autumnsun

All of you who post here are such an inspiration.... to stay strong and keep moving forward Day 21 for me. Sundays always seem to be the hardest... Probably because it was our one guaranteed day off together. Waking up alone stings the most, and I find that I walk around in tears/emotional funk most of the day. I'm trying hard to get out of this mode, but so far, no good. Like JA and Sean stated.... wish it was easier to break this sort of addiction.

I can't believe I didn't remember this story.... An ex of mine - who is now a decent friend - dated a girl back in HS/right after graduation for quite some time. Things went the normal route of most HS relationships and ended in a break up after two years. The girl was devastated, as the guy was a right jerk about the whole thing. She threw herself into partying, dating and eventually moved on with her life, having two long term relationships over the course of the next few years. He, on the other hand, went through a string of bad relationships, rushed into things (including dating me for a very brief period! - both our faults), joined the Army and generally kept out of touch with her. I'm friends with both, so saw how the anger and resentment of their first messy break up had subsided and they simply started to remember all the good. However, thinking he was over her, and she him, he ended up marrying a girl back in 2010 that he had known a short while who he proclaimed at the time was the real 'love of his life'. The marriage started to sour for a number of reasons, one of which I believe was because he started to realize how much he had loved his first girlfriend and how much he regretted his decision to leave her. He had also done a ton of personal growth and maturing through this period which I saw first hand. 6 or 7 years after their break up, with minimal contact between them and after separating from his now ex wife and filing for divorce, he contacted me asking if I thought their was a chance for them and if so, could i help put them in touch. He came to visit, they hung out a few times and slowly started to reconcile... a few months later they were back together permanently and are now married with a baby.

So, this all seems to be going a bit of a negative route, so I'll share some positive stories to maybe give some slight hope. (disclaimer: i don't agree with ALL of these stories i know--some should have been left where the relationship had died, but I will still share them anyways) 1). A very good friend of mine started dating a girl a few years ago. They seemed to be a great couple, moved in together, had a wonderful time together, etc. Overall they seemed very happy. A few months into living together (I believe they had been together for maybe a year at that point), the girl started staying late at a new job she had, which eventually turned into her not coming home at ALL for a day or two. She had been spending time with a new male coworker and cheated on my friend. Some of us quickly helped him move out of his apartment that they shared, he refused any contact with her and (luckily for him) his sister was living in the south (we're from up north) so he packed up, got a temporary bartending job and lived with his sister for a few months. During this time, I believe they had no contact and both lived their own lives. My friend was also (finally) dealing with the end of his previous long term relationship, something I think he had never properly processed before. Eventually, they started talking again and while I don't know the details of how they reconciled, they soon were back together, moved to Florida together a few months later and got engaged last winter. They're MUCH happier now and things seem to be going really, really well for them. 2) Another very good male friend of mine dated a girl for a couple of years. They're both a little older: he's in his early 50s and she's in her mid 30s. They had met through mutual friends and they hit it off really well. Things seemed to be great for them, they moved in together and stayed together for a good 2 to 2.5 years. Eventually they started having issues, hers stemming (i believe) from past relationships and a rough childhood, and he couldn't handle her drinking or jealousy. He found out back in May or June of 2013 that she had cheated on him and he ended things after a few weeks of back and forth fights. They went into a long period of no contact where they both did their own things, enjoyed their own lives and eventually started talking again in mid-October. They took things slow and are now back to living together and engaged. She's sorted through her issues and stopped her drinking and they seem to be really, really happy together. 3) A girl I know (I don't know as many details about this story) had dated a guy for quite some time. They seemed to be a great couple, but it just didn't work out at the time for whatever reason. I don't think - to my knowledge - that there was any cheating, lying, etc... They just felt like the relationship had run its course. They both moved on with their lives, dated other people (she even lived with and was engaged to another great guy) only to find out that neither was happy. She broke her engagement off and had a bit of time to herself before reconnecting with the first ex. They started a new relationship, moved in together and got married last June. They're one of the best, happiest couples I've ever met. 4) I dated a guy many, many moons ago We were together for about a year and a half, and lived together for about 4 months before we both decided to part ways. I had just graduated from college and he didn't know what he was doing/wanted and we had gotten into a tough spot of arguments and constant misunderstandings. I went home and jumped, almost immediately, into another relationship. My ex and I fought about this, we kept relatively low contact and eventually ran into one another again (while I was still in the rebound relationship) and we had a long heart to heart about what we had wanted, how disappointed we had been, etc. My rebound failed and I continued to keep sparse contact with my ex, checking in from time to time and talking about the possibility of getting together again to "see what could happen." He eventually contacted me and asked me to give us another shot, but I was in a bad spot and didn't give it the chance to go anywhere. While this isn't necessarily a reconciliation, because I never gave it a shot (not for not wanting to, but not being ready/in a good place), we did come back together and after the dust had settled, both wanted to give it another chance, the timing just never worked. He's now happily newly married and I'm happy for him. We still keep occasional contact and it is nice to know that even without a reconciliation that the love (now out of genuine friendship) is still there for each other. While these are only a few, there is at least some positivity. All reasons for any reconciliation should be good ones, but I understand why people search out the positive stories in the beginning of the healing process. I don't necessarily agree with getting back together once there has been infidelity, dishonesty, etc but that is a decision everyone has to make for their own lives... hence why I included some with less than ideal circumstances. happy saturday!