Emotionally Paralyzed Empath

[ramsickle1369]

YS... VERY interesting. I am taking these ideas to bed with me tonight and will probably do some journaling. That has always been my relsease. It helps me digest them, feel them and let them go. In essense, I find a rational way to handle them. I always feel better after journaling.

 

Thank you all. I didn't think anyone would even know what I am talking about and this has been truly enlightening.

[summerpeach]

This makes a ton of sense.

 

I can feel your peace just in how you express yourself. You've done some major soul searching and it shows.

 

I connect to everything you said here and need to learn how to control (or not control) my emotions to the point that is destroys my life.

 

Please keep sharing your insight here. Love it!

 

 

oh and p.s. Everyone is someone's teacher ;-)

[summerpeach]

 

Empathy is saying to my less-sensitive, less-attuned, less-empathetic partner: you express your emotions differently than I do. I respect you, your emotions, and how you express them. Since I am blessed to have good intuition and attuned empathy, I promise to use my blessing not to belittle you for not "living up to my standards," but to understand you better and to bring us closer.

 

There is another alternative: you can be exactly as sensitive as you are, learn to work with your personality by letting go, and thereby put yourself in a position where you could have a successful relationship with someone less, more, or equally sensitive as you.

 

What do you think? Just some food for thought...

YS

 

That is total zen and would love to format my life this way, but i wonder if I am too angry or too selfish or too needy to do this.

 

Letting go is so hard when you're feeling hurt by someone who is just not getting it.

 

Have you be able to do this? If so, have the results been favorable?

[summerpeach]

YS... VERY interesting. I am taking these ideas to bed with me tonight and will probably do some journaling. That has always been my relsease. It helps me digest them, feel them and let them go. In essense, I find a rational way to handle them. I always feel better after journaling.

 

Thank you all. I didn't think anyone would even know what I am talking about and this has been truly enlightening.

 

Journaling has saved my sanity as well. I have journals from 25 yrs ago. Is that crazy?! I'm so glad you started this thread! Best thread ever!

 

I was also thinking a few times during the night about this thread and this topic.

 

I have lupus and some other health issues like panic attacks. I've suffered panic attacks since I was 19. I wonder how many other people who have high empathy also suffer panic and or illnesses.

 

Since being ill, I'm changing careers in that I decided to take courses to get my naturopathic degree, and what I've learned thus far is how illness penetrates everyone, but those with stronger mental characters are less affected.

 

Does anyone here have panic and or illness or ever had?

 

I also wonder what other character traits will all share!?

[yellow_sweater]

That is total zen and would love to format my life this way, but i wonder if I am too angry or too selfish or too needy to do this.

 

Letting go is so hard when you're feeling hurt by someone who is just not getting it.

 

Have you be able to do this? If so, have the results been favorable?

 

(((HUGS)))

 

I know. Life is sometimes so cruel, isn't it? We keep getting hurt. After a while, it's easy to see ourselves as fatally flawed. And that type of thinking hurts us even more.

 

Yes, I have been able to let go. I'll talk about my relationship with my father a bit. My father isn't the most touchy-feely type guy. He rarely told my sister and I that he loved us. He wasn't particularly interested in the minutia of our daily lives as children and wasn't particularly interested in playing with us. Certainly not a bad father, but not the most available. Of course, as little girls, my sister and I would do everything we could to try to get his attention. Sometimes I wonder if my degrees and resume are a reflection of that!

 

Anyway, I remember an incident when I was in my late teens. My father and I were traveling somewhere, and he got very angry at someone in an airport. I tried to calm him down, but he just got more angry. I got so upset that he couldn't SEE that his anger was hurting ME. I stomped off and cried in a corner for a while. It sounds trivial to recount now, but I was so hurt by his actions to someone else.

 

True empathy starts to dismantle the boundary between "you" and "me." As I allowed my heart to open up--instead of holding on to my emotions--I am able to understand my father more and more. I understand HIS childhood now, I understand what happened to make him who he is. I don't hold it against him, and I don't take it as a reflection on me as a daughter, if he gets angry or does something I don't like. By letting go of holding on so tightly to my emotional reactions, I've given myself (and him) a little space to just accept each other, flaws and all.

 

These days, sometimes, when we're finishing our phone conversations, we say "I love you." I know he's never going to be the perfect father, but I can FEEL/SENSE how darn hard he tries, even though he still "messes up" (from my point of view).

 

By being really in touch with your soft spots, you become a lot more tolerant of other people's shortcomings (according to your own perception). I think it's because you realize that it's all just perception: how you think of yourself, how you think of other people. And you realize that other people, every single person in fact, has their OWN storyline. One of the most profound proverbs I've ever heard is paraphrased from The Four Agreements: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others [because you realize that it is just a projection of their OWN reality], you won't be the victim of needless suffering. [Going one step farther, you realize that your own viewpoint is just that--just a viewpoint.]

 

How do you learn to accept or "see" reality, instead of your own viewpoint? The Buddhist's answer is meditation. The practice of tonglen, which is one type of meditation, is a Buddhist practice of empathy, for yourself and others. You can find more information about both elsewhere.

 

I would strongly recommend writings by Pema Chodron if you are looking for wise words on this subject (learning to accept your soft spots). Her teachings mean a lot to me.

 

I hope you are doing well today!

With love

YS

[yellow_sweater]

Journaling has saved my sanity as well. I have journals from 25 yrs ago. Is that crazy?! I'm so glad you started this thread! Best thread ever!

 

I started journaling around the time I was first able to hold a marker--around age 2-3. My first "book" is a book of scribbles, printed words like "MOMMY" and "DADDY," and pictures that my parents and grandparents drew in my book.

 

Several decades later, I am now close to my twentieth volume. I'm not exactly sure how many there are!

 

I have lupus and some other health issues like panic attacks. I've suffered panic attacks since I was 19. I wonder how many other people who have high empathy also suffer panic and or illnesses.

 

Since being ill, I'm changing careers in that I decided to take courses to get my naturopathic degree, and what I've learned thus far is how illness penetrates everyone, but those with stronger mental characters are less affected.

 

Does anyone here have panic and or illness or ever had?

 

(((MORE HUGS)))

 

Oh dear, lupus is not fun. How are you managing these days? Are you still experiencing panic? I hope you are doing ok!

 

I was hospitalized for mental health issues while I was in college. I'm also in recovery from an eating disorder.

 

Have you read Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom? If you are studying naturopathic healing, I would STRONGLY recommend it!!! It discusses the connection between our mental/emotional/spiritual selves and our physical selves from a woman's perspective. There are chapters on everything from menstruation and childbirth to general health to heart health and so on. An amazing reference... a "must have" for anyone involved in healing or working with women!

 

YS

[summerpeach]

I've not read that but I will check it out. I'm suffering from my own "women" issues now so it sounds like it would be a great read for me.

 

My lupus is up and down. I'm getting better slowly w/out medication. I'm strictly taking care of myself with proper diet, lifting weights and herbs and suppliments.

My anxiety, well it's still there but much better than a yr ago when I first had to stop working b/c I was way too sick

I'm actually going to return to work in a week or two (Hopefully).

 

It's interesting you had mental issues along with the eating disorder.

I would be SO curious if others with mental issues would get a high score on thes epathy test.

 

Are you ok now?

 

I put this test on my fitness sight and the most of the men got VERY low scores and two of the men who got the lowest scores are hunters.

 

I hope I can come to this point of what you expressed here

 

By being really in touch with your soft spots, you become a lot more tolerant of other people's shortcomings (according to your own perception). I think it's because you realize that it's all just perception: how you think of yourself, how you think of other people. And you realize that other people, every single person in fact, has their OWN storyline. One of the most profound proverbs I've ever heard is paraphrased from The Four Agreements: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you ar"e immune to the opinions and actions of others [because you realize that it is just a projection of their OWN reality], you won't be the victim of needless suffering. [Going one step farther, you realize that your own viewpoint is just that--just a viewpoint.][/i]

Also very interesting about your Dad.

 

I love your posts and your sharing of all your insight. You make me want to be a better more peaceful person.

 

I will also check Pema Chodron out. Thanks for all this great info.

[scorpio47]

How are you learning to deal with it if not thru therapy?

 

Because of so many experiences of women being frustrated with me, knowing I have great depth of emotion and sensitivity, and able to read them easily, but not being able to express how I feel. I've been left many times because of this, so it was a case of "sink or swim"...so if you can learn to do it without that kind of pain, that would be best.

[summerpeach]

Here is a happy story for my sensitive friends

 

This happened in Canada. Us Canadidans ROCK

 

I bet you these people scored high on the empathy scale

 

 

 

16-year-old wades into frigid waters to help animal

 

Becky Rynor, Canwest News Service

Published: Thursday, February 19, 2009

 

 

 

 

 

A group of local men braved dangerous broken ice and frigid waters in a fibreglass speedboat to rescue a pod of dolphins and help them back to open water, the mayor of Seal Cove, N.L., said Thursday.

 

"We didn't get any response from [the Department of Fisheries and Oceans]. It takes so long to get things done when you go through government departments," said Mayor Winston May. "So, some local guys decided to put out their small speedboat and put on their survival suits, and didn't they put a channel through the water to where the dolphins was at."

 

The dolphins had been stranded by a slab of ice since Sunday in White Bay off the coast of Seal Cove, a village of about 400 people. A chunk of ice was rapidly closing in around the mammals and threatening to suffocate them.

 

"You'd hear them crying, every night," said one of the men in the boat, Rodney Rice, 39. "I went down there last night and you could hear them trying to break up more ice. . . . They wouldn't have lasted another day."

 

Mr. May said it took the four men about three hours to break a channel in the ice with their boat, and one - Brandon Banks, 16 - got into the water and helped calm one of the dolphins weakened by the ordeal so they could tow it to open water.

 

"I had a floater suit on," said Mr. Banks, "And they would come up and rest their head on me and I would keep their head out of the water so they can breathe through their blowhole."

 

Mr. May said the men carved a channel by ramming the five-metre fibreglass-hulled boat up onto the ice, then jumping out and onto the ice to hack away at it. He said it took them three hours before they had a path from the main body of water to the pool of slush and water where the dolphins were trapped, a distance of about 250 metres, he said.

 

"One of the dolphins was really weak, and one of the young guys who had a survival suit on got into the water with it and stayed with it, and the dolphin just kind of wrapped his fins around him. . . . It was amazing."

 

He said two of the dolphins made for the open water, while the third, weaker one "they had to give some help," Mr. May said. "They put a harness around it and gradually took it out to the main body of water. . . . And local boys done it."

 

Mr. May said they were at the point where something had to be done to save the dolphins.

 

"The mammals were getting so weak, if somebody didn't do something in the next 12 to 48 hours, they would have died."

 

Mr. May acknowledges what the men did was "pretty dangerous. It was pretty scary . . . but I guess they felt that somebody had to help."

 

Lydia Banks is the mother of 16-year-old Brandon, the youth who went into the water in a survival suit to help the weakest of the pod.

 

"I'm proud of him. It was good what he done," she said. "Before, everybody was saying somebody's got to get out there and help them. So they took action."

 

She said her son told her the dolphins "had cuts on them everywhere where they were beating themselves up on the ice."

 

The dolphins were initially frightened by the boat and the men, but after a few minutes, "the mammals were so friendly once they got to know the boat. The two just followed the boat right out to open water," May said.

 

"It's a beautiful ending. It's been an emotional last few days," he said. "The one was really weak, but even he swimmed away. Once they get out to open water, they'll get food and we'll just pray and hope that nature will look after them."

[deaxtime2]

That is a lovely story. I was thinking today on the way home, has anyone else noticed people have a very hard time lying to you? Either they lie and you can tell it is a lie, and you don't say anything and they come back later and say sorry I was lying, or they just tell you I can't lie you. Is this part of the empath aura as well?

[waveseer]

Usually they can tell I know they're lying and they just stop. Only the most polished liars try to cover it with another lie.

[yellow_sweater]

Usually they can tell I know they're lying and they just stop. Only the most polished liars try to cover it with another lie.

 

Uh, wow. Exactly.

 

I remember one time, before my ex and I were dating exclusively, that I sent him a text message. He didn't get back to me until the following morning, and he said that his phone was dead. There was just... something about the way he said it that made me think, "NO IT WASN'T." I mean, it was a totally legit excuse, and when I asked some of my girlfriends about it, they were like, "You really need to trust him." But I just knew that it wasn't the truth, even though I had absolutely NO reason to think otherwise.

 

During the conversation in which I was breaking up with him I asked him whether he was telling the truth, or whether he was spending an evening with the girl he dated before me.

 

Sure enough...

[waveseer]

Uh, wow. Exactly.

 

I remember one time, before my ex and I were dating exclusively, that I sent him a text message. He didn't get back to me until the following morning, and he said that his phone was dead. There was just... something about the way he said it that made me think, "NO IT WASN'T." I mean, it was a totally legit excuse, and when I asked some of my girlfriends about it, they were like, "You really need to trust him." But I just knew that it wasn't the truth, even though I had absolutely NO reason to think otherwise.

 

During the conversation in which I was breaking up with him I asked him whether he was telling the truth, or whether he was spending an evening with the girl he dated before me.

 

Sure enough...

 

I learned a long time ago to give people the opportunity to tell the truth and then to let the lies lay. The reason is that I have nothing to gain from letting the other person know that I know that they lied. Eventually I just lose enough trust to show either myself or them the door.

[deaxtime2]

Sorry to hear about that sweater. I just ended my relationship yesterday with my ladyfriend, cause I could tell was she still attached to her ex. She tried to hide it, but I just knew. When she asked me why I told her very gentle that I can tell she is not emotionally available at the moment. Today she text'd me and told me I was right, and that she was sorry. I told her there is nothing to be sorry about, I was not mad at her.

[chigal28]

I lived in Canada for 6 years as a child, and I am still completely in love with everything about Canada and Canadians!! Most especially the TV show "Due South" and ketchup chips. I am obsessed with finding and eating ketchup chips.

[ramsickle1369]

That is a lovely story. I was thinking today on the way home, has anyone else noticed people have a very hard time lying to you? Either they lie and you can tell it is a lie, and you don't say anything and they come back later and say sorry I was lying, or they just tell you I can't lie you. Is this part of the empath aura as well?

 

I ALWAYS know when someone is lying. And it's not just the typical "they look to the right" tactics. I just see thru it or it makes no sense what they say. Sometimes I call them on it, sometimes I just laugh about it. Other times it HURTS! Why can't people just be HONEST? It's disrespectful...

[waveseer]

I lived in Canada for 6 years as a child, and I am still completely in love with everything about Canada and Canadians!! Most especially the TV show "Due South" and ketchup chips. I am obsessed with finding and eating ketchup chips.

 

So, in order to help my mom cope with my father's passing I watched about 50 episodes of Due South with her. By the end I had empathetically adopted her crush on the main man even though he wasn't really my cup of tea! lol

[chigal28]

R2H--I'm sorry to hear about your father.

 

Paul Gross is not your cup of tea, eh? Now having watched 2.5 seasons of Due South with a neighbor, I have developed my very own huge crush on him. There's another show he's been in that we want to check out once we're done with Due South...it's called Slings and Arrows, and apparently he shows his...er...heinie...in a couple of episodes. Looking forward to that immensely!!

[waveseer]

Thanks chigal28, he was a good man.

[summerpeach]

I've not checked in here in a while............Hello all

 

YES AND YES again on being able to tell when people lie. It's like I get this little buzz feeling when I know someone is lying.

I was calling my ex out all the time and he was denying it.

I once said to him "you must think I'm a friggin psychic with how I always know you're lying"

 

he would still deny it!

 

Yes, there is def. a sixth sense that comes with being sensitive.

 

I HATE liars!!!!

 

And I am canada and used LOVE ketchup chips

[Seraphim]

Yikes, my score was 74.......I guess that means I should back off from people some to avoid my own meltdown.