Should I worry about the fight?

[SoMuchLove]

He is human. He has a breaking point. You broke it and now it's over.

 

Don't sweat it. It's in the past.

[waveseer]

Why didn't he just go inside and use the bathroom? Honestly, he is an adult and should be able to take care of his own bathroom needs without abusing anyone.

[SoMuchLove]

Hm... That's true. I didn't think about that way lol.

[DN]

Why didn't he just go inside and use the bathroom? Honestly, he is an adult and should be able to take care of his own bathroom needs without abusing anyone.

I think the bathroom issue is something of a red-herring. The main issue is the lack of consideration for his time, especially when the OP had promised not to be very long and made a decision to break her promise, which would be irritating once but even more so when this has been her practice in the past. It is not for her to decide whether his reasons for not wanting to be kept waiting are valid or not. Once she has made a promise she should have kept it - that is an adult thing to do.

 

No one has a right to waste other people's time or keep them waiting unnecessarily, especially on a continual basis. It is both rude and disrespectful for it is saying "My time is more important than your time because I am more important than you are".

[waveseer]

I think the bathroom issue is something of a red-herring. The main issue is the lack of consideration for his time, especially when the OP had promised not to be very long and made a decision to break her promise, which would be irritating once but even more so when this has been her practice in the past. It is not for her to decide whether his reasons for not wanting to be kept waiting are valid or not. Once she has made a promise she should have kept it - that is an adult thing to do.

 

No one has a right to waste other people's time or keep them waiting unnecessarily, especially on a continual basis. It is both rude and disrespectful for it is saying "My time is more important than your time because I am more important than you are".

 

It's possible that it wasn't entirely within her control since she may have needed service at the pharmacy. His toilet habits, on the other hand, are entirely within his control.

[DN]

It's possible that it wasn't entirely within her control since she may have needed service at the pharmacy. His toilet habits, on the other hand, are entirely within his control.

She already admitted that she makes a habit of doing this to him. And not all stores allow people to use their washrooms. Of course, he could have driven home to use the washroom there and left her to catch a cab. But like I said, his reasons for not wanting to be kept waiting are his own and should be respected. When someone does this to a partner on a continual basis it is hard to believe them even if their reason on one occasion does happen to be valid - the old 'boy who cried wolf' story.

[waveseer]

She already admitted that she makes a habit of doing this to him. And not all stores allow people to use their washrooms. Of course, he could have driven home to use the washroom there and left her to catch a cab. But like I said, his reasons for not wanting to be kept waiting are his own and should be respected. When someone does this to a partner on a continual basis it is hard to believe them even if their reason on one occasion does happen to be valid - the old 'boy who cried wolf' story.

 

I see your point. I guess in that case it would be up to the two people in the relationship to agree on the best way to handle a similar situation in the future. I for one would rather have been left at the store than yelled at, but I'm not sure the op would feel the same.

[DN]

I don't think anyone is saying he was right to yell and be verbally abusive. But the fact that he did behave like that doesn't make her actions that provoked that response OK. She herself says that her husband is usually calm and poised so for him to act out of character as he did is a fair indicator that he has finally had enough of her behaviour. It wasn't the right way for him to handle it but had she not repeatedly done the same thing he would not have acted out of character in the first place.

[mokajava]

.. I for one would rather have been left at the store than yelled at, but I'm not sure the op would feel the same.

That is exactly what I told him. Especially that the store is only 5 mins away from our house. I told him he should've gone home, peed, and come back. I would've been very surprised but when he would've explained why, I would've understood. I know I did wrong too, but I didn't appreciate being yelled at.

[DN]

That is exactly what I told him. Especially that the store is only 5 mins away from our house. I told him he should've gone home, peed, and come back. I would've been very surprised but when he would've explained why, I would've understood. I know I did wrong too, but I didn't appreciate being yelled at.

 

You seem to think that him yelling at you once is worse than you continually and unnecessarily making him wait for you. As I said above - when you make people wait for you it is saying that you think you are more important than they are - and few marriages will survive that attitude for long. I suspect that if you continue to treat your husband in the way that you have and insist on making him more in the wrong than you are that you may find your marriage in serious trouble at some point int the future. This time he yelled at you - the next time he may just bail on you.

[Maya_A]

Sorry mokajava, but you seem really hard-headed in terms of "getting" this...

 

You need to stop dwelling on the fact that he yelled at you (heck, he remained poised for 2 years!), you need to apologize for keeping him waiting, you need to stop keeping him waiting all the time in the future, and you need to apologize for calling him names back....

[lady00]

Both of you were wrong. You routinely make him wait. Not cool. He yelled at you and called you names. And then you did the same. Not cool.

 

IMO, none of this behavior is OK or acceptable in a relationship. You both need to change these behaviors otherwise they might drive you apart.

 

Calling your partner names is always wrong and not justified for any reason, IMO. It's verbal abuse. I don't care what the person did. Both of you were wrong for calling the other names.

 

Keeping him waiting all the time is also inconsiderate. And it sounds like this anger on his part may have been building up over the course of time.

[OddGirl]

I think his reaction was *totally* unacceptable. I think it was right that he apologised. He might have had reasons to be frustrated, etc, but it's never ok to verbally abuse someone.

 

But, I guess, everyone has their occasional misses, and he apologised without prompting (very admirable), i think this shows that he knows he did completely the wrong thing. I think it's generally positive. If it happens again, I would get worried.

[DN]

I think his reaction was *totally* unacceptable. I think it was right that he apologised. He might have had reasons to be frustrated, etc, but it's never ok to verbally abuse someone.

 

But, I guess, everyone has their occasional misses, and he apologised without prompting (very admirable), i think this shows that he knows he did completely the wrong thing. I think it's generally positive. If it happens again, I would get worried.

Well, if the OP doesn't keep him waiting for no good reason again then he won't have an opportunity to react as he did for that reason.

 

The fact that he was verbally abusive was wrong - but it doesn't void the fact that she was wrong to keep him waiting as she did - and has done in the past.

 

Very often in relationship conflicts both people are responsible - and it is not wise for one of them to attempt to take the moral high ground and assert that they are the victim because of how their partner reacted to their wrong behaviour in the first instance.

[OddGirl]

Very often in relationship conflicts both people are responsible - and it is not wise for one of them to attempt to take the moral high ground and assert that they are the victim because of how their partner reacted to their wrong behaviour in the first instance.

 

Hi DN... I agree that keeping someone waiting unnecessarily is not so considerate. *But*... I think that abusive behaviour is in a completely different sphere from keeping someone waiting unnecessarily.

 

Would you say the same thing if he had been physically abusive - that she should share the responsibility? I think that there is never any excuse for physical *or* verbal abuse...

[DN]

Yes, of course. Nothing that subsequently arises out of a wrong action negates the action.

 

If I cut in front of someone in line that would be a wrong thing to do. If that person then physically assaults me they are also in the wrong. They have no excuse for doing that because the reaction is unwarranted and obviously way more serious than what provoked it.

 

But I would not be able to claim some sort of moral high ground because I was assaulted - my pushing in line remains just as wrong as if the other person had simply accepted it and done nothing.