Finding it offensive...

[laisla]

those people are certainly not considerate. people do say very hurtful things at times.

[Binoo]

It's awful when girls act like that. You know what I hate also? When thin women brag and constantly point out how thin they are to EVERYONE and "oh, I pig out sooo much and I'm actually losing weight...*dumb giggle*". I work with a girl like this. I don't know why it irks me...but it does.

 

Some women are just too self conscious or too vain. Bleh.

 

It makes me happy knowing that you feel confident in your own skin. That is true beauty.

[hers]

So many guys like the junk in my trunk. I have had guys call my cellulite-filled thighs the sexiest thighs out there. Many of my exes couldn't get enough of my body. I still have hang ups though (notice I said "cellulite-filled"), but it doesn't mean I'm going to criticize myself to people.

 

I just look at myself and then look at others around me and be grateful for what I do have and for what I'm not. It's really very simple.

[JeckyllNHyde]

So many guys like the junk in my trunk. I have had guys call my cellulite-filled thighs the sexiest thighs out there. Many of my exes couldn't get enough of my body. I still have hang ups though (notice I said "cellulite-filled"), but it doesn't mean I'm going to criticize myself to people.

 

I just look at myself and then look at others around me and be grateful for what I do have and for what I'm not. It's really very simple.

 

agreed.

 

some peope seem to not b able to just deal with it. they make a mountain out of a mole.

i've been guilty of it from time to time (when my jeans won't close or close with alot of diffculty maybe it's time to stop complaining out loud though. it's a reality check when i find myself saying "oh.. i need to lose the weight" and someone answers me with "what? your already thin!"

 

m realizing, some things are just better kept to yourself. instead of letting all ur insecurities hang out i guess. for other peoples sake.

[hers]

agreed.

 

some peope seem to not b able to just deal with it. they make a mountain out of a mole.

i've been guilty of it from time to time (when my jeans won't close or close with alot of diffculty maybe it's time to stop complaining out loud though. it's a reality check when i find myself saying "oh.. i need to lose the weight" and someone answers me with "what? your already thin!"

 

m realizing, some things are just better kept to yourself. instead of letting all ur insecurities hang out i guess. for other peoples sake.

 

That's the way I see it too. Why not break the mold that's out there adn show security instead of insecurity??

[kuiks8]

I would never EVER say anything like that about you Hers or Cairo...i think you are both beautiful inside and out...

but as a person who has struggled with my body since i was 15 and has dealt with eating disorders etc I struggle with how my body looks.

When I am saying I am fat or i think I am fat or I hate my body or whatever part of it i detest at that particular moment i am not saying anything against anyone else...

I am thinking about how hard it is to pass by a window and see my reflection, or how hard it is to sit on a chair and see my thighs smushed together or how i can feel my stomach over my pants.

I am wondering if anyone else is thinkng i am fat and noticing how ugly i look today...

 

Please know that there are some people out there that really do not see themselves as they truly are and will never be truly happy with how they look...sadly I am pretty sure I am one of those...but I think you are both beautiful...

 

I also wouldn't be so blatant as to start a thread saying everyone in my life says i am beautiful and perfect and my weight and measurements and body fat % all say i am underweight but i think i am fat...here's pics of me near naked...am i fat?!?!

 

just not my thing is all!

[jengh]

thanks, kuiks..

and YEAH... ugh, I try not to complain about it so much to people but I obsess about it on the inside--looking at my reflection, like you mentioned, wondering if anyone else is thinking how fat/ugly I look that day.

 

I used to be VERY thin... then, I developed this genetic disorder and put on a TON of weight and it just murdered my self-esteem. Gah.

[hers]

Sometimes when I go to a store where the dressing room has mirrors on each side, I just stare at my thighs (they're my least favorite part of me). I just thin it's so blah. Then I remember that I've had guys say that my thighs are sexy. I never see it. Of course we don't see beauty in many of our parts--we're attached to them 24/7. We are bound to think part of us are ugly. But at the same time, I try to be grateful and tell myself that at least they aren't bigger or something like that.

 

Then I see girls complain about their size when all I can think of is that I coudl kill for those legs.

[aname]

1. People often judge their own bodies based on what they're used to looking like. If you suddenly found yourself weighing 160, you might go "eww, what happened to me?" while another person your height, who was used to weighing 200 might be thrilled. We're used to our bodies being a certain shape. Any deviation from that in a way we don't like, we'll likely criticize. So if these women are used to weighing 110, it's perfectly understandable that they're disgruntled at 120.
    
   We tend to judge other people's bodies by different standards than our own (though we might not recognize this). We judge other people based on what we expect other people to look like. We also tend to be far less critical in our scrutiny of others than we are in our scrutiny of our selves. This isn't to say that we pretend to think other people look better compared to us. We often honestly believe this, because we look at them in a different, less critical way. So if someone is used to being 110, and now weighs 120, she might be perfectly genuine in both her criticism of her own body and her praise of yours.
   ,
   
2. As other people have said, some people honestly don't have realistic perceptions of their bodies. It's not just anorexics who can look at someone heavier than themselves and think that person thinner.
   ,
   
3. As somebody else noted, you also overlook differences in body type. Some people really do have bigger bone structures than others. (It is entirely possible for one person to be 5'4" 120lbs and overweight, and another person to be 5'4" 120lbs and emaciated looking.) Some people build muscle more readily than others (and since muscle weighs more than fat, could weigh more and yet look thinner). Different people carry their weight in different places. (Imagine yourself, ten pounds lighter, but carrying ALL of your weight in your stomach...)
   

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I'm a big woman and I don't usually hear girls saying that much around me. I have heard it a couple times though.

 

If I am having a good mental health day, then I realize that they are more than likely not thinking about me at all but only about themselves. If I'm not having a good mental health day, it might bother me for a second, then I tell myself I'm being ridiculous and let's just going on with our day, since obsessing over it will trigger my disease and make me want to eat more.

 

I'll tell ya, there's a place for every person of every shape and size in this world. That's what I've learned.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Sometimes when I go to a store where the dressing room has mirrors on each side, I just stare at my thighs (they're my least favorite part of me). I just thin it's so blah. Then I remember that I've had guys say that my thighs are sexy. I never see it. Of course we don't see beauty in many of our parts--we're attached to them 24/7. We are bound to think part of us are ugly. But at the same time, I try to be grateful and tell myself that at least they aren't bigger or something like that.

 

Then I see girls complain about their size when all I can think of is that I coudl kill for those legs.

 

I used to complain about my feet. They're large and wiiiiide. Ugh. My sponsor told me I had to come up with all the reasons why my feet are just fine as they are. That helped.

[hers]

Thanks for all this. It's one thing if the person recently gained weight and is thinking they are now a cow. that much I can understand, that they are genunine in talking about both themselves and me, but it's really a consideration thing (ie, don't say IM SO FAT in front of someone clearly larger than you are). I just think some insecurities are better left unsaid but worked out in our heads.

[hers]

I used to complain about my feet. They're large and wiiiiide. Ugh. My sponsor told me I had to come up with all the reasons why my feet are just fine as they are. That helped.

 

Ah a 12-stepper!! That's great.

 

My sponsor has suggested the same thing before, but nothing physical, just emotional things.

[aname]

I just think some insecurities are better left unsaid but worked out in our heads.

 

Yeah, I definitely agree. And a lot of the time it probably is just fishing for compliments... Just thought I'd point out that it wasn't necessarily that.

[hers]

Yeah, I definitely agree. And a lot of the time it probably is just fishing for compliments... Just thought I'd point out that it wasn't necessarily that.

 

Oh I know it.

I'm just having a depressed sort of night. I'm not usually like this. It'll pass. I know why i'm in this mood and I just wish I coudl get out of it.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Ah a 12-stepper!! That's great.

 

My sponsor has suggested the same thing before, but nothing physical, just emotional things.

 

Guilty. Seriously, it works for the physical too...changes your internal script.

[jengh]

Oh I know it.

I'm just having a depressed sort of night. I'm not usually like this. It'll pass. I know why i'm in this mood and I just wish I coudl get out of it.

 

let's be miserable together and eat our feelings, hmmm? I'll get the ice cream and you get the tub of butter.

[hers]

let's be miserable together and eat our feelings, hmmm? I'll get the ice cream and you get the tub of butter.

 

I'm out of French Bread. I ate it all for dinner.

[jengh]

bah. lame..

[Seraphim]

All this weight talk when I feel like sssssheeeeeeeeet about myself made me pull out a coke and drank the whole thing

[kuiks8]

i ate a whole pizza last night...sooo sad...

[hers]

All this weight talk when I feel like sssssheeeeeeeeet about myself made me pull out a coke and drank the whole thing

 

yup. same here, friend.

[Mythical_Suicide]

This whole weight thing is really making me depressed. *sigh*

[browneyedgirl36]

Awww...hersmudders...I totally feel you here. I've felt the same way.

 

I am either 5'2" or 5'3" (I'm not sure as I haven't been measured in a long time, but it's somewhere between the two) and about 148 pounds. Yes, I am overweight. Not as overweight as I once was (176 at my highest), but overweight nevertheless. I work out 4-5 times a week for 90 minutes, and I consider myself in reasonable shape (strength, muscle-tone and health-wise) despite the extra pounds. Many, many times I had to grit my teeth and keep my mouth shut when skinny girls would talk about how "fat" they were -- or worse, how AFRAID they were of being fat someday. Oh the humanity!

 

I had a roommate in college who was what I would consider "normal sized" -- height-weight proportionate -- and she lost about 20 pounds by exercising EVERY day -- riding her exercise bike vigourously for at least an hour and doing all sorts of other exercises -- and she would STILL whine about how "fat" she was. She was pretty obsessed with it, and would make remarks constantly about how she didn't want to ever be "fat." So, of course, seeing has how I was significantly bigger than her (particularly after she dropped all that weight when she didn't even need to), I felt like she was directing her comments at me, in a way. One time, I confronted her with it. I said, "You know, when you say stuff like that, it really gets to me, because what you're saying, in essense, is "I don't want to look like YOU." She got really defensive, of course, and said "That's not what I mean at ALL. I don't see you like that at all!" I didn't believe her, at first, but later I realized: She probably wasn't thinking of me as fat. She probably wasn't thinking of me at all! She was so focused on herself and her own insecurities to even NOTICE what was going on around her. As time went on, I started to realize that she was pretty self-absorbed -- that her appearance was her main focus, and that she had some deep-rooted insecurities about it.

 

Then, there's my teeny, tiny, size-2 sister. She never talks about being fat (thank God) but when she got married she said she was going to wear one of those tummy-flattening garments under her dress. "What for?" I asked. Deadly serious, she pointed to her non-existent "stomach" and said "THIS." I almost laughed my ass off! She didn't end up wearing the stupid thing. She didn't NEED it. Honestly, I wasn't offended at all. I thought it was pretty amusing. In the 15 or so years since my skinny roommate did her thing, I have gotten older, wiser, and kinder to myself. I will never be a stick. Do I care? Not anymore. Do I care if I look like a model from the Victoria's Secret catalog -- hahahahahaha --I actually giggle at the thought that it's even a remote possibility.

 

The point of this long, rambling post is -- Don't let other peoples' insecurities cause YOU to be insecure. Be YOU, and be kind to yourself.

 

For what it's worth, I've seen pictures of you, and no, you're not skinny, but who cares? You look healthy to me, and you look happy. To me, that's WAY more crucial than the size of your butt, or thighs, or what clothing size you wear. It took me YEARS to be able to say that to myself (I'm almost 40), but I finally realized it.

[browneyedgirl36]

It happens even on here. I just want to hit people and say MY GOD WOMAN, don't you know what you look liek? Jesus!

 

That's the thing, hersmudders. Some people KNOW what they look like, and are just trying to get compliments. Others truly DON'T know, and they have some pretty deep-seated body image issues. Neither of these is particularly healthy, and yeah, I can understand your frustration.