How long did you wait to have sex with your date?

[babypink61]

I made the mistake of sleeping with a guy after our 4th date. I'm not kind of regretting it because I feel like I should have waited longer. Everyone tells me that things get weird/change after you guys sleep together. Guys lose interest in you after you give up too easily. In my past experiences the guys I slept with while we were still dating all ended up being my bf. So, what do you guys think? How long would you guys wait?

 

I'm really into him and he seems to be giving me the right signals too. Just don't want him to lose his interest or let it turn into some casual sex thing.

 

Btw, he's in his early 30's and I'm in the late 20's.

[darkblue]

If you felt that it was the right time to have sex with him - then don't start regretting it now.

 

However, the fact that you posted this means that you aren't entirely sure.

 

It really does depend on the man's intentions as to when you should sleep with him. Do you think he is the kind of person who will now ignore you?

[d24]

4 dates sounds perfect to me.

That's what? 3 weeks or something?

 

1 or 2 is way too fast, and anything over 6 or 7 and I'd start to lose interest.

[LanceVanceDance]

It really completely depends on the person and on how the relationship is evolving. I don't think you should pay any attention to any pre-made "rules" about dating and about when you should do what. I've had all kinds of different dates/relationships and they all progressed at different paces. It was natural and I never found myself thinking "this is the Xth date, we should/shouldn't do this". If it feels right for both of you then go for it.

[Stambler]

I always wait until after dinner on the first date....

[rocio]

I think that what is more important is how your behavior changes. Of course, things are going to chance once you take the relationship to that next level. But don't turn into that girl that won't stop calling and needs constant validation. Just because he's seen you naked doesn't mean that you can't still be mysterious and make him chase you a bit.

[rocio]

I always wait until after dinner on the first date....

 

hahaha, lol...!

[annie24]

I always wait until after dinner on the first date....

 

you're a classy guy!

[annie24]

I think that what is more important is how your behavior changes. Of course, things are going to chance once you take the relationship to that next level. But don't turn into that girl that won't stop calling and needs constant validation. Just because he's seen you naked doesn't mean that you can't still be mysterious and make him chase you a bit.

 

i agree. while i tend to hold off on sex until i've known a guy for a while, like a few months, because you can really find things out about people if you wait. people can pretend to be one way when they really aren't like that at all for a few weeks, but they can't keep it up for a few months.

 

that said, i also agree with the 'attitude' thing. if you have sex early on and expect to have an 'insta-relationship', that's not good. just because the physical relationship went to the next level doesn't necessarily mean the emotional relationship went to the next level.

[on1tyr]

I don't think there is a right or wrong period in which to wait. I had met my last GF almost a year before finally getting a date with her. I met her at a couple bars with friends several times before going on our first real date... just the two of us. That night we caught up again at a bar and ended up having sex that same night... so I slept with her after our first 'date'. I had however been out with her, so to speak, several times before that and had been pursuing her for over a month.

[JimmerJammer]

babypink61,

 

typically I'm the kind of guy that will wait at least 3 dates or about a month before I try to have sex with someone. With the exception of recently, that is how I normally do it. It's because I find that if you have sex right away it's harder to create commitment when you've already done something intimate. As it begins to detach emotional intimacy with sex and thus sex becomes something that you just do without building an emotional connection with the person first.

 

It's not that it can't happen, just that there's less glue to hold it all together.

[ghost69]

i usually don't make it to dinner cause we start with drinks. lol

 

i need em liquored up.

[JimmerJammer]

ya nothing like bedding a girl when her inhibitions are absent.

[ghost69]

ya nothing like bedding a girl when her inhibitions are absent.

 

she wouldn't have gone on the date if nothing was there though.

 

i don't do that just to take advantage. that's not my bag.

[rocio]

then why do you do it? i would imagine a girl would be better in bed when she's sober.

[ghost69]

then why do you do it? i would imagine a girl would be better in bed when she's sober.

 

you guys are taking what i said waaaaay out of context. it's not like i plan on getting a girl trashed to get in her pants. i've never needed to do that.

[Iceman26]

Frankly I never set boundaries or limits on these kinds of things. If I went on a date with a girl that had some silly set of rules and boundaries I would date someone else. I always hated it when women would tell me how the night was going to end before it even happened. I like surprises damnit.

 

If it happens it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. It all depends on the person and the chemistry.

[teknoise]

Meh, whenever it happens it happens. The sooner the better I say! The girl I am with now we waited till the 2nd date or 3rd date, and we've been together for 6 months. My exwife who I was with for 3.5 years, we did it on the first date. Timing doesn't matter if you can see past some people's idea that holding out is a good thing. I don't judge girls negatively for having sex on the first date, and I'm not about to run away from something good for a reason as stupid as them having sex 'too soon' whatever that means.

[teknoise]

Frankly I never set boundaries or limits on these kinds of things. If I went on a date with a girl that had some silly set of rules and boundaries I would date someone else.

 

No kidding. Somebody that rigid is definitely not my type.

[annie24]

maybe what you guys call rigid, i would call self-respect in not having sex with a guy you haven't known a very long time.

[boo121]

I always wait until after dinner on the first date....

 

What do you want for your order sir? I think i'll skip straight to desert.

[Batya33]

The shortest was two months, the longest was 14 months, average was about 4 months.

[sophie274]

maybe what you guys call rigid, i would call self-respect in not having sex with a guy you haven't known a very long time.

 

Agree. It seems like a big part of dating is restraining your "impulses" in favor of the long term. Not calling all the time at first even though you have a huge crush and feel like it, not starting to spend all your time together right away so you don't lose yourself in the relationship ... IMO, not having sex as soon as those hormones start calling is a good decision if you're the kind of woman who gets attached after she has sex, or who wants to only have sex with men she loves/is in love with, or is even the kind of woman who doesn't want to be dumped after she puts out, or doesn't want to get an STD because she didn't know the partner well enough to know whether or not he had been tested.

 

Setting yourself a ballpark might help with not giving in to your lust for a new guy ... which you might regret later.

 

Now if none of the above apply, you're fine with sex with someone you don't feel more than attraction for, and condoms are good enough protection for you, then do it whenever the mood strikes!

[stella74]

maybe what you guys call rigid, i would call self-respect in not having sex with a guy you haven't known a very long time.

 

Way to go!

 

I made the mistake in my much younger years of having sex too soon. It depends what you want. If all you want is casual sex, have sex whenever you want as long as it's safe (get tested, wear condoms/use birth control). If you want a serious relationship, wait and still keep it safe. I waited around 2-3 months after first dating my ex-fiance and that seemed like a good amount of time to me. I've seen others develop long-term relationships after having sex on the 1st or 2nd date, but that was never my experience.

[kuiks8]

I think it really depends on the person, the circumstance and the connection...there can't be a set guideline for stuff like this...