An amazing 18 yo woman

[Skipp]

I've just met the most amazing girl. I'm very scared to continue the relationship. We haven't met in person, but every time we talk we seem to grow closer and more in love. I'm having a hard time believing that it is real. It's a love that is so deep and profound. I've never felt love so clear in my life and I have just turned 40. I've only been in long lasting relationships in which I thought I've felt love. (never married, no children) But now I see what real love is, and those relationships cant possibly compare. The problem is, this girl shares a birthday with me and when I turned 40, she turned 18.

I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to end it or keep it going as strong as it is. I have fallen in love with this girl so deeply, and she claims to feel the same way. We both believe that God has put us together (sorry to all you atheists)

The way it all happened, when we look back, seems to have been artfully designed. Like something was pushing us closer and closer. It's such an amazing feeling that I wished I felt in my past relationships. It's the love I've been yearning for my entire life.

I need help. I know the world says this is creepy, but it doesn't feel that way at all. I don't look 40 at all. I'm constantly being told that I don't look any older than 25, and that's how young I feel. I know that we can be happy if we spent the rest of our lives together, but is that fair to her?

OHHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.:sad:

[melrich]

Mmmmmm,

 

I am wary of a 40 year old who is more in love with someone he has never met than anyone else in his life.

 

I think you need to take a cold shower, slap yourself about the face a bit and try and look at this with a modicum of rationality.

[ole21]

yeah go for someone a little closer to your age

[angelsoft]

You shared a birthday with her? Does that mean you were seeing her before she was legal?

 

Like the first poster said, you need to be rational about this so-called "love" YOU think you feel for this GIRL. Yup that's right...She's only a GIRL. She's not even old enough to make all of her decisions on her own. You guys can't possibly have anything in common, besides birth day. Be honest, what do you really find "appealing" about this 18 yo? Really?

[jengh]

You really need to stop and think....You're 40 years old. You've gone through your "wild" phase, your party days. You're probably at the point of wanting to settle down and start a family in the near-future(I may be overexaggerating but you get the idea)

She is 18. Either just graduated highschool or will graduate this year. HIGH SCHOOL... She's probably headed off to college where she'll meet all kinds of new people, she will grow SO much as a person these next few years.. she needs to experience life or else she'll resent you for it later.

I'm not saying your love for her isn't real nor her love for you. I'm just telling you to think long and hard.

[m12988]

Wow, i hope you disregard the negative posts. I come from a family where there are tons of age gap relationships, and i honestly haven't seen more/less problems with these relationships than a relationship with no large age gap. I strongly live by the quote "you're only as young as you feel" because it is true. We can't live life worrying about aging. Anyways, with your age gap, think of it this way. It sounds pretty bad to most people, 18 and 40 (which would be eightTEEN and 40) and yeah, it freaks people out. In fact, i was 18 and my boyfriend was 26. People cringed at that, however, i'm 20 now and he is 28. People are more accepting now that i'm no longer a "teen". You sound like a nice guy and she sounds like a nice girl, and if you feel you are falling in love more and more as you talk, then by all means go for it. You are both adults, you can make your own decisions. Take it slow and see if you both really are meant for each other.

 

I believe the key to relationships with a significant age gap, is to allow time. I was 16 when i met my current fiance, which was over four years ago. I say the word fiance because we are engaged, but that engagement will last many more years, lol. The reason being is that since i'm the younger part of the couple, i still have a lot to do with my life. I want to graduate from college and begin my career before settling down and marrying him. Basically, we may have been together 8 years. That, IMO, is plenty of time to know that we are meant for each other. So i believe yours can work, but don't rush it and get married next year because you both believe you are in love. Allow plenty of time for this relationship.

[melrich]

don't rush it and get married next year because you both believe you are in love.

 

Considering they have not even met this is unlikely to be a problem. Neither, potentially is the age gap.

[Portage]

You are way too old.

 

Get real and open your eyes.

 

Maybe my response was a little harsh, however, i didn't know my ASS from my elbow at 18. I was all over the place with my romantic notions, believing i was a grownup. I just feel a 40 yr old man should be mature enough to respect the age difference and move on.

 

Nothing good can come from this.

[greensleeves]

There are relationships that work with a large age gap, but this girl is so young. Does she even know what she really wants? My oldest son is going to be 18 in a few months and he certainly doesn't know what he wants out of life yet. If she were 30 and you were 52 it would be a different story, but an 18 year old is just not mature enough to look at this clearly. You're obviously feeling very conflicted about the age difference...how does she feel about it and do you think that the fact that you're 40 is part of the attraction that she has towards you? I don't mean to be hurt your feelings, but if she's angry at her parents, especially her father, getting together with a 40 year old would be a very good way to get back at them, at least in the mind of an 18 year old.

 

And what about you? It won't be long before the novelty could wear off and she looks at her younger friends out having fun and will want to get back to the life that an 18 yr. old SHOULD be having and she'll want to move on. You also run the risk of being badly hurt here.

 

You asked if we think this is fair to her...no I really don't. Other than the fact that she's too young to make a rational decision about this, she'll want to have a family someday, but probably not for at least 7 or 8 years. So let's say she has a child at 25 and a second child at 28. You'd be in your sixties by the time they're teenagers. How do you think that would work out for her, or for the kids you might have?

 

I think the biggest issue is that you feel this strongly for someone you've never even met in person. In all honesty, I think the wise thing for you to do is to move on from this. Sorry.

[Boughs]

I think its crazy to date someone that young at 40, but... if it works, it works. Just be careful, because you'll be at the scrutiny of so many. Hope you and especially her, are prepared for that.

[Skipp]

Mmmmmm,

 

I am wary of a 40 year old who is more in love with someone he has never met than anyone else in his life.

 

I think you need to take a cold shower, slap yourself about the face a bit and try and look at this with a modicum of rationality.

 

We've seen each other and have been talking to each other for quite some time now. Maybe I didn't make that clear, or maybe it doesn't matter to some.

I do however understand what you mean about loving someone more than people I have actually met in person. It doesn't make sense to me neither.

I don't live under a rock, I have met many people in my life and have been in a number of long lasting relationships. The problem with making such a comparison is this... society and media have ruined many possible great relationships for me. Drinking has been the number one culprit (not me, I don't drink) Something out there is telling these women it's ok to cheat, it's ok to get plastered, it's ok to do this and that... Well, it's not ok, not in my book. Perhaps I'm a little too old fashioned, but I believe in good morals. The woman I am speaking of believes in these fine morals as well, and hasnt been poisoned by the subtle society.

 

As for the cold shower comment, I can understand why you would say that, (taking it as a remark about lust) because immediately when people hear of such a situation, they automatically assume that it spawns from a sexual desire, which in this case is a false accusation. The love I have for this woman has nothing to do with sexuality at all, it goes well beyond that. I don't expect people today to believe that. Heck... I have a hard time believing it. But it's truth.

[Blue Skittles]

well when it comes to age gap relationships it all comes down to the maturity of the parties involved. I've seen a lot of age gap relationships work out great and others not so great so it all depends.

 

One thing, don't start getting too fascinated until you meet her. It is irrational to think that you are in love with someone you haven't even seen their face.

 

Secondly, as you can tell by the posts you have received, people don't look too highly on such a big age-difference. So that is something that you will have to overcome. See how things go but be careful.

[melrich]

Skipp,

 

I have no problem with age gaps generally. I am in an age gap relationship myself so my comments here have little to dow ith the age gap. My comment IS to the fact that a 40 year old man is expressing such deep felt love for someone they have never met.

 

You have this out of perspective. If you yourself were 18 I could understand it more but at 40 you should know that getting yourself in so deep before even meeting someone is a recipe for major disappointment.

[Skipp]

Skipp,

 

I have no problem with age gaps generally. I am in an age gap relationship myself so my comments here have little to dow ith the age gap. My comment IS to the fact that a 40 year old man is expressing such deep felt love for someone they have never met.

 

You have this out of perspective. If you yourself were 18 I could understand it more but at 40 you should know that getting yourself in so deep before even meeting someone is a recipe for major disappointment.

I kind of got that from your post after I got all defensive and sent my response.

I agree with you, and I do need to be realistic about these feelings. I really don't understand them and I try to suppress them in my daily life.

[CandyKins]

Forget the age. You just need to make sure that you are both on the same maturity level, or at least close enough to be able to make things work and understand each other's limits.

 

The only thing that’s preventing you from being with her is society.

 

I'm rooting for the relationship, it's not like you're dating a minor, eh?

 

There is only one thing. You haven't met her. You need to be realistic about this. Personally I would say it's not a good idea to confess each other's feelings before meeting face to face. It's best and very suggestible. Also it would be and feel much special. Like... save the best to last you know? I know someone from the internet, he confessed to me. I feel the same way, but I cannot confess back because I don't think it's right to via internet. I would admit though I did dish out hints. We both are wonderful friends.

 

So meet her face to face and take it from there. When it comes to love age is just a number.

[TechResQ]

Hi Skipp,

 

I really do wish you the best of luck with everything, but I have to agree you should cool it a little bit until you get to know her by meeting her face to face.

 

I don't mean any disrespect, but I have to ask you what on earth could the two of you have in comon? You need to consider the age difference and the differences that go with that. Commonalities, perspectives, etc (she's just so young).

 

God Bless and let us know what happens!

[metrogirl]

I'm not so much concerned about the age gap, it happens....Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

 

My concern is that you have become to emotionally attached to a person that you haven't met.

 

I have some questions:

 

Have you spoken on the phone?

 

Have you seen a picture? If so, how do you know it's really her?

 

Has the thought that she just might be some girl who enjoys playing mind games with men online entered your mind?

 

Point I'm trying to make is......DO YOU REALLY KNOW HER?

[Skipp]

I'm not so much concerned about the age gap, it happens....Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

 

My concern is that you have become to emotionally attached to a person that you haven't met.

 

I have some questions:

 

Have you spoken on the phone?

 

Have you seen a picture? If so, how do you know it's really her?

 

Has the thought that she just might be some girl who enjoys playing mind games with men online entered your mind?

 

Point I'm trying to make is......DO YOU REALLY KNOW HER?

 

Yeah, we video chat (nothing perverted) every day and have been doing so for a while. I have tons of pictures of her and she does as well.

[m12988]

Skipp, i totally see where you are coming from and i definitely understand. There are a lot of negative harsh posts on this thread, sorry you gotta hear it but it's just society talking. Like i said, i was in a similar predicament and YES, people can be in love with a larger age gap and NOT be sex crazed maniacs. It can happen. There is a possibility for everything in life to happen. But like a few posters said, the real obsticle is society. None of us can tell you if this relationship WILL or Will not work, you'll have to find that out for yourself, but if it feels right go for it. Just remember though, there is no rush. Take it slow to make sure this is what you both really want.

[m12988]

Hi Skipp,

 

I really do wish you the best of luck with everything, but I have to agree you should cool it a little bit until you get to know her by meeting her face to face.

 

I don't mean any disrespect, but I have to ask you what on earth could the two of you have in comon? You need to consider the age difference and the differences that go with that. Commonalities, perspectives, etc (she's just so young).

 

God Bless and let us know what happens!

 

 

Actually, you'd be surprised what some people can have in common with people you'd least expect. I grew up pretty fast due to some life issues growing up, but i've always found i can relate to and have many things in common with people older (yes, and in their 40s) than people my age. Its hard to believe but it can happen. I have very many friends who are over 20 years my senior and most of them, of course, are in different life stages than I (having children etc) but i find older people easier to talk to. This might be the situation with Skipp's friend and vice versa.

[angelsoft]

Hi Skipp. It's angelsoft again. I honestly don't have a problem with different age groups being in relationships together. There's nothing wrong with it. However, this girl is not even 18 yet. She just got her drivers license not to long ago. What could she possibly do for you mentally?? Maybe all the physical attraction is there? Maybe she makes you feel like you're 18 again. That's OK, but you will eventually hurt this young girls heart. She's not ready to experience things on the same level as you.

 

You've lived through your party days and friend dayz. She hasn't. Do you really want to rob her of her experiences? I'm not trying to make you feel guilty in anyway, but you are the mature one here and because of that, you hold a lot of power in this relationship, probably financially and mentally. You hold the key to this relationship and it is up to you to walk in.

 

Are you really ready for that challenge though?? She's 18 years old. She's old enough to be your daughter. She still has some extreme time to go through. 21 is coming up in a few years, than what?? How are you going to react when she wants to go out and have fun? Can you handle that??

 

I just think you should at LEAST find someone who is mentally ready to settle down. If young is your thing, I'm sure you can AT LEAST find someone who is almost thirty who HAS experienced more in life and knows what she wants.

 

Think about it Skipp. You really should.

[mke11077]

Hey Skipp,

 

First of all I was in the same situation a few months ago except mine is now over and didn't turn out too well. I started a thread on another site much like this one and totally got bashed by about 4 or 5 women because of the situation. So far you're doing better than I did. LOL

 

The age gap between her and I was a little smaller than yours, I'm 30 and she's 18, and we actually started as friends before anything else happened. My friends would ask what her and I had to talk about since we had such an age gap??? Honestly there was ALWAYS something for us to talk about. We would text throughout the day and talk on the phone for hours at night. I've been in enough relationships to know what love is, and even though I was not in love with her I've never felt anything as strong as when I looked in her eyes...

 

Well the romance ended when her parents found out and did not allow her to talk to me anymore. Her happiness was the only thing I cared about and she was extremely happy with me, but her parents just saw an age. And sadly for me, since she was no longer allowed to talk to me, she slowly forgot me...

 

The only advice I can give you on this is take it slow!!! Its possible things can work out, but it probably won't be easy

[Natty7]

Skipp,

 

I don't think that 18 and 40 are too far apart, it will be difficult but you are both consenting adults so I don't see a problem there.

 

I don't get how you could love someone and not really have met her (excluding your encounters on the internet)... I mean really…..? How is that possible? I don’t cyber date so I might be a little biased but I think you need to take a step back and move SLOWER. Meet her, date her… get to know all of the little idiosyncrasies she has and allow her time to find out yours. Writing, well, typing can be very intimate but NOT as intimate as human contact.

 

Slow down and see man….

[itsallgrand]

Honestly, I think you are just avoiding real relationships right now...and this is an easy retreat to a land where fantasies are protected, and you can let out all the vulnerable feelings inside.

 

It's easy to fall in love with someone on-line. Even easier when you haven't spent real time with them (video, Instant Messenger, even phone do not count).

 

I think you are afraid of falling in love with a real woman. So you perpetuate this fantasy.

 

Really think about this: If both of you were actually interested in pursuing a real relationship, don't you think you would have met up by now?

 

I know that when I'm interested in someone, I want to see them. I want to be part of their lives. I want it to be real.

 

I think you need to seriously UNPLUG - go out there. Spend time on your hobbies. Meeting new people. Do something different. Do something that brings passion and excitement to your life. Meet real women - ask them on dates.

 

In sum: I think you are scared, and bored , and this has nothing to do with love or this girl. It all has to do with YOU and your needs.

 

You may even be a good guy who never would have dreamt this could happen to you. And you do sound truly distressed by it.

 

Maybe after UNPLUGGING, maybe even therapy might be something to consider.

 

I just think this whole situation is really just a symptom of something going on inside of you that you are ignoring. So don't ignore it: deal with it.

[Skipp]

I'm not gonna lie... What you said here makes a lot of sense. I will explore this possibility a bit further. There has been women closer to my age that have been interested, but I think I may have shy'd away from those prospects thinking "I don't want to go through that again"