Should I worry about the fight?

[mokajava]

My husband is usually calm and poised, but yesterday he started yelling at me in the car because I had told him I would hurry up going to the pharmacy (he waited in the car) and I didnt. So once in the car he YELLED at me, called me names and told me that he wanted to pee so badly and that's why he wanted me to hurry up!! I yelled back in return and also called him names. He was so upset that he was veering the car and even managed to crash it (slightly) in the ice. As soon as we got home and after having peed, he apologized and told me he didn't know what got over him. Since then I have been in shock and don't know what to think of this.

 

Is his normal reaction or is it hiding a more serious issue?

[JeckyllNHyde]

how long have you been married?

[luvs2kayak]

You should have hurried up like you said you would. I can see why he got irritated because he had to pee. Add that to all the holiday chaos, and it's understandable why he reacted that way. He apologized, so let it go.

[mokajava]

almost 2 years

[mokajava]

You should have hurried up like you said you would. I can see why he got irritated because he had to pee. Add that to all the holiday chaos, and it's understandable why he reacted that way. He apologized, so let it go.

are you serious?

[DN]

Have you apologised to him for your part in this?

[mokajava]

Have you apologised to him for your part in this?

 

why should I apologize???? ok, I didn't hurry up, but he didn't tell me that it was because he wanted to pee so badly!!!! He just said, hurry up ok?....it's when I got in the car that he YELLED at me and told me he wanted to pee.

So no, I didn't apologize, and I think he over reacted.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

why should I apologize???? ok, I didn't hurry up, but he didn't tell me that it was because he wanted to pee so badly!!!! He just said, hurry up ok?....it's when I got in the car that he YELLED at me and told me he wanted to pee.

So no, I didn't apologize, and I think he over reacted.

 

The man had to pee! Give him a break. He apologized to you..why don't you be gracious and apologize to him for taking a long time. Is it possible that you often take longer than you originally say and that is why he blew up..because this time he had to go pee. There could be some deeper frustration here that he is irritated with you. Judging from your ungracious insistence that you won't apologize, I have to wonder if there are other things that are your way or the highway and he is just getting fed up, that is why he finally let loose. I would suggest you tread very carefully and start taking a better look at yourself because it sounds like he may be getting fed up with you and the peeing was the straw that broke the camel's back.

[mokajava]

I just think his reaction was exaggerated!! He YELLED at me for God's sake, and called me names...when I asked him why he reacted like that, he said it was everything: him wanted to pee, me taking too long, he lost it!!

yes, I took longer that I thought, but it's not the end of the world, I would have hurried up if I had KNOWN he had to pee, but he didn't tell me that! He just said hurry up ok? like a comment type.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I just think his reaction was exaggerated!! He YELLED at me for God's sake, and called me names...when I asked him why he reacted like that, he said it was everything: him wanted to pee, me taking too long, he lost it!!

yes, I took longer that I thought, but it's not the end of the world, I would have hurried up if I had KNOWN he had to pee, but he didn't tell me that! He just said hurry up ok? like a comment type.

 

Is he often waiting for you while you go into stores or get ready to go out somewhere? Are you often running late and he has to wait for you?

[mokajava]

Unfortunately yes

[DN]

Well, when he was in urgent need of a bathroom he probably felt it better to relieve his feelings in the car than relieving his bladder.

 

You could have avoided at least part of this situation in a number of ways:

 

• not keeping him waiting on occasions in the past which is disrespectful of his time - why is your time more important than his? This seems to be an situation of your making.
  
• not keeping him waiting on this occasion when you promised you wouldn't
  
• by apologising instead of yelling back at him and escalating the situation
  
• by accepting and reciprocating his apology later on.
  

He should not have lost his temper and called you names - but had you kept your promise he wouldn't have felt the need.

[alli]

Why didn't he just use the bathroom in the pharmacy while you were there?

[mokajava]

I still think that he over-reacted, don't you think so?? I mean, what better did he make the situation by yelling at me?? Instead, he drove nervously, veering the car, then as he parked it he slid in the ice and crashed it!!! All of this because he lost his temper! Was it worth it?? He should have calmed down, NOT yelled at me, driven safely, gone to the bathroom as we got home and nothing of this bad episode would have happened! Now he has to pay for the repairs and had to apologize! not very mature if you ask me. Now he feels very bad about it, and I keep telling him there was NO need for him to act like that.

Also, I wanted to apologize for MY side, but seeing how he treated me, well....not so.

[mokajava]

Why didn't he just use the bathroom in the pharmacy while you were there?

 

cause he lost it and instead of thinking clearly, he yelled at me and drove back home. I'm just wondering if it's a normal reaction??!!! I'm at a loss on this one.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Unfortunately yes

 

 

I suspected that was the case. Try to understand his point of view...he is constantly waiting for you...not just this one incident, but all the time. This time he had to pee and once again you were running late...he finally had enough and he totally blew up. Perhaps you should start seeing your part in all of this...perhaps you should start making a concerted effort to not keep him waiting all the time...perhaps you should apologize to him for constantly making him wait and not taking his time into consideration. You are zeroing in on the fact that he didn't tell you he had to go to the bathroom...but that's no excuse for taking your time and making him wait. You have your share of the blame in all of this and if you continue with your lateness and making him wait, the anger in him will continue to build. As someone who is on time, I get very irritated when someone is routinely late..it shows me that they don't value my time and my schedule and they don't care if I am twiddling my thumbs while they are doing whatever enjoying themselves.

[DN]

It seems that you are determined to put all of the blame on this onto him and accept none for yourself but the fact is that this incident occurred because of your conscious decision to keep him waiting despite promising not to do that - which is both rude and disrespectful. Since this is not the first time you have behaved in this way it is not surprising he had finally had enough.

 

You asked if you should worry about this fight. Given your attitude I would say that you may well have something to worry about unless you change the way you behave towards him. The next time you decide to keep him waiting may result in more than a fight - you may be causing more damage than you know or want to know. His reaction was over the top - but it was not without cause.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I still think that he over-reacted, don't you think so?? I mean, what better did he make the situation by yelling at me?? Instead, he drove nervously, veering the car, then as he parked it he slid in the ice and crashed it!!! All of this because he lost his temper! Was it worth it?? He should have calmed down, NOT yelled at me, driven safely, gone to the bathroom as we got home and nothing of this bad episode would have happened! Now he has to pay for the repairs and had to apologize! not very mature if you ask me. Now he feels very bad about it, and I keep telling him there was NO need for him to act like that.

Also, I wanted to apologize for MY side, but seeing how he treated me, well....not so.

 

 

Your stubborness and desire to show him up and be "right" is the same kind of "all about me" attitude that you are exhibiting by being chronically late and expecting him to wait for you all the time. I think you need to do some serious self-reflection about your own behaviour and attitude...you are so busy trying to find fault with him that you are not looking at yourself.

[mokajava]

So I guess you are saying that his reaction was NORMAL?

[DN]

So I guess you are saying that his reaction was NORMAL?

Is it normal to break a promise to a partner and think nothing of it?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So I guess you are saying that his reaction was NORMAL?

 

His reaction was perfectly understandable of someone who is completely and totally fed up with someone disrespecting them and not understanding their time and their needs. This reaction is perfectly understandable when someone has been crossing their legs and probably experiencing some pain because they desperately had to go to the bathroom. this reaction is perfectly understandable for someone who was watching the time tick away not knowing how long he would be waiting this time. He lost his cool...it happens when you reach the breaking point as a result of someone's total disregard for what your perspective.

[mokajava]

ok DN, I just didn't think that being late would be such a BIG DEAL. Unfortunately he had to pee, but if he was just bored waiting for me, then what is the big deal? So I'm upset because if he knew he had to pee, then why not add it to his comment and say: look hurry up because I have to pee! Had he said that, I WOULD'VE hurried up, I'm not stupid. But he didn't, so I took my time. I'm not a mind reader.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

ok DN, I just didn't think that being late would be such a BIG DEAL. Unfortunately he had to pee, but if he was just bored waiting for me, then what is the big deal? So I'm upset because if he knew he had to pee, then why not add it to his comment and say: look hurry up because I have to pee! Had he said that, I WOULD'VE hurried up, I'm not stupid. But he didn't, so I took my time. I'm not a mind reader.

 

 

Oh wow...do you have any kind of feelings for him whatsoever? You seem to have absolutely no understanding of what it is like to sit there and wait for someone who is taking their sweet time about things. If you want to continue with this self-involved mindset and total lack of concern for your husband, be prepared for a lot more outbursts and perhaps eventually he might get so fed up your marriage will crumble...but I guess that would be his fault too!

[mokajava]

His reaction was perfectly understandable of someone who is completely and totally fed up with someone disrespecting them and not understanding their time and their needs. This reaction is perfectly understandable when someone has been crossing their legs and probably experiencing some pain because they desperately had to go to the bathroom. this reaction is perfectly understandable for someone who was watching the time tick away not knowing how long he would be waiting this time. He lost his cool...it happens when you reach the breaking point as a result of someone's total disregard for what your perspective.

ok, ok, ok......your comments make sense...I guess I concentrated on HIS faults (yelling and calling me names) and didn't see mine.....I will apologize for my side, I know he's been feeling bad about all this...

[SapphireNoir10]

Loosing his temper was bad. No one should. BUT people are only human and it happens and he certainly shouldnt drive when having a temper tantrum because driving like an idiot kills peoople.

 

Hes said sorry, you should say sorry.