We keep looking at each other...

[Roberto34]

Yeah Bruins, that's what I was planning on doing. However, we've already been down that road of me thinking she's interested, haha.

 

Great advice again. Thanks man!

[CharlesF]

I say continue being friendly. She might break up with her boyfriend some day and then you are right there (although I would not rely on that). Try not to be upset by this and try to act like everything is cool. Imagine if someone liked you but you had a girlfriend. What can you do.

 

I'm not sure why she looks at you and then looks away. Usually, that would mean she likes you. I'm not sure if you should continue that or not.

[Roberto34]

Yeah, I'm not upset about it, just confused.

 

I don't wanna be too friendly and get friendzoned, and I'm surely not gonna wait on her or anything.

 

I'll just see how it goes or whatever, but I'm just gonna continue to be myself.

 

It's all good, however, I agree with what you said about the looks and looking away stuff.

 

Oh well, only she truly knows what it's all about.

 

I think Bruins is right, maybe she thinks I look good and was on the rocks with her and her man's situation, but it's now patched up??

[AuthenticAuthor]

Yeah, I'm not upset about it, just confused.

 

I don't wanna be too friendly and get friendzoned, and I'm surely not gonna wait on her or anything.

 

I'll just see how it goes or whatever, but I'm just gonna continue to be myself.

 

It's all good, however, I agree with what you said about the looks and looking away stuff.

 

Oh well, only she truly knows what it's all about.

 

I think Bruins is right, maybe she thinks I look good and was on the rocks with her and her man's situation, but it's now patched up??

 

Be her friend, and let that relationship come naturally. If you two get along, perhaps things will blossom in unexpected ways. Does she have a sister?

 

In the words of Bruce Lee, be like water. If a situation presents itself, consider molding yourself to it first before attempting to change it.

[Roberto34]

That's great advice, AA.

 

I just def. don't wanna get friendzoned. We caught eyes a few times today, but I purposely didn't look at her very much at all throughout the day.

 

Damn she's cute, and hard not to look at, haha. I just didn't look 'cause I didn't wanna seem like some wounded puppy, and I also wanted to make her think a little, you know what I mean by that?

 

I was just my normal self today, doing what I always do. Only thing different was I hardly even looked her direction. Maybe I'll talk with her tomorrow if the situation presents itself, but I won't just go outta my way and talk with her like I used to.

 

Thanks again, everyone!

[CharlesF]

It sounds like you are going about it ok, but I'm not sure why you are worried about being friendzoned. Usually, you have to go out with someone before you can be friendzoned. You were friends with her from the start. It also might not be bad being her friend. She might have a sister or want to set you up with someone.

[Roberto34]

Nah, if you become friendly with a girl, and you allow yourself to become too friendly, if/when she's single, she'll look at you as "just a guy friend."

 

That is how I see getting in the friendzone.

 

I just don't know exactly how I wanna go about it. Of course I want to get to know more about her, and the only way that happens is by becoming friendly with her...but I don't wanna become too friendly with her.

 

Maybe I'm over thinking it. I should become more friendly with her, but I wanna be mysterious and intriguing to her as well. I also don't want it to appear that I didn't hear her when she said she had a man.

 

This is why I'm "lost." If I be friendly, she'll think "Maybe he just wants to be my friend," or, she could also think "Man, this guy can't take a hint..."

[AuthenticAuthor]

This whole "friendzone" thing is just a social-state; there is no "zone of no return" in any relationship, simply because we cannot predict the future. In that case, I am optimistic knowing that my optimism would influence the outcome; you should be too. However, that does not mean we should put all of our eggs in one basket; like a stock-investor, you should diversify your investments in people among other things. If anything, you should invest heavily on ideals, for these things are ETERNAL.

 

There's no perfect way to gauge how friendly you should be to other people because they have their own standards too, and you'll know when you're being too friendly when you notice that you've crossed the standards that you hold to yourself. In other words, don't think too much about being too friendly or not; instead, think about whether you're happy with your EFFORTS. If you feel that you're trying too hard, chances are you are.

 

Remember, all good relationships start at the "friend" level, and STAY there until they change for the worse. Why? Because friendship is not a category but a SPECTRUM expressing how much respect and love exist between individuals. That is why it is still possible for this relationship between the two of you to change, because good relationships are defined by the actions manifested by these two factors.

 

Focus on the present, learn from the past, and be optimistic about the future. Don't let the past haunt you, don't lose sight of the present situation, and don't try to make the future specific. Be like water.

[Roberto34]

Once again, great advice, AA.

 

Here's the thing, I haven't spoken to her since Monday. The opportunity hasn't presented itself.

 

Here's the other thing though, I don't catch her looking at me anymore, either. Thing is, I haven't been looking her way hardly at all, so I'm not sure if she's still looking or not. Once in awhile, our eyes are about the make contact, and I just drop/turn my head very fast instead of like before where we'd be catching each other.

 

See, before it was just me and her looking at each other like crazy, and every now and then, I'd muster up the courage to go about talking with her when I had the chance to. It was always once a day whenever I did talk with her, though.

 

OK, so it's now 2 days since we last spoken, with the last time being when she told me about how she likes to go outside so she can talk with her man at break.

 

How do I go about conversating with her?? What sort of things do I ask?? I know, just be myself, but if I be myself I'm gonna ask what her interests are, etc.

 

I don't want to seem like I can't take a hint, but I also don't want to do nothing and miss the chance for this to grow (if possible). Also, if I just go about it like "whatever" and don't talk with her it's either gonna do 1 of 2 things here:

 

1) Possibly make her more interested.

 

2) Turn her off with her thinking I only wanted to talk for the booty.

 

I def. want to get to know more about her, because I am genuinely interested in getting to know her, and of course, I am attracted to her as well.

 

Also, like I said, I don't want it to seem like I can't take the hint if she was giving me one about the BF. To me it seems like she was possibly saying that she wasn't interested, and that she's got a man, so back off.

 

This is something I've also been wrestling with in my mind.

 

Help please...

 

Thanks everyone!!

[bostonbruins24]

For the time being don't go out of your way to converse with her.She already suspects you are interested because you gave her some Asian candy and yes her mentioning she had a boyfriend was likely calculated .If she becomes interested I think she will initiate a conversation with you.

[Roberto34]

Yeah Bruins, that's what I was thinking as well...However, don't forget how shy she is.

 

Thing I remember though, is my ex was shy like this one is, and she always told me not to worry, because even if she's shy, she (my ex) would "let me know."

 

So you think I should just chill and see if this girl comes around?

 

Stop looking at her (like I've been doing already), or try and look at her and flash a smile or 2?

 

Not sure...What do you think, Bruins??

[AuthenticAuthor]

So you think I should just chill and see if this girl comes around?

 

Definitely. In fact, it may be a good idea to invite her and her boyfriend to join in on a group gathering of sorts, such as a party or concert, etc. Introduce him and her to your friends. This way you can prove to her that your world does not revolve on just one person, (therefore making you less predictable) while at the same keeping the relationship at a comfortable level. Who knows? Maybe her boyfriend is actually quite a cool guy, or that you'll realize that some other woman is more attractive to you than the one in question. Not only would you be working this relationship but others as well, which in turn acts as a safety net to prevent you from being over-fixated on one individual.

 

While you're at it, invite other people who you like to the social pool of yours.

Gather your social net, and cast it far and wide.

[Roberto34]

Nah, I'm not gonna invite her and her man to hang out somewhere, haha.

 

I understand what you're saying and I appreciate the advice, but that's just not me.

 

I'll just chill, say "hi," and see if she tries to talk more with me other than just the casual hello, etc. I'll keep it friendly and ask things like "any plans for the weekend?" just to see what her interests are, etc. This will also give me a better idea on just how happy her and her man are together.

 

If they have plans, and depending on how she talks about the plans/situations, I'll be able to read her face, emotions, etc. when she talks about it.

 

Thanks everyone.

[Roberto34]

Well today's update isn't much, but here it is:

 

I didn't look in her direction hardly at all today. I didn't get a chance to speak with her, because like I said, I'm not gonna go outta my way to talk with her. However, if she passes by or whatever, I'll say "hello" or something similar.

 

My friend said that he saw her looking my direction 3 times today after lunch break, all in a 5 minute span. He said that someone was by her (I think the woman training her), so he couldn't 100% guarantee she was looking at me, but he just thought he'd let me know.

 

He knows all about this story, haha. When I told him that I was done with exchanging glances, he said he'd keep an eye out and let me know if she was looking, etc.

 

One last thing...That Engineer that always gets her smiling and stuff, he waved and smiled to her as he was walking in our dept., and she just gave a forced smile to him. One of those "not natural" ones.

 

I wonder if she is growing tired of him and/or if she's getting frustrated that I'm not paying her any more attention??

 

OK, that's all for today, I just thought I'd keep everyone up to date.

[bostonbruins24]

Yeah Bruins, that's what I was thinking as well...However, don't forget how shy she is.

 

Thing I remember though, is my ex was shy like this one is, and she always told me not to worry, because even if she's shy, she (my ex) would "let me know."

 

So you think I should just chill and see if this girl comes around?

 

Stop looking at her (like I've been doing already), or try and look at her and flash a smile or 2?

 

Not sure...What do you think, Bruins??

For the time being ,yes,I think you should chill.It might actually create an interest on her part.She already knows you are interested[give her some credit] and it is likely why she mentioned she had a boyfriend.Perhaps sometime soon[in a week or two] you could give her the opportunity to initiate a conversation with you,maybe stand in her work area .If you play this right you might have a prospect on the backburner,but for now consider her on the backburner.

[Roberto34]

Sounds great, Bruins! Thanks alot, man!

[Roberto34]

Alright, today's update:

 

Again, didn't look in her direction a whole hell of alot, but my friend at work told me that she was looking at me again.

 

I also did notice her looking a few times when I did quickly glance over there. Thing is, I did just that...quickly glance, and turned like I didn't notice her. It looked like she was upset that I wasn't paying attention one time when I was coming back from lunch break.

 

I'm thinking that I shouldn't be doing this to her/me. I should see what can become of this, regardless of if she has a man or not. She might even think I'm "weird" because I haven't spoken to her/looked at her since Monday (when she told me about her man).

 

I've decided that I will try and start a friendship with her, starting this upcoming Monday. I don't know how much longer I have left of her being with me on 1st shift, and I know that I have to make use of this time to be able to talk with her. I believe she's going to 2nd shift once she's done with her training.

 

I just don't know how to go about being friends with a girl. I mean, I can ask "how was you're weekend? what did you do?," but where do I go from there??

 

I can tell her what I did (if she's interested), but I mean, what do I say from there? I'd like to carry on a convo with her, but it'd be hard for me to be like "I know you said you have a man, but would you like to do something sometime, just as friends?" or is that what I should say??

 

Most girls won't look at it as "just friends," and 99.99% of BF's won't either. I know it'll be her decision, but I feel as though she let me know she's got a man, and that she was letting me know she was content with him or whatever.

 

So how do I go about being "friends" with her??

 

Thanks everyone!!

[Roberto34]

Today's update:

 

Well, she was looking absolutely gorgeous again today. I mean, she just appeals to me so much. She isn't the model type, etc., but to me, she is what I want...EXACTLY what I want.

 

Her natural beauty is just so refreshing. I like her style that she dresses as well. It's simple, but unique at the same time. She's gorgeous...OK, I just had to get that off my chest, haha.

 

Anyways...One of my friends in my Dept. told me that when she came in this morning, she actually walked in our Dept. accross the little "dividing line" that connects our 2 Depts.

 

She has NEVER done that before, because she always used to walk the long way around to her area in her Dept.

 

Makes me wonder about that...

 

OK, we caught eyes a few more times today, but when we did, she just turned away once, and I turned away the other time.

 

I have to X-ray a product that I assemble, and that machine is in her Dept., literally about 5 feet from her. I asked my friend to watch her as I went over there, and tell me if she looks at me.

 

I came back, and he said that she def. looked at me. He told me that when I 1st got up, she looked over after a second and it looked like she was sort of "panicked" like "where did he go?!?"

 

Then he told me that she saw me walking, and she watched me walk to the machine and stuff. He said she looked at me when I was using the machine, too.

 

OK, and here's the last thing...This also has NEVER happened. I park in the upper parking lot because I love my car too much, haha. There is less people in that parking lot, and where I park, less damage can potentially happen (hope I didn't just jinx myself). Also, this entrance is where the Office/Human Resources is.

 

I'm pretty sure she's figured out that I park up there, because every morning, I have my music going in my car, and my car is very distinctive. I think she figured out that it's me every morning somehow, haha. She parks in the lower parking lot, on the other side of the building.

 

OK, so here's what I was leading up to:

 

We both left at 2:30 today, and I came outta the bathroom and saw her rounding the corner to leave. I punched out, and proceeded to leave. This may be tricky to explain, so bare with me...

 

I have to go upstairs in order to go out the entrance that I come into in the morning. That side of the building is above ground, whereas the other side is below ground relative to the parking lot I park at. We basically work "underground," haha.

 

Anyways, there's a few ways to get upstairs. One is the way I take, and the other, you have to walk down to the other end of the building, and come up near the Office.

 

OK, so I'm walking my way to exit the building, and there she is, walking right towards me! Unless she stopped at the Office, I think that maybe she was trying to bump into me.

 

I gave a slight smile, and just casually said while we walked by...

 

Me: What's going on?

Her: Good...

 

Haha, maybe she didn't hear me correctly, but that's whatever. I think that my ignoring just might be working.

 

Damn, I just wish she didn't have this man or whatever...I really want to talk with her and everything. I don't want to play any sort of game at all. I think the way I'm going about this isn't all that bad, but I just wish that for once, I could be single, and the woman I'm interested in, could be single as well.

 

I have no clue as to "why" she keeps looking, etc., as well as her actions today and in the morning.

 

OK, hit me with your thoughts, etc.

 

Thank you, everyone...

[bostonbruins24]

Maybe you could initiate another conversation and try to make it a lengthy one and see if she mentions her boyfriend again.

[Roberto34]

That's a great idea, Bruins. Although I understand that it'll give her the opportunity to bring him up again, I also feel that she's already made it clear about having him; so maybe she wouldn't feel it necessary to bring him up again??

 

I'm also not sure how to have a "lengthy" convo with her...I could ask about the weekend or whatever, but in all honesty, those conversations don't last long.

 

I just wish if she was into me, she'd let me know. Regardless of the BF or not, just let me know. Maybe she's doubting him and her. If that's the case, why be with someone that give you doubts??

 

I'm lost, and I have no clue anymore...

[Roberto34]

Well, another day, another lame update...

 

Once again, we looked at each other. This time, we locked eyes a few times today, holding it for a second, and then one of us turning away.

 

I had a few shots to talk with her today, once in the morning, and once as she was leaving, but I didn't take the chance(s).

 

I was wrestling with the idea of "caving in" and talking to her, or just keep going about this how I have been since last Monday.

 

Every day that passes, sees me grow more frustrated. I WANT to talk to her...I WANT to know about her...I WANT more and more.

 

I feel as though today she was looking at me in hopes of me coming and talking with her. Ugggh...I'm am completely frustrated at this point. I find myself actually angry with myself for not knowing what to do about this.

 

That's all I've got, everyone. Any thoughts??

[kadvati79]

The biggest mistake most people who are shy make is trying to talk to early.

 

Talking is only a small part of a massive array of communication mechanisms that we as humans possess, many of these forms of communication are automatic and much more reliable than the words we say.

 

Here's what I would do:

 

When you catch her looking at you, smile back. Assess her reaction. Does she look away suddenly, does she smile back, does she blush.

 

Another time you catch her looking at you, wink, or do something funny. For example, if its late in the day and you're in an office that's really busy... wipe your forehead and pretend your hand is a gun and put it at your head... gesturing that its a tough day! Use these non-verbal gestures to communicate with her and be funny at the same time. Make them funny, make them exaggerated for effect.

 

If you do this a few times, you will have broken the ice without even having to speak to her. Step it up each time. First time a smile, next time a funny gesture. A smile is contagious, a funny gesture can make someones day.

[Roberto34]

Thanks, Moto! Thing is, we've spoken a few times already.

 

I'm sure you didn't read all 8 pages of this, and I don't blame you, haha.

 

I thought she was attracted to me the way she was looking at me, and with her and I catching each other looking at one another.

 

One day I invited her up to eat lunch with us (me and the people I sit with). Long story short, she said she likes to get out so that she can talk with her man on the cell phone.

 

Well, that was last Monday, and I haven't said anything to her since that day. I still catch her looking at me though, with today holding eye contact until one of us looked away. We've never smiled at each other, but the times where I want to, she looks away so fast.

 

What are your thoughts on all of this??

 

Thank you.

[kadvati79]

Thanks, Moto! Thing is, we've spoken a few times already.

 

I'm sure you didn't read all 8 pages of this, and I don't blame you, haha.

 

I read it all, answer still stands. Make her laugh buddy! And don't do it by talking, do it with funny gestures.

 

I used to do this with a girl in a previous job. I actually only spoke to her like twice (although we hooked up in the photocopy room at the office party, but that's another story).

 

She would look at me and I would make a funny gesture. Sometimes it would be pointing at a co-worker and making an "insane" gesture with my hands. Or noting our boss had just closed his door and making "masturbation" gestures. Our office was fairly quiet, and I made her burst into hysterics more than once with the whole office turning to look at her.

 

Regardless of her current status, this is a great confidence booster and practice for you. I would say she is clearly interested in you in some way.

 

Don't forget... make her laugh

[Roberto34]

Thanks Moto!! Great advice.

 

So even with her man, my thoughts of her showing interest/being interested are correct??

 

If so, why'd she bother telling me "...so I can talk with my boyfriend"??

 

Thanks alot, Moto!