He's Married!

[ApplePiePeachy]

A few weekends ago I was out clubbing and I ran into a guy I used to know from when I was a teenager. He was one of the cool guys and I was the chubby girl, but I’ve lost a lot of weight since then and felt good enough about myself to flirt and hit on him. He was all for it and we ended up going back to my place and having an amazing night together.

 

The next day I called my friend to, well let’s say it honestly here, brag about what had happened the night before, and she told me he was married! Apparently he’s been married for the last 2 years, with two little girls! (one with his wife, one to an ex)

 

I actually know the woman he’s married to. We all used to go to school together. So now I’m in a pickle. Should I say something? I mean I know his wife but from high school, I’m not friends with her or anything. Should I just keep out of it? I’d want to know if it were my husband sleeping around but is it really my place? My friend is all gung- ho about men being bastards and cheaters and how I should call up his wife immediately and tell her, but I don’t know.

 

I’d really appreciate anyone’s opinion on this.

[jengh]

That's a tough one. I, personally, would just let it be and not say anything. And never, ever speak to this man again.

[Loki71]

I’d want to know if it were my husband sleeping around but is it really my place?

 

 

It is your place cause he involved you by not telling you he was married but the main thing you have to ask yourself is do you want to hurt his wife and daughter? If they find out and the marriage ends then the daughter is hurt by the break up. If it were me and he tried to contact me again I would tell him you know everything and to go to hell and if he tries to call again then your going to tell.

[melrich]

He's certainly brazen. He must have known you knew his wife and that there was a good chance this would get back to her?

[ApplePiePeachy]

He's certainly brazen. He must have known you knew his wife and that there was a good chance this would get back to her?

 

We came from the same town and went to high school together but ran in different crowds, and I've been living in the city for years. He lives in another town now as well.

 

I guess he probably thought I didn't keep in touch with anyone who would know what he was up to anymore. Either that or he just didn't think and decided to do it anyway. Who knows?

[southerngirl]

If my husband were cheating on me I would have great respect if you told me that he had gone to bed with you and did not tell you about me.

 

I think that you should tell because its the right thing to do. Like someone else said, the thing is he involved you by doing what he did.

 

Sure its not going to be nice, but whatever you decide do not ever see this man again.

[Karmageddon]

Well I will give you two sides...

 

The first is that she already probably has a clue that her man is like this and chooses to ignore it for the sake of the family. You will be bursting her bubble.

 

The other was me. Who had no idea what her man was up to and really would have appreciated someone filling her in.

 

There is no way to tell which girl she is, so my advice is to stay out of it....which is what everyone did with me, but they had no way of knowing what I would have really wanted to know. LOL!!! So do yourself a favor and leave it alone. If she really wants to know the truth, she will go looking for it.

[ApplePiePeachy]

Just to let you guys know too, I don't have any intention of seeing this guy again. It was a one night thing only, regardless of whether I'd found out he was married or not. Now I just have the choice of being the bad guy and telling his wife, or being the bad guy and not telling. I'm still not sure which to do!

[JadedStar]

I personally would be more mad at myself for jumping into bed with someone without knowing him well enough to know if he was married. He was surely the most in the wrong but i bet his wife knows deep down he is dirty and i would just move on and try to keep myself out of such situations in the future.

 

I don't think not telling is being the bad guy. he is an adult and he made a choice and even if he isn't caught this time by his wife he is living a life of deceit that will more than likely come back to haunt him one day.

 

Even tho you are not married, you used him too by just wanting to bag the guy you thought was so hot in high school for bragging rights....lessons learned perhaps?

[Ellie2006]

Personally, I wouldnt say anything BUT I would get tested for STDs.

[ApplePiePeachy]

Well actually I do know him JadedStar.......... I just hadn't seen him recently enough or anyone he knew to find out. And we know he certainly wasn't going to tell me.

 

Also, that's precisely why I slept with him. He wouldn't look at me twice in high school. He did that night. Why can't I enjoy that? I'm an adult. Personally it doesn't really matter to me if he's married or not. I'm not in love with him. I just feel bad for his wife thinking everything is fine and not knowing. I'd hate to be in her position, I doubt I'm the only one he's done this with. I don't think I'm that special.

 

And Ellie....... It's always protected! First rule!

[Mindy1607307824]

Why would you tell the woman?! Just let it go and don't do it again!

[JadedStar]

Well actually I do know him JadedStar.......... I just hadn't seen him recently enough or anyone he knew to find out. And we know he certainly wasn't going to tell me.

 

Also, that's precisely why I slept with him. He wouldn't look at me twice in high school. He did that night. Why can't I enjoy that? I'm an adult. Personally it doesn't really matter to me if he's married or not. I'm not in love with him. I just feel bad for his wife thinking everything is fine and not knowing. I'd hate to be in her position, I doubt I'm the only one he's done this with. I don't think I'm that special.

 

And Ellie....... It's always protected! First rule!

 

You can enjoy it, but you have to know that actions lead to repercussions. IN this case your acting on impulse caused you to sleep with a married man. No, you are not married, but you slept with someone who was. Had you controlled the impulse you would not be in this dilemma.

 

I am not judging you, what i am saying is that you also have some responsibilty here as well. Not maybe as fully as he, but yes, some as you slept with him of your own free will and you might have known OF him in the past, but it is reasonable to think a person might get married if you have not seen them since your younger years.

 

No you probably are not the only one he has done it with which is why I don't advocate telling the wife. I bet she knows, or has a good hunch.

 

You say you don't love him so you don't care if he is married or not, and slept with him for bragging rights and to fulfill your ego. All i am saying is the wife might not give you the reception you think and flip the script on you to say why would you be sleeping with a man you don't even know well enough to find out if he is married? You might tell me that is not her business, but if you tell her you slept with her husband you have made it her business.

[ApplePiePeachy]

No, now come on, I am grateful for any response to this but you saying this is in anyway my fault is ludicrous. I slept with a guy I had known my whole high school years but lost contact with. And you're saying I should have assumed he may be married? He wasn't wearing a wedding ring and he didn't say "Oh by the way, I have a wife you know". How am I supposed to know?

Do you usually ask guys that are dancing and flirting with you for their license and registration first?

 

I slept with a guy that from all outward appearances looked single. I didn't jump on a guy with a "World's Greatest Dad" T- shirt and "No.1 Husband" pin on. So you're saying I should go home and google every guy I meet before even talking to him just in case he forgot to mention he's married?

[JadedStar]

I am saying that if you confront his wife with this you might get more than you bargained for.

 

A woman scorned....

 

She may very well turn this aruond and turn on YOU and you cannot ENTIRELY blame her since you went to bed with a guy you didn't even know well enough to know he was married. I am not absolving him from blame, I am just saying you are also not blameLESS. you do bear SOME responsiblity even if not as much. I am not even saying that if she turns on you that it is the right thing to do I am just saying you are walking into potential battle zone telling a woman you hopped into bed with her husband.

 

I am not saying google every guy but I am saying that people who have ONS's with people they don't know are bound to run into problems like this.

[RememberLeah]

OMG Jadedstar, how can you say that to Applepeachy? She didn't know he was married, I don't think she's to blame at all! This guy was a total pig and didn't say anything about a wife, how was she to know?

 

I can see what a difficult situation this is, and personally I'd like to know if my husband was cheating on me. But you did nothing wrong so telling her is up to you.

 

Go with your gut and do what you think is right.

[JadedStar]

OMG Jadedstar, how can you say that to Applepeachy? She didn't know he was married, I don't think she's to blame at all! This guy was a total pig and didn't say anything about a wife, how was she to know?

 

I can see what a difficult situation this is, and personally I'd like to know if my husband was cheating on me. But you did nothing wrong so telling her is up to you.

 

Go with your gut and do what you think is right.

 

Please read what I wrote. I said that if she tells his wife she might get more than she bargained for. It is dangerous territory to go up to a woman and say "hey i had a ONS with your husband".

 

Too many people today have such little accountability. If i had a ONS with a man who was married I would feel pretty horrible that I acted on such impulse and even unknowingly played a part in someone's infidelity. I would not walk away with zero accountability for my actions. Just because my actions were not as bad as his doesn't mean that i am blame free.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

This kind of thing is more common that lots of people know.... married men who either lie about their married status or 'omit' the crucial information that they are married when pursuing single women on online dating sites or bars or on business trips.

 

First, you can't be 100% sure your friend has the up to date information. It is possible that he is separated, but not probable. So you aren't 100% sure that he was unfaithful unless you have first hand knowledge.

 

BUT it is extremely high risk sleeping with people you meet in bars as you just discovered. Doesn't matter if you knew him in the past, you don't know him in the present.

 

He most likely does this a lot... no coincidence that he chose a bar in a neighboring town rather than his own. I would be torn as to whether to tell her because of the STD risk for the unknowing wife. Condoms provide some protection, but not total protection because they do break or slip off.

 

I'd try to find out more information about him... whether he is indeed married. If you know some other common friends who know the wife better, you could perhaps tell them to drop an anonymous bug in the woman's ear that her husband is engaging in extramartial one night stands. The wife can then check up on that should she feel want to.

[Catdancer]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say..."you go girl"!!! *triple snaps in the air* lol I'm glad that you saw a man you were hot for and went for it! And obviously got an incredible night out of it. Good for you! I've done the same thing and it's empowering..it feels awesome and makes you feel sexy. First off, enjoy that feeling of empowerment and sexiness. Second, put this whole thing out of your mind for a few day. You dont have to make a decision RIGHT NOW. Let it stew in your thoughts for a while and the answer that is best for YOU will come to you. Good luck. Dont stress this so much. You were not in the wrong. But just let it go for a few days and the answer will come to you. (((huggs))) Cat

[tangi39]

This is just me' date=' but I would tell. The damage is already done and not telling the wife to spare her emotions isn't necessarily a good thing. She deserves someone who won't treat her like that. Not to mention if he may have cheated on her before and who knows what diseases he could be very well be spreading to her.[/quote']

 

I completely agree. And I also agree, he KNOWS you know his wife- WOW.

Tell her and never look back.

[JadedStar]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say..."you go girl"!!! *triple snaps in the air* lol I'm glad that you saw a man you were hot for and went for it! And obviously got an incredible night out of it. Good for you! I've done the same thing and it's empowering..it feels awesome and makes you feel sexy. Cat

 

That is really sad that a woman needs to have a ONS with a married man to feel empowered and sexy.

 

Zero accountability out of so many people these days.

 

Hopefully you won't ever be the wife of the man who does this. Won't feel very empowering then!

[Ac143]

First I want to say tons of men and women have a ONS, its a personal decision people make and I dont think its anyone's business to judge, whether you would do it or not.

 

Back to the question - should you tell his wife? If I was in your shoes, I would butt out of it and get on with my life. If he so easily jumped into bed with you and he's married - he's bound to do it again and eventually will get caught. Every dog has his day......

[ycmanvs]

I do not see the point of telling the wife. You had a ONS with someone that you do not intend to see again. Why get involved in his life? If you tell the wife (if there even is a wife), you will become more entangled in his life.

[JadedStar]

First I want to say tons of men and women have a ONS, its a personal decision people make and I dont think its anyone's business to judge, whether you would do it or not.

 

Back to the question - should you tell his wife? If I was in your shoes, I would butt out of it and get on with my life. If he so easily jumped into bed with you and he's married - he's bound to do it again and eventually will get caught. Every dog has his day......

 

I am not judging a ONS. I am saying that it's vile to say that having a ONS with a married man without any disregard for anyone but yourself is empowering and sexy. Nothing sexy about it. JMO.

[HeartGoesOn]

First off, I would not tell his wife. If she doesn't now know about this "prize package" she has, she will eventually.

 

I would just chalk this up as a lesson learned, and not sleep with someone that you know so little about.

 

I realize that you knew of him in high school, but that's called an acquaintance.

 

He was wrong in hiding the fact that he was married, but you were also wrong for sleeping with someone that you just had a one time conversation with, and remembered him just as a person you went to school with.