5 Year relationship ended just 2 weeks ago.

[CustomX]

2 weeks ago of 5 years this christmas my girlfriend broke up with me for the 3rd time. After this i have been deeply depressed. I've been feeling guilty about everything because its my fault. I was driving home tonight from a friends house and i felt like driving the car into a wall at full speed to kill myself. I dont know what to do anymore everytime i think about her with somone else kissing this other guy she is going out with i just want my life to end. Everything i do in my life i fail...i failed as a boyfriend and i failed in school........everything i fail in...i really hate myself alot and just want to die and not suffer any longer.

[mahlina]

Hello my California friend!

 

Sorry to hear about your breakup! Don't kill yourself! You know that you won't, your life's too precious! I know that it's tough to come out of a painful breakup, but you'll survive. I know how you feel, especially to love someone and have the relationship end.

 

Have you thought about it? Maybe it's not your fault that those bad things happened to you, like not doing so well in school. Really, have you thought about it?

 

It sounds like this relationship really took a toll on your entire life in general. So don't blame yourself for not doing so well for the past 5 years.

 

It's so easy to say that we want to end our lives. It's so much easier to take that route in life, but look on the bright side, 'There is someone for everyone'!

 

It's unfortunate that your past relationship did not work out, but you'll find better.

 

Pick yourself up, and ask yourself, What makes me happy? What did I like to do prior to meeting this person? You need to discover yourself again.

 

Heck, find a job so that you could save up some money to go backpacking in Europe or something. Find new goals.

 

I know how you feel, and life's too short to focus on your failures, hence, your failures do turn into successes!

[musicguy]

CustomX, I know how you feel. I think just like you. I also have points in my life where I feel as if I've failed myself, in fact I'll admit that I think about it a lot. You have to pull through this though. 5 years is a long time to know someone and be with someone, it's gonna be hard to get over this, but we all must move on. It's kinda funny cuz I should listen to my own advice. Without failure there wouldn't be success. Hope that you can continue on and be happy.

[The Morrigan]

Also keep in mind - it takes 2 people to fail at a relationship.

 

I know, it can be very hard to see, especially if the other person was more passive, like I was for the most part in mine. But you can only accept so much guilt before you end up doing a combination of idealizing the other person, and kind of lessening them unintentionally, by not permitting them to be responsible for their own part.

 

What I'm saying is, it's good to be able to see what mistakes you've made - but you have to draw the line at what is within reason for you to take on your shoulders - and what you didn't have control over. Nobody fails at anything ALL on their own, not when there are other people involved.

 

That said - the harder part is what you're saying, it's so hard NOT to think about your ex and what she's doing. And it's usually useless to just tell yourself you're not going to, as someone said, that's like telling yourself not to think about purple dinosaurs - it makes it HARDER with that specific thought in mind.

 

It sounds like you're one of those people who might benefit from having a VERY specific plan for when your thoughts start getting the better of you. Sit down and make a list of things that are feasible for different locations - for example "I'm gonna go for a long run or lift weights" isn't going to be of much use when you're in your car and one of "those songs" comes on the radio. Now, it can be something you despise even (which actually worked well for me) - I forced myself to memorize and recite the first full page of Chaucer's "The Canterbury Tales!" But let me tell you, the dratted thing was complex enough to pronounce, and a big enough headache, that after a few weeks I'd change the stupid radio station rather than subject myself to ONE MORE LINE of "Whan that aprill, his sures soothe, the draughts of march hath perced to the roote..." Ha ha, as you can tell, over 10 years later, I still remember the blasted thing! But it DID get me past the moment, and was "portable" and certainly started discouraging me thinking about it as much as I was for the first timeframe.

 

Some things, you can depend on friends to help with, like ideas... just try and make sure you can do something for yourself as support as well to get through immediate "crisis times," because there's no point in making mistakes even if you're not around to learn from them. Hang in there!

[Boromir]

Hi CustomX,

 

I understand what you are going through. I actually did try and commit suicide after my ex and I broke up the first time. I was really in love with her and obviously my head wasn't on straight at the time or I wouldn't have done it, but I am slowly realizing that what was bringing me down had a lot more to do with me than it did her.

 

I know you are hurting, and I know she was you life for five years. I was with my ex for four. I keep trying to tell myself that I was functioning fine before her so I should be fine without her. It is just such a hard road getting over it and sometimes even when all is going okay, something triggers something bad and it all falls apart.

 

Talking to my ex is not a good thing for me. I don't want to admit that she is a great person because I would rather be angry at her, but even still, when I talk to her I am flooded with emotions and right now you have to let some of that go right now. Don't try to deal with everything at once. You have a process to go through, and if she has broken up with you three times, there will just be a fourth if you were to get back together.

 

You are better off not settling for her. There are so many women out there that will treat you better.

 

Good luck.

[CustomX]

Not only am i depressed but i havnt been going to work and im possibly out of a job now because of this. i couldnt call in because if i called and tellt hem i would bust out crying on the phone and i didnt want that happening

[avman]

Call in to work and tell them you are sick. You do not have to give them details, just say you are sick.

 

You should also see a doctor about your depression. He will be able to help you and possibly put you on medication for the short term here to lift your mood. He also can provide a diagnosis to your employer. Mental illness (which depression is categorized as) would be a legitimate reason for missing work and possibly even going on short term disability. I am assuming you have a full time job. If its part time, well then you could be out of luck.

 

You hang in there. Get some help, there are lots of people out there who care about you and WILL help you.

[dispair_is_here]

I'm recently going through a breakup(4 weeks nowish) and i can feel your emotions all the way into illinois! I read your story and will share part of mine to relate with you and maybe give you some constructive advice. 1st of all i am an alcoholic / pothead and have been for 29 years now and because i don't have anything to show for my 41 years on earth, i believe that that is part of my problem(most of it i see honestly)and i've spent my life thinking only of me and what you can do for me and what i have left is- ME ALONE! What i'm trying to say is that i keep beating my self up with her in mind so i choose not to work on me and that is what you might want to ponder about yourself customx. I think that if you were to go out and get some help at a community group of some kind (emotions anonymous, or some group like that, you might find the comfort you need through the help of other people like ourselves in these groups. I also have to tell you that you are going to go through a lot denial, anger, depression, bargaining and a couple more emotions need not be told about now though. When you sit with others and talk that have the same issues you will feel better, but you got to get out of the house to do these things and not sit around in the same ol' environment seeing all of her stuff around the house and beating your self up. I can't speak for anyone in here, but to sit here and type to you helps the hell out for me 'cause it doesn't give me much time in my head to think of her, helping others out! i also found that you cannot hide those feelins in your head because if you do you will never start the healing proccess while your still mental masterbating. You (i believe) have to really experience those feeling without hiding from them to learn to let go, cry if you feel like it, hit a pillow, fill your mind with something other than your own emotions and it will get easier in time. DO not try killing yourself though, it would make her feel more powerful to hear you have such strong emotions for a girl whose more unstable than most and she would eat that up. Don't ever see her again and if she does contact you act like you never cared in the first place, that would eat her up as well. Take care of yourself now brother and do something with yourself immediately and try not to look back in the past about her, think of you now no 1 else! I know i rambled a bit but you get my drift! Good luck customx and may the lord shine on your path!!!

[mjones.uk]

Hi CustomX,

 

Listen bro, if you haven't read my post already, then please do:

 

link removed

 

This was how I felt, I lost her after 8 years, and all through my own doing. I know exactly how you're feeling now, as I was feeling the same this time last year.

 

But I can tell you now, exactly a year later, I have wonderful new girlfriend who I love very much, and am enjoying life more than I ever did whilst I was with her.

 

It does get better! You will need to go through the pain and suffering now, but thats a necassary part of the healing process, you won't always feel this bad! Now is the time to make your new years resolutions and decide on all the things you are going to do next year, that will improve and enhance your life for the better.

 

Hang in there buddy, you will come through this a stronger and better man, believe me.

 

Best wishes and best of luck