Emotionally Paralyzed Empath

[ramsickle1369]

I don't know, it might make it harder.

 

Could you IMAGINE the tears!??? OMG

[EQD]

Read the definition I've posted twice now or look it up. And there are MANY people who are not empathetic. They are simply SYMpathetic. Research the differences. I'm not here to do it for you.

 

HAHAHAHAHA!!

good times. nevermind.

[summerpeach]

I don't know, it might make it harder.

 

my ex is not empathetic or sympathetic

 

I was cleaning out the litter box before and thinking of how a yr ago when I was SO sick when first diagnosed with Lupus, I asked him to clean the litter because the bacteria and smell were a threat to my health at the time and he replied "I don't do litter"

 

yet he would take the day off of work to take me to a doc's appoint.

 

Hmmmm! Go figure!

[NJRon]

Well.. that's just bizarre... empathy or not.

[EQD]

Empathy- the ability to identify with and understand somebody else's feelings or difficulties

 

Sympathy- the ability to enter into, understand, or share somebody else's feelings

[ramsickle1369]

my ex is not empathetic or sympathetic

 

I was cleaning out the litter box before and thinking of how a yr ago when I was SO sick when first diagnosed with Lupus, I asked him to clean the litter because the bacteria and smell were a threat to my health at the time and he replied "I don't do litter"

 

yet he would take the day off of work to take me to a doc's appoint.

 

Hmmmm! Go figure!

 

That just sounds immature. I don't think it has anything to do with empathy or sympathy...

[ramsickle1369]

Empathy- the ability to identify with and understand somebody else's feelings or difficulties

 

Sympathy- the ability to enter into, understand, or share somebody else's feelings

 

Curious... where did you get these definitions? They are both rather vague.

 

em⋅pa⋅thy   /ˈɛmpəθi/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [em-puh-thee] Show IPA Pronunciation

 

–noun 1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.

SOURCE: link removed

 

sym⋅pa⋅thy   /ˈsɪmpəθi/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [sim-puh-thee] Show IPA Pronunciation

noun, plural -thies, adjective

–noun 1. harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.

2. the harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.

3. the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, esp. in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.

4. sympathies, a. feelings or impulses of compassion.

b. feelings of favor, support, or loyalty: It's hard to tell where your sympathies lie.

 

5. favorable or approving accord; favor or approval: He viewed the plan with sympathy and publicly backed it.

6. agreement, consonance, or accord.

7. Psychology. a relationship between persons in which the condition of one induces a parallel or reciprocal condition in another.

8. Physiology. the relation between parts or organs whereby a condition or disorder of one part induces some effect in another.

–adjective 9. expressing sympathy: a sympathy card; a sympathy vote.

SOURCE: link removed

 

I think the most important difference is the word "viacrious" meaning to completely identify with, not just understand.

[EQD]

now i am lost. apparently there is a difference between indetifying and understanding?

[melrich]

They are two different words and have different meanings. Let's not get into an argument about whether black is white or white is black and take what has been an interesting discussion OT.

[ramsickle1369]

They are two different words and have different meanings. Let's not get into an argument about whether black is white or white is black and take what has been an interesting discussion OT.

 

I don't think anyone was arguing, were they? Also, what's OT? Overtime?

[NJRon]

So, on my ride home, this little discussion had me thinking some things. I was running through the times that I was so overcome with empathy that I couldn't do anything about it... as to your original post (not OT... Off Topic )

 

This got me thinking about the difference between sympathy and empathy (which was mentioned but I had never really thought about it). I notice that there are some things that I feel sympathy for... but not true empathy. There are some things that I feel true empathy for... The former allows me the luxury of distance (or objectivity)... the latter often leaves me feeling sick to my stomach (or, more rarely, elated).

 

I'd like to thank you for the interesting topic. I feel like it has given me a lot of things to think on.

[ramsickle1369]

So, on my ride home, this little discussion had me thinking some things. I was running through the times that I was so overcome with empathy that I couldn't do anything about it... as to your original post (not OT... Off Topic )

 

This got me thinking about the difference between sympathy and empathy (which was mentioned but I had never really thought about it). I notice that there are some things that I feel sympathy for... but not true empathy. There are some things that I feel true empathy for... The former allows me the luxury of distance (or objectivity)... the latter often leaves me feeling sick to my stomach (or, more rarely, elated).

 

I'd like to thank you for the interesting topic. I feel like it has given me a lot of things to think on.

 

NJ--you hit the nail on the head. Objectivity. I rarely feel objective about anything emotional, unless of course, it's someone ELSE's emotions. When it's a job-related activity, I am far more likely to be objective.

[deaxtime2]

i got 66 on the test....

[chigal28]

Good grief, I got a 70. That just seems ridiculous...but it resonates.

 

My husband tells me I worry way too much, and I feel way too deeply about many things--I just can't let anything go.

 

When those Sarah McLachlan/shelter-pound animal commercials come on, I have to change the channel, or mute the television and look elsewhere. Otherwise, those faces literally hurt my heart, and I cry. Seeing other people in pain, or even just in conflict (yes, on something as stupid as reality TV) makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable.

[chigal28]

I wonder to what extent empath-ism is related to intuitiveness? I am VERY reliant on my intuition to make decisions, and they rarely steer me wrong. I also am very good at picking up on the vibes of a person, or even a situation. When friends have told me they've interviewed for a job, even if they are one of many candidates, if I sense a "good feeling" about the job for them, I let them know--and I have yet to be wrong. Same with people...I can suss them out VERY quickly, and again, have been wrong maybe a handful of times in my life--for good, not bad.

[ramsickle1369]

I wonder to what extent empath-ism is related to intuitiveness? I am VERY reliant on my intuition to make decisions, and they rarely steer me wrong. I also am very good at picking up on the vibes of a person, or even a situation. When friends have told me they've interviewed for a job, even if they are one of many candidates, if I sense a "good feeling" about the job for them, I let them know--and I have yet to be wrong. Same with people...I can suss them out VERY quickly, and again, have been wrong maybe a handful of times in my life--for good, not bad.

 

My guess is they are very strongly linked. I have learned the past few years to rely heavily on my intuition. I think the empathy helps it.

[deaxtime2]

I don't see it as psychic hotline, cosmos, lets pull out the tarot card ability. Has anyone else laughed at those "body language" books and how wrong they are? The ones that are "Johnny has his arms crossed, this means he is defensive, April hands are open this means she is open to new ideas"

[yellow_sweater]

I used to fit the patterns that everyone is describing... when I was younger (in my teens and early twenties).

 

Then Buddhism became part of this existence for me. I no longer feel that my emotions control me.

 

I don't feel comfortable sharing more, because I know this forum has a no politics/ no religion policy, and that needs to be respected. I will share some components of Buddhist philosophy (not religion) that helped me to put my emotions, my sensitivity, and my empathy into perspective.

 

1) Everyone has a storyline. It's the mental soundtrack that's constantly playing in the back of your mind. When someone does something to you, VERY RARELY is it a reflection of YOU. Instead, it is a reflection of what THEY are seeing, thinking, and feeling. Not REALITY. Literally, nothing is personal.

 

2) Through meditation and awareness, we learn to a) distinguish between reality and mental chatter, and b) let go of the mental chatter and be present with reality.

 

3) Once you stop your commentary on "I'm lonely; this shouldn't be this way; why did he do that to me; what if I move like this, will I be more comfortable; it's too hot/ cold/ stuffy/ smelly/ dirty/ windy in here; what should I do tomorrow/ next week/ next month/ next year" you realize how... well, how perfect the world is. Not perfect as in good, but perfect because it is exactly what it is.

 

Suddenly things are in perspective. Your emotions are no longer the center of the universe. In fact, you start to no longer see YOURSELF as the center of your universe. You see/ sense that you are plugged into every one else. It is much easier to let go of your own ego and feel empathy for others. This is empowering, not paralyzing.

 

I hope these words mean something to you. Best wishes

YS

[yellow_sweater]

Your score: 66

0 - 32 = low (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score about 20)

33 - 52 = average (most women score about 47 and most men score about 42)

53 - 63 is above average

64 - 80 is very high

80 is maximum

 

Female

 

--

 

That quiz was really interesting. Thank you for sharing it!

YS

[summerpeach]

Good grief, I got a 70. That just seems ridiculous...but it resonates.

 

My husband tells me I worry way too much, and I feel way too deeply about many things--I just can't let anything go.

 

When those Sarah McLachlan/shelter-pound animal commercials come on, I have to change the channel, or mute the television and look elsewhere. Otherwise, those faces literally hurt my heart, and I cry. Seeing other people in pain, or even just in conflict (yes, on something as stupid as reality TV) makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable.

 

I AM SO Glad this thread is still going

 

I also cannot watch those commercials or anything related to animal abuse.

I'm also a worry wart and can't let anything go!

[summerpeach]

great post and thank you also for sharing this.

 

I've a few books by the Dalai Lama where he discussed a few of the things you mention here.

It's sort of like the law of attaction as well.

 

It's great that you were able to contol your emotions more but I would wonder, is that supressing yourself?

[summerpeach]

I also wonder if relationships can ever really work with being this sensitive?!

 

Every relationship I've had, I felt SO frustrated that the guy was not more sensitive or more in tune.

I love song lyrics and music and my ex's could care less about music. I love to express myself and share who I am and they never would. And I wonder why I would be with men I just could not spiritually or emotionally connect with.

 

Do I need to be less sensitive in order to ever have a fullfilling r/s or do I need to find someone as sensitive?

Or would I want to kill someone as sensitive as me?...haha

[yellow_sweater]

It's great that you were able to contol your emotions more but I would wonder, is that supressing yourself?

 

Great question! No, this is not about controlling my emotions, per se. It's very, very difficult to control ANYTHING in this world. It's not suppressing my emotions, nor myself.

 

Instead, it allows me to see my emotions for exactly what they are: just emotions. They exist, for sure. They are happy, and sad, and jealous, angry, tired, cranky, giddy, and flirty. But that's all. They're not reality.

 

If anything, understanding and respecting them for what they are has allowed me to be even more emotionally free. Instead of projecting my own reality, my own emotions, into every situation, I can be totally honest. If I'm sad, I cry. If I'm happy, I laugh. If I love, I do so and say so. If I'm angry, I express my anger respectfully and ask for an apology. Then the emotion happens and passes on... I don't need to hold on to it anymore. I don't need to use emotion to understand the world. I feel like I am learning to see reality for what it actually is, not what I feel it is.

 

Not sure if that makes sense or not... letting go in all ways is particularly important. This stuff is hard to describe, and I am not a teacher of these philosophies by any means!

 

I hope that helps.

YS

[waveseer]

There is a slightly detached perspective required for me to "watch my emotions pass through" instead of being consumed by them. Good practice is meditation where I learned to "watch my thoughts pass through" without trying to hang onto them.

[yellow_sweater]

Every relationship I've had, I felt SO frustrated that the guy was not more sensitive or more in tune.

I love song lyrics and music and my ex's could care less about music. I love to express myself and share who I am and they never would. And I wonder why I would be with men I just could not spiritually or emotionally connect with.

 

I would like to point out that, for me, this is not empathy (I know that the difference between an empath, or a person who is very sensitive, and empathy was discussed earlier in this thread).

 

Empathy is saying to my less-sensitive, less-attuned, less-empathetic partner: you express your emotions differently than I do. I respect you, your emotions, and how you express them. Since I am blessed to have good intuition and attuned empathy, I promise to use my blessing not to belittle you for not "living up to my standards," but to understand you better and to bring us closer.

 

Do I need to be less sensitive in order to ever have a fullfilling r/s or do I need to find someone as sensitive?

Or would I want to kill someone as sensitive as me?...haha

 

There is another alternative: you can be exactly as sensitive as you are, learn to work with your personality by letting go, and thereby put yourself in a position where you could have a successful relationship with someone less, more, or equally sensitive as you.

 

What do you think? Just some food for thought...

YS