VtecQueen Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 My ex and I broke up in October of 2008 and we didn't talk for a few months, he recently started calling me early Jan 2009. We talked and whatnot, but I found out he was still talking to the girl he cheated on me with. We dated for 4 years and she just stepped in when I wasn't around, so for all I care she can have him. But he's coming back with this "I need you in my life" stuff and it's getting to me.......................... I try to stand my ground and show him what he did wrong, but he insists on showing me what I did wrong in return. On going battle. So I'm going to start back NC. But what's the best way to go about it? Should I tell him "look we don't need to talk anymore", "I'm not talking to you anymore" or Should I not say anything to him at all, just block his emails and don't respond to anything he says? (I have already changed my cell phone number) Thanks!!! Link to comment
coolgirl Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Dont tell him anything just as you said. block his emails, dont respond to anything anymore and go straightly NC and try to heal and move on yourself. I dont think you would want to be in this kind of relationship anyway if he's not respecting you. Link to comment
Dubi Doo Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Just don't respond to any of his calls, text, or emails. If you insist on giving him a reason as to why you want him to leave you alone, hit him with something that will make him want to leave you alone...I would say: You may need me in your life, but I don't need you in my life, and you ruined any chance for me to think otherwise. I think it would be best if we didn't talk. Thanks." And then don't talk to him anymore. It's difficult I know, but you have to do what you have to do to ensure that your feelings don't get crushed again...=/ Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 The more you avoid drama, the more dignity you keep. Just stop responding to anything. He knows exactly what he did; never waste your time telling someone what they already know. In your corner. Link to comment
pushforward Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Take it from experience. Anything you say will cause more PAIN to you. You may feel a temporary relief from the hurt. It's best not to say anything at all and go NC. You don't need to explain yourself to him, he doesn't need to explain himself to you. It's best to cut it off and find closure from within. Anything he says will pull you back, you can only be pulled back if you allow yourself to. If you don't want anything to do with him, why tell him you don't want him in your life. To quote Nike, "Just do it". Come back and vent here when you feel weak. ENA has gotten me through 3 months of NC. Much better than day 1. =D Link to comment
Dubi Doo Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Take it from experience. Anything you say will cause more PAIN to you. You may feel a temporary relief from the hurt. It's best not to say anything at all and go NC. You don't need to explain yourself to him, he doesn't need to explain himself to you. It's best to cut it off and find closure from within. Anything he says will pull you back, you can only be pulled back if you allow yourself to. If you don't want anything to do with him, why tell him you don't want him in your life. To quote Nike, "Just do it". Come back and vent here when you feel weak. ENA has gotten me through 3 months of NC. Much better than day 1. =D I def agree with this, man. ENA is a great scapegoat from the pain, and full of some really good people, too. If you ever feel down, depressed, stressed...this is the place to go. Which is why I have been spending so much time on here lately. =) Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted January 24, 2009 Author Share Posted January 24, 2009 Thanks everyone for your great advice. I am really sure what I want to do now. I was on the fence a little bit but I am glad you guys made me realize the best thing to do, in order to heal. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 My way of starting NC is just to go cold turkey. No explanation. No warning. Nothing. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 Yep....I defintely say start cold turkey. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 To me, it would be most rude to start NC without ANY warning whatsover. I would probably leave a message or send an email saying it was best not to talk again and to find me again if wanted to retry relationship. No need to be rude (even if the other party was rude). Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 To me, it would be most rude to start NC without ANY warning whatsover. I would probably leave a message or send an email saying it was best not to talk again and to find me again if wanted to retry relationship. No need to be rude (even if the other party was rude). I think conceiving of it as rudeness is not necessary here because it makes it seem like the dumpee should feel guilty for wanting to go NC cold-turkey. I think if they will understand and I think even if they perceive it as rude at first, in time they will realize why it was necessary and realize it was actually the kindest thing to do. I guess in a way it is rude, but I think it's also worth it. I actually also think it's also sometimes perceived as rude in a way to tell the person you don't want to talk anymore. Either way...it's a lose-lose. I didn't warn my ex I was going NC and I doubt he cares. I just did not reply to his most recent e-mail and call because he did not ask any questions or request a reply of any sort. Even if he had, I would still not have replied. I don't feel any guilt whatsoever about it and I don't think it's rude but that's just me. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 To me, it would be most rude to start NC without ANY warning whatsover. I would probably leave a message or send an email saying it was best not to talk again and to find me again if wanted to retry relationship. No need to be rude (even if the other party was rude). Yeah, you wouldn't want to appear rude to someone who dumped you and hooked up with someone else... Please. Do really think Emily Post would advise anyone to contact someone to tell them you don't want contact? Your broken heart is your priority right now, and sticking your neck out for someone who demo's disloyalty to his current GF by messing around with your head just to keep you on-deck and feed his own ego is just plain unbrilliant. In your corner. Link to comment
Anyway Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 No need to be rude (even if the other party was rude). Yes, taking the high road is always great advice. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 Yes, taking the high road is always great advice. Agreed. The high road is a thousand times easier to take when you're not doing pretzels to needlessly rationalize reasons and ways to explain yourself to someone else. Love and respect on the high road are perfectly valid even when offered silently and from far away. Respect your Self, and others will follow. My best, Cat Link to comment
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