Do people believe in "positive thinking"?

[grymoire]

Again, I would ask those posters who are thinking positively vs. those not to rate their lives/happiness. I think that is a good gauge of whether it's worth it to be positive, albeit within a small sampling.

 

my life was amazing until i got into the positive thinking crap....

 

now i am weening myself of that and feel much better......

 

i really feel positive about my life now... yikes... did i just say positive?

[bulletproof]

Thinking positively doesn't mean that one has to read self-help books. Some people are just positive because that is their nature, or they have made it their nature.

 

But I will say this: How to Win Friends and Influence People DID help me tremendously with a blossoming social phobia I was developing after college. Maybe I'm dopier than most, so I needed to read a book about something that comes naturally to others, but I don't care. It worked.

[Souvenirs]

Bulletproof:

 

I agree that thinking positive might initiate the spark to action.

 

Anyways, I'd like to write more about this, it certainly is an interesting topic. Gotta work now, will come back for more.

[grymoire]

Thinking positively doesn't mean that one has to read self-help books. Some people are just positive because that is their nature, or they have made it their nature.

 

But I will say this: How to Win Friends and Influence People DID help me tremendously with a blossoming social phobia I was developing after college. Maybe I'm dopier than most, so I needed to read a book about something that comes naturally to others, but I don't care. It worked.

 

why did you have to read that book instead of joining going to parties or gym or joining a book club... and meeting new people that way and make friends?

[kuiks8]

grymoire...you don't think books are helpful? You don't think you can learn something from books?

[MinziGirl]

Being positve requires sometimes the effort to look at things the positive way even when you feel totally negative about it.

 

Yes, i believe in positive thinking. At least it helps keeps the sanity when all other thing might be falling apart.

 

And no, Positive thinking doesn't come from books. It is attitude

[jettison]

Hilarious! People are so desperate, they'll apparently believe anything. Thanks for the laugh, grymoire

 

Why is it so hilarious that people are so desperate and would resort to finding clues to their desperation in alternative methods?

 

There are a lot of desperate people on ENA as well. Are they equally hilarious?

[jettison]

yea bro.. watching a Disney movie and The Secret are quite the same. both are hilarious and very entertaining... only difference is that the Disney movie is for children and The Secret is for adult children

 

And do you categorically look down on those that would buy into this "mumbo jumbo"? And if so, are you a better person then them on some level because you're more sophisticated and not so easily fooled by rhetoric?

[jettison]

That's such an simplistic view. You can label something "self-help", then you get to easily and lazily dismiss it. It's just like any other label that anyone else uses for anything else at all if they don't like something and want something that passes as evidence to prove their point.

 

Thousands of different authors, millions of varying point of view, and limitless ideas, and yet, if you find it listed under "self-help" then it's BAD! "You idiot! That's a self-help book! Have you looked at your hand yet? It's burned a bloody crucifixion into your hand!"

 

So, so easy to be a critic. So much harder to be brave, risk the critic, be positive, and actually attempt to help someone.

[grymoire]

grymoire...you don't think books are helpful? You don't think you can learn something from books?

 

i definitely think that books are very helpful and i enjoy reading good books...

 

what really irks me is the self-help books that are feeding false hopes to people and then if something does not work the self-help gurus conveniently say "you did not think positively enough"... the entire blame is on the reader.... people end up thinking that their bad fortune is because of themselves... due to their bad attitude.... they lose touch with reality and do not realize that socio-economic factors, race, life circumstances, gender, etc play a role..... and end up feeling even more worse than they started.

 

i was once talking to my friend that believes in all this positive thinking stuff.... i was telling her how i struggled to find a job when i graduated out of college... the year was 2002.. when USA was going thru a major recession... my M.S. degree got me nowhere....... lot of my friends were struggling as well... and the ones in jobs were facing potential layoff... but guess what she said?? she said "people that do not get job basically have bad attitude"

 

hmmm... last year i went to 5 interviews and got 5 job offers........ dayum... it must have been my attitude and not things like market conditions and the economy

[jettison]

my life was amazing until i got into the positive thinking crap....

 

now i am weening myself of that and feel much better......

 

i really feel positive about my life now... yikes... did i just say positive?

 

This makes absolutely no sense on any level. You confound me. So thinking positively was a life ruiner for you "back then", but now that you've stopped thinking so positively, and started thinking negatively, life is just dandy again, and you can think positively about it.

 

Ok, I see. Call me when the shuttle lands.

[browneyedgirl36]

But you can not blame a book for YOUR actions. YOu are taking away your resposibilty for your life and blaming someone else.

 

 

I agree with this, and I'd also like to say that those of us who believe in thinking positively aren't necessarily self-help "junkies" who rely on books to tell us how to live.

 

I can only say what has worked for me. I went through a significant part of my life thinking negatively, assuming that I would never get what I want, waiting for things to get better. All it did was make me more disappointed, more miserable, less motivated.

 

Now, I realize that, for ME (at the risk of being accused of generalizing that what works for me works for everyone), being positive, for the most part, creates better results, because even if something doesn't go my way, I am able to accept it and NOT let it get me down too much. For example, if I apply for a particular position and at least have some hope that I can get it, and I still don't get it, my positive attitude is what helps me to say, "Ok, that didn't work out, but something else will at some point."

 

It's definitely not about being unrealistic or having lofty expectations or hopes. I think my expectations are far more realistic than they were when I was more negative and always disappointed, because I had TOO many expectations, and when they weren't met, it just fueled my negativity. Now, I say to myself, "Ok, I'd really like to get this position that I've applied for, and I hope I get it, but...if I don't, it's not the end of the world. I'll find something else to apply for or something else that I want to do that I'll be successful in." I don't see anything "new-agey" about that at all. Just as thinking everything will always go perfectly is unrealistic, thinking everything will go terribly is also very unrealistic.

 

Anyway, I choose to be more positive. My relationships, my health, and my life in general have improved drastically since I've started thinking about things in a different way.

[grymoire]

This makes absolutely no sense on any level. You confound me. So thinking positively was a life ruiner for you "back then", but now that you've stopped thinking so positively, and started thinking negatively, life is just dandy again, and you can think positively about it.

 

Ok, I see. Call me when the shuttle lands.

 

where did i say that i started thinking negatively?

 

i gave up all this positive thinking blah blah and adopted realistic thinking

[browneyedgirl36]

And "The Secret" actually makes people's lives worse in your estimation? Hope makes their lives worse? How is engaging in a Disney movie for two hours any worse then watching The Secret?

 

And why, on a personal level, are you disappointed? How will someone else having hope, even if it's false, affect your life negatively in the least?

 

That's a good question, Jettison. If "The Secret" gives some people hope and makes them think more positively, how is that a bad thing? I understand that it doesn't work for everyone, and that's OK, but if it works for someone, how can it be bad for other people?

[browneyedgirl36]

my life was amazing until i got into the positive thinking crap....

 

now i am weening myself of that and feel much better......

 

i really feel positive about my life now... yikes... did i just say positive?

 

I don't understand. If your life was so amazing before, then why did you read self-help books? Don't most people read self-help books because they sense something is wrong in their lives and they want to find a way to fix it?

[browneyedgirl36]

This makes absolutely no sense on any level. You confound me. So thinking positively was a life ruiner for you "back then", but now that you've stopped thinking so positively, and started thinking negatively, life is just dandy again, and you can think positively about it.

 

Ok, I see. Call me when the shuttle lands.

 

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't understand this.

[grymoire]

For example, if I apply for a particular position and at least have some hope that I can get it, and I still don't get it, my positive attitude is what helps me to say, "Ok, that didn't work out, but something else will at some point."

 

that is you being realistic and not positive thinking.... if i got for an interview and do not get the job despite doing very well the realistic thinking would be "well.. realistically the possibility of me getting the job is only 50%. there might have been other candidates more suited for the position... many people interview for the same position... let me try this other job"... that is common sense and being in touch with reality... not positive thinking.

[jettison]

where did i say that i started thinking negatively?

 

i gave up all this positive thinking blah blah and adopted realistic thinking

 

I have watched the argument unfold... that people can't just wish for something to happen, and then it happens, and I have to say that I just don't see anyone debating that point of yours. Everyone is actually in agreement that a combination of positive thinking AND hard word is what yields results. And of course, a little bit of luck thrown in never hurts.

 

But the term "realistic thinking" is just as much a fantasy because none of us know what the reality of tomorrow will bring. It's all just a, erah, fantasy. In your head, you make think it realistic to say, for example, that "I will never get this job. It just won't happen." And I will argue that all the energy you put into to not believeing that something is possible will make that goal patently impossible.

 

So, you got some new job offers? Great. That's because you thought positively. You thought, "I think I have a chance here. There's a good chance this goes right and that someone offers me a job. So, going on that intuition, I'm going to put myself out there a lot, apply, look people in the eye, put my best foot forward, care."

 

Realism vs. fantasy is a fine, fine line because the present is but an instant, the past doesn't exist, and the future, where most of our minds exist, is 100% fantasy. So for anyone to affirm, "I know what reality is" is baseless. You are fooling yourself. The present is not static. Anything we think about anything at all requires some level of projection and wishful thinking.

 

I have this idea that I'm going to be breathing 2 hours from now. Hoping that's true.

[Seraphim]

Sometimes positive thinking IS realistic, it does not mean I am 4000 pound heffer but I am gonna be a ballerina one day. I think you are interpreting positive thinking as having no base in reality.

[grymoire]

That's a good question, Jettison. If "The Secret" gives some people hope and makes them think more positively, how is that a bad thing? I understand that it doesn't work for everyone, and that's OK, but if it works for someone, how can it be bad for other people?

 

there is a difference between "hope" and "false hope"... one paragraph in that book says - you are not fat because you eat fat foods.. you are fat because you have fat thoughts... you think the food you eat makes you fat and it is that fat thought that makes you fat and not the food. bwahahahahaha... i never laughed so hard in my life...

 

and you guys continue to make the assumption that i must have been practicing 'negative thinking' because i said i gave up 'positive thinking'. i never said that... i gave up this positive thinking and started being realistic about life and things in general.. there is a difference between thinking realistically and thinking negatively.

[Seraphim]

there is a difference between "hope" and "false hope"... one paragraph in that book says - you are not fat because you eat fat foods.. you are fat because you have fat thoughts... you think the food you eat makes you fat and it is that fat thought that makes you fat and not the food. bwahahahahaha... i never laughed so hard in my life...

 

and you guys continue to make the assumption that i must have been practicing 'negative thinking' because i said i gave up 'positive thinking'. i never said that... i gave up this positive thinking and started being realistic about life and things in general.. there is a difference between thinking realistically and thinking negatively.

 

Then you do not see the book correctly, what they are talking about is EMOTIONAL eating.

[browneyedgirl36]

that is you being realistic and not positive thinking.... if i got for an interview and do not get the job despite doing very well the realistic thinking would be "well.. realistically the possibility of me getting the job is only 50%. there might have been other candidates more suited for the position... many people interview for the same position... let me try this other job"... that is common sense and being in touch with reality... not positive thinking.

 

Hmmm...well...I don't agree. I think this is just splitting hairs. To me, thinking "Oh, well, I didn't get that job, but I will get something else" is thinking positively.

 

Obviously, I'm not understanding your definitions of "positive thinking" and "realistic thinking." I have not read "The Secret" or that Normal Vincent Peale book you were talking about, so maybe I'm missing something here.

[Traveler27]

"Why is it so hilarious that people are so desperate and would resort to finding clues to their desperation in alternative methods?"

 

"There are a lot of desperate people on ENA as well. Are they equally hilarious?"

 

The video was hilarious, although I shouldn't have to point that out, and yes I understand people here on ENA are desperate - I'm on here after all. There are many serious and legitimate problems that bring people to a site like this. I do not find them hilarious; I have sympathy for them -- especially if they are turning to something like "The Secret" for answers.

Here's another interesting take on it:

link removed

[grymoire]

So, you got some new job offers? Great. That's because you thought positively. You thought, "I think I have a chance here. There's a good chance this goes right and that someone offers me a job. So, going on that intuition, I'm going to put myself out there a lot, apply, look people in the eye, put my best foot forward, care."

 

nope.. i did not think anything...

 

i just prepared for the interview, did well, was realistic about things and kept applying so that i can have my options open.... the economy was good... i got many offers.......

 

ok fellas i got to go home now........ it was nice discussing about positive thinking... see you later

[Traveler27]

"what really irks me is the self-help books that are feeding false hopes to people and then if something does not work the self-help gurus conveniently say "you did not think positively enough"... the entire blame is on the reader.... people end up thinking that their bad fortune is because of themselves... due to their bad attitude.... they lose touch with reality and do not realize that socio-economic factors, race, life circumstances, gender, etc play a role..... and end up feeling even more worse than they started."

 

very well said, particularly the part in bold, which it seems many people tend to foolishly overlook.