Married name

[waveseer]

I am never changing my name again. On the off chance that I marry again, if he wants me to take his name he can drive me around to all the places to get a new social security card, drivers license, the bank, etc... with the understanding that if we ever decide to split he will do it all again when my name reverts.

[Mythical_Suicide]

However they agree on..

 

I toyed with the idea of keeping my name and my fiance , while he wanted me to take his name was okay with my choice but now the closer it gets to my wedding I am leaning more towards taking his name. Also he plans on adopting my son and we will change my sons last name to his as well.

[Paranoid]

I have a few things to add on this topic. What if the woman is already established in her line of work...she's a doctor or scientist and has a practice or papers published, should she change her name? That's possibly the scenario that I'm getting myself in to. I want to change my name to whatever my future husband's name is, but if I publish papers under two different last names it would get confusing. I could use my name for work, and his name legally? Is that even possible?

 

And for the women who are willing to take the man's name because he's the last in the family...or women who want to keep their name because they are the last in the family line.....what do you care about a random bunch of letters for? The important things are passed down through the female, the genetic information...well some of it. DNA that is in your mitochondria (power houses of cells), is passed through the maternal line, so even if you DON'T keep your last name, you will live on longer than a last name would. Scientists can trace mtDNA back to where your ancestors probably came from. It's hard to trace last names back 200 years....mtDNA can trace it back 20,000+ years. So you got your mother's mtDNA, and your kids will get your mtDNA, and any female child will pass the same mtDNA down to her kids. All your kids have the same mtDNA as you, but only females can pass it down. This is nature's way of saying women rule.

[irishrimp]

I just got married and took my husband's last name very happily... it is a pretty annoying process though. However, I never realized how many places I had to change my name and address with.

[Batya33]

I have a multi-syllabic last name so I tried to date men with one syllable names so that just in case I wanted to hyphenate it wouldn't be impossible. And it was a success - his last name is 4 letters to my 11!

 

Here's what I did - because we want to have kids, I took his last name legally when we applied for the marriage license (because it's a hassle to change your last name after that). I continue to use my maiden name professionally. I do not like hyphenating but there will be times in social situations or when sending out emails from us to people who wouldn't otherwise know me (my last name is very unusual) that I will use my maiden name as a "middle" name -no hyphen.

 

I will say I am having a hard time getting used to it - I like his name very much but 42 years with the same name - and 15 plus years professionally -well, that's a big transition!

[jdtx]

I don't think it makes too much difference if no kids will be involved, but the idea is that it's supposed to be a "family name", not simply "his name". When kids come into the picture, what will their name be? I think hyphenating is just counter-productive and silly, and various people having various names is too. You want to be able to say "this is the X family", not the x, y, z family. A family is supposed to be a united bunch with common affiliation. Having more names than necessary just makes it sound fragmented and confusing, more like a law firm than kin.

 

As for who's name the family goes with ...well I'm often not much of a traditionalist, but this one seems to work pretty well. Plus, it makes it much easier to track a family tree when you don't have to deal with excessive name changing. I was greatly honored when my wife took my family's name, and for our daughter to have it (until she gets married I suppose). I hope to have a son someday to carry the name, otherwise it will be up to my brother.

 

Maybe a name is just a bunch of letters, but it has more meaning than that when you look at it from a lineage perspective. I like to be able to look at my family tree and see a long and clear succession of the same name. It's a recognized acknowledgement that you are linked in this greater chain. The blood will link you either way, but it won't be as obvious to others without a common name to go with it. So since it's more about recognition from others, I suppose it's about vanity and ego. Nothing wrong with a little ego stroking though. I felt a degree of pride to know that I had continued my family's name with the introduction of a new generation.

[Batya33]

But what about families where the parents are not married or are not permitted to be married?

[Circe]

My guy and I had the non-traditional argument over this.

 

He wanted me to keep my name because he thinks its beautiful and he doesnt want me to feel like I'm giving up my identity.

 

And I was (momentarily) miffed that he didn't feel honoured that I wanted to take his.

 

Post me getting over my miffed moment.. we decided we should share the same surname because it's a nice thing to share.. thought about him taking mine, hyphenating.. in the end - I'm taking his.

 

We both have funny surnames though.. you either hate or love mine. He thinks his is ugly but its his. He thinks mine is beautiful.. I disagree.. god that was a silly argument!

[george237]

My old boss and her husband settled the last name issue on a round of mini golf, he won. I would expect her to take my name.

[jengh]

I'm kind of fond of my last name... I think I'd have a hard time changing it to my theoretical husband's. Possibly I would hyphenate it.. don't know.

[CallingAllAngels]

If I were to marry my current BF, I would take his name. We are very serious, and I love him very much. It would be like making us "one".

[lady00]

I don't think I would change my name if I got married. I think it's just a personal preference thing. I don't want to. Not as of now anyway. But frankly, if I were in love with the man and it was that important to him and it was causing him distress, then yes, I would change my name.

[definitely_maybe]

the idea is that it's supposed to be a "family name", not simply "his name". .... You want to be able to say "this is the X family", not the x, y, z family. A family is supposed to be a united bunch with common affiliation. Having more names than necessary just makes it sound fragmented and confusing, more like a law firm than kin.

 

Well said.