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im in a really bad place right now. my latest ex decided to make plans with me for valentines day, but then stop talking to me the wednesday before...thus completely blowing me off. he still hasnt talked to me, not one call, email, or text. i know its over, and i know its not worth thinking about or being upset about anymore, but since he never talked to me i feel like i can never get closure...and im not sure what to do.

 

the kicker to all this is my "best friend" who ive known for 8 years now has a new girlfriend as of this week. this would not be a big deal or a problem, except that she hates me, probably for the simple fact that im a girl, and so im an apparent threat...so, to make her happy, he is no longer talking to me either.

 

i feel like i have nothing now. i cant believe that 2 of the people that i trusted most could screw me over so easily and willingly, and completely not care. one thing i always had was hope. hope that things would work out, hope that things could always get better, but...i lost it. after getting screwed over, and taken for granted, and taken advantage of so many times, and for so long, i just. dont care anymore. and that really hurts.

 

i feel like giving up...but i know i shouldnt. i dont know what to do or what will help.

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Have you tried talking to your best friend about it? Maybe he just isn't noticing how he is hurting you for no reason at all and is just too involved with this new girl.

 

Try to make new friends...or to build a deeper friendship with your not-so-close friends. Get pretty and go out...the guys' attentions will make you feel a little better, believe me. I know you're hurting but you can't give up...moving on is all about willpower!

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Ewww. Call me flakey or metaphysical or whatever, and grieve what you must, but this looks like a classic case of Big Transformation Time for you. You know, the old saying, "when one door closes, another opens..." That kind of scenario happens all the time, except most people hardly notice the connections because these usually come through one small window exchange at a time leading to eventual change. Your scenario is two big caverns clearing out at the same time. That's a whopper. It could be very, very good.

 

Not trying to trivialize your pain, and my heart goes out to you. Change can be painful, but awareness can make it less so. If you view this as an opening to take a huge leap forward instead of only focusing on your losses, you might find yourself excited and open instead of hurt and closed. That can make a big difference in your next steps.

 

Consider that we're probably each meant for someone, and odds are against matching up with that person without first trying to assign that role some wrong people. The wrong person will not own the capacity to view you through the correct lens. So when someone rejects you, it means they have limited vision about you. People don't reject 'you'--few will ever really know you. That doesn't make them bad, just not right for you. With chemistry we can understand, either we've got it, or we don't. Well, same is true of sharing an inner vision with someone. All the pretzels in the world won't change that. It'll just be there whether you're on your best behavior, or not.

 

This is where knowing yourself is important, and this time of solitude is your opportunity to bolster yourself rather than tear yourself down. Once you go there, you won't associate security with friends or lovers, you'll already have it in yourself. Your course changes to matching up with the right person--not 'any' person. You'll settle for nobody BUT someone who sees you with the same vision. The one who gets you. Everyone else will be compelled to exit for one reason or another. So whenever people dramatize an exit they're missing the point. It's not about you or them or whatever small stuff prompts that exit--it's about the match. You'll want wrong matches to pass early.

 

You don't need to plot a future course right now. Every baby step forward will lead you to the next and teach you things you couldn't have known until you went there. Loving others well is a reflection of how you view yourself. So when you're insecure, work backwards. Give yourself a bigger mission than seeking proof of your own love-worthiness. Teach yourself your own capacity to love, whether others are capable of giving it back, or not. If that sounds like a lot of work, it's deceptively not--it's less challenging than trying to figure out how to muster up your best generosity for one person. Extending love to many rather than one makes it your default position--it frees the mind and builds new pathways in the brain. Sort of like building all the right supporting muscles to make a physical habit effortless. The rewards will prove themselves in ways you can only imagine--and they are gifts you can give to your Self.

 

In your corner.

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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