MattW Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 True. I dunno, I just have this good feeling that there will be a "chemistry" between us, yanno? I know I can't really "predict" that, but I just have this good feeling about that. Link to comment
pianoguy Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 You're not basing that on anything at all. You don't know anything about how this situation will turn out. Just relax and see what happens. Jenny was exactly right, there's a million possibilities. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 Yeah, I know, heh heh. Ah well... I can't wait to see her answer, considering I have no idea how she'll react. I hope she DOES answer back, and that I didn't, like, scare her off, or something. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 It hasn't quite been a week since I sent that message to her, yet, so there's still a chance she might write back, but uh... What do I do if she doesn't respond at all? Should I try to be a little persistent and write her again in a week or two? Should I back off completely? Or... what? I'll prolly wait another week to see if she responds before doing anything, I'm just askin'. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 If she doesn't respond I would just leave it alone. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Well, do you think it'd be alright to stay in touch in general? In case somewhere down the line something could happen? See, I figure if I can't get things off the ground before this summer's over, maybe I could stay in touch; then, I guess I could go ahead with my original plan, and try to meet/ date when I start school, or when I get a job. Maybe somewhere down the line, things could change, and maybe me and her may get together, right? I mean, I'm not going to hold my breath on that, or put all my hope into it, but it could happen, eh? In other words, is this something that's reparable? Or, if she weren't to respond, do you think this is just completely over? *Quick Edit* I just took a look now, and saw that she allowed my comment to be posted on her page (she has it set where she has to approve comments first before they're posted), and that she didn't edit out that little bit about meeting up (another MySpace feature, being able to edit out peoples' comments). Guess I can't read much into that, or anything, but I know that if it were me, and some one had sent me something I didn't really want to read or display, I'd probably delete or edit it. Ah well. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 If she doesn't respond then she is not really seeing you as a fixture in her life. I once went down the road you are thinking of going down and the person didn't really show me that he cared enough to contact me.....his replies to my emails got less and less and less...I persisted with my contact until his emails got so infrequent I realized I was beating a dead horse and I gave up..figuring that I think I gave him clear enough indication that if he is interested he knows how to contact me...well...yep, sure enough he was involved with someone else and got married to her. So my advice to you is not to fall into the trap of assuming that you could have a chance if you try to stay in touch...it takes two to stay in touch and make it work...and if she is showing ambivalence, better to let it go. Sometimes ambivalent people can change their mind...but it is up to them to show they are no longer ambivalent. You can't run after them...they have to be the ones to figure it out and act. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 Yeah, I get what you mean. I think part of the problem here is that MySpace is our only means of communication, and she's not a very "MySpace" person, so she doesn't use the site very much. Meaning, it's a bit tougher to really get a hold of her. I'm pretty sure she uses Facebook almost daily, though, but I don't use that site. Really, up to this point, I don't think I've given her enough reason to seriously consider me, because all my messages have been fairly light. So, I don't know that she's being sort of "distant" with me now because she's totally not interested, or if I just haven't really shown her yet that she should pay more attention to me. Hopefully, with my last message about getting together (and the possibility that we might actually meet up soon), I'll be able to put that out her, and make her want to stay in contact. That and, like I said, if she doesn't really seem interested in meeting up right now, I won't keep "chasing" after her, but I'd like to keep her on my radar, just in case, yanno? Maybe the timing's bad now, but who knows what'll happen in even a few years time? I can't imagine she won't be willing to meet up with me some day (come on, I'm a pretty cool guy! lol If only I could be that confident in real life). Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Just don't waste years of your life hoping they will suddenly change their mind....sometimes that can happen, but sometimes what you see is what you will get, now and in the future..some people never change their mind and never change how they behave. Link to comment
Rokuman Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Don't you love it when women do this stuff? It's pretty rude, I don't see why she doesn't flat out respond regardless of the answer. I gave a friend (I HAD NO INTREST IN) my number just to chat sometime (being nice), and she stops talking to me and acts weird now. The thing is, she considered me a friend FIRST and told me she wanted to get to know me a little better. Reminds me why my hate for women is growing slowly stronger day by day. Link to comment
galaxy71 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 The reason that she isn't responding is that she doesn't know you all that well. The connection isn't there. From your posts, I never got the feeling that the two of you were really close friends in elementary school. I got the sense that you had a crush on her from afar when the two of you were little. A few women in this forum mentioned that they refuse to date male strangers no matter how gooding he is. You are not a random stranger to her. However, you are not already a part of her social circle. Her friends did not introduce you to her. Since you are not part of her circle, she feels that she could reject you by blowing you off without offending her friends. The only reason why she responded to your messages is that she is being polite because she was one of your classmates. When you pushed for the meetup, she felt uncomfortable and she decided to blow you off. When you get more experience in dating, you will realize that a lot of women will reject you passively by not returning your phone calls or emails rather than telling you that they are not interested or that they lost interest. That's just the way dating is. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 Hm. Well, I guess that could be true, but something I remembered is, back when I had told her that I was planning on going to the same college as her, I... well, I probably shouldn't have said something like this so soon to her, but I didn't really mean a lot by it... but I said something in passing about her being the only one I knew up there, and she said something like "I'd be happy to show you around and help you get comfortable here =]". So, I dunno, seems kinda weird she'd say something like that, then just decide to blow me off for a meet up, especially when the way I worded it didn't really make it sound like anything more than the two of us getting together, catching up, and nothing more. And it still seems odd to me that she'd let my message up on her MySpace, if she's going to just not respond. If she were REALLY going the "blow off" route, I think the smartest thing to do would be not post my comment, and just pretend like "Hm? Oh, uh... I never got that message, I don't know what you're talking about". Er, that's what I'd do, anyway. She seems like a very sociable person, too, so I'd think she'd at least meet up with me once... Eh, I dunno... But I do agree that, IF she's just going to blow me off, it's probably because she doesn't know me quite well, just yet. I mean, I guess I could understand; I'd probably be a bit hesitant if some one I hadn't seen in so many years asked me to meet up. But what I want to know is, if she blows me off this time, is this something I can bounce back from? Like, let's say next summer comes around, she's still single, and I haven't met some one new (or, I did, but it didn't work out with that new girl; whatever); do you think there'd be any way I could give things a shot with this girl again? Or is this like something that can't be recovered from? Like I said, I'm not going to put all my faith in this girl, but I want to at least keep her on my radar, just in case. But if nothing happens before this summer ends, I'm going to have to figure out how I can get her to feel more comfortable with me that she'd be okay with meeting up. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Of course you can try again..but why wait for next summer...why not try to keep the communication going all year and see what happens. Relationships are not limited to one season where if you blow it for that season then it is game over. Communication is key to pushing this along. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 Well, yeah, but it'll be pretty tough to really get something going while she's back at school, I'd think. It'd be much easier if we had the summer to meet up, date, whatever, because if a relationship did develop, it wouldn't start as a long distance thing. What I'd like to know now is, if she does just kinda blow me off about meeting up, how do I go about taking our communication to a higher level, so that maybe when I try again next time, I don't get the same result? I mean, I haven't necessarily been "blown off" just yet, so I guess I shouldn't jump to that conclusion right now, but it's probably something worth knowing anyway. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 You need to get the communication offline and into the real world...the telephone! Link to comment
jojesse Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I just read this entire thread. I'm not trying to be critical, but the girl just broke up with her bf...and I think it is kind of insensitive to try to get with her now, especially if it seems as if her friends are still consoling her. Who knows, maybe the relationship didn't mean anything to her, or maybe it meant everything to her. Maybe she just needs some time to be on her own and feel better. If she doesn't answer, just let it go for now. Focus on yourself and allow yourself to grow some more through other relationships. Then, when you are a bit more matured and experienced, and you're still thinking about her, look her up and see where she is in life. How long should you wait? One year? Who knows. It just seems that she isn't overly interested and there is no point in you forgoing other opportunities just to pine over her. You are so young. Instead of chasing a dream, go out there and chase the world. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 I just read this entire thread. I'm not trying to be critical, but the girl just broke up with her bf...and I think it is kind of insensitive to try to get with her now, especially if it seems as if her friends are still consoling her. Who knows, maybe the relationship didn't mean anything to her, or maybe it meant everything to her. Maybe she just needs some time to be on her own and feel better. Heh, insensitive how? I mean, it's not like I'm just trying to get this girl into bed, or something. Granted, I know it can take time to heal from breakups, but I don't have a whole lot of time before summer's over, and when she's back at school, it's going to be really hard, if not impossible, to start something up between her and I, yanno? Really, I'm just trying to get things off the ground so that, if her and I are compatible, there's enough time to establish a relationship before having to switch to long distance. If she doesn't answer, just let it go for now. Focus on yourself and allow yourself to grow some more through other relationships. Then, when you are a bit more matured and experienced, and you're still thinking about her, look her up and see where she is in life. How long should you wait? One year? Who knows. It just seems that she isn't overly interested and there is no point in you forgoing other opportunities just to pine over her. You are so young. Instead of chasing a dream, go out there and chase the world. And that's pretty much my plan, if she doesn't respond to my message. Really, I don't think I'm currently "missing any oppurtunities" with other people, because, to be honest, I don't currently have a lot going on in my life. I'm waiting to see if I get this job I've been working for, and I should be starting school in about a month, so until then, I don't really have anything better to do, lol. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 23, 2008 Author Share Posted July 23, 2008 So, uh... how long of a "hiatus" should I take from writing to her? And when I do start writing her, again, what can I say to sort of "save face", considering I may've gotten "blown off" here? Link to comment
MattW Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 Yanno, the more I think about it, I'm getting kinda mad about this "getting blow off" thing. It just doesn't make sense to me. I tell her early on that her school is the one I'm most likely to attend, and she seems fine with that, even going as far to say that she'd be happy to show me around and get comfortable there. And even though I decided ultimately not to go to that school, she doesn't know that yet. So what good would blowing me off right now do? What if I WERE still going to that school? Chances are she'd see me sooner or later there... I have half a mind to write a message to her (in a casual-sounding tone, not a mean-spirited one, despite the mood I'm in at the moment) that says something like: "So I take that as a no, then? lol Yanno, you COULD just tell me that, instead of play these little games. It's not like I asked you out on a date or something, anyway" But I know that's probably not a good idea in the long run. Hmph... Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Whoa, you need to chill. This girl doesn't owe you anything. This is a girl that you haven't see since grade school, and all you've done is exchange a couple of messages via MySpace. My guess is to what is going on- you don't have a lot going on in your life right now, so you are thinking about/hoping/planning/fantasizing about this girl a ton. Checking every day (probably multiple times) to see if she has responded, keeping track of when she last logged in, etc. On the other hand, she very well might be extremely busy with work, friends, vacation, hobbies, etc. It just isn't that big of a deal to her. This is why I, and others on this thread, have been encouraging you to find things to fill up your life with- including dating other girls. Your hurt feelings are a product of you putting all your eggs in one basket, and focusing on this girl that you don't even know. Wahtever you do, don't send that message. It makes you sound creepy. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Yeah, I would also say don't send the message. If she wants to blow you off then just take it that she is not worth your time anymore and walk away. She is not the be all and end all. Rejections happen and you can't take it personally. Just chill out and carry on with your life. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 Whoa, you need to chill. This girl doesn't owe you anything. This is a girl that you haven't see since grade school, and all you've done is exchange a couple of messages via MySpace. Yeah, you're right... I guess I'm just so confused about whether or not she's going to answer, and if not, why not? It's just really frustrating. Didn't really mean to imply that she "owes" me anything. My guess is to what is going on- you don't have a lot going on in your life right now, so you are thinking about/hoping/planning/fantasizing about this girl a ton. Checking every day (probably multiple times) to see if she has responded, keeping track of when she last logged in, etc. Heh, to be honest, I gave up on looking at her MySpace page and all that so much a long time ago. I really only take a look at it when I'm getting ready to write her something. But I always get an e-mail when I get a message, so I do check my e-mail, but only like, once every morning, so... On the other hand, she very well might be extremely busy with work, friends, vacation, hobbies, etc. It just isn't that big of a deal to her. Well, that's fine, but it'd be nice if she could at least answer me back. Even if she flat out said no, at least that's something. But now, I'm just kind of left hanging; will she answer me? Will she just ignore the message and pretend like it never happened? I don't know. And that's the most frustrating part; she's giving me nothing solid to work with, here. This is why I, and others on this thread, have been encouraging you to find things to fill up your life with- including dating other girls. Right, and I've been trying to find things to occupy my life, heh. I've been looking for a job for a while, now (which, by the way, I *think* I finally got the job I've been talking about in this topic; they called me a few days ago to come in today for some orientation process, so I assume that means I'm hired), helping my mom run an eBay "business", and making sure I have everything straightened out to start school next at the end of next month. Unfortunately, all of that hasn't allowed me any oppurtunities to meet new people, specifically girls, just yet. Guess I'll have to see what my new co-workers will be like. Your hurt feelings are a product of you putting all your eggs in one basket, and focusing on this girl that you don't even know. Wahtever you do, don't send that message. It makes you sound creepy. Don't worry, I'd never actually send that message. Still, I just hate being left hanging like this... Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 And that's the most frustrating part; she's giving me nothing solid to work with, here. If she doesn't answer you, she has given you something very solid to work with --she's not interested in getting together. Sorry, but it happens sometimes. Link to comment
GabrielGray Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Dude, you're getting downright creepy. How many times do people have to tell you to move on for you to move on? Get over it and leave the poor girl alone. She's probably not responding cuz she's creeped out by you. Link to comment
MattW Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Dude, you're getting downright creepy. How many times do people have to tell you to move on for you to move on? Get over it and leave the poor girl alone. She's probably not responding cuz she's creeped out by you. I haven't really given her a reason to be "creeped out" by me, though. I never said anything too "out there" to her. Really, I think sometimes you guys just kinda see my overanalyzing of things as "creepy". Yeah, I overthink things way, WAY too much, and I wish I wasn't like that, but... Anyway, if I knew how to "move on" from her, I'd do so. Really, I don't know what it's going to take. Hell, I went seven years without seeing her or knowing anything about her, then I get back in touch with her, and I'm suddenly crazy about her again. @_@ So seven years of no contact did nothing. What more will it take? 14-15 years is a long time to have feelings for some one, especially when I'm only 19. I know it's bad to have had this going on for so long, but I dunno, I just hate to see things end this way. Link to comment
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