dispair_is_here

I'm recently going through a breakup(4 weeks nowish) and i can feel your emotions all the way into illinois! I read your story and will share part of mine to relate with you and maybe give you some constructive advice. 1st of all i am an alcoholic / pothead and have been for 29 years now and because i don't have anything to show for my 41 years on earth, i believe that that is part of my problem(most of it i see honestly)and i've spent my life thinking only of me and what you can do for me and what i have left is- ME ALONE! What i'm trying to say is that i keep beating my self up with her in mind so i choose not to work on me and that is what you might want to ponder about yourself customx. I think that if you were to go out and get some help at a community group of some kind (emotions anonymous, or some group like that, you might find the comfort you need through the help of other people like ourselves in these groups. I also have to tell you that you are going to go through a lot denial, anger, depression, bargaining and a couple more emotions need not be told about now though. When you sit with others and talk that have the same issues you will feel better, but you got to get out of the house to do these things and not sit around in the same ol' environment seeing all of her stuff around the house and beating your self up. I can't speak for anyone in here, but to sit here and type to you helps the hell out for me 'cause it doesn't give me much time in my head to think of her, helping others out! i also found that you cannot hide those feelins in your head because if you do you will never start the healing proccess while your still mental masterbating. You (i believe) have to really experience those feeling without hiding from them to learn to let go, cry if you feel like it, hit a pillow, fill your mind with something other than your own emotions and it will get easier in time. DO not try killing yourself though, it would make her feel more powerful to hear you have such strong emotions for a girl whose more unstable than most and she would eat that up. Don't ever see her again and if she does contact you act like you never cared in the first place, that would eat her up as well. Take care of yourself now brother and do something with yourself immediately and try not to look back in the past about her, think of you now no 1 else! I know i rambled a bit but you get my drift! Good luck customx and may the lord shine on your path!!!

I see how evil this woman really is and it hurts me to see her not even being romotely aware of it. I'm not going to call or email her ever again, because of her last remarks about the "helpyourself link removed" email she sent! so i sent her my very last 1(but she won't know this) email saying"You can't do anything to make them want to come back. You can only do things to make them not want to come back." the ball is in my court, but i have to be careful about going to her web site-I WONT DO IT! 'cause i will keep this wound open even longer if i center my world on hers instead of mine and am doing it as i speak! thanks for the comments guys

As i said earlier that when i try to resolve issues with her she gets defensive and it hurts me to see my own feeling trashed by her remarks! So how can i get this resolved if i call she might give me the grow up attitude and i'm not ready for that! I emailed her a thing saying how we need to work on a problem and she sent me an email that said"?? ooook "then sent me one to a site link removed! What the heck does that mean? I don't know what to do with this?

I first want to thank you guys for being here for me, it's like an AA meeting kinda! I am 41 she is 31 and we were lovers 10 years ago. I lived with her 10 years ago and she had (still does) and attitude that its her way or the highway. I drank to much and she had to play mind games that made me out to be the bad guy every time and i got to the point of ignoring her & annoying her too. So she left me on my birthday 10 plus years ago. My problem is that she wrote me a letter 5 months ago to see if we could get back together and we did. We pretty much hit it off rite away and things were going well for awhile. She says she still accepts me as i am but she belittles me and cuts me down when she starts to get a lil buzz from beer and i told her i didn't like that behavior and she still kept on with the remarks til i walked out of her place without a word said. So now the emails come with mind games attached and she doesn't call me to appologize so i get scared she will not call and i go and get in touch with her (my mistake) and somehow find myself saying sorry after she talked bad to me! T hings were going pretty good in her head it seamed. She would email me letters saying she wanted me to move to another state in a few years with her, tells me things i was to do to her in the bedroom and all sorts of sexual stuff when we lived together in the future and all kinds of email acting as if she will be mine for a long time. Well a month ago i walked out again and have not called her on the phone but have been emailing her little comments to let her know i still care be she wont call me and i don't know what to do? I'm still in mad love with her but can't deal with the not wanting to talk about the problem because she will turn it on me and have a tone of voice that i'm immature and need to grow up, once again turning on me!? She has her own web site and uses it to convey her thoughts about me that are sometimes negative and other times she says she didn't want to be with me anyway other times telling (no one in particular on her site) the internet that i was the best thing that happened to her and all this other stuff about me being her first true love. then i read comments on her site from her sister that said "you didn't need him anyway because of the way he treated you, you deserve better!" Yet i never did one thing to hurt her in anyway what so ever!!! Please give me some guidance with this novel, someone !?