Getting back together really does happen!

[KatherineKate]

Anyone has got any new stories?

[SillyDate]

Hi, can a dumper has chance to reconcile with the dumpee?

[maron]

Hi, can a dumper has chance to reconcile with the dumpee?

 

sillydate, is this a serious question? i would think that a "dumper" making the efforts to reconcile with the "dumpee" is preferred.

 

but if you're coming from a context in which you're concerned that the "dumpee" has lost their attraction to the "dumper" because they were left behind, took the time to heal, improve, learn from the mistakes they know they made in the relationship, put in a lot of effort to recover and move on, and therefore, would not be interested in the "dumper" anymore, then yeah reconciling will be much more challenging.

 

on-topic contribution: i'm not close to this side of the family, but my cousin and her husband broke up after high school. i don't know who did the breaking up, i don't know if they stayed in touch casually or as friends during the time they broke up, but i know she dated after the break up. she got into her professional program of choice and later on, i saw their wedding photo on another family member's fridge and only then was i told they got married.

[SillyDate]

sillydate, is this a serious question? i would think that a "dumper" making the efforts to reconcile with the "dumpee" is preferred.

 

but if you're coming from a context in which you're concerned that the "dumpee" has lost their attraction to the "dumper" because they were left behind, took the time to heal, improve, learn from the mistakes they know they made in the relationship, put in a lot of effort to recover and move on, and therefore, would not be interested in the "dumper" anymore, then yeah reconciling will be much more challenging.

 

Thanks for the insight...I asked that question because I am the dumper but please wait, let me elaborate in a summary way. I "set him free" because during the period of downhill, I found out that he has been telling his cousin he might want to end with me due to all recent arguments. His cousin taught him to piss me off so I can leave him instead of him dumping me so he does not have to be the bad guy....I felt he already started to distant from me and he kept telling his buddies to make plans so he can have excuse to avoid visiting me on weekends [we live 40 miles apart]. He has a lot of resentment towards me due to arguments. I felt heart broken to know all those so I set him free

 

My goal is to let him go and praying that time and space and my absence can fade his resentment. I love him, I know he loves me as well.

 

I hope to reconnect with him and hope we can start over again in a baby step way but I am not sure if I have chance because he has not contacted me ever since I dumped him. Today [7/79/12] is 10th day of breakup and NC. When I initiated, I didn't mention 1 word of breakup. I said "better be friends, I think you'll be happier"

 

In this context, I am the dumper...still got slight chance?

[maron]

honestly? i don't know. no one on this board knows. people, situations, circumstances vary so much. some people who are together shouldn't be together, others who will be good to each other aren't, couples who are good together and are together, stay together... there's no linearity to experience, no definitive "evidence" that would say "yep, based on your break up, you will be together again," or "nope, sorry, too effed up, you don't have any hope at all." i know of a couple in which the woman got a restraining order against her male ex and yet 10 years later, who contacts him but the ex who got the restraining order against him. i do not know how that story goes on, as only that detail was relayed to me.

 

so it's really not a fair question to ask yourself - or anyone else. understandably, it's part of your healing process as well, as much as it was for so many of us here on the board. DN, Batya33, mhowe, Tired Tiger... they all got their exes back. against conventional wisdom, i contacted my ex and i was the "dumpee." now i'm struggling with the idea of having become part of the statistic of those who contacted their ex - regardless of who dumped whom - and by the time the attempt happened, the ex is over that person. i'm thinking "I contacted my ex. What if he's already soo over me and cracked jokes with his buddies that I was the one who said I didn't want to talk to him again, 'ever,' and yet I contacted him? And I'm the dumpee!!!" i recognise that this thought is my ego talking, but i just have to remind myself that i don't have grounds to make assumptions and i'll probably be wrong anyway. i wasn't needy, it's been over a year, but if i were to have a possibility of getting him back, i know it can't happen if he still believes that i think he's a jerk. and as DN pointed out earlier in the thread, men don't tend to go back to women who think they're jerks. on the other hand, a different "dumper" who contacts the "dumpee" may throw caution to the wind and initiate contact which, again, is ideal since he/she's the one who wanted the separation in the first place.

 

i don't know. i hope you do have your chance because i believe in giving most people second chances. sometimes it really is a timing thing, but it really is better to move on like you're never going to hear from them again. you have to remember what made you attractive to others in the first place and even then, he may not be attracted to you romantically in the future. or maybe you will attract him again. who really knows. so many possibilities, but such a short life.

 

make yourself a priority now.

 

good luck to you. good luck to all of us.

[theidlerwheel]

Hi guys! So I just thought I'd deliver some hope maybe and write about all of my experiences, since I realize there are many! In just about every case I can think of, all of my exes have come back. It's just always been when I've been with someone else and couldn't really care less. However, while these may not necessarily be happy stories, they are stories nonetheless.

 

So a long time ago, I was with this guy D. I'm talking in middle school. Well, many, many years later, when I was in college, he messaged me on Facebook. Granted, he seemed like he just wanted to hook up, but still happened. In college, I met someone named A. I was with him for two years. I think that was when D contacted me, in the middle of that.

 

After two years, I break up with A. I start dating this guy T. I was for some reason head over heels for him, even though he never felt the same way. He dumped me a few days before my birthday, right before Christmas. Well I was miserable, but after the holidays, I got in touch with T and we tried again. Of course, he never really took it seriously and it ended because he wanted to pursue another girl. Months later, I met J, but we didn't work out, and I decided I wanted to be with T, so I called him out of the blue. We dated for a month, he ended it because again, he wanted to try with someone else. It was a friends with benefits situation anyway, and I've learned never to do that again. So I was really upset but I moved on. No less than a month or so later does T message me again, asking to try things again. Of course this time I walked away from it because I wasn't feeling it anymore!

 

A number of months after that, I met E, the one I joined this site for. In the middle of that, A messaged me again after two years, acting all friendly and telling me he missed my company. And the most recent one was J, two years later. He found me on a dating site and messaged me. I was curious so I engaged in a conversation for a bit, and now he's telling me I was apparently the right girl for him and that he's thinking about me and offered me his number. I'm not interested since he was kind of crazy, but this is the first time someone has come back where I was actually single.

 

As for E, unfortunately that situation is a lot trickier. We were in pretty regular email contact, but I haven't heard from him in about a week. I know it's nothing I said, as I've been reading Crap's nonchalance thread a lot and using lots of tips from there and it seemed to be working. I can only hope that E comes back someday, but I've been doing better when we're not communicating, for some reason, I guess because I'm focusing on me much more rather than planning out email responses. But what I mean to say is that they do come back. You really just have to kind of let go of hope for it. You don't necessarily have to be entirely over them, but you do have to move on and live your life and do your thing and kind of stop wishing that they'll waltz through the door. Hopefully it happens to me again at some point! In the meantime, be good to yourself.

[sarsparilla]

Hey everyone.. Over the last few days i've been reading these postings when i've been feeling down. They do make me feel better and kill a lot of time so i'm not thinking about things.

 

My current situation: ex and I were together for 7 months. Lived together. Things started to go down hill. Left to stay with my parents 11 days ago. NC for 1 full week. 4 days he called to officially end it. I previously took a lot of the blame for the problems but he assured me its him too. Stated that he doesnt feel like himself anymore and has to take care of himself, work and his kids for a bit. He asked me to promise to never stop talking to him. I realized my problems in the relationship 1 month ago and since that day had been trying to change and better myself, he even commented he's never seen someone change and mature so much so fast, but now the problem is him. 2 days later I went and got my things when he was at work, left him some groceries in the fridge (since he would not let me help with this months rent) and a note saying i stopped by and that i left the keys on the fridge. The next day (today) he called me, he thanked me for the food, i asked him how he's been (he said ok, kinda mopey) and told me i didn't have to leave the keys. We made some small talk about his job etc and he told me he had to get back into work but he'd call me later if i wasn't busy. Im not sure whhat that all means but i'm hoping the NC and 2 weeks of coming home to an empty house without me has made him miss me, But i'll keep you updated.

 

 

But i'll leave you with some back together or potential to in my experience.

 

Last ex, we dated 3 years. The relationship was terrible! Verbally and physically abusive and more. I caught him cheating and i dumped him. He denied it but the next day was dating that very same girl. We had NC for a few weeks, then suddenly he was texting me everyday telling me he wanted me back, and no matter what we would end up together. I could have got him back but he never showed any signs of change AT ALL, so I moved on and never looked back. He kept trying to contact me for months but I ignored them.

 

Another guy I dated 3 months, things we're pretty casual, we never fought or argued or had any problems. It was near halloween and we had plans to go to a party, he told me he had work and couldnt go but would make it up to me the following weekend. The next day he called and dumped me. I later talked to his Ex girlfriend and she told me he dumped me cause he was trying to get her back. She thought about it, saw he didnt change and moved on. SO not in my favor but still someone going back to their ex.

 

I dated another guy 6 years ago for about 6 months. He broke up with me, and ending up dating another girl a week later. We went NC for 6 years, with small periods of LC mostly facebook comments every now and then, nothing serious. I ran into him at a bar one night we talked and caught up. He told me I was a great gf and he should have never left me. He tried to talk and hang out with me after that but I wasn't interested at all. So I probably could have got him back as well.

[einsteins_girl]

link removed

[einsteins_girl]

Also, during my ongoing househunt, my realtor told me about a house that is for sale. She said a guy owns it, and he's selling because he and his wife got divorced, and she moved out and bought her own house, but now they're back together and getting remarried, so he's moved in with her and is now selling his house. Obviously, I don't know more details than that. But there's another "getting back together" tale for the books.

[Roundabout]

I listened to that story today, truly beautiful events that show not to give up hope... move on, but keep a spot in your heart for all that truly matter

[SillyDate]

I listened to that story today, truly beautiful events that show not to give up hope... move on, but keep a spot in your heart for all that truly matter

 

Can you please teach me or explain, how can I have hope while I moving on and keep the spot in my heart for him? I really wish he will come back.....broke up 15 days ago, NC

[Roundabout]

Can you please teach me or explain, how can I have hope while I moving on and keep the spot in my heart for him? I really wish he will come back.....broke up 15 days ago, NC

Hope is the emotional feeling of believing in a positive outcome, you can move 1000miles away and live a life you never thought, but hope can still exist in many forms. 15 days is a short time for proper grief sorry to say

 

Wishing is for children because you align it with getting something back, hoping is for an adult because you are open to a positive outcome not attached to anything... best I can offer is to learn to live life without them so if they come back into your life it will be greater than anything you had before since you both know your place in the world.

[kam]

My friend recently got dumped by his girlfriend last month, then two weeks later they get back together. I'm pretty sure this is first real, serious relationship and they've been together for almost 2 years.

[camus154]

In the case of break ups, I see no difference between hope and wishing. The truth is, you will continue hoping you will get back together until enough time has passed where you no longer care. Hope is a crutch to assuage the pain of the break up, and will be cast aside when it is no longer needed.

[jemoeder]

after 7 months mostly NC .. today was the day me and my ex called and agreed we are together once again. we are meeting up tomorow to "Discuss" some things, just so we have the same expectations and dont fall for the same pitfalls.

 

we both need to get over a lot of things ( i slept with other girls during our break up, she once tried to slap me when i tried to reconcile a few months ago) we both changed but still have that special place for each other. i never really moved on

although i did continue to keep my other social contacts alive and do well at my uni and my job.

 

Im now embarking on a new adventure with this girl and i hope we make it otherwise, it will be the first and last time i reconcile with an ex.

 

(she dumped me0

[Lightning87]

Me and my ex broke up and got back together twice. Now going through our third break up and I start thinking...this guy really isn't worth the heartache... Funny enough Kelly Clarkson's song "Stronger" just came on the radio when I started typing this...

 

Once, breaking up and getting back together...OK, sometimes people make bad judgement. But I reckon if it happens again you guys will always be like that. Get our whilst you have the chance. Wish I had listened to everyone when we got back together for the second time.

[Bristolbish]

Bump up this thread helping me loads x x

[lingardx]

my exes mum and dad got engaged after 6 months of being together and then 6 months on got married. she was only 19 at the time and they are still together with 6 kids

[lingardx]

Me and my ex broke up and got back together twice. Now going through our third break up

 

this is my situation, but my ex has lost all trust for me. (not because i cheated, i wouldn't do that to anyone) he says it can be regained as friends but i wouldn't even know where to start, maybe you guys might have some answers

[tufa4311]

All these stories are great - the only thing I have found is that almost all are about gf/bf relationships - if we could get more on divorced couples reconciling that what be cool too. Thx!

[Lily McFly]

Tufa I work in family law. We had a client who's was deeply embroiled in his divorce...there were hearings, he had appointments, then suddenly he called up to say that he and his wife had decided to reconcile. At the time, he was a client for 2 years. He was on the course to be divorced, and that was well over a year ago that he called us, and I saw him recently...they are still together. We had another client who came to us for a divorce, and he got divorced. About a year later he got remarried...to the woman he got divorced from. There is hope in a lot of situations...I hope one is yours.

[tufa4311]

Lily, thank you. I am not "waiting around"...I'm taking care of myself, even dating, but I know who I love...thanks again

 

 

Tufa I work in family law. We had a client who's was deeply embroiled in his divorce...there were hearings, he had appointments, then suddenly he called up to say that he and his wife had decided to reconcile. At the time, he was a client for 2 years. He was on the course to be divorced, and that was well over a year ago that he called us, and I saw him recently...they are still together. We had another client who came to us for a divorce, and he got divorced. About a year later he got remarried...to the woman he got divorced from. There is hope in a lot of situations...I hope one is yours.

[CRCfem]

Ex's do come back. If htey don't gather up the courage, they certainly ponder about it. If you take them back, that's another issue! I never took mine back and I'm so proud I didn't, after 1 year of NC! So grateful to by best friend who 'nursed' me and kept me out of his radar or out of temptation to go back with him, as if I met him after a month or two after sepatation, I may have goneback with him. But after a year, he gathered up the b*lls to ask me back and tell me to contact him at any point in his life, if I want him, no matter what. Yeah, how great is that, he may be with a new girl, and he gave me green light to interfere... ANyway,. they do come back. Hell, I was a dumper and I went back too inthe past...

[SoulSilver]

Here are a few more stories - short version

 

There was a girl I liked , an her ex of a few months actually tried helping me out with her , but eventually they got back together and went on for 3 more years .

 

2 friends of mine were together for 3 months or so . then they broke up and couldn't even be in the same place for the next few months , but they started talking again eventually , worked out their problems and are together for almost a year now .

 

A female friend of mine had a breakup of her boyfriend of 6 months . they were ignoring each other and trying to make each other jelaous , she even dated someone else for a while . but they realized they are best for each other , and ended up getting back together . they are around 9 moonths together now .

 

Another female friend I has recently gotten back withh her boyfriend after 1 month and a half of being broken up . not sure how much time they were together before that but I think it wasn't long .

 

Oh and there's a guy I know...he and his girlfriend have broken up , because..I have no idea why . for more than a month . but they got together because..I still have no idea why . other than her being stupid and him being a failure with girls but they have been together for a couple of years now .

 

Add to this that 2 of my exes came back , around 8 months withotu any contact after I did every mistake possible and asked to get back together .

 

So yeah , it happens , quite often even .

[Cope and Hope]

I thought I'd share my story here to help bump the thread and just give some advice to others who have been in the situation of still caring for an ex after breaking up.

 

I met my now ex back in 2009 at a party in college, we got along so great and had so much fun together the first night that we met that a bunch of our friends were saying that they knew we'd get together just after that night. Of course, we did end up getting together and were together for a great 9 months until we broke up, mostly to us being young, a bit immature, and both of us constantly meeting a ton of new people in college which put a strain on trust from time to time. She rebounds with one of her best friends a few weeks after we break up and me, being heartbroken and surprised that she could move on so fast, well I just came around websites like these reading on how to feel better, move on, and keep my life going in a positive direction. This website specifically and actually, this THREAD specifically did a lot to help ease my mind back then and still does now. My ex girlfriend was with her rebound for only about 2 months before it ended and at that time she was so distraught dealing with all of the emotions flooding to the surface from two failed relationships in such a short amount of time that she would lock herself in her room and barely leave the house.

 

It was at that time that her friends and housemates called me and asked me to go try and cheer her up because she was risking failing classes and just wasn't dealing with things too well. I, of course, give in even though we had been in no contact for 3 months out of the 4 months we had been apart and cheer her up quite easily because I know her so well which even to this day she admits that I know her better than even most of her family. Well, after that time of contact we end up finding out we had been enrolled in a class together all of this time for the past month or so and never even bumped into each other but oddly enough our professor seats us next to eachother during one of our midterms and from there communication starts to flow like it did when we had first met.

 

Near the end of this quarter of school, so a little over a month of us starting to spend time together again, she asks me if I would like to try things again because she just can't help how comfortable and safe she feels around me and that it's nice to know that I took the time to get to know her so well even though she thought things weren't working out the first time (she dumped me in case I didn't mention this before). I'm a bit off guard and skeptical at first but I agree and we go on a few great dates and make it official a few weeks later. Her family as well as mine were so excited to see us back together because in our prior relationship both sides had heard so much of the other but never met them, so this time we both meet each other's family and everyone loves everyone, they all think we're a great match, and so on. This second relationship goes great, but we end of moving to different parts of the state for school and for work -- roughly an hour away from each other. We do last for a while and much longer than before, but we end up breaking up again after dating for roughly another 2 years. We have now been in no contact since the day we broke up about two months ago.

 

Do I regret getting back together? Not at all. The time we spent together was so great and we had so much fun with one another prior to the relationship tapering off towards the end that I couldn't imagine spending the last few years of my life with anyone else. And yes, I still love her. But I also know that this break up is necessary for us both to do everything that we want to do in life and to become the people that we want to eventually become without having to force our paths to go another direction because we are with somebody else who is currently headed in a different direction. It had been 2 months now since our break up with strict NC since day 1 and I can honestly say that we are both moving forward, she is starting to date again from what mutual friends tell me, she will be applying for medical school this next year, I am moving to the other side of the U.S. soon to further my career, and within the next 2 years I will probably be working abroad in London for a year or so. Could all of this be done while still together? Perhaps. But definitely not to anywhere near the same degree that we will both be able to pursue our dreams with the freedom we have from being separate.

 

What I would like for readers to know is that -- YES, reconciliation can definitely happen so long as the relationship itself was good and those break-ups where not much was wrong besides normal things that arise throughout life most definitely have a higher chance of working out and will be easier to work out as well. HOWEVER, what people say about NC and moving on with your life is key and CRUCIAL to both YOU and ANY chance of reconciliation. The reason this is so, to me at least, is because when you meet someone and truly fall in love you fall in love with them as a whole. This means falling in love with who they were in the past, who they are in the present, and who they could potentially be in the future. What I find common, at least for people my age (24 as of now), is that in young relationships people often lose track of the last part --- who they will become. We lose a sense of who we are as an individual because we are commiting a large part of our life to the other person and, on some levels, this is to be expected. The problem is we can't give up who we want to be just because we are happy in the now. We owe it to ourselves as well as our partner to become everything we once dreamed of becoming and only then can we really be ready to settle down and be happy for good.

 

To summarize everything -- NC works miracles. Focus on yourself because now that your are alone, you are all that should matter to you. Take advantage of being single to reflect, learn, and improve who you are at your core. Let go of the past because it is over with; enjoy your fond memories and look forward to making other great memories knowing that if you ever reconcile with your ex or meet someone new then all of these will just be more great memories and experiences that you can whole heartedly share with someone close to you. And in my opinion this is the most important of all, I know everyone says to grow and improve upon who you are by learning new things & trying new hobbies --- all of that is true, but to me the most important thing is that if you really take the time get to know yourself and look within then you will realize that you have goals and dreams all of your own that do not involve your ex that, more than likely, you had put on the back burner while in the relationship. Get those dreams back, chase those goals, whether it be to become rich or travel the world and meet new people you NEED to do those things for YOU because only YOU will be able to take yourself to a place in life where YOU can be ready to give your all to somebody else --- and to me that is the only time marriages will ever be successful, when both are happy enough with what they have done in life that they can be happy with whatever comes next.

 

Chin up folks who have had their heart broken, time will heal all. Enjoy every moment of life to the best of your ability and you will never regret it. I am fine moving forward with my life as I had done before and I have no problem doing that with keeping my ex close to my heart (cheesy I know), but it does require a strong sense of self-strength. And in case you didn't get the hint from this long post, yes, I can definitely see the ex and I getting back together for good in the future so long as we meet again when our lives are open to accept the other back in (such as both being single) and we are both at a more permanent stage of life.