Freaking Out !

[S agapo]

I was very much single before I met my ex (meaning I never had a BF before) and now I am very much single again, and haven't been on a single date or even got a look in.

 

I am starting to freak out 'love' is never going to happen for me. I am never going to make a boyfriend, have fun with, experience the intimate stuff, get to know, got on holidays with, have romantic meals with, meet eachother's families and friends, marry, have kids, SHARE A LIFE WITH!

I think I am doomed to be single for the rest of my life, and I am freaking out

[yankeefan74]

None of those things are true. It's fear and self doubt talking. You have to fight through those things.

[Raistlin]

Relax. I've been exactly where you are.

 

I was very much single until I was 18 (3 years ago). I shared 2.5 years of my life with a girl, and she broke it off with me. Wrong reasons at the time, right reasons in the long run.

 

Anyhow, I spent 4 months of my life wondering if I'd ever meet someone again, and another 2 trying so hard to force it.

 

As soon as I stopped trying so hard (and I mean literally 2 days later) my friend introduced me to his friend, and we clicked like nothing I've ever felt before.

 

I spent the best week of my life with her... until she decided to go back to her lying #(&$ing ex and marry him.

 

The point of this post is to let you know that you WILL find someone and you WILL find love (again?). Once you stop trying so hard and just concentrate on you for a little while, things will just happen without you realizing it, and something great will spark a new flame into the great fire of life.

 

I'm a gamer, so I'm waiting on tons of new games. I'm also going to teach myself to play the guitar and am currently saving up for one. I'm getting back into school next semester, and trying out different courses of study that interest me. One could lead to a career, the other is just for fun. I'm teaching myself to get out more and talk to random people for absolutely no reason other than to strike up a conversation. I'm looking forward to setting myself on my own two feet again, and moving back out of my parents house some time next year, and I know that if I try, I'll make a plethora of new friends at school and might even find another personal interest, be it a girl or a new hobby.

 

If you just set time aside from the rest of life, just for you, and make things happen, you'll find that you become happier. Happiness and confidence attract. Attraction is the first step in exploring brand new things.

[S agapo]

None of those things are true. It's fear and self doubt talking. You have to fight through those things.

 

I am trying to and do deal with it, but I am getting older and there is sooooo much stuff I haven't experienced or had regards to a relationship and I fear it won't happen for me. I am feeling soo lonely regardless I have things to do and family around. I do try to fill my time with hobbies and so on, but it doesn't feel the hunger my heart really wants. Im 28 years old, and I am getting scared that love won't happen for me. I really miss a hug and a kiss. Just simple things alike. To share talks with someone special!

[S agapo]

I just want it to happen for me, and I wonder when. As time goes on, I am doubting myself a bit more.

I wish I was 21 years old again and not worry so much about this.

[Raistlin]

I am trying to and do deal with it' date=' but I am getting older and there is sooooo much stuff I haven't experienced or had regards to a relationship and I fear it won't happen for me. I am feeling soo lonely regardless I have things to do and family around. I do try to fill my time with hobbies and so on, but it doesn't feel the hunger my heart really wants. Im 28 years old, and I am getting scared that love won't happen for me. [b']I really miss a hug and a kiss.[/b] Just simple things alike. To share talks with someone special!

 

I'm the type of guy that literally has NEEDED to be hugged (due to my upbringing >.

 

If you honestly believe that love wont happen, it wont. You'll scare any potential romantic interests away because you'll be desperate inside, even if you don't appear that way outwardly.

 

If you just relax and find a social hobby with a large mix of both genders and a broader age range, you'll be able to meet more people more quickly and create a larger social network. You can meet the friends of friends, and even their friends.

 

Some times it takes time to sort life apart from our emotions, but once you do, you'll probably find that what you've been looking for has been staring you in the face the entire time.

 

As for wanting a convo... feel free to PM me. I love talking. I'm a guy that's pretty in tune with my emotions, and I can at least offer advice. If that's not your cuppa tea... well, then, get out there and meet more people.

[S agapo]

... what if that deep feeling you felt for someone just happens once?

What if I never have that again... ?

[S agapo]

I feel sad and left out that I have no one to look forward too - someone special.

The Loneliness is really starting to get to me.

[Raistlin]

... what if that deep feeling you felt for someone just happens once?

What if I never have that again... ?

 

I thought that I'd never experience it again, too.

 

It's true that you never feel the same way about someone else. It's true because we love everyone we encounter in a different way.

 

I fell in love with my ex and thought she was the one for me. After we broke up, I realized that I was just in love with the idea of having her around. She treated me poorly, and I didn't need that.

 

With the girl I recently encountered, it was explosive; like nothing I've ever felt before. We connected on more levels than I knew were possible. She said she loves me more than anyone she's ever met, and even admitted to me, her family, her friends, and even her ex (now current) bf (after they got back together) that I make her happier than he ever did. And we were together for 8 days, compared to their 3 years. Yet she still chose him.

 

Why? I have no idea. I love her after just 8 days of being together, and I feel that she's right for me. However, if she wants to be with him, I can't stop her. I fought for her; I did my part. It's time to move on.

 

Will I experience the EXACT same thing ever again? Of course not. Will I experience something AMAZING, possibly EVEN BETTER? Who knows? But I have faith that I will end up happy in the long run.

 

28 years old is not that old. My dad met my mom when he was 28. He was a player back in the day and didn't care about women. They were objects. But he told me one night that when he met my mom.. he just knew. He had about 9 dates with all different girls lined up over the first 2 weeks that he and my mom dated, and he blew off all the other girls and didn't care because he knew.

 

It will happen. Who knows when, but you can make the journey from here to there much easier if you stop worrying about it.

[Raistlin]

I feel sad and left out that I have no one to look forward too - someone special.

The Loneliness is really starting to get to me.

 

I experience this on a daily basis. EVERY SINGLE one of my friends is married, engaged, or having a child. I'm part of a rather large social circle, but it's tightly knit. It makes me feel left behind sometimes, but I know that I'll find someone someday that makes me just as happy as my friends are.

 

For now, I'm content with being happy for them, because I know they'll all be happy for me when I find my someone.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Over time you just get resigned to it...remember that no relationship is better than a relationship with a loser.

[DN]

What are you doing to get out of the house and meet men who are also looking for a relationship?

[HereIGoAgain]

I am trying to and do deal with it' date=' but I am getting older and there is sooooo much stuff I haven't experienced or had regards to a relationship and I fear it won't happen for me. I am feeling soo lonely regardless I have things to do and family around. I do try to fill my time with hobbies and so on, but it doesn't feel the hunger my heart really wants. Im 28 years old, and I am getting scared that love won't happen for me. I really miss a hug and a kiss. Just simple things alike. To share talks with someone special![/quote']

 

I'm having exactly the same thoughts as you except I'm a good 10+ years older and my life and relationship situation is very similar to yours. I too fear that I've had my one and only chance.

 

That said, the advice that has been given in the posts is good advice. I think for some who try and do things in the hope that it fills the void can be disappointed. This happened to me recently and I've suffered a real set back in healing.

 

Don't try to find meaning in something or over analyse but above all take small steps forward. There's nothing worse than making too many changes and not seeing results to set one back. Get out with friends if and whenever possible.

[penelope13]

i know the feeling. but as everyone else says: you will love again, and it most likely will happen when you least expect it. like you i was seriously doubting if i would ever find someone with who to share those feelings with. all my brothers and friends seem to be happy in their relationship, just poor me going through life by myself. i tried to date because i felt so lonely. of course nothing ever came out of any of these dates. in the meantime i spend a lot of time with a friend from high school who i hadn't seen for a long time. since at the time he was dating someone else, i never even thought about him as a potential bf until recently, when we discovered that we slowly had developed feelings for each other without realizing it for a long time.

[Mr.Zombie]

I think I am doomed to be single for the rest of my life, and I am freaking out

 

Is being single so dreadful that it spells certain doom for a person?

[enchanted771]

Go out and have fun! you dont need a man to validate you. That is the mistake I made and got my heart broken =(

[S agapo]

Is being single so dreadful that it spells certain doom for a person?

 

yes.......

[S agapo]

What are you doing to get out of the house and meet men who are also looking for a relationship?

 

Not much to be honest. I don't have many female friends that I am close to.

I have family and I occasionally see them. I don't go clubbing ( Ive never liked it my life and only been to 4 clubs in my life which was worst thing ever) I enjoy going to bars or out for dinners, but its not often enough. Its always depends who I am with and what crowd I am with, I seem to bounce off people differently. But other then that, I am at the age when I want to settle down and socialise with someone special and spend time with alone and with friends/family - to have fun too. To have a 'love' in my life.

But anyways, like I said, my social pattern isn't really there sadly. I am quite a shy person in general.

Its hard to find somone anyways these days..

[bulletproof]

Not much to be honest. I don't have many female friends that I am close to.

I have family and I occasionally see them. I don't go clubbing ( Ive never liked it my life and only been to 4 clubs in my life which was worst thing ever) I enjoy going to bars or out for dinners, but its not often enough. Its always depends who I am with and what crowd I am with, I seem to bounce off people differently. But other then that, I am at the age when I want to settle down and socialise with someone special and spend time with alone and with friends/family - to have fun too. To have a 'love' in my life.

But anyways, like I said, my social pattern isn't really there sadly. I am quite a shy person in general.

Its hard to find somone anyways these days..

 

It's only hard if you're not willing to put yourself in situations where there are available people.

 

I don't think people are going to suggest clubbing as a way to meet someone. You need to be out doing constructive activities that mesh with your interests so that you find like-minded people.

 

What are your interests? What do you do with your free time? You might need to work on your shyness through self-help books or therapy in order to go out and meet more people. You need female friends, too. Otherwise you're just going to remain stagnant.

[HereIGoAgain]

Bulletproof is correct.

 

I too am shy, plus I'm introverted and also find it difficult to go out and about on my own or be with others in social situations with people I do not know. Whereas in a relationship I leant on my gf where I see that was a mistake.

 

However, one must try to get out and meet others, otherwise what you have posted about being sad and left out will become a self fulfilling prophecy. What I'm going to do is join up to groups on link removed. Haven't really seen anything that interests me but willing to try anything, even taking up Salsa dancing to cure, or not, my two left feet.

[desert_rose26]

hi. I am in the same situation as you. I am socially shy. I am not very secure inside my own skin. But I am getting better with time and some people don't think I'm shy anymore. But social situation scare me. But I have one social event coming up this week with some old school classmates...am thinking of cancelling because well, it'll be outside of my comfort zone...and they might be going to a bar or something. I haven't been to a bar before. Don't like any dark places...

 

what should I do...just go for it? I will be very uncomfortable. And I have learned to avoid uncomfortable situations.

[Mr.Zombie]

yes.......

 

Why exactly do you feel that way?

 

That is, in response to my question: "Is being single so dreadful that it spells certain doom for a person?"

[S agapo]

Why exactly do you feel that way?

 

That is, in response to my question: "Is being single so dreadful that it spells certain doom for a person?"

 

I am looking for a partner to spend my life with, to share and experience a relationship together and live a life as a committed loving couple. I want to meet to someone, build a relationship, get married one day (in my early age)and have a family. See our children grow and be the best we can in this one life. What is the point of being on your own, and not share a life with someone?; that one person who is special, who you kiss first thing in the morning, and be the last kiss at night for example! You can have all the good friends in this world and have all your family around you and have a good decent job/living, buy all the things you want, but for me; that doesn’t fill what I yearn for. Doesn’t feed my heart. I have so much love to give and to share with someone; with a man who want the same, and who can give me all that back in return in a relationship.

I do not want to grow old and die without having that kind of love & commitment in my life where I can say in 40-50-60 years (if I live that long) I was a lucky woman to have such a wonderful man in my life.. and we were lucky to have found eachother and have eachother and share a good life together.

 

I hope thats answers why!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would say that most people yearn for that..that is normal...and it is normal to feel disappointed when it hasn't happened...but sometimes we just have to accept things as they are and not dwell on what we don't have.

[enchanted771]

My problem is that I dont know how to strike up conversations...I get intimidated.