Security Tennis

[determined]

Well we haven't spoken since my proposition last Monday...a whole week guys, in 2 years I've never not had contact with her for a whole week and in 3 months of being broken up this is the longest silent stint....I feel kind of strong, kind of weak and very vulnrable, although she wont know that.

 

So I take it I keep sat tight yeah??? Had an amzing weekend with my friends in Manchester which really took my mind off things, but now I'm tired, at work and thinking quite depressing thoughts.

[majord23]

Hey determined.

Mate, well done! You are showing real strength my friend. I'm happy to hear that you had a good weekend and that it seemed to distract you a bit...keep busy!

It's natural for you to feel down at the moment bro....you've had a great weekend, and then after all of that activity and being surrounded by your friends, you find yourself back into your usual routine.

I always found Sunday evenings/Monday mornings the worst. Coming home to an empty flat, feeling tired and nothing to occupy my time except thoughts of my ex.

You mentioned that you're tired...you'll find that how you feel emotionally will mirror the way you feel physically. When you're tired or stressed, you'll feel more depressed. Whenever you start to feel down, always think about how you feel physically as well - if you don't feel the best, chances are that it is contributing more than a little to your mental state.

 

This week will be a long one determined. I'm not going to sugar-coat it for you - I won't ever do that, I'll always be honest.

 

You'll find yourself wondering more than ever why she hasn't called and your urge to contact her will feel almost uncontrollable...but you have to control it.

You may even feel yourself getting really angry...that's more related to the ol' 'fight or flight' response. You either want to run as far away from the thing (or person) causing you pain, or you'll want to fight it (ie hurt her back).

Under no circumstamces (while you want her back) should you ever act on that anger - you'll say something you'll regret and want to retract it immediately....and without even realising it, you find yourself back in the submissive role (also known as 'square one').

 

To answer your question: Yes, sit tight. Use this time to prepare yourself for when she nexts calls (she will call....don't think she won't....she definitely will)....think of questions she may ask you (you know her well, so you probably can guess what she will ask) and prepare your answers.

 

Remember, your answers shouldn't give too much away, you have to remain aloof and definitely give her the impression that you're doing ok without her.

I once shocked my ex with a simple answer - I had been an emotional wreck for weeks and she had complete control over the situation. Anyway, we didn't speak for a couple of weeks....when she did call, she asked me how I was. All I said was "Better than what I thought I would be actually". It really took her by surprise and she proceeded to follow it up with about 20 more questions lol.

 

Of course, I faltered during those '20 questions' and made her feel secure. I literally assured her (by the end of the conversation) that I hadn't met anyone, that I did miss her and that I would take her back in a second. At the end of the day determined, there's an old saying about learning from your mistakes...you have the opportunity now to learn from mine

 

Stay strong mate - I really admire the way you are handling this!

[Beec]

Sit tight, sit tight, plan or script your repsones to what you expect her to ask, when and if she calls. Do not call her. You put the ball in her court, wait for her to hit it back.

 

If you wait, and she doesn't want you, you are limiting the pain you will feel. If you wait and she still wants you, you appear more independent and not needy. If you contact her, she will either reject you, or you appear needy. You are playing the game, play to win.

[determined]

Well guys I still didn't contact her. I also toyed with the idea of valentines card etc but from your teaching I've learnt the impact will be far greater if I send her nothing. She know me really well so she'll be expecting something so not to would be quite strong I think, may hammer home a reality check also. However, I'm not expecting anything from her.

 

Her flat mate (my friend from school) rang me and told me that she didnt ask me up as she had just moved into her flat that week and that she was going to Chester to see her family (yeah right, that is also where the loser lives), apparently she says only nice things about me but goes on about how this idiot has been unemployed for 2 months???? I'm now starting to think this new guy is a complete joke which makes me feel better (she is a fshion student and very high maintenence, not to say that she should be with me for my money!!) Anyway, Wednesday now a week and 2 days and no contact....will she break first is the question, it's like an organised stand off as I know what she's thinking to an exetent and she kind of knows what I'm thinking.

 

Still must stay stromg though

[determined]

I'm also starting to think about the fact that she is with this other guy. If we were to get back together I'm hoping I dont resent her for being with this bum. However, if you were in my position what would you think/do. I love her that much that I'd be looking at a complete new start...if the opportunity arose that is.

 

Obviously I need to waiy until this unemployed waster plays himself out, but I can't help feeling anger towards her, I mean where did her standards go to get with this gorilla. I don't want to look at her and think "pathetic" but I'm starting to?????????????????????

[majord23]

I'm also starting to think about the fact that she is with this other guy. If we were to get back together I'm hoping I dont resent her for being with this bum. However, if you were in my position what would you think/do. I love her that much that I'd be looking at a complete new start...if the opportunity arose that is.

 

Obviously I need to waiy until this unemployed waster plays himself out, but I can't help feeling anger towards her, I mean where did her standards go to get with this gorilla. I don't want to look at her and think "pathetic" but I'm starting to???

 

Again determined - well done for not contacting her. I know that I've said it a few times, and you may think that I am *just saying it*...but I'm not - you are doing so well during such a tough time. I'm in awe bro.

 

Remember I said a couple of days ago that you may start feeling angry mate? It's natural....the important thing is not to make any rash decisions or take any action on the spur of the moment. If you feel like telling her exactly how you feel, write a letter...and don't send it. Tell yourself that you'll send it in a week if you still feel the same way - I guarantee that after a week you'll feel differently.

 

At the moment you are going through a range of feelings - anger, hurt, despair...and even moments of feeling happy (although those 'happy' moments may be few and far between). So to act on how you're feeling *at this very moment* is not the best thing to do when you can't be 100% certain about how you'll feel in a couple of days.

 

I acted out of anger...and it's the worst thing I could have done. So definitely avoid (as tempting as it may seem) giving her a good serve.

 

As to what happens if you get back together? Well, that is entirely up to you. I'm someone who finds it quiet easy to forgive....but very hard to forget and thus, there would always be some friction if a reconciliation was to eventuate in my situation.

If you are able to let go of the past and start 'fresh', then do it. Pretend that it is the first time you are going out...she will have to do her part though, and that means cutting contact with her now BF (hopefully ex)...and committing herself completely to you. Bottom line - it has to be a new start for BOTH of you.

 

Valentines is a definite no go. Now I am not promising anything here...and I have no way of knowing for sure....BUT, I suspect that your ex may see Valentine's as a milestone (as far as you're concerned). She may think that you aren't contacting her....but that there is NO WAY that you can let Valentine's pass without contacting her. I'm going out on a limb, but she may very well *expect* you to contact her on Saturday.

For that reason, it is imperative that you don't. Keep her waiting mate...keep her guessing. Valentine's day will come and go...and I can say with almost complete certainty that she will wonder why you didn't say 'Boo'.

 

You are in the box seat determined (although you may not feel like it). You have all the power in the world at the moment - she doesn't know why you haven't called, she doesn't know what you did last weekend....and remember, she has a distraction (BF)....she will wonder how you can be so strong without one.

 

Chin up bro....I really am proud of you (in a manly way of course mate )

[Alan]

dear determined,

 

I know how u feel exactly bro. My girl friend of 2 years broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. The thing with me tho is that before we broke up, we had the most wonderful month of nothing but happiness, then all of a sudden she breaks up with me. When she broke up with me she was in tears and said that we just weren't meant to be. Then two days after that I found out the reason she broke up with me was because she found someone else. I don't know if you two broke up more than once before this but we did. She broke up with me once and before and ended up coming back to me. We were toether for another 9 mos then she ended it with me again. I don't even know a thing about this guy. She already says that they she loves him and he loves her, which i'll get back to later. To me, if she does come back I'll easily look past what she did because in comparison to what I did to her I guess we would be kind of even. She gave !00% love and I'd only go half way. The only thing that might be hard to forgive is if they already had sex. I've made a commitment to myself then ifshe does come back I'll make her the happiest she has ever, ever been. But what I wanna ask you or anyone on this thread is, do they really love each other already? because that is the scariest part to me

[vfunkera]

hey guys great conversation we've got going on here, if only the majority could see it.

 

determined, like majord said, you are doing brilliant. You are doing better then most people in your situation, and that is why we are praising you!

 

Break ups are a time of personal growing. It is a time where you look back at your mistakes, and correct them. It is a time where you look back at your pros, and improve them! It is a time to re-invent yourself, upgrade yourself anf become a new, better version! I have learned so much on this website about relationships, and continue to do so- this very thread is teaching me things.

 

One thing i have learned is that the sooner you move on and give that impression, the sooner they will regret what they threw away. Thats what you are doing right now- giving the impression that you are moving on, and you must remain consistent. Make sure you are actually moving on and not pinning on her.

 

Wanting a given amount of time that you can expect a phone call from her does not show any leaning toward growth, but towards dependency. I know its difficult time with Valentines day approaching, but realize you are a new man reborn with new wisdom and will go into your next relationship wiser, and more confident. The people who are successful in relationships, as well as life in general, learn from their pain, use it as a growing experience, and move forward. Thats why you should smile when its over.

 

How do you move on? Accept that the past is the past and keep yourself busy like you did in Manchester. Sometimes silence is the best answer. You stay silent and mysterious, and that will only raise more confusion and thought-provoking on her part. That is another benefit of no-contact.

 

I also know where you are coming from in terms of anger. Read through these articles upto the 'third stage of breaking up' if you already haven't, and realise that you are not alone and the remedy we are offering is the correct one!

 

 

Good luck

[determined]

Thanks guys. Friday morning and still no word....and I haven't broken yet. The more that time passes the easier it is to think of not contact her, or is it harder as the time creates a gap between both of us. Will she be thinking of me? I don't know as she went to this loser this week, probably for V day which I find a bit hurtful but then again I always was going to.

 

Will it really create an impavt if I dont send a card? She probably wont be expecting anything but then again the last time I spoke to her (which will be 2 weeks on Monday, I did declare how I felt)??? I wont be sending anything anyway.

 

Vfunkera, I remember a very inspiring post by you "Want your ex back, I have the answer I did it" what happened there? Any pointers and what you did or didn't do which can help explain my future movements.

 

I'm going out out on Sat night (V day) with this girl I have been dating but I haven't taken it to an intimate level, I haven't even kissed her as at the time I felt this would be unfair, I'm now starting to think what the hell am I waiting for, go for it, if it works and is good then bonus, knowing my luck just as I start getting into it my ex will start to contact me....or maybe I'm hoping that will happen in a way???

 

Thank you again guys, I can't help thinking of her all the time everyday, although this is starting to decrease week by week. She told me she thinks of me every day and cries sometimes??? Will she still be thinking of me or is the no contact making it easier for her to forget???

 

Thank you again guys, its this forum that is keeping me strong

[determined]

One more thing. I'm starting to worry that the no contact will actually push her into the arms of the loser more. Wont she think "I never called to ask him up that time, he hasn't contacted me, i shouldn't contact him as it will hurt him etc etc". Wont she be afraid to contact me in case she upsets me, gives me false hope etc and wont she find emotional fulfilment in this guy, despite it being crap compared to what we had?

 

Just dont know the best way to get into her head.

[majord23]

Vfunkera, thanks for your input bro- I'm really hoping that, at some stage, this thread can be used as "exhibit a" in relation as to how 'no contact' can work.

From determineds' posts, I know just how hurt he is and exactly how he feels....which makes the fact that almost 2 weeks have passed, and he hasn't even taken a small backward step (contact wise) - truly remarkable.

 

Determined...again, you deserve much praise mate! Awesome strength.

 

To put your mind at ease...there is no way that she isn't thinking of you!

 

As I've said before - Although you may not agree, I do think that she will be expecting some form of contact on V day. She will see it as a perfect 'excuse' for you to contact her.

If you can stay strong, I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts you next week....because she won't know what the heck is going on.

 

Always try to see things from her point of view...how do you think she is going to feel?....

 

You tell her that you love her, she knows that you want her back...and THEN a mere 2 weeks later, on the (supposedly) most romantic day of the year....not so much as a text from you.

 

Her thought processes will be something like this mate: "Why hasn't determined even texted me on V day? I can justify not contacting him, because I have a BF....but he doesn't have a GF, so....whoa....wait a minute!!!!"

I guarantee that she will be wondering if you have hooked up with someone.....why else would you not contact her, right?

 

Don't even think about pushing her further towards her new BF.....contacting her, and making her aware that you love her and want her back *will* do that.

Simply because she will be thinking that there is no rush...you'll *always* be there for her....so she can stay with the new BF knowing that if it doesn't work out, good ol' determined is there waiting as a safety net. Remember...learn from my mistakes!

 

Don't try to get into her head too much though....you'll start reading too much into alot of insignifcant events/conversations.

If you want to attempt to figure out what she is thinking, post it here mate...and let some of the board members do the hard work for you - afterall, we will be far more objective in our analysis because we aren't in the middle of the situation.

 

Bottom line of that is - you can only control your own actions determined. Concentrate on staying strong and not contacting her....and the rest will fall into place

 

One last thing - I think you're doing the right thing with the new girl in your life. It would be easy to try and ease the pain by jumping straight into another r/s...but you're showing her respect for her and being honest with her...kudos!

[determined]

Mjord

 

In regard to the ex you ended up getting back with for 3 months.... how long were you split up for? Did she someone else in between? Why didn't it work?

 

I hope you dont mind me asking, simply tring to gage and understanding

[vfunkera]

hey majord and determined, no problem brothers i'll try to help out some more, and share my own situation since this seems like a great place where everyone will listen and also benefit as well.

 

Determined i remember that post, but at the time i had never got back with my ex. *Time to get emotional* We broke up almost 7 months ago, and I'm still on the no contact myself which i started properly in November- but even if she does come back, i don't think i will take her. You know the thing is, i know that she probably wants to get back with me, and its frustrating that she is too shy and has too much pride to go for what she wants. Next week will be one year since we started getting involved, and i can't help but feel a little hurt. Valentines Day will be pretty hard. If only we could still be together, and we could share the day and our anniversary. I've got the urge to contact her right now.

 

But you know what? I bet shes probably feeling exactly the same way i am. And knowing how emotional girls are, i know that her heart strings will be pulling twice as much as mine. But she still won't call me, so why should i? Hell no, she dumped me, so she has to come for me.

 

One more thing. I'm starting to worry that the no contact will actually push her into the arms of the loser more. Wont she think "I never called to ask him up that time, he hasn't contacted me, i shouldn't contact him as it will hurt him etc etc". Wont she be afraid to contact me in case she upsets me, gives me false hope etc and wont she find emotional fulfilment in this guy, despite it being crap compared to what we had?

 

NO NO NO NO NO NO! Don't get tempted into it! Thats exactly what i thought, and thats exactly what everyone thinks, which is why the majority start chasing the ex around.

 

By calling, you're just asking for a panic attack. You give in and call or e-mail and you will get a complete slap in the face by being ignored by her. Then your back to square one, feeling as bad as you did the day they got dumped. And if you are "lucky" enough to be given an ambiguous response, you're given a tiny piece of string to hold onto while she continues to go out and have her fun...without you. It's NOT worth it.

 

As for this guy, he is what we call a rebound. He is simply there to cover you up. She still loves you, there is no doubt

 

She told me she thinks of me every day and cries sometimes??? Will she still be thinking of me or is the no contact making it easier for her to forget???

 

BUT realise that she has to find out herself. Read what majord said , carefully he is completely right. Women are very emotional-based, which is why they tend to restrict their feelings of loss rather then face it up front like you are! At the end of the day, mate you will be the one who will turn up on top. She will eventually see this guy is not the one and it is you- she will come running back, and you will have moved on. Thats why you desrve the praise we are giving you.

 

Determined the reality is that Change is SLOW and GRADUAL. It requires hardwork, a bit of luck, a fair amount of self sacrifice, and ALOT of PATIENCE.

 

The fact is that girls do like strong men. If you let her know you need her desperately, she won't think of you as the best response to her biological needs. Change your behavior. Act as if she is someone important for you, but that you would not suffer more than 2 seconds if she decides to go away. Women accept almost anything from a man accept worship, and desperation.

 

By begging them to comeback, or asking for another chance, or asking them why they don't love you anymore, or playing tennis etc; you are only giving her MORE satisfaction, just like she gives you satisfaction when she delivers the ball back.

 

Read what i said carefully, read it again. Read majord23's post, and again. Now follow them, and understand that it is the path to happiness and getting your ex back. You start to chase, she will run. You start to run and she will chase. Thats what you've been doing in tennis. This time, keep the ball, like you are fantastically.

 

Good luck

[Beec]

While I undrstand and advocate teh "no contact" rule, I consider there to be a huge exception to this rule. This exception is only for the people who can really play the game and keep their emotions in check.

 

How many posts have we seen where someone sees their ex with anohter and immediately wants them back? I've seen a lot. Think of what would happen if one saw an ex happy who was not and did not appear to be needy in the least bit. If you really can pull off the acting job, then go for it. Make contact, be happy to see them, act like you need and want nothing from them. Very few are capable of this.

 

However, if you get to a point of no contact after 7 months like vfunkera and want to take a chance. What have you got to lose? Making the arrangements to jsut run into them may be difficult, but it can work.

 

determined, you are no there yet to worry about this. But there is a point when it is the only chance you have, and if you are willing to take it, then who knows. It may have a chance and you could win an Oscar.

[vfunkera]

Indeed Beec, I have broken up with her for 7 months, but i've only had no contact for 4 months now (which is still a long time i suppose) and i still do not feel posotive about how i would feel if i saw her. Some part of me still wants them here with me, and i don't think that will ever change.

That means that i will only ever contact her if i wanted a friendship. Anything else and the ball is in her court.

 

Determined, the overal impression you are trying to give to the ex is that you are moving on. Which is why when in their presense you must put your acting skills on, and blow them away. Stop looking in their direction, and have fun.

 

 

[majord23]

Mjord

 

In regard to the ex you ended up getting back with for 3 months.... how long were you split up for? Did she someone else in between? Why didn't it work?

 

I hope you dont mind me asking, simply tring to gage and understanding

 

Of course I don't mind you asking mate.

We were apart for 8 months...after being together for 3. She ended up going back to her ex BF, who had dumped her 6 months before we hooked up...he was the proverbial 'dog in a manger' (found out about me, got jealous and wanted her back...).

 

Anyway, she went back to him despite having telling me that he was a low-life. I wanted to stay with her...but just said, "Fine - do what you want, I'm not sticking around".

 

She contacted me 4 months later....he had broken her heart again. It then took *her* about 4 months to convince *me* to forgive her (the irony, huh?). But when we eventually got together I just found that I couldn't forgive her for making me her 'second choice'....so I ended it 3 months later.

 

This happened about 4 years ago....I ran into one of her friends about half-way through last year - Apparently she is single...and still pining for the ex that broke up with her twice. Silly girl.

[hairybda]

Hi Guys,

 

Reading all 17 pages has me in stitches... Its nice to know there are other people in the same boat.

 

It is fascinating what how our minds seem to override what our hearts tell us.

 

I am in the same situation as most of you others... and now she has the ball after I put my cards down on the table friday night.

 

So, we'll see!

 

Sean

[spatzcolumbo]

OK guys, i've been following this thread, and posted in it a few times. Well over the last few weeks i had been trying to decide whether to send a valentines card or not tomy ex. I decided not to, because she knows what i am like, and would have been expecting a card or a message or something. So i thought i'd test her to see if she would react. I managed (evenwhen drunk) to refrain from sending anything at all...and this morning i got my first text from her in 3 weeks. It just said "hello! Hope you're ok...", and then said that her parents had just received a card we sent them a year ago when we were on holiday. (dodgy UK postal service!!).

 

I have no idea whether i should reply to this or not, or whether it is a good sign that she messaged me. Did my plan of not messaging her on V Day draw this response from her??

 

Any thoughts?

[determined]

Well today (Monday) marks the 2 week mark of no contact. I didn't hear a peep from her over the weekend???? Also, her flat mate rang me (we use to go to the same school). Tried so hard not to ask any questions but when she mentioned her name I ended up asking dumb things, basically my ex doesn't think things look good for us in getting back together, she still has feelings for me, everything is still raw and that although there is lack of feelings for this new loser she enjoys spending time with her as he is really good to her. I got off the phone as quick as I could and my Sunday was somewhat ruined after a really nice v day with a new girl I'm seeing., I still resited being intimate with her as I wasn't feeling ready, now I'm thinking screw it and dive in.

 

When this kind of feedback is given, is it usually carved in stone. How can my ex say that when she tells me she loves me, cries over me etc? I know I said to her flat mate that I was fine, happy with new girl (I exageratted the level of the relationship as a pride shield really). Can my ex be so definate? I still haven't heard from her, will I ever???? Is this the final curtain or am I reading way too much into things due to my hyper sensitive state???

[determined]

Another problem I'm having is that I end up staying up til 1.30/2.00am with her uncle (I live with her uncle as that is who we lived with when we moved to London, she's moved back north to uni and we are best mates now). Anyway, we both stay up really late smoking and drinking then I have to get up at 7am to get to work. This is really posing as a huge setback as I'm so tired all the time that its easy to fall deeper into depression. Guess I would feel alot more positive if I was gyming it, sleeping etc.

 

Her grandmother rang on Sun, and said how sorry she was to hear about our break up and that she was really upset by it and had her fingers crossed...nearly broke down but simply said, well I'm moving back to Newcastle in September so maybe later down the line etc etc. Her family is kind of supporting me more than her????

[spatzcolumbo]

Hey determined, thats gotta be hard living with Uncle - is it not awkward at all?? I don't think it does any good drinking / smoking either!! Not if you're anything like me anyway - just a few drinks will get me thinking about things evenmore than i usually do - over analyzing and ultimately getting annoyed about stuff.

 

I'm still trying to decide whether her messaging me was a good thing (e.g. whether she just did it because she was expecting me to message her on V Day). I cant help but feel its gotta partly be because of that!!

 

And i still haven't decided whether to keep my ball or hit it right back at her!!! I guess it depends on whether her message means there is still a slight bit of interest on her part!!

[majord23]

determined,

As I have said before, actions speak louder than words. The new BF may treat her well, and she may *say* that getting back with you doesn't look good....but if she was definite about it, why would she tell you that she loves you? On top of that why *wouldn't* she tell you that things weren't looking good for you 2?

She wants her cake and she wants to eat it too. Your gf is still in the 'honeymoon' period of her r/s. I think she knows this, and she has probably identified a thing or two about her new bf that she doesn't like….so she wants to keep you there just in case the things she doesn't like turn out to be intolerable.

 

Alternatively, she may know that her flatmate is in contact with you…and thought she may illicit a response from you by saying it. It's impossible to say mate, but you shouldn't allow it to distract you from your goal…no contact.

The ex that I 'successfully' got back told me all sorts of things – "Move on", "I'm in love with the other guy", "You'll meet someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated" (arrghh…that one is always vomit-inducing!)…..but after all of that, who was it that crawled back, begging?

 

Playing up your 'r/s' to the flatmate was a good move….word may get back to your ex and she will probably get a bit of a shock. Don't jump into anything with this new girl though bro, not until you feel ready and that you can confidently say that you would prefer to be with her instead of your ex.

Karma has a habit of turning around and biting people….if you mess her around because of your ex, you may very well be losing someone that could potentially be someone special to you.

 

Focus on yourself determined…don't pay any attention to what she is supposedly doing or what she says to her flatmate. 2 weeks have passed, and I bet that you have a few more positive moments than you used to.

 

She will contact you mate….I know she will…keep remembering that and preparing for it.

[Beec]

Stay the course determined stay the course.

 

Your objective is to get her back and get her back for good. When she comes back is much less of a concern. Sure, sooner would be better, but if it is next month of next year should be less important than that she comes back for good, or until you no longer want her.

 

The only way to get her back is to remember what you need to deliver when the opportunity arises, a little emotional fulfillment but accompanied by aloofness. You cannot ever chase her. If you chase, she is likely to run and you have killed your aloofness.

[spatzcolumbo]

Hey Beec, can you shed any light on my situation - like i said, i haven't contacted my ex for three weeks, and decided to not send anything at all over V Day in the hope it might spark a reaction. Sunday morning i got that reaction - a fairly 'nothing' message on the face of it, but i'm trying to decide whether a 'nothing' message actually says quite a lot when it is SUnday mornin after V Day and is the first contact for three weeks?!?

 

And i STILL dont know whether to reply. Most opinions are telling me NO.

 

However whats worrying me is the quote below, which i read some place:

 

"So when your ex calls/SMS's/emails, you should respond if you wants them back. Not right away, and you shouldn't over do it, but you should respond and leave the ball in their court to give them a comfort zone and a good image of you. Don't play games.

 

If you don't respond at all your ex may read that as you moving on. "

 

Then a little bit more that i am reading:

 

"Once the dumper tries to comes back, the rules change. If they call, then they have changed or are thinking about changing their mind (whatever they might think) and the walls are coming down a bit. But your ex may just be feeling bad about what they did and trying to get some comfort for theirself. But it doesn't matter, it shows that your ex is thinking about you. Keeping your ex at a distance lets them continue to lower the walls until eventually they are trying hard to get you back. So you talk, you are civil, you can state your terms, offer to take them back, but you cannot beg them to come back."

 

So is a text like this a sign of someone starting to even consider coming back?

 

Hmmm, so now i don't know WHAT to think!!

[Beec]

Her message may be a sign or her coming back or wanting to, but you cannot really tell wihtout talking to her and trying to work on it.

 

However, she has in a sense broken the ice. Ignore her for too long and she will get angry, she just hit the ball into your court, you need to hit it back if you want her back. But when and how is key. It is only a test message, so it is not I want to hear your voice and whether you pine for me. It is simply a "can I get him to respond to me" message. You should respond within three days, but definitely not right away. I'd would send her something meaningless tomorrow.

 

I an when you talk to her, be vague but try to work it, the body language and spoken language are going to be inconsistent. Your body languageis going to have to be friendly at times, not affected by your prior romance, and sexual at times (as in I want you body language). You spoken language is going to have to be friendly and then vague. There is no flirting per se, there is friendly chat and vague intentions. Do not say anything with your words indicating desire, say it with you hips, arms and eyes.