Washing a kid's mouth out with soap?

[unabashed]

In some states, this is considered child abuse. If a parent knows about abuse and doesn't report it, he or she is just as culpable in the eyes of the law. I would agree with the advice to check with your attorney and see where the law falls on this issue. I would further look into how judges in your geographic area respond to these kinds of concerns. Even if it isn't legally abusive, I am sure that there are qualified child psychologists who would confirm that this is an inappropriate and most likely emotionally damaging form of punishment. Your ex-wife's reactions to your young son are extreme and controlling. The way she justifies her behaviors, I would be concerned about her judgment in other areas, as well. Foremost is your responsibility to protect your son. I wish you and your son the best.

 

I personally agree that there is never a need to physically punish a child, but I understand that other people feel differently. There is a line between punishment and abuse, I guess, although I have yet to understand it. It seems that those who were punished by spanking or other physical means are the ones who justify doing it to their children. There are many proven effective techniques for teaching positive behavior to kids. Those who are "impossible" tend to be those who are emotionally unstable, and these kids need professional help, not harder and longer beatings. From my own upbringing, physical punishment was more of an expression of frustration of my parents than something designed to teach anything to me. For my friends, many who had to wait for their spanking till dad got home, it was just a lesson in fear and power. Kids are people and deserve to be treated the way any person would want to be treated. You'd be amazed at how most people respond to respect and kindness.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

At a minimum, you might be able to get a legal order barring her from washing their mouths out with soup, and if she violates that then custody reverts to you.

 

Judges will frequently warn the parent on this type of issue first, but if she continues to do it they could take custody from her if this is considered abuse in your state.

[SamiJayne]

I threaten my nephews about using soap when they curse at me. But I'd never drag them to the sink and do it to them. I've had it done to myself, its awful.

I think you should start a diary, of the things she's doing. And report it. So social services know that its an on going thing.

 

3 years old and washing his mouth out with soap. What happens when he does something more than yell back at her?

 

Children learn from there environment, and if she's yelling. He's going to learn that yelling is normal.

[anggrace]

I had my mouth washed out with soap when i was younger, my mouth was cut and bled from the harshness of my father doing it.

Thinking about it now i find it more distressing having my mouth washed out than bein spanked. And a 3 yr old having this done i think its rediculous.

 

Same here. Well, I didn't bleed from it. But it sticks in my mind more than any other whipping I got. Even the belt, youch! Im not going to do that to my child. No way.

[bpsekh]

My exwife has washed my son's mouth out with soap now 3 times that I know of he will be 3 years old this week. I have asked her to stop doing it but she blows me off saying I am "delusional". She is washing his mouth out with soap for yelling at her, but my daughter says all mom ever does is yell at them, so he is just "learning by example". We have joint custody of the kids and it is a little less than 50-50,although their primary residence is with me.

 

Now I am old school on the discipline thing, I spank as one of my punishments. But washing out a 3 year olds mouth with soap? I don't think he understands that, not to mention it is kind of barbaric vs a swat on the butt.

 

What do ya'll think about it?

 

You should talk your ex-wife into making him suck a lemon instead.

 

The most important thing to do, especially for children is to explain things to them.

 

"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."

- Proverbs 15:4

[FeelingNumb]

I think there is nothing wrong with a spank on the bottom or time out for a 3 yr old. CPS for soap is a little Harsh don't you think?? Soap for a three year old may be as well. When our kids were five we threatened them with a dab of Tabasco suace on thier tongue. We'd rub the top of the bottle with our fingertip as to only get a small amount. It lasted for a few minutes which they didn't like, and was not toxic... when they'd mis behave we'd pull out the tabasco bottle and place it nearby. It was very effective... My oldest who is now going to be nine, for some reason, now has a palette for spicy food and is well behaved...

[Seraphim]

You should talk your ex-wife into making him suck a lemon instead.

 

The most important thing to do, especially for children is to explain things to them.

 

"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."

- Proverbs 15:4

 

Looking at your post here, does this mean you have had a change of heart?

 

Cause here you recommend taking a stick to a child and that beating is perfectly acceptable.

[TexasDad]

Well for good or bad my mother called in a report to CPS today, they said because of his age they were going to investigate, but she did it anonymously so it is going to be suspected that I did it but I don’t care as I was close to doing it myself. So I am just waiting for the crap to hit the fan. I also would not be surprised if CPS doesn’t show up over here, but I have nothing to hide, currently I am the best my children have parent wise…

[Seraphim]

I am glad she called!!

[NowandZen]

Well for good or bad my mother called in a report to CPS today, they said because of his age they were going to investigate, but she did it anonymously so it is going to be suspected that I did it but I don’t care as I was close to doing it myself. So I am just waiting for the crap to hit the fan. I also would not be surprised if CPS doesn’t show up over here, but I have nothing to hide, currently I am the best my children have parent wise…

 

Best of luck to you in this. Doing the right thing isn't always easy.

 

Namaste

[Seraphim]

I am so glad you are standing up for your child.

[greensleeves]

If they contact you, it might be a good opportunity to discuss any other concerns that you might have...I remember you had a worry a couple of weeks ago about the boyfriend. It doesn't matter if she thinks it was you...your mom did the right thing by calling. If CPS didn't feel it was a concern, they wouldn't be investigating, so that says something right there. Maybe this whole episode will make her rethink some of the things she does and keep her on her toes.

[bpsekh]

Looking at your post here, does this mean you have had a change of heart?

 

Cause here you recommend taking a stick to a child and that beating is perfectly acceptable.

 

If he doesn't want to beat his kid, I can't make him. I personally see nothing wrong with spanking or corporal punishment as long as it isn't excessive for their age.

 

However, by the time someone is the age of my nephew, 10-11, they should know a bit better.