyone have any stories where the dumper (girl) says no hope exists, and then comes back?

[sunflower87]

I spent a long time reading this thread and I feel better for it. No one knows what the future holds! As long as you try not to get hung up on false hope for your situation these stories are uplifting at a time where many people need it.

 

Maybe I too will be adding a post to this thread one day. I don't see it happening in the future but I promise I will if it does.

[kidvizious]

Hi guys. Just some advice and hope for others. I've read this site and done the entire grieving thing such as looking online for answers, obsessing, etc! It's been approximately 2 months and 2 weeks since I broke up with her. I've decided to move on with my life. That doesn't mean I don't love her or I don't miss her or want to be with her, etc. It means I accept the situation, find happiness (I have), focus on me, and enjoy my life. I miss her alot and do love her still. If she came back today I would take her back but reality is she isn't coming back today, tomorrow, or the next day anytime soon. And even if she did, we'd end up breaking up again. Why? We both need a long time apart from each other to realize both of our mistakes, forgive, let go, be happy, move on, experience life, and enjoy it. I can't force the relationship to work. It must fall into place naturally. That means either months or even years from now. We can be friends, maybe we can't. I don't know. and I'm okay with that.

 

I just do me and focus on me. Admit my shortcomings and try to avoid them. I'm getting back into my old music, boxing, playing guitar, enjoying life, school, etc just as she is rediscovering her joys and loves. Does that mean the door is forever closed and can not ever open no matter what? Even if one of us said that or currently says that? NO! Time heals all wounds and words. Lol. It just means we both move on. For all we know, in a year or two, after some honest thinking, happiness, sadness, etc, we start NEW. Not continue where we left off from. We simply start new in our lives. And honestly, I can see she is the same person I fell in love with. Our personalities and tastes along with future goals are honestly very similar. We both want the same things. Our constant problem was communication, immaturity, and inexperience. Time apart can honestly fix that. And we still may not get back together! Or we may! Who knows?! Lol, thats the mind set to have. I hope that we do get back together. But after taking this approach, I feel much happier, less obsessed and upset, and more confident in getting her back.

 

For those out there, let it come naturally. I know it sounds so difficult but I truly believe letting it come naturally, on its own, and with some luck and fate, it can happen. Just let life happen. Life may decide you two get back together, it may decide to not let you get back together. Just let life happen. Let it come naturally and fall into place. This mentality will help most, if not all of you.

[kidvizious]

It's possible. How many real life events in this world have happened with people writing about them exclusively on this site? The world is so vast with so many people. Imagine how many actually visit these sites, let alone take the energy necessary to write them out. I promise you it has happened. Hell, I was the dumper as the guy in my relationship (2 months 2 weeks ago). I came back and she said she didn't want to go down this path again while never denying she loved me/missed me. I was her first love. I swore up and down that this was the final straw and I would never come back and I did. She may as well. Your ex may as well. Just become a better you, find happiness, and let nature run its course. Let it come naturally with a tiny nudge from you to set the gears in motion. (In due time - More than 3 months).

[Stillhope]

I know this reply is EXTREMELY late, but I have just learned the exact same thing myself and I'm going to be so far better off for it in the future. =] Thank you!

[Man with Dog]

I'm more inclined not to get too optimistic about getting back together and not just through personal bias. I once got back with an ex, mainly because I missed the sex and I'm not proud to admit it. Of course, I dumped her when I met someone more attractive.

 

On the other side, I've spent weeks/months hoping to get back with an ex but realised I was wasting my time.

 

It CAN work but I think you need to fix what caused the BU for it to have a chance. The stats are more in favour of moving on with someone new or even learning to enjoy being single. I'm over 20 years into my 2nd marriage and there's NO WAY I'd consider changing my wife for my ex wife or anyone else I've ever dated.

 

I think we need to be honest and realistic here.

[LovesMusic]

I know this reply is EXTREMELY late, but I have just learned the exact same thing myself and I'm going to be so far better off for it in the future. =] Thank you!

 

Good for you and thanks for your appreciation!

[Beduldac]

After her rebound/GIGS, my Ex may come back. On 8 March 2014, she left me for another man who was a coworker and immediately jumped into a new relationship. The best thing I have going for me is she unfortunately chose a temp coworker for her rebound. That could easily turn out to be a match made in Hell.

 

I have been in no contact for 10 weeks tomorrow. Anyhow, I am going to be fine whether she comes back or not.

[imconfused11]

Following on from this, last night I received an email from my ex after 3 weeks of NC (2 months since the break up). He says he has realized what he has done and wants us to get back together. I agreed to meet with him in a few weeks to talk.

 

This is what I've dreamed of happening since the break up, but, I think my heart is finally catching up with my head. Resentment towards his selfishness has started to kick in and I've come to the realization that there are plenty of men out there who would treat me better than he has. Deep down I still love him, but I'm not sure that I would want him back anymore after everything that's happened. I have learnt so much in our time apart and would never allow myself to be taken for granted in a relationship again. I guess I will just take it as it comes, meet with him, and see where things go. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[Beduldac]

Thanks for confirming the other threads about GIGS break ups. There may be some solid psychological rationale behind the attempted reconciliations.

 

Take it slow and make him work for it. It takes a lot of courage to come back and even more to take him back. He has to win you back.

[imconfused11]

Thanks for confirming the other threads about GIGS break ups. There may be some solid psychological rationale behind the attempted reconciliations.

 

Take it slow and make him work for it. It takes a lot of courage to come back and even more to take him back. He has to win you back.

 

 

Thanks for your response. He will definitely be working for it, I won't be letting my guard down this time.

[Beduldac]

Thanks for your response. He will definitely be working for it, I won't be letting my guard down this time.

 

If my Ex comes back, I have a feeling I am going to be very guarded, too. It is going to be hard to become as trusting again. This could be the genesis of the next break up unless she really makes it up to me.

[Raoul]

Trust is what goes in a breakup. And it's very difficult to re-establish. It can be done. But it's hard work, take a lot of emotional courage and more patience than most people have.

 

But sometimes it's worth the effort, even if it fails.

[sharky988]

Trust is what goes in a breakup. And it's very difficult to re-establish. It can be done. But it's hard work, take a lot of emotional courage and more patience than most people have.

 

But sometimes it's worth the effort, even if it fails.

 

It's only hard work when BOTH parties aren't on the same page! Patience? Nope, not if both want to get back together!

 

I reconciled and it was EASY AS PIE. We were both still in love, both wanted to get back together, so with a single conversation IT HAPPENED.

 

You only have to struggle.... and work.... and wait.... and worry..... and plot.... and scheme.... when YOU'RE the only one who really wants to get back together!

[Raoul]

You only have to struggle.... and work.... and wait.... and worry..... and plot.... and scheme.... when YOU'RE the only one who really wants to get back together!

 

You are always such a ray of sunshine. LOL

[Mangiafuoco]

It's only hard work when BOTH parties aren't on the same page! Patience? Nope, not if both want to get back together!

 

I reconciled and it was EASY AS PIE. We were both still in love, both wanted to get back together, so with a single conversation IT HAPPENED.

 

You only have to struggle.... and work.... and wait.... and worry..... and plot.... and scheme.... when YOU'RE the only one who really wants to get back together!

 

Was so easy for your EX too? What i mean is this, if i'm not wrong, after your breakup you started dating others men. After this you realized that you was missing your ex. So back to him, got your single conversation and IT HAPPENED. Wow! But what about him? He wasn't patient with you? It seem to me yes (and lot of patience), you dumped him, you was dating other people (with a lot of fun as you stated, and i can't believe you was still in love with your ex when you was dating other men, simply you wasn't) for many months, and then, when you realized you was still missing him, you realized again your love for him, then you was back to him and he was still there waiting for you because, i think, he was still in love with you (i love to read this, also it sound to me a bit like a plan B that worked out).

But i think it's important point out that your love for him wasn't always there, you lost it at the first after the breakup and you regained it after some months. And if he had not patience and had started a new relationship when you was away, your reconciliation with him would not have happened.

I want to add also that the most wrong way to go back together is to make it with a "single conversation". This way of reconciliate almost always lead to a new breakup.

[sharky988]

My then-ex wasn't patient -- because I respected him enough NOT TO STAY IN CONTACT. I broke up with him, for good, didn't try to stay friends or communicate. He went on and lived his life -- and so did I!

 

But yes, I was still in love with him at the time of the breakup. And all through the breakup, I was still in love. And as the months went by, I missed him more and more. And then, YES, in one single conversation, we were completely back together and remained so for over 20 years -- so, despite YOUR belief our reconciliation was "wrong," it worked out pretty well in my case!

 

I never considered him to be a Plan B, though. We were young and after school I had big life decisions ahead of me and had to decide whether to return to NY or stay with him in LA, and he wasn't really ready to commit, and to be honest I wasn't either!

 

He was most likely dating others and continuing his life during the breakup -- as was I! He SURE AS HECK wasn't obsessing and plotting to try and stay in touch or get me back..... I'm sure it only would've annoyed me and pushed me away if he had because I really WAS trying to give myself time and space to get over him.

 

Best of luck with your ex, though!

[phil17]

Thanks for your response. He will definitely be working for it, I won't be letting my guard down this time.

 

Let us know how it works out Imconfused. I follow this thread everyday hoping for a little miracle for me too. Please do take everything slowly and naturally. I sincerely wish you the very best from my heart and if he has changed, i'm sure you guys are going to be happily ever after!

[Beduldac]

Trust is what goes in a breakup. And it's very difficult to re-establish. It can be done. But it's hard work, take a lot of emotional courage and more patience than most people have.

 

But sometimes it's worth the effort, even if it fails.

 

My Ex did not completely trust me because she was so insecure and her friends & family kept feeding her anxiety. One big factor was my Ex still living with me. She never let it go even on the last date. If she comes back, I have to let her know my Ex is moving out. Even then, since she left me for another man, I would have trouble trusting her again. Any potential reconciliation hinges on re-establishing trust in both directions. I wonder if it is even possible.

[autumnsun]

So, this all seems to be going a bit of a negative route, so I'll share some positive stories to maybe give some slight hope.

(disclaimer: i don't agree with ALL of these stories i know--some should have been left where the relationship had died, but I will still share them anyways)

 

1). A very good friend of mine started dating a girl a few years ago. They seemed to be a great couple, moved in together, had a wonderful time together, etc. Overall they seemed very happy. A few months into living together (I believe they had been together for maybe a year at that point), the girl started staying late at a new job she had, which eventually turned into her not coming home at ALL for a day or two. She had been spending time with a new male coworker and cheated on my friend. Some of us quickly helped him move out of his apartment that they shared, he refused any contact with her and (luckily for him) his sister was living in the south (we're from up north) so he packed up, got a temporary bartending job and lived with his sister for a few months. During this time, I believe they had no contact and both lived their own lives. My friend was also (finally) dealing with the end of his previous long term relationship, something I think he had never properly processed before. Eventually, they started talking again and while I don't know the details of how they reconciled, they soon were back together, moved to Florida together a few months later and got engaged last winter. They're MUCH happier now and things seem to be going really, really well for them.

 

2) Another very good male friend of mine dated a girl for a couple of years. They're both a little older: he's in his early 50s and she's in her mid 30s. They had met through mutual friends and they hit it off really well. Things seemed to be great for them, they moved in together and stayed together for a good 2 to 2.5 years. Eventually they started having issues, hers stemming (i believe) from past relationships and a rough childhood, and he couldn't handle her drinking or jealousy. He found out back in May or June of 2013 that she had cheated on him and he ended things after a few weeks of back and forth fights. They went into a long period of no contact where they both did their own things, enjoyed their own lives and eventually started talking again in mid-October. They took things slow and are now back to living together and engaged. She's sorted through her issues and stopped her drinking and they seem to be really, really happy together.

 

3) A girl I know (I don't know as many details about this story) had dated a guy for quite some time. They seemed to be a great couple, but it just didn't work out at the time for whatever reason. I don't think - to my knowledge - that there was any cheating, lying, etc... They just felt like the relationship had run its course. They both moved on with their lives, dated other people (she even lived with and was engaged to another great guy) only to find out that neither was happy. She broke her engagement off and had a bit of time to herself before reconnecting with the first ex. They started a new relationship, moved in together and got married last June. They're one of the best, happiest couples I've ever met.

 

4) I dated a guy many, many moons ago We were together for about a year and a half, and lived together for about 4 months before we both decided to part ways. I had just graduated from college and he didn't know what he was doing/wanted and we had gotten into a tough spot of arguments and constant misunderstandings. I went home and jumped, almost immediately, into another relationship. My ex and I fought about this, we kept relatively low contact and eventually ran into one another again (while I was still in the rebound relationship) and we had a long heart to heart about what we had wanted, how disappointed we had been, etc. My rebound failed and I continued to keep sparse contact with my ex, checking in from time to time and talking about the possibility of getting together again to "see what could happen." He eventually contacted me and asked me to give us another shot, but I was in a bad spot and didn't give it the chance to go anywhere. While this isn't necessarily a reconciliation, because I never gave it a shot (not for not wanting to, but not being ready/in a good place), we did come back together and after the dust had settled, both wanted to give it another chance, the timing just never worked. He's now happily newly married and I'm happy for him. We still keep occasional contact and it is nice to know that even without a reconciliation that the love (now out of genuine friendship) is still there for each other.

 

While these are only a few, there is at least some positivity. All reasons for any reconciliation should be good ones, but I understand why people search out the positive stories in the beginning of the healing process. I don't necessarily agree with getting back together once there has been infidelity, dishonesty, etc but that is a decision everyone has to make for their own lives... hence why I included some with less than ideal circumstances.

 

happy saturday!