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Everything posted by Mr.Zombie

  1. I appreciate the kind words, but I really do feel hopeless most of the time. I don't feel that there is much good that can come out of my continued existence.
  2. Seems like forcing himself upon you would make him more than a jerk. I'm pretty desperate to get laid, but I would never ever even consider something like that.
  3. Yes, not all girls are psycho. Just the ones that are interested in me. I have really bad luck when it comes to romance. It's either: 1. A crazy, schizophrenic girl who sleeps around a lot 2. A really nice, kindhearted girl who lives 600 miles away and wants to settle down much, much sooner than I do. 3. Girls that I'm just not interested in or have nothing in common with and couldn't see myself being with The girls that I like and I'm dying to get to know better are always unavailable in some way. Or just aren't interested in me like this girl I asked out a while back. That's just the way it is. There's always an obstacle. Of course, right now I'm really not looking for a relationship. Even though it's been six years, I'm still not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to get married any time soon. I mean, not even within the next decade. I just want something casual. I want to take things very slowly. Maybe too slowly for most girls... I don't know. I wish I could help in some way. I really really hate to see other people suffering. I'm kind of empathetic in some ways and I often wish that I could bear some of other people's burdens. I hate feeling powerless. One thing that depresses me so is all the suffering in the world. I wish I could make it go away. Oh dear. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I thought that perhaps sex might be a helpful distraction.... but that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm really sorry to hear that. I really hate violent abusive men.
  4. Yeah it would be nice to not have to deal with a lot of things, but then again it seems to me that that's what life is: dealing with stuff. Making the best of bad situations. Finding the silver lining, etc.
  5. I feel okay today. I had a pretty decent day. I'm not feeling too bad right now. I'm just trying to relax and keep occupied. Keep the stress down, keep the anger down, keep the sadness down. One day at a time is how I do it. I haven't seen many independent movies lately. What I watch depends greatly on what I'm in the mood for and I've been watching a lot of horror lately. Right now, I'm watching The Bad Seed from 1956, about a little girl who is a psycho killer. Good stuff. I think I'm pretty unattractive. Well sometimes I think I look okay, other times I cringe when I look in the mirror. I did manage to get a pretty hot girl once. The first (and last) girlfriend I ever had. She was very hot. I don't know what she saw in me. Of course, she turned out to be a complete psycho, but what can you do? So how are you?? Your situation seems to be a whole lot worse than mine. I don't know how I would make it. Are you okay? Keeping positive? Getting laid?
  6. Well, I'm not exactly in distress at the moment. It comes and goes, you know...
  7. Ohh, you mean the 1990 remake? I've seen that but it's been a long time. I love the original 1968 movie but I've only seen the remake once. I have not seen Who the F is Jackson Pollock, but the video store I work at has it. I will take a look at it.
  8. Netflix has a wealth of cult cinema, that's where I get a lot of mine. I actually don't know the source of that quote, no.
  9. I used to take Wellbutrin, about 6 years ago. I can't say that I ever noticed any difference in my mood. A little bit of everything. But I'm really into non-mainstream stuff like independent, cult, experimental. I'm a cult afficionado. Anything that's referred to as a "cult classic", I'm probably a fan of. I love cheesy trashy B-movies especially from the 70s and 80s. That's one of my biggest passions. Movies that most people have never heard of and would probably never watch. That makes it kind of difficult to chat with others about my interests. There are very few people that I can talk about cult movies with. I'm really excited right now because there's a new Troma movie about to come out, (link removed) but when I tell other people about it nobody knows what I'm talking about. If I tell them about it, they just give me a weird confused look. Fortunately, there are plenty of mainstream movies that I love than I can also talk about. Anyways.... yeah.... I'm just kind of an odd person.
  10. I'm okay. I just feel kind of apathetic. I don't care about anything. The only thing that gives me any joy is watching movies.
  11. Feeling suicidal again. I really wish I could just die of natural causes. Why don't I come down with some terminal illness? Why don't I get murdered? Anytime I hear about someone dying in an accident or being murdered, I think to myself: Why them? Why not me? Why does someone who (presumably) wants to live, have to die? And someone who wishes for death has to keep on living. What I would really love is to suffer a massive head injury and spend my life comatose. Technically, I wouldn't be dead, yet I wouldn't have to live either. However, there's no surefire way to put yourself into a coma that I'm aware of. Either that or I'd like to be completely insane and institutionalized. I'd have voices to keep me company. I'm so tired of life. I wish it would just end. Sigh. Why do I feel the need to stay alive???
  12. Thanks for the comments, System Crash. I appreciate the input and will take your words into consideration.
  13. Are you like a therapist or something? Or a spiritual guru? Are you a man or a woman? I'm just curious.
  14. God! Life is so sad and depressing. Why do we even bother living???
  15. So I should just do nothing? Just allow my sadness to run its course? That's what I've been doing for quite some time. I doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
  16. Thanks for the input, MoonSunStars. It's hard to explain really why I feel the way I do. I have ups and downs, certainly. Some days I feel okay. Other days, I would love nothing more than to cut my wrists open. I feel very hopeless about the future. I'm very pessimistic by nature. I'm so ineffectual and completely unable to change anything by myself. But I also see very little value in life. What's the point of busting your hump all the time just to keep on living? In my experience, there's not that much worth living for. The good things (and there certainly are many good things in life) are vastly outweighed by the bad. I'm not sure I'm able to survive 75% bad just to enjoy 25% good. I've completely given up on romance. I have no hope of ever finding love. Sometimes I care, sometimes I don't. But it doesn't really matter, because I don't want to get married or have kids. So if I were to find the perfect woman, she'd probably leave as a result of my refusal to settle down. Where do you find a woman who doesn't want to marry or have kids? There are maybe 4 or 5 in the world. I would like to have companionship, though. I do get lonely a lot. I'm very sexually frustrated too. Way past sexual frustration in fact. I'm almost at sexual apathy. But I'm not the type to have casual sex. I'm not attractive. I can't just pick up a girl and get her into bed. I wouldn't want to even if I could. But I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship just so I could have sex either. So I think I'm pretty just cut out for a life of celibacy. I don't really mind it all that much. I was terrible at sex back when I had a girlfriend. My job is my whole life because that's all I have. It's all that occupies my time, other than watching movies and the internet. I have no close relationships. I have friends but none that I'm close to. I'm not close to my family. I'm just a loner. I often worry that my store isn't making enough money to stay open and that I'll be out of a job. I think it's doing okay, but I still worry about it a lot. All I really want to do is work at a video store. I would be content doing that for the rest of my life. However, video stores will not exist for the rest of my life so that's not possible. There's really nothing else I can do. I suppose I will find something one day. I'm not in a hurry. I live with my parents for a few reasons. 1. I'm not sure if I'm mature enough to survive on my own (sad, yes, but true), 2. I'm not sure if I need to live on my own. Ever since I've had a job I've worked about 5 minutes away from home. I have no social life to speak of, I don't date. Paying rent would be kind of a waste of money. My parents aren't really dominating. I can pretty much do whatever I want (within reason). The only thing I don't like is going to church with them. However, that would not change if I moved out. I would still be pressured to go to church. However, one of my goals, perhaps my only goal, is to someday get a place of my own. I'm sure it will happen in time. I mature very, very slowly. I didn't start driving until I was 18 or 19. I didn't start dating until I was 20 or 21. I'm just way behind in a lot of things. Like I said, I gave up on romance so I'm not really worried about attracting the opposite sex. I've been single for six years, celibate for about the same. I'm sure I can do it longer. Eventually I will probably get antidepressants and straighten myself out. But I'm just trying to survive day to day for now. I don't concern myself with the future. Just the here and now. That's all I can do. Just make it through today without slitting my wrists. That's the best I can manage for now.
  17. I don't smoke weed much. I'd probably be a pothead, though, if I lived by myself. I'd probably be an alcoholic too. I can easily see myself lying on the couch all day drinking whiskey and smoking weed and never leaving the house. Perhaps it's best that I don't move out. Yeah, I'm pretty lazy too. I don't really want to do anything. I don't care about anything. I just don't see much in this world to care about. I'm not motivated to succeed. What's the point? I go to my job and I work hard at it, (as hard as you can work at a video store, that is) but I have no motivation to do anything else. Any time I try to be social I just end up feeling like a bigger loser than when I'm home by myself.
  18. I hate life so much. I'm just a complete wreck of a human being. My future is completely hopeless. If I lose my current job, I will have nothing. My job is my whole life. There is nothing else in my life. I have no social life. Very few friends. I haven't had a girlfriend in six years. I haven't had sexual activity of any kind (with another person) in four years. I have absurdly terrible luck with the opposite sex. This past week I went to a strip club twice just to be around girls. It's pretty bad when you need strippers to provide you with female companionship. That's pretty near rock bottom, I'd say. My home life is pretty terrible. I have a dismal relationship with my parents. I go to church despite the fact that I have no specific religious beliefs (My parents are very religious). I live with my parents, which sucks, but I'm afraid to move out. I'll probably live with them until I'm 40. If I don't OD on booze and painkillers first. I have two small nieces and they stress the living **** out of me. I feel awful because whenever they are around, I want them to go away. I love them, but dear god they make me want to cut my own throat sometimes. That's how it is with my whole family. I love them, I just don't want to be around them. At all. And I hate that I feel that way. One of my best friends has completely abandoned me and barely speaks to me. I fell in love with her, and my heart was horribly broken when she got married a couple of years ago. Our relationship has not been the same since. That's a long story though. I'm very lonely. On one hand, I'm afraid of having a serious relationships almost to the point of phobia. On the other hand, I'm starved for companionship. What a catch-22. I feel so alone all the time. Alone and sad. I'm so used to being sad that happiness is almost painful on the rare occasions that I feel happy. I fantasize about committing suicide and wish that I had the gall to actually pull it off. I know that I couldn't, and that's even more depressing. I'm stuck here. There's no way out. It would be so much easier if I could just blow my brains out. I wish that I could just die of natural causes. That's one reason I don't take care of myself very well. I don't eat right, I don't exercise. I'm hoping that I'll have a heart attack one of these days. My life is just one big depressing wasteland where sorrow and despair bloom like flowers. It's a long, lonesome road that I must travel alone. Enough waxing poetic.... I really envy people who kill themselves. I wish I could do it. Is it really better to continue living unhappily than to end it all? I don't understand. That's all. If anyone reads this, I'm sorry for wasting your time with my pathetic self-loathing nonsense.
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