isn Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 My wife never admitted to any responsiblity in any of the fights we used to have. Now she is not admitting to any fault in the break up of our marriage. She is finally seeing a counsellor, but the hints I have got are telling me she is going in there and being the victim. I worked so hard over the last few months to get myself to a better point. I right away worked on the things I did wrong and I am still willing to admit my faults. She sent me an email, and said things that are very true. About how she felt when we were together. I take full responsibility for my actions. But where are her mistakes. Why is it always me? Her family thinks I am a monster, in fact they have said this to me? She is even twisting the past around to justify the break up. I am really messed up, because I can only take the blame for so long. My mind is turning into mush. I have always been hard on myself in life, and this is just pushing me over the edge. She made mistakes too, why is she so blind to that? Why are those around her so blind to this? Link to comment
rivercitystein Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 You can't control whether or not she takes responsibility for her mistakes. All you can do is take responsibility for yours and learn from them. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Right now she is playing the victim role and you are the bad guy. She can't see that she did anything wrong because she's blaming you. Only SHE can own up to her mistakes, and you are not responsible for the actions of others. Just your reaction. Try to change your reaction to your wife's behavior. Link to comment
isn Posted March 21, 2009 Author Share Posted March 21, 2009 Hi She lives a few hours away. There is LC. I have a chance to see her counsellor when he comes to my town next week. I dont know if I should. I can give him a different perspective, becuase who knows her best then her husband. Link to comment
isn Posted March 21, 2009 Author Share Posted March 21, 2009 You can't control whether or not she takes responsibility for her mistakes. All you can do is take responsibility for yours and learn from them. I have learned so much. I am a very different person then the one she left. Others around me know this, but she cant see that over email or phone. I have no hope left in me, because this has happened. I never do or say bad things about others, and now this is happening to me. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Hi She lives a few hours away. There is LC. I have a chance to see her counsellor when he comes to my town next week. I dont know if I should. I can give him a different perspective, becuase who knows her best then her husband. He may not see you because of a conflict of interest. You would also need her permission to discuss anything that was discussed during her therapy sessions. Would she give her permission? Link to comment
isn Posted March 21, 2009 Author Share Posted March 21, 2009 HI Well, he is both our counsellors. I have done phone sessions with him. She told him she does not want him to devulge details to me. However, he did say to me that any additional information I could give would be helpful. If anything it would give him another perspective. I mean this is the closest I have been able to get us to do counselling together. I have done my own counselling for a few months now. I just think if I talk with him, I can point out several things that will help him learn about what really has happened. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 HI Well, he is both our counsellors. I have done phone sessions with him. She told him she does not want him to devulge details to me. However, he did say to me that any additional information I could give would be helpful. If anything it would give him another perspective. I mean this is the closest I have been able to get us to do counselling together. I have done my own counselling for a few months now. I just think if I talk with him, I can point out several things that will help him learn about what really has happened. Then by all means do it. Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 More detail needed, but in my experience, people who play the victim well usually have lots of fault in things also, "She doth protest too much," as it were. It happens, but is rarely the case that a breakup is all one party's fault. Link to comment
isn Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 We had our share of fights. I really think I had a big role in it then she did. But at the same time she did have faults. She was raised being the princess who is better then everyone else. There were no stresses or bad parts of life when during this time. Well, fast forward to reality and marriage, we had stresses and other problems. I really think she is very immature and that is what everyone else has told me as well. Here is an example that can sum it up? A few months ago, she spoke on the phone to my counsellor. Then we talked for an hour. She ended the call by saying "xxxx, you have given me a lot to think about"...so here I am thinking, ok maybe there is hope. She calls me back twenty minutes later to say the marriage wont work.... Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 She was raised being the princess who is better then everyone else. There were no stresses or bad parts of life when during this time. Well, fast forward to reality and marriage, we had stresses and other problems. Have had tons of experience with this. Thankfully this way of raising females is fading out, yet still persists. You really don't want to go through life with someone who has always been pampered and catered to, when the going gets tough, they will crack easily, and blame you for not providing them with their every desire and whim, though it will not come out this way, as they are expert at rationalizing. These types are also expert at manipulating men into believing they don't measure up in some way, but when scrutinized, it's their attitudes and unrealistic expectations of life that don't measure up. Link to comment
isn Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 thanks...i totally agree...but will her counsellor know that. How can I point this out to him when we talk? I can see the goodness and the person that she is but when her family babies her and lets her be the victim, its all lost. Link to comment
servedcold Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Consider working on yourself during your counseling time, don't worry about pointing out her flaws, it's your time to work on your issues. Let her be the finger pointer, your willingness to work on your own issues will be a statement of its own. Link to comment
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