Washing a kid's mouth out with soap?

[TexasDad]

My exwife has washed my son's mouth out with soap now 3 times that I know of he will be 3 years old this week. I have asked her to stop doing it but she blows me off saying I am "delusional". She is washing his mouth out with soap for yelling at her, but my daughter says all mom ever does is yell at them, so he is just "learning by example". We have joint custody of the kids and it is a little less than 50-50,although their primary residence is with me.

 

Now I am old school on the discipline thing, I spank as one of my punishments. But washing out a 3 year olds mouth with soap? I don't think he understands that, not to mention it is kind of barbaric vs a swat on the butt.

 

What do ya'll think about it?

[southerngirl]

I think it is abusive behavior. She is sticking toxic chemicals into his mouth. I wonder if she would be willing to wash her own mouth out with soap.

 

She should be using self control and other forms of discipline. Not to get into the spanking debate here, but time outs work great at the age of 2.

 

Soap? That is just sickening.

[Supa_gurl]

I personally have threaten it when my 7 year old son cursed. But for yelling NO WAY. It is barbaric in my opinion it is also child abuse. I would threaten to call on her if she does it again. There is so much wrong with that. There was a child a few years back that died because of an allergic reaction to the soap. Google that, print it out and hand it to her. Maybe that will keep her from doing it again.

[livinginsbi]

Personally, I think it's horrible for a three year old. There are other effective ways to discipline a child that age. I used to have my son lick a bar of soap when he said cuss words... he was 7 and I think he only had to lick the bar of soap 3 times before he stopped. Is calling CPS too much? Maybe not.

[emmie_g]

I had my mouth washed out with soap when i was younger, my mouth was cut and bled from the harshness of my father doing it.

Thinking about it now i find it more distressing having my mouth washed out than bein spanked. And a 3 yr old having this done i think its rediculous.

[Clementine orange]

Completely unacceptable in my view.

A three year old doesn't understand this punishment and it's also obvious it's not working (since she's done it 3 times)

[melrich]

That is ridiculous punishment for a 3 year old (as is spanking). A toddler that age can barely discern good behaviour vs bad behaviour let alone right from wrong.

 

If you have to use them, save the physical punishments for when the child is old enough to understand them, like 7-8+.

[redhearts]

I be afraid of your son being traumatised and not wanting to clean himself with soap because he may become afraid of it. Like he sees soap and gets scared. Does she need to watch the nanny for good methods of discipline? Like a naughty stool or something.

[ButterflyWrists]

thats sick. really. my mum did it to me once, and it made me ill. if it happens again, get her arrested for child abuse. its horrid.

 

spanking isnt too bad, but it dependds how offten and how hard

[agent1607307371]

For a 3 year old? That's really awful.

 

I think it's interesting that she blows you off as "delusional" when you confront her with it.

[avman]

I think it is a stupid and abusive thing to do. A 3 year old isn't going to learn anything from that except fear. They don't have the cognitive abilities to process that.

[Samedy]

When I was a kid my mom did that once... It wasn't the end of the world, but it wasn't nice..

 

But washing the mouth out of a 3 year old.. That's a bit extreme.. Three year olds are modeling the world around them and learning. Yes, they can be bratty. But he is only 3!

[trash mail]

Satistics show that people that hasnt been punished when they are younger are more likely to go to jail when they are older because they do not understand the meaning of consequences for their action.

Each parent has their way of parenting, Sitting here judging what someone else is doing when you dont know that whole story is ridiculus.

Sometimes it requires a harsh punishment to make child realise their mistake.

So do i believe in spanking, Yes i do BUT i do not believe in beaing a child to a pulp.

[Seraphim]

Has no one heard of time out ??? They get the idea just as quicky and it is not detrimental or abusive and there is consequence. With hitting and abuse you teach little people that this is ok behavoir.Hitting, and washing mouth with soap is abuse. All abuse of any person is abhorent! Consequences are realized WITHOUT violence, in being violent you teach another person that this is how you resolve conflict. And with his mother screaming of course what do you expect him to do??? That is the example!!. A three year does not have the cognetive ability to say heyyyyyyy maybe my mom is a * * * * * * * for yelling maybe I should not do it. THEY DO BY EXAMPLE!!

[JadedStar]

It is child abuse. Not only is it barbaric and NOT age appropriate there are poisons in soap that you just don't put in a child's mouth.

 

If i were you i'd tell her that if this does not stop you are calling child services. This is ridiculous.

[JadedStar]

Satistics show that people that hasnt been punished when they are younger are more likely to go to jail when they are older because they do not understand the meaning of consequences for their action.

Each parent has their way of parenting, Sitting here judging what someone else is doing when you dont know that whole story is ridiculus.

Sometimes it requires a harsh punishment to make child realise their mistake.

So i believe in spanking, Yes i do BUT i do not believe in beat a child to a pulp.

 

So, you believe in putting poison into a three year old's mouth as a form of punishment?

 

Just clarifying that I am reading you correctly.

[Supa_gurl]

Satistics show that people that hasnt been punished when they are younger are more likely to go to jail then they are older because they do not understand the meaning of consequences for their action.

Each parent has their way of parenting, Sitting here judging what someone else is doing when you dont know that whole story is ridiculus.

Sometimes it requires a harsh punishment to make child realise their mistake.

So i believe in spanking, Yes i do BUT i do not believe in beat a child to a pulp.

 

 

 

True very true....but you also have to look at the childs age. At 3 years of age this is way to harsh of a punishment, and being that the OP is the other parent he has a right to report such punishment because it is a form of abuse on a child so young.

 

A harsh punishment for a child to realize their mistake I agree with as well, so long as the child is at an age to understand. A 3 year old will not understand no matter how you turn the situation around.

[HeartGoesOn]

This breaks my heart.

 

I would say this may not be actual child abuse, but it borders on that.

[Seraphim]

This just makes me FURIOUS!!!! I work for Children's Aid Society and you would NOT believe the abuse I have heard and seen. It makes me SO FREAKIN MAD!!!!!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

There are appropriate ways to discipline and barbaric ways to discipline.

 

Washing a kid's mouth out with soap really does nothing other than relieve a parent's rage onto the child.

 

I would talk to your lawyer and see if that is considered abusive behavior in your state, and if it is, you can do something about it.

 

You can also try to get her to read a book on proper discipline for children, which includes time outs and rewards for good behavior and taking away of privileges for bad behavior. The goal is to try to teach the child how to control their own anger and behavior, not to teach the child the bigger and more aggressive person wins, and that physical assault is appropriate.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

I watched one of those nanny shows on tv and she was saying it's very toxic and is considered child abuse--i believe that is what was said. The lady was using LIQUID soap. I had my mouth washed out with soap...but it wasn't really that bad...used bar soap and had to hold it in for like a second, then washed it off my tongue. I think soap has become more toxic these days than it was back when our great-great grandparents were growing up(or whenever/where ever it originated). When it was first made, it was natural stuff, stuff that would not make you ill, just left a bad taste in your mouth.

 

DOCUMENT all of these kinds of things. Present it to your lawyer. Put down when you talked to her about this behavior and how you thought it was inappropriate. Write down what you said and what she says word for word. Keep a journal.

[Nixee]

This does not sound like a behavioral issue with the child, this sounds like a control issue with the parent.

 

I agree with most everyone else here... this is not acceptable. There are other ways to be stern, be the boss and 'discipline' your child than to put possibly toxic or poisonous substances in their mouth, particularly at such a young age.

 

As for spanking... I was spanked as a child sometimes, and I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not sure how much it really puts kids in their place versus just traumatizes and scares them and teaches them a violent behavior. It if it isn't the anger or violence we want them to learn, but just the authority and discipline, then I'd rather try to avoid it at all costs. .... Taking away something I really wanted as a child always really hurt me more than a spanking did anyways.

[Scorpion Fury]

Bit too harsh for a three year old.

 

However, I'm gonna put myself in the minority here and say for an older kid, it's not so bad. I got my mouth washed out with soap when I cursed. Not at the age of three though. Do I resent my mother or have all sorts of issues now because of it? Nope.

 

And yes, I DO believe in spanking. I got spanked. sometimes with a belt, wooden spoon, whatever was near. Again, no mental damage here. of course I resented my parents at the time. But I got over it, as any normal person should. Now that I'm older, I realize my parents did it to keep me in line. They did other things too, like ground me and stuff like that. If a kid doesn't fear the wrath of their parents when they do things they have been repeatedly told not to do, what's going to stop them from continuing to do it? Kids need to listen and obey their parents. It's for their own good.

 

And yes, my parents tried "time out" with me, and it was ineffective. It didn't bother me. I'd stand in the corner for whatever length of time and zone out. Being sent to my room didn't bother me either. I would just play with my toys. If I wanted to do something naughty, knowing that I would get sent to my room or stand in the corner did not deter me. But knowing I was gonna get spanked usually did.

 

I believe kids these days (at least in America) are out of control and don't respect their parents, because the parents are now afraid to spank them. I believe in spanking. But I am old school.

[JadedStar]

It also turns my stomach to hear this woman yells at the kids all the time then has the nerve to be so surprised when a little three year old emulates the behavior. I don't know what some peope expect, and this is such a sure sign of ignorance and it really infuriates me.

 

The loud mouthed parents who yell at little kids like idiots honestly have the nerve to wonder why a kid might also yell at others.

 

I feel for you OP. She doesn't sound very bright and i still firmly say this is abusive behavior to do this to a three year old. Not to mention soap is full of toxins.

[FreedomRing]

Agrees ^^^^^