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I swear that this is the truth and no wprd of a lie, as soon as I posted my last message I got a messgae from her but I haven't replied as I was going into a meeting and wanted to give her some of her own medicine!


It basically said "hello "pet name" howz things and how was your weekend, I'm now working over easter so been really busy, hope life is still exciting as ever in London for you, big love jojoxxxx"



WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT!!!! and crazy at its timings...I still haven't replied, I'll wait for your advice on whether to as I really don't have a clue how to think objectively on this right now.


hey cheif maybe you are not the best for eachother, don't hate her for it,

bless her, thanks her for the good memories and let it go


if your allways looking back how will you see where you are going?


then again im sure she doesn't really know what she wants!




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Well I didn't reply and low and behold she rang me when I was on the train home. Had a good chat she kept paying me compliments for my job etc and how she is really bored but its great to hear that I'm flying around Europe. I even got a wee dig in saying how she would have loved Barcelona and that her new guy should take her this summer, simply replied "yeah right like he'll ever do that", she also said she is really looking forward to seeing me and that she hopes I live near her when I move back to Newcastle.


Well just when I thought I was out of the game. I do get your jist with not right for each other she is playing the game etc, but when I understand the rules things are great, when they catch me out I feel terrible. I do love her and some of you will understand that despite advising me against her, I do believe in reconciliation if both parties are true to the act of it (not that I am confident this will happen with me). Thank you for putting up with my semi skitzo attidude guys, you've helped me alot......more than you will ever know actually.


Some days are good some bad, some times I can live without her, others I can't, but if I wind up getting back with her in the future, great I think it will be awesome, if not then i know I'll have just as good a time with someone else.


Seterimined over and out....until my next crisis

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Don't worry, I'm not being hopeful, just I would rather look at this in a positive way as opposed to a depressed morbid way. If it works out then I want to accommodate a facility for that to happen i.e. keep in touch with how I feel about her and not lie to myself by forcing myself to move on at a pace that isn't feesible...at the same time appreciate that this is unlikely and really there is no way of knowing until I'm in Newcastle again. If it doesn't happen....then hey...I was good to her, I never cheated, I always loved her and I did everything for her but that's just the way it is and I'm quite confident I will fall in love with someone else who will...hopeflly...love me back.


My point being that we should look at our situation as a win win one as opposed to "oh my god the world is over" a way of thinking we both have adopted if we are honest with ourselves.


I just feel better as I took control, I didnt reply, she rang me, she was trying to be affectionate and I didnt give an inch really although I was obviouslt nice and funny with her, just feeling better for that....because....I HAVE THE BALL....for now anyway

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It is good that you feel so positive D, but my point is that its exactly how i felt after the other night - after all the positives from her side, i felt really great about things. I felt like there was a deeper bond there, and that whatever happens, it will always be there. I felt great about it. but just a few days later, and look where i am.


It is so dangerous to even feel positive in these things, because you risk that it is merely a false feeling that feels right. Then when you fall from the high, it is a huge drop to the low.


But please don't let me rain on you parade - i'm just in a negative frame of mind at the moment

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I've done the whole meeting up kissing, sleeping together, holding hands, close stuff that led to absolute zilch.


I'm keeping my cards close this time and not giving an inch which makes me feel better and seems to create interest from her side. I know where you are coming from Spatz, it's still early days. Like Beec always said, a time frame is irrelevant, the outcome is relevant. This could take a couple of years to happen spatz, you never know, but at the same time, continue like you dont care and keep it at the back of your mind. You probably need to fall in love again before you could be successful with her, that's what I think needs to happen to me

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You are sounding like your old positive self again. What is remarkable, is the effect that contact from these exes have on us. If we had the time or the inclination, we would see it as ridiculous.


However, I know just how you feel, D.


G xx

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ummm had a text from the ex last night saying hi, how are things etc. Texted back saying I was with my brothers family and his kids were asking for her. She came back with awww tell them I will be round one day to play with clothes and make up...that is if I'm still welcome. I texted back saying of course, my bro's fanmily loved you. She texted back simply with


"I love uxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"


I didn't reply



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Well, maybe she is trying to tell you something. I haven't been following your story close enough to know the details, i mean it is an awful lot to read. However if someone tells you I love you....well, you don't do that for nothing, right? At least not when you are a senible human being acting reflectedly... (Which would exclude me!)

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This is true, but since she is seeing some goon right now I'm not really looking to enter into any discussions about that with her until she has freed herself from that situation. The guy is real low grade waste, when she ends with him....and at some point I know she will...I don't want to be party to it. The guy will probably stalk her...like he did with his ex before her and probably try and get violent towards me...which I wouldn't mind as I would see to it that this would merely extend his criminal CV...I have that planned in case he does.


Also, I'm in London and she's in Newcastle, I wont be back in Newcastle til September to finish my degree so there is little or no point getting my heart opened up when geographically it looks like emotional suicide. I love her dearly and she knows this along with where I am and how to reach me...I live with her uncle.....time will tell I suppose

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Yeah, i guess time will tell. London and Newcastle...well quite a distance there. However, for a love that should not really matter. Although I do understand that long distance relationships are not for everyone, i guess.


I just lost my relationship because of the same problem. I am from Germany, live in England and will go back home soon. My gf here split up with me cause she thinks she can't cope with the distance. And she also is seeing someone new now. But she still tells me she loves me and as far as I could figure it out she means it. I know it is hard to believe. But then again, she also says: "Why would I say it if I didn't?" We have been back and forth some time now and we both did not really want to let loose...


In a way I say keep hoping and wating...but try not to be to stressed about what is going on. If she is seeing another guy, so be it. You cannot change it. Do not even think about him. It's a waste of time!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well boys and girls it's been a while but I'm back. I went up, I went down, I went to Amsterdam with my friends, I went to Sydney with work and I feel really really good. The trauma has come to an end. I started dating this amazing girl who actually lives next door to me, she about 3 years older and broke up with her ex about 2 months ago but I never even considered her as I was wrapped up in torturing myself over something I had no control over.


One day walking and boom hits me from no where "why???" why be so upset, it's getting into summer things are great at work, this girl keeps leaving messages with the uncle I live with to go out but I just ignored them. One day she caught me and we went out in London, I always thought she was a bit square,.....I think I saw her ironing once and wrote her off due to that he he very silly.


So we gop out and she is extremely fit, clever, funny, quirky in a sexy way and has an awesome job which is amazing (ok this is sad but we both like talking about work).


Went for dinner last night and we just laughed and laughed and laughed...got stoned, laughed even more it's awesome.


I'm under no illusion that this is just a buzz now and could turn into nothing but I'm really enjoying, well, smiling and laughing.


On top of that I spoke with my ex, she only decides to tell me that I'm the guy she wants to marry and that she doubts I'll see her with the shelf stacking gimp when I go back to uni in Sept (what's that supposed to mean), oh yeah, her great line was "no one will ever have an impact on my life like you have" err what?? Sorry sweetheart make room for the more mature, faster, stronger, slimmer lady.


Thanks to you all for all your previous support, again I'll say that I am under no illusion that it will be the be all and end all with this girl but I have a jump in my step.


Take care

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one more thing


the only thing that can get you through this is simply just sitting it out, all the advice in the world brings a strategic way of thinking to get the ex back but most of the time when in that situation of feeling down even if they did come back through a strong strategy it will break down because 9/10 times the dumpee hasn't actually recovered but has simply worn a convincing mask.


The best thing, no contact to a severe degree, I'm lucky to live in the opposite ends of the UK to my ex, even though I'm seeing her when I go back...but to be fair, if this develops with the new lady then I really wont care if I see her at all.


I guess it may simply be an obsession with pride in many cases, you were dumped and so you crave that back as in you want them to want you as oppose to missing the actual person which is a form of habit. Don't get me wrong love is a factor, I blatantly still love my ex, but gus and girls, it's so so so so important for therapy purposes to put yourself on the market and advertisie yourself well....it really is a numbers game.


I wish you all the best

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It's cool, if things do get serious I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll kick down every door of ecery pub and when I find my ex I'll launch then new one in front of her and say "see, check it out, tighter ass, longer legs, nicer breasts, more up stairs, physically fit (which is great) and err err more expensive make up)


Seriously, don't know, guess I'd keep it going, I've got loads of friends down in London that I'll still like to visit and I think she would be up to see me in Newcastle too....assuming this develops of course. Guess the only possible crunch would be if my ex started to try and get me back....that would be rocky!!!! Would probably go with the ex factor which negates all I've said about recovery really doesn't it. Well I feel better and I could cope with not being with my ex if this developed, it's all about keeping the heart and mind busy, if you don't that's when you start to think...when you start to think .....that's when people get upset...stay busy, get out there and just try every possibility going, what have you to lose.


How are things spatz, any developments?

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First thing you need to do is stop comparing this new girl to your ex. For goodness sakes she is someone to try and appreciate for her own individual qualities and not shown how similar/dissimilar she is from your ex. Very unhealthy, stop! Just take this new girl out, enjoy the company, and don't think of her as a potential relationship off the bat but as a date to have fun with. Enough with the seriousness. Time to relish in the moments of the dayz and let each experience rekindle the life inside.

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Really good news for you Determined. I think that what Twizod says is absolutely correct. Enough comparisons. No relationship thoughts and see where this new journey takes you.


G xx


P.S. Oh, my lord how I laughed ..... when Determined was making the comparisons and said that the new girl had a tigher *beep*, I thought oooh she has a tighter *beep*, and then was talking to a male friend and he said oh no it could be that she has a tigher *beep*!!! Either way, no need to tell the ex this - CRUSHING!!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well things are going pretty well with the new lady. I haven't any motivation to speak to or make contact with my ex. I feel able to pretty much be ok, normal and not really feel fussed about the situation in regards to my ex...is that strange?


I'm having a really good time with this new interest and can't remember laughing with a girl like this since.....well....since I can remember. In fact I don't even want to see or hear from my ex and just see what happens in this new situation. It certainly has made me happier, bouncier and I've got the excited buzz whenever we get together. It's now been 7 months since we broke up and maybe it wasn't ever meant to be which I was unable to comprehend before and the thought of feeling like this towards someone else was impossible.


I know this is on a honeymoon period and it's all new etc but when I think about it I associate this girl with a fun buzz, challenge and laughter, I think of my ex and I think of deceit, lies, immaturity and being a general idiot.....obviously I don't hate her I just have a bit more of a realistic view of her......I hope this doesn't pass.

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This is just sods law and I would really appreciate your help on this guys & girls. Things have started picking up with the new lady and getting a bit serious. Although last night she came over with all these concerns about how she is scared because she is falling into this a little too quickly and although she likes it she wants to have control, says she hasn't stopped thinking about me and that worries her as she is usually able to control her emotions. Anyway, she's worried that if things go wrong then it would be a real problem, (she lives next door) and she would have to see me in the garden, outside the house, at the trainstation etc etc, I told her there is nothing to worry about and I would never make things a problem for her if this didn't work out, we should chill and let things take a naturel course, I think I calmed her down but how do I go about reasurring her things will be ok.


My ex has somehow been able to smell that something is happening and that I am no longer pining for her, she's texting me, trying to call me...whilst I was sat with the new girl. What should I do, I don't feel like I have to tell my ex about it as why should I, but it's so true, as soon as I start getting over her and moving on she tries and throws a spanner in the works?? What's that all about and what should I do.


Any advice please

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I gotta laugh at that. How do they know. Seriously, how do they know that once you are with someone else then is the time to call you???


Is shs sayin anything positive in terms of getting back together, or is she just snooping??


Do you even want her back??


Have to know these things before any other advice can be dished out!!

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Ummm, well I'm quite happy with the new lady right now and have no motivation to chase the ex anymore, guess it's the new and exciting thing that's going on. It will totally rile her though if she did find out, she's my nexst door neighbour and my ex and I use to go out with her and her friends when we moved down here.


She started the whole "really looking forward to you coming back to Newcastle" stuff


Right now I'd say no i dont want the ex back and not sure I will when I go back, especially if I'm still seeing the new lady who seems to have the stability I've been looking for, she's not likely to run off with a god damn shelf stacking, drug dealing baboon anyway, and I haven't laughed with a girl like I do with her in ages, also she has an engaging conversation which is unique from my previous girl friends

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