He hit me and won't apologise.

[lovelyseahorse]

Hi,

 

I really need some advice, as I experienced a situation yesterday that I have never experienced before.

We have been married for 3 months and my husband, who can be very moody, lashed out at me hitting me accross the face hard enough to leave a slight bruise. We had not been speaking since Thursday and I had tried everything to lure him out of his mood- I tried so hard to be nice to him- but nothing worked- so yesterday I got annoyed and gave him an ulitmatum- either snap out of it or make a decision about what he wanted. I said some other things aswell, but nothing majorly bad, and he just flipped- and hit me. I told him to get out- and pushed him to the front door. Then I immediately went upsatirs and packed his bag, and left it in the porch. I texted him to say that I was sorry for what I had said, and that his bag was ready for him in the porch.

Later in the night he came home- and started to pack more things. I told him that if he apologised we could sort this out- but he said he would never apologise and that I deserved it.

He stayed in the spare room last night and I haven't seen him yet today- but I'm not sure what to do. We've only been married for 3 months, so I don't want to split up- but then again will our relationship ever be 'safe' and will I always be afraid of upsetting him? (Not that I want to upset him, but you know what I mean)

He has been under alot of stress recently- do you think this could have driven him to lash out.

How can I get him to apologise?

PS- I feel abit dramatic putting this post under 'abuse and violence' but it seemed the closest forum.

Many thanks x

[agent1607307371]

Hi Seahorse, yes it's possible that him hitting you was the effect of a build-up of stress, but when you add that to his refusal to apologise - you can't excuse it.

 

You can't make him apologise, but you can stand your ground on this. Never ever make exceptions where physical violence is concerned. Put yourself and your safety first always.

[Lana0120]

It isn't dramatic. It is abuse. Leave him. From the sound of it, his behaviour is likely to get worse, especially if he doesn't even believe what he did was wrong. Leave now while you're still in one piece.

[Poe]

If I ever lost my temper enough to hit the woman I "love" I would AT THE VERY LEAST be crawling pining and begging for her forgiveness.

 

That he hasn't is a real problem. I agree; you should leave. This may just be the tip of the iceburg, and it's inexcusable.

[wheezy84]

Exactly. I've seen my dad push my mum before (he was drunk). But he immediately apologized like mad the next morning. Please don't put yourself at risk. And don't get a kid until you're sure he isn't going to continue this sort of behaviour!! Remember that he isn't the only male on this planet if he continues to be that way. You deserve better. At least you found out now, better than later.

[Daligal83]

If he doesn't feel like this was wrong and that you deserve it, can you imagine what else he's capable of? Don't wait around to find out. He's shown you his true colors now and how little he respects you. Get out now before it gets worse. No one ever deserves to get hit.

[amure]

the most advice you will get here is leave him.

i personaly think you should talk to him, seeing as this outburst wasn't fueled by alchol or other drugs.

 

if you two can work things out, then theres a chance to build.

if hes stuborn, and you can, save yourself and him alot of dramas because i can see it getting really ugly from there in terms of happiness.

best of luck

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

he does not have to apoligize and you dont have to take it..........its up to you, your in control of the situation do what you think is best.....but dont turn into his personal Piñata

[Dako]

Your situation is very sad, but I admire how you are handling this. You don't need a man who is capable of abusing you with impunity. Dumping this guy is the best move you could make.

 

Some women will try to change the guy and end up living in fear, and even bring children into their miserable life.

 

Your post is in the right place.

Best of luck to you.

[thejigsup]

Please leave him...now! My mom stayed and had three kids with a man like him. I know what it is like to grow up afraid. I married, briefly, a guy like my dad and divorced him when my son was an infant. I have never remarried and have no desire to. Don't stay, have kids, and scar them like that. My brother and sister are way messed up, too.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

The fact that he said " you deserved it" just tells you how he REALLY is. He thinks hitting women is 'ok' which is not!

 

If i was you, even if it was three months of marriage I would've left him.

 

I mean think about it, it's only been three months, and you're supposed to be in the 'honeymoon' stage, and he just hit you!

what does that tell?

 

instead of seeing it as you just got married so you have to stick with it and see what happens.

you should see it as a sign that if the marriage is just beginning and he already hit you, what does that tell you about the future with him?

 

don't ruin your life for trying to save this marriage, it's not worth it.

you deserve much better!!

 

this guy does not truly love you

if he did , he wouldn't have hit you and thought "you deserved it"

 

and i mean you apologized? you shouldn't even have done that!

it just goes to show that he's playing with your head and making you feel guilty and that you caused his behavior

when that IS NOT THE CASE!

 

He did what he did, he is a violent person, and he thinks that hitting you is nothing bad.

 

just thinking that he didn't care about what he did and didn't even apologize should be enough to foretell the future.

LEAVE!

love yourself enough to leave and find someone that deserves you!

[metrogirl]

What is it that you think you said to him that you felt you needed to apoligize?

 

A man that hits a woman is a coward and a bully. Usually the idiots will at least apoligize before they go and do it again. Your husband seems to think you deserved it. So I ask you, what's next? You will deserve to get hit again when the toast isn't quite right, or you get a good smack when the towels in the bathroom aren't hung right?

 

Do you follow what I'm saying? It won't stop here. There will be more abuse unless you take drastic action and leave.

[lovelyseahorse]

Hi,

 

Thankyou for all of your supportive replies. I'm at work at the moment- but as you can imagine, I'm not doing much work.

I hear all those people saying 'leave him' and I am taking that seriously- but as I havn't seen him since last night- I am wondering whether to see how he reacts over the next few days. I think he will just not speak to me... as that is what he usually does when he gets in a bad mood.. but maybe today he has had long enough to think about it and he may well be regretting it. As I'm typing this iI know it sounds so naive - but another fctor is that I own the house- so I wouldn't be leaving him- he would have to move out- so it may be a longer process.

If he still insisits that he did nothing wrong then I will have to admit to myself that he is not worth the risk. I know that if this happened to my sister or a friend I would tell them to finish it- married or not- but its so differeent when ots your own husband- I feel like I don't want to give up on us. I'm not sure whether he has already given up though.

I'll be able to tell you more tomorrow.

Thanks again - it's been so useful just to tell someone- as I've kept it to myself so far.

xx

[Enigmatika]

He needs Therapy and a kick in the you know...

 

Edit: He showed NO remorse?

 

Bad....

[EQD]

Abuse

please read this thread posted by RayKay before you decide to continue down this road...

[lovelyseahorse]

Hi,

 

Again thankyou all for the advice and guidance you gave me. I have taken it all onboard. Last night we had a really long chat, and he apologised for what he did, I believe that he is truly sorry and that stress had lead up to it. I have explained to him that any sign of anything like that again and that will be it- he will be made to leave. I know this all sounds cliched, but I am serious, and I am a strong person who doesn't depend on my husband financially. I will not be treated in that way- and he knows it.

I hope I won't have to post on here again-for any bad reason, but its so good to know that you are here to contact if I need you. Thank you.xxx

[Gracelove]

Leave him now. He hit you and said you deserved it. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man like that?

 

And what's with this "mood" he gets into? Did he have mood issues before you married him?

 

He's showing no remorse. You apologized to him, but he won't apologize to you for laying his hands on you.

 

Of course it's your choice, whether you stay with him or not, but I personally would leave.

[OIO]

I was beaten badly, hit 5 times in the one and only episode, stuck with him as we had a house together that we were doing up to sell, and copped another two and a half years of dreadful emotional abuse, that even an animal should never have to endure. I threatened that I would have him locked up if he touched me again, also I never had him charged as he was trying to get more access with his kids and he probably would've lost any chance of even seeing them for a long time, plus he suffers bad depresssion as his brother suicided years ago. I have a great network of friends, a lot of them male,and they all confronted him about it after so he knew to back off plus he would lose his kids if he tried it again. But then i copped the cruel,emotional stuff.

So my advice, please do yourself a huge favour and don't hang around waiting for more to happen, if not physical, it will be emotional abuse or both. If you stay,please let some close friends or family know what happened so that you have some good support should this happen again, and let him know that you have backup! Don't let him think that you are afraid of him! Let him know that if he lays a hand on you again you will be taking action against him, and mean it when you say it!

[tabanks2008]

Hi- I am so sorry you are experiencing this so soon in your marriage- Speaking from experience if you look back over the dating period the subtle controlling signs were there.

 

Ask yourself-can you live with this for the next 10 to 20 years? Also, did you really deserve to be hit- as he stated? Do we as women deserve to be slapped, punch, kicked, raped, cursed out, ridicule or humiliated in any type of way? No- we deserve to be loved and you don’t hurt what you love.

 

I put up with verbal and physical abuse for eight years and I can tell you it never got better only worse.

 

I will be praying for you- Tamara

[miracle29]

Hi,

 

Then I immediately went upsatirs and packed his bag, and left it in the porch. I texted him to say that I was sorry for what I had said, and that his bag was ready for him in the porch.

Later in the night he came home- and started to pack more things. I told him that if he apologised we could sort this out- but he said he would never apologise and that I deserved it.

 

PS- I feel abit dramatic putting this post under 'abuse and violence' but it seemed the closest forum.

Many thanks x

 

 

I find it amazing that you are the VICTIM here and yet its you who feels you did something wrong. Its BULLlony! He hit you because he can't control his anger and he expects you to put up with his violence. The answer my dear is HELL to the NO!

 

Don't pack his bag....call the police on him. He needs to be put in a place where he can think about his actions.

Stop blaming yourself.

 

If i could blame every person I ever yelled at or ran off and lost my cool with...I'd be in the biggest denial ever!

 

He is wrong for what he did. The only way this could be even 10% your fault is if you hauled off and slapped him first and even than...HE IS WRONG!

[Bella4455]

He will apologize every time he hits you especially now that he knows it works. Please leave now. It will only get worse. As hard and sad as it seems right now, it will only get harder and sadder the longer you wait.