Out of the blue..

[j-boe]

Well my Ex and I haven't spoken in like 4 months. That and we haven't seen each other in like 5 months. We at the time didn't end on good terms; she suggested we shouldn't speak to each other ever again. She even went as far as not picking up the phone the week after we had the fight; she deleted my number and e-mails, (I sent one after she said she didn't want to speak to me.) what ever she could do to avoid contact. This made me uneasy and I was pretty much pissed about the whole blowing me off thing. Of course I got over it and so we didn't talk ever again.

 

Well last night I was checking my phone and I noticed that I was called 4 times by the same number at different hours. I've seen the number in my phone periodically but never really thought too much about it. But last night I read it out loud and it somehow struck a note with me; I realized that the number was my Ex's. I of course freaked and called her back thinking she might be in trouble or her family is or something along those lines. Well she didn't pick up so I continued on with my night and went out.

 

Anyhow, about 1 PM today she called and we talked and she went on about how she misses me and she's been thinking about me a lot, stuff of that nature. She said she also drove by my place a few times to see if I was there or not but was scared that I might hate her for what she did. She even asked me if I had a girlfriend and when I replied no she said "good". Now I'm a realistic person but what does this mean? She's not seeing anyone either. Is she just lonely? Does she want to start things up in the future? She looking for a friend? Well if any information is needed just ask. I'd like a few ideas to this too.

 

She just seemed like she might want to start some things up in the future the way she was talking. I don't know, perhaps wishful thinking? I mean, I do miss her too. I wouldn't mind to start things up again. Maybe it's all in my head.

 

-j

[The Morrigan]

It sounds like she's trying to see if you'd still be interested in her after your previous history.

 

I tend to err on the side of realism myself - but neither me or any girl I know drives by an ex's house, or asks outright if he's seeing someone else and is upfront about being glad he isn't, unless they're interested in feeling out if more than friends is still a possibility.

 

If you're still interested, I would let her do a good bit of the pursuing, and just encourage her that it's good to hear from her etc. If she continues to call, might want to suggest getting together casually to catch up, see how she reacts, and take it from there. Just bear in mind you'll be getting to know each other again, and try and avoid the problems that split you up the first time.

[Boromir]

Jay, you ought to ask her the very questions you are asking us!

 

The one thing I have learned though, is don't rush it. Be her friend again first. Remind her why she like you so much. I am sure it was a lot more than the sex, I mean she liked the talking, the support, etc etc. If you start throwing questions at her when she hasn't made up her mind, you'll just probably drive her away. Don't necessarily bring up if she misses you or not, you'll see it in her face.

 

Worse case scenerio, if she doesn't want the relationship, you can walk away saying you were the best man you could be, which over time, will mean something to you.

 

Good luck!

[kuhl282000]

Hey Jay

 

I just went through a pretty tough break-up myself. I cared alot for this woman. But I felt she had some serious problems she needed to work out on her own. I decided in the end it would be best if we did not have any contact like your ex. It has been real tough, I miss her alot. But these are some pretty serious problems and I can't continue to try and rescue her anymore. I would be lying to myself if I were to say I don't miss her. The phone has rang late at night with her number on it. I would love to talk to her but I'm afraid if I do talk to her it would only be a war of words. I would love to talk to her in the future but I just can't right now. Their has been to much hurt. Sounds to me your a lucky guy, I could only wish that would happen to me in the future. Sounds like she misses you, and you miss her just the same. They say if love leaves and comes back it is true love. Sounds to me you must be a pretty cool guy and treated her right or I don't think she would have called. I say go for it. But like someone esle said, be careful you don't do the same things that broke you up in the first place.I have already made that mistake. You will be getting to know each other all over again. Good Luck Bro. I think you are both real lucky. I believe it goes the other way most of the time and lost loves are lost forever.

 

Kuhl

[j-boe]

Thanks for the replies. Really helped clear some things up. (I mean that.)

 

Yeah, Morrigan, you and I are thinking along the same lines. I was thinking if she really wants to start things back up then I'll let her pursue me for a bit. That and I did encourage her to call about anything and that I'm okay with the past. (Which I am, she although really thought I hated her.)

 

Boromir I would of asked her this stuff but I don't want to push her away with talks of getting back together. I myself would like to take this slow. Like you said if worst case comes along I wont be missing anything I didn't have before.

 

Thanks for the words kuhl282000. Trust me dude, it hasn't been easy what we've been through. If it's one thing I would of done over is ended contact before it got to the point it did. I suggest staying with no contact let her see what she no longer has. I wouldn't doubt this girl you speak of, will be contacting you in the future.

 

-j

 

Thanks again.