Spanking children-Right or Wrong?

[Mythical_Suicide]

 

If I had friends over at my home, and one of them spilled a drink - would it be socially acceptable to spank that person? No.

 

As i'm not going to spank my child over a spilled drink.

 

 

As I said before and i'll say again.. I only spank my child as a last resort if nothing else works especially if it's something that he could have gotten injured doing.

[m12988]

I agree MS, and I know so many people who said they'd never lay a hand on their child. Well, what do you know? they did afterall, lol. I never had a child of my own but i did help my mom with my sisters and from what I saw you pretty much have to spank them when the timeouts don't work.

 

I also would spank my children, but only when they really deserve it. If timeouts and priveledges just aren't working, then i believe i'd want to spank them so they'd know never to do such a thing again. Also, a small child, as Dr. Phil would say "reason with the child". Yeah, i totally agree with that line, but how the heck are people supposed to reason with a 1 year old? If they are reaching for the buttons on a stove, you are most likely going to pass them a slap on the hand. You can't sit there and tell them that the stove will burn them and expect them to understand. If you spank them and tell them no, they are probably less likely to go back and do it.

 

So yeah, spanking is great, done sparingly and with nothing but your hand and the child's butt/hand. I don't believe anyone should tell a parent whether or not spanking their child is wrong, I hate hearing people (especially non-parents or parents of unruly kids) saying that spanking is wrong and should be illegal. Nobody died or grew up bad from being disciplined.

[mrmaximum]

That's it right there. It is so easy to say that I will do such and such but when push comes to shove, it's amazing to see what will transpire. Someone said it earlier and it bears repeating. You simply cannot brush with broad strokes when it comes to this subject. What some of the pro spanking peeps are saying is simply this. there will come a time where reasoning may not work!! If you have a child where reasoning works, time outs, and all that. God Bless you. I even went to school where a woman told us all her mom had to do was give her a look, that was it. Sublime right, wish we where all like that, yeah? That's just it, we are NOT all like this. Well, to explain my point I'll use a quote I got when I was younger;

 

Sometimes you will give your kids a look, and they'll mind you;

Sometimes you will give your kids a sharp word, and they'll mind you;

But sometimes, you have to get physical.

 

That's the point; every time I got spanked I went through the other warnings first. The bottom line is that reason and logic may not work everytime and what are you left with? The Bobby approach? "Stop or I'll say stop again?" As I said, I'm sure that there may be some people who've never had to spank their little darlings and good for you, but some kids will push and push and push and then what?

[mrmaximum]

I don't see a problem with spanking your own child. However, there's a big difference between spanking and abusing. A spanking should be a swat on the behind or a smack on the hand, followed by "no-no". Abuse on the other hand gets out of hand. Parents might smack a child really hard in the face nearly punch them on the leg and so much more. A lot of times, parents spank their kids and don't realize that it is in fact abuse, that's why I think if you're going to discipline your child you should also use timeout chairs and corners to assist you with yelling and lightly spanking your child.

 

There was a little boy that died from abuse in Toronto some years ago named Randall Dooley. I will never forget that name for as long as I live, he WAS abused, there was no question about that. There were no warnings, nothing of the sort, just horrible beatings for seemingly small infractions. Horribly unfair and that little boy had a short and miserable life. Then there was a family member that we had in the states who where badly behaved. My Mom and sis went to visit them and they where shocked at what they saw. Now, my parents are Jamaican, so they believed strongly in physical punishment, as did our extended family in the States, however, it was used so often it lost it's effect and was now bordering on abuse. Then it became a vicious cycle, more beatings because the 'normal' amount obviously wasn't enough and all it did was make this children step out more.

 

Yes, for sure it can be employed too much and I agree that it shouldn't be the first line of punishment doled out to a child.

[m12988]

I just don't understand how it can be socially accepted to spank/hit a child.

 

If I had friends over at my home, and one of them spilled a drink - would it be socially acceptable to spank that person? No.

 

I personally think spanking should only be done by parents (or other primary caregivers, such as grandma/aunt or someone you really really really know) and not for such minor things as spilling a drink.

[m12988]

Thats right. I think *some* of the people who think spanking is so bad, is the ones who have either been blessed with a good child or has no children and believes that children are easier than they really are. Again, i'm no parent but from what i've experienced, I can definitely understand some of what parents do go through. Parenting is a hard job and some people will ever understand that until they have children of their own. This is coming from the niece of an aunt and uncle who told my mom (who supposedly had "unruly" kids) that their children would NEVER EVER misbehave because they know how to handle them. Well, lets just say, they now know what my mom went through, they have 3 kids that are about 50x worse than my siblings were.

[m12988]

My Mum has been a childcare assistant for over 20 years and she says that when a baby bites, the best way to stop it biting is to bite it right back

 

 

Actually, that does work in some cases. My mom as a child used to bite her little sister all the time. One day, her mom got so fed up with her biting, she bit my mom (not hard). My mom then announced that it "hurt" and she stopped doing it. Never did that again, lol.

[AwdreeHpburn]

You do what's right for you. And the guy who you think is so different cos he actually DOES leave bruises will do it his way. YOU say there's a difference. Makes you feel better and not abusive.

 

I say hitting a child is the last or only resource of the person who, like you said yourself, can't think of anything else.

 

 

 

No. You should hit him. Repeatedly and really hard cos there's nothing else at your disposal.

 

 

 

The only thing proven to stop kids entering streets is smacks, punches, kicks and spanks. Firm pops on the behind work for you but please don't judge the guy who can't find any other way to get thru to HIS kid than a fist to the teeth.

 

Is he supposed to allow his kid to get away with it cos YOU think its wrong?

[m12988]

I have heard of MANY a broken home. I would not for a second compare abuse to spanking a child. I have seen abuse first hand and it's no where near spanking a child on the buttocks and telling them that they have done a bad thing by running into the street.

[mrmaximum]

I have heard of MANY a broken home. I would not for a second compare abuse to spanking a child. I have seen abuse first hand and it's no where near spanking a child on the buttocks and telling them that they have done a bad thing by running into the street.

 

Spanking and abuse are two different things. Some have said it before and I guess some just don't seem to be listening. If you don't have to hit your child, kudos to you, really. You have my respect, but SOME kids DO NOT RESPOND to some of Dr. Phil's best methods. I've said it before and I will say it again, what do you do then pray tell? Not all methods work 100% of the time, we all know this when it comes to anything in life. That's like telling someone that they just need to exercise harder at the gym to lose their last 10 lbs. A Different method must be employed (i.e. trying cardio first thing in the morning before anything is eaten as a start) at that point and that is what some of us are saying.

 

I also agree with m12988 about spanking being taken to far. That is indeed abuse, but there aren't many people here who can say that the world is full of little angels since no spanking laws have come into affect. There is hardly anyone here who can say that they haven't seen an increase in children who are misbehaved and treating their parents like they're the ones in charge.

 

There is no black and white answer here folks, if you don't have to spank your kids, great, if you do, great. Stay in the shade of Grey where things can be healthy for everyone and avoid being in the white (where your kids may run all over you for not standing up) or black (where you are out and out abusing your kids). This will be different for everyone so no one here is in the position to tell anyone what they have done is wrong unless their kids end up somewhere that they shouldn't, yeah?

[AwdreeHpburn]

I hear ya m129 - but that's really not the point, is it? I mean, its all really quite subjective, isn't it? Your idea of abuse and mine....

 

 

I mean, I think hitting a kid, ANYWHERE is really kinda violent and abusive.

 

You can hit them softly or hard. I'm sure there're varying degrees. As is the same with the levels of abuse.

 

So you would spank, some mom's think a slap accross the face is appropriate. Other people think having children miss meals is OK. There's all kinds and varying degrees of physical punishments.

 

I get that for each person its different and up to them. And you and I happen agree that it would be worse to burn a child than to swat their behind, but I think its worse to hit a child than to not.

[rocio]

Although I'm not an advocate of physical punishment, you just can't compare loving spankings to abuse.

[darkblue]

Loving spankings?

[Danielle84]

I tried reading everyone's responses but didn't get too far. Well I spank my 4 year old son and I think it is a good idea. I don't do it often so when he get's a spanking he really knows he did something wrong. My son is the most well behaved child out of everyone I know. He get's A LOT of love but also consistant discipline. There's a right and wrong way to do with anything. Just stay in control and let them know who's boss!!

[rocio]

Loving spankings?

 

I never doubted my mother's love for me when she spanked me.

 

I think there are more effective forms of punishment that make more sense but spankings can most certainly be administered with love.

[darkblue]

I'm just not sure a child can distinguish between that.

[rocio]

I'm just not sure a child can distinguish between that.

 

Of course they can. They can see it in your eyes and sense it through your touch. Your children know you better than anyone else in the world and can easily tell whether your actions are based on anger or love.

[rocio]

Next you will be saying that when a husband punches his wife in the face, it's done out of "love".

 

No, I don't believe I will be.

[rocio]

Nobody is saying that a child should be punched in a face. Other than that, I don't even feel that this is worth responding to, it's so outragous. Let's just agree to have our own opinions, ok?

[Enigmatika]

Are you kidding?

 

You're joking right?

No....and you have yet to answer the question...What would you do in that situation?

 

Are you saying removing a child from a situation, even if you have to carry him away, is the same as spanking him?

"Removing" ...LOL...where? And how? Physically violating his space?

 

I searched my posts. I couldn't find where I said touching a child with even one finger is abusive. I think I said HITTING is abuse and spanking is hitting.

....lol...semantics regarding the use of physical force...shall we argue that in terms of the definition of Abuse which you extended to adults?

 

Look - If you wanna hit your kids for hitting other kids to show them that hitting is unacceptable, have at it.

Hardly...Yet you never answered the question...

 

...but yeh, I'm the one with flawed logic....

Exceedingly so...

 

Bubbles in the previous example is not so easy to "remove"....how do you remove a screaming kicking child that is hell bent for leather to kick , hit and bite you? .....and then what do you do? Tell him it's not "nice" to shove, push, throw objects and pinch others? He already doesn't care about that...

 

don't get me wrong....I don't "believe" in hitting kids either, however there is a Time and Place when it is most appropriate.

 

Kids are not stupid more often than not, they are perfectly aware of what they are doing. They do require discipline. Some more so than others.

 

Abuse...is a completely different subject and is not to be confused with Discipline.

 

Boiling a child's hands in hot water for poor marks = Abuse.

Scratching a child in the face [god knows what she did]= Abuse

Bruises all over her back and legs [for what?]= Abuse

 

A smart stinging slap that leaves no mark after 15 mins for insolence and rude behavior. =Discipline.

A sharp swat to the behind and the reason WHY= Discipline.

 

Re: Bubbles: He got grabbed, thrown over my knee. 3 sharp slaps to the behind. His eyes grew large as saucers...when his attention was fully on the issue at hand, he was read the riot act...and made to apologize to Snickles with tears in his eyes....it worked rather well.

[AwdreeHpburn]

No....and you have yet to answer the question...What would you do in that situation?

 

Not let go of his hand.

 

Be faster than him so he doesn't get to the street.

 

Get a leash.

 

If we expect our little kids to know what we know without teaching them, we're in for bigger problems than whether or not spanking is ok.

 

We have to TEACH children why its important to stay out of the street.

And yes, I read where you said you told him. Bears repeating in my opinion. Specially to someone who's just learning something for the first time.

 

 

"Removing" ...LOL...where? And how? Physically violating his space?

 

Now you're worried about violating his space?

 

... you never answered the question...

 

Which? Give it to me again. I'll answer it.

 

Bubbles in the previous example is not so easy to "remove"....how do you remove a screaming kicking child that is hell bent for leather to kick , hit and bite you? .....and then what do you do? Tell him it's not "nice" to shove, push, throw objects and pinch others? He already doesn't care about that...

 

How do you pick up a screaming and kicking kid? How big IS this Bubbles kid? 5'10"? 200 lbs? Cos yeh, at 5'3 - that'd be a challenge for me. But I can pick up most all the 4 year olds I've ever met.

 

And if they're being THAT physically violent, a time out in a quiet room works well. If you seriously can't control a 3, 4, or 5 year old any other way than hitting them...... I'm really at a loss. I don't know what else to say to that.

 

don't get me wrong....I don't "believe" in hitting kids either, however there is a Time and Place when it is most appropriate.

 

Oh, my bad. I DID get you wrong. I thought you WERE saying it was ok. And I think the statement that there's a time and place where hitting kids IS appropriate is yet again, saying its ok....

 

Kids are not stupid more often than not, they are perfectly aware of what they are doing. They do require discipline. Some more so than others.

 

Agreed. We ALL require discipline. That's why there're prisons.

 

Abuse...is a completely different subject and is not to be confused with Discipline.

 

Boiling a child's hands in hot water for poor marks = Abuse.

Scratching a child in the face [god knows what she did]= Abuse

Bruises all over her back and legs [for what?]= Abuse

 

Those are YOUR definitions. Who says YOU get to make the rules?

 

A smart stinging slap that leaves no mark after 15 mins for insolence and rude behavior. =Discipline.

A sharp swat to the behind and the reason WHY= Discipline.

 

Wow.

 

So.... your definition of abuse is whether or not it leaves a mark?

 

So its ok for child to be in pain, caused by your hand, and afraid of you physically hurting him, as long as when its all said and done, he has no physical trace of it?

 

 

Re: Bubbles: He got grabbed, thrown over my knee. 3 sharp slaps to the behind. His grew large as saucers...when his attention was fully on the issue at hand he was read the riot act...and made to apologize to Snickles with tears in his eyes....it worked rather well.

 

Disgusting.

 

...bragging about being bigger than someone and making them cry.

[rocio]

Disgusting.

 

...bragging about being bigger than someone and making them cry.

 

Agreed. And did I read correctly about a slap in the face that left a mark for 15 minutes??? If anyone ever did that to me, I would hate them.

[m12988]

Agreed. Ever notice how people back then (such as our parents/grandparents) tend to be more respecting to their elders than some of the kids now days? Some kids now days are taught to bring a lawsuit forward anytime they trip on a drink they spilled or something. I'm glad for the residual spankers out there that are working hard to discipline their children into becoming good citizens. When time-outs and priviledge-takings don't work, then what else is a good parent to do? Take a look at most of your grandparents and parents people. They grew up in decades where spanking and things like that were perfectly normal. Bet ya they aren't affected from the spankings, right?

[AwdreeHpburn]

OK. OK.

 

I DO think I understand what you are all saying. And I agree that there seems to be a certain something that people feel is lacking in today's youth.... or so they say every generation.

 

And I do believe that PEOPLE, of which children are apparently a subset, need to learn respect and how to behave in the world.

 

I just personally won't HIT my kids to teach them that. Nor will I hit my friends, my husband or any co-workers I get upset with or who disrespect me. I think there are MULTIPLE other ways.

 

Yes, I do realise kids can grow up and be "just fine" after a childhood of physical discipline. Most do. Kids are resilient and can overcome lots of things. I just don't think that means we should put them thru the gamut because we know they'll come out OK.

 

But obviously that's MY opinion.

[Enigmatika]

Disgusting.

 

...bragging about being bigger than someone and making them cry.

Really? "bragging".....tsk tsk...

 

For example: Bubbles is racing around screaming his fool head off hitting others. You have told him to STOP. You have demanded that he stop. Bubbles ignores you and throws a toy car at Snickles....Bubbles thinks it's funny and now teases Snickles and continues shoving and pushing....You are standing there watching Snickles cry and Bubbles is roaring with laughter...LOL ...continuing to ignore you and race and slam into others. He is now "informed" that he will receive a " time out"...LOL....but Bubbles doesn't care...he grabs Snickles by the arm and pinches him in the neck....Awwwwwww.....now Snickles is so upset and angry and crying he starts hitting back at Bubbles....

 

 

What would you do?

 

Keep in mind....with your current logic...you can't lay a finger on Bubbles, not even to restrain him...that's "Abuse"....what are you going to tell Snickles mommy about the blue bruise forming on his neck?

link removed

Restraining child and Abuse allegations^^^^

 

If you actually have a more effective means of dealing with such a child...I am sure the world could use it. Share...

I think there are MULTIPLE other ways.

.....your thoughts then....

 

let's not forget the explanation to Snickles mom about the bruising...cuz it's YOUR fault it happened in the first place...