Was breaking up with her a huge mistake?

[SweetSeul]

Bumping up!

[oneday2709]

Wow .... this thread has been going for a long time! I have read the last few years of posts and find it so inspiring that people can share their thoughts and feelings on here so well!

My situation is slightly different, I am still currently with my boyfriend of four years, however he does struggle to look to the future.

 

My boyfriend has tourettes, and we have had many ups and downs in or relationship, with his condition being an underpinning to this, due to his own personal ups and downs which he deals with on roughly a 6 week cycle! He is an amazing, loyal, kind and loving man, he works hard, is passionate and gives me everything I need until it gets to the end of one of his cycles and he changes his outlook completely. I understand that it is difficult for him to cope, but during this period of time everything is because of me, his work stresses are because of me, as it is with me that he shares a home, his lack of personal time is because of me because he has responsibilities as a boyfriend, it is because of me that he is not able to express himself because he needs to consider my feelings etc...

The main issue I have is during these periods, he reguarly mentions about his lack of ability to view our future together. He says he loves to the point of it hurting and is not due to guilt or manipulation on my part, but yet he struggles to see us getting married and settling down. I always stress to him that I do not want these issues to be a pressure to him due to society/family expectations and I believe that marriage is not something that should be rushed and should take part because you both feel that it is the next step for your relationship. In my mid-twenties I am unsure if I am ready for marriage yet and do not stress myself with the concept, but I must admit it hurts to hear that he can't envision it! He says that sometimes we can be bad for eachother but I get confused as to whether this is part of his emotional cycle, or if that is truly how he feels.

 

We talk very openly to eachother and are very like minded, however when we speak about this situation at other times (not when he is having a bad end of cycle experience) he says he gets so confused from day to day about how he perceives relationships and life and commitment, sometimes just because he is stressed, other times because he doubts me and other times because of the 'grass is always greener' notion, but one thing he can assure me of is that is never because he doesn't want me, need me and love me and the thought of not being with me hurts him beyond belief and is unconceivable to him.

 

I went into this relationship understanding the stresses conditions can cause, and we always speak very openly and communicate well about his emotional ups and downs, but I guess what I am seeking to discover is how I can differentiate between his honest feelings as to whether he truly believes there is something missing in our relationship and in me as a partner, or if this just part of the motions that I need to remain supportive through...

 

To be honest, it sounds selfish, but beyond the fact that I adore this man, I feel a little emotionally exhausted! It is as though every 6 weeks I need to prepare myself to fight a battle, confront every insecurity I may have, and fear the risk or realising it was all a waste of time as he doesn't want me anyway - this sounds very selfish and not understanding of me, but I cannot always express these feelings to him out of guilt of making his condition a problem, which 90% of the time it is not, but I cannot escape that sometimes, as wrong as it may be for me to feel, it does cause unwanted stress and 'tear your hair out' confusion and frustration!

 

I don't know if I am looking for answers/advice or maybe I just wanted to rant within a safe space - I am unsure, but thank you very much for reading this if you have

[Anonymous82]

By the time, we were three to four years into the relationship, he said he totally saw himself with me. Since he was the one who said this, that was the only time I started to seriously consider a future together and because he first brought it up, I guess I started to talk about it as well. I don't understand how you can envision yourself with someone and then suddenly it goes away after a few years? Is that just plain flakiness and uncertainty of who they really are and what they want in life?

 

It's so tough to take, but things change and people change. In my situation from the original post, I never saw a concrete future with her but it took my a while to realize it since I had little relationship experience at the time. In my subsequent relationship, I definitely did see a future with her in the beginning but it faded over time.

 

In some cases, it certainly could be "flakiness" or uncertainty... but in others, I think you and your relationship evolve, your view of your future does too, and sometimes what you want or what you think you have can change.

 

While every person and situation is unique, I do also think guys tend to be more likely to experience a lessening of their feelings toward their partner when distance comes into play.

[SweetSeul]

I do also think guys tend to be more likely to experience a lessening of their feelings toward their partner when distance comes into play.

 

Yes that definitely sounds like the cold, harsh truth and it's a very bitter pill to swallow. Really believed our relationship was strong enough to weather anything, even distance.

 

How did your ex take it when you broke up and did you stay in touch for a while?

 

My ex has just contacted me, asking to see me before I take my flight back. Says he wants to see how I'm doing before I go. My full story is here:

 

I honestly don't know how to handle this B.U. I am trying hard to walk away with dignity and respect his wishes. But can't deny there is still an inkling of hope. I am wondering if his motivations to see me are fueled by guilt or if he wants to redeem himself from our last encounter where he was completely emotionally distraught. Part of me wants to agree to meeting up before I go because when we had our closure conversation I didn't say everything I wanted to, and was clinging on to my pride.

 

Does anyone have any advice for me?

[Anonymous82]

How did your ex take it when you broke up and did you stay in touch for a while?

 

I assume you're talking about the first ex, the one with whom my breakup prompted the start of this thread... She took it really, really hard, as did I. She asked if we could remain friends and I genuinely wanted to as well, so we tried. We hung out a few times, but it became clear she couldn't get past her feelings for me. After one night where we went out to a bar to watch a game, she emailed me and said she was still in love with me and could "see in my eyes" that I still was in love with her too. I think what she was actually seeing in my eyes was my sadness over hurting her by breaking it off and my hope that she was getting past it.

 

I had to tell her I still felt I'd made the right decision, which of course hurt her (and me) even more and was almost like going through the breakup all over again. That was the last time we saw each other. I started dating someone else (the girl who would become my next girlfriend) a few weeks later, and I believe she caught wind of it on Facebook, as she (understandably) deleted our friendship.

 

I now realize trying to remain friends without a long period of no contact and when the breakup was not mutual is virtually impossible, in my own experience anyway.

[Anonymous77]

I'm in a similar situation and it's been 3 months since I broke up with my girlfriend.

 

I couldn't see myself marrying her and I wanted to be on my own. (The funny thing is I can't ever see myself marrying anyone!!)

After 3 months my head is still all over the place, and I just can't figure out if I have made a mistake. For 8 weeks I was absolutely and utterly heartbroken and even now 3 months later I still think of her every single day. I can't ever see myself with anyone else and I am constantly questioning myself as to why I broke up with someone who more or less gave me everything I wanted!?

[NovaMan]

I almost replied to the original post, thinking it was recent. Hah!

 

So, I admit I didn't read every single post, but I think I have the gist of it. There seems to be 2 groups of people posting.....those who initiated a breakup of a relationship and are now struggling with whether they made the right decision, and those who had the ending of a relationship thrust upon them suddenly and are now struggling with what the hell just happened and why.

 

Here's the thing……in some specific cases it may actually be helpful to approach the ending of a relationship from an analytical standpoint, but this almost always leads to confusion and heartbreak for both parties, as evidenced by many of the posts in this thread. The truth is that love and emotion do not lend themselves well to rigorous scientific scrutiny. The short version? You either feel it or you don’t. It’s really that simple.

 

I have been on both sides of this equation many times in my life. I have been with women who I thought were perfect in every way for me (and I for them), and then we break up because it’s just not clicking for them at some point. I am usually confused and devastated, and left to pick up the pieces and move on. Likewise I have been with women who I could objectively say had all the qualities I was looking for and would want in a mate and a partner, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Why? I have no idea. Thinking about it did me no good. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how perfect this woman was for me , but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t connecting on that deep, “I want to spend the rest of my life and grow old with this person” level. I literally could not explain it, so now I don’t even try.

 

So…..I think this thread serves a wonderful purpose of allowing people to share their experiences and perhaps unburden themselves from some of their emotional and psychological pain, but I wouldn’t expect to find any neat and tidy answers.

[robhill311]

I'm in a similar situation and it's been 3 months since I broke up with my girlfriend.

 

I couldn't see myself marrying her and I wanted to be on my own. (The funny thing is I can't ever see myself marrying anyone!!)

After 3 months my head is still all over the place, and I just can't figure out if I have made a mistake. For 8 weeks I was absolutely and utterly heartbroken and even now 3 months later I still think of her every single day. I can't ever see myself with anyone else and I am constantly questioning myself as to why I broke up with someone who more or less gave me everything I wanted!?

 

Hi Anonymous,

 

I still check this post known and again, (if you look back - you will see I posted her back in April time.) At the time I had just split with my girlfriend of 3 years and was really struggling about whether I had made the right decision or not. I can honestly say that even now I still hurt over the whole matter and constantly have my moments where I wonder if it was the right decision. But I guess time has given me the perspective to realise that it was absolutely the right decision, despite my brief moments of doubt. I broke up with her for a reason, at the end of the day, if I loved her I wouldnt have had the doubts and wouldn't have done it. Since I last posted I am now with someone else who I have been dating since the end of August. We are now just over 4 months into this relationship and I can honestly say that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her wholeheartedly, and everything that I doubted when I was with my ex, I am sure about this time. If anything, the only thing that worries me now is ever losing her! Which I guess is a different kind of worry or doubt, I guess some may see it as a good thing that I love my new gf so much I'm scared of losing her!

 

What I'm trying to say is, give it time. After only 3 months since you split, it will still be very raw, and just remember that there are reasons why you did what you did, and right now you are probably just seeing the good parts of the relationship and not the bad ones that caused you to end it. If she was truly right for you then you wouldn't have had the doubts that made you want to end it (like I did - I was wracked with doubts for a long time). And once you find a girl who is truly right for you, you will realise it was the right thing to do in the long run.

 

Thats just my experience on the matter, but hopefully the pain and experience I went through can let me help others. I hope it all works out for you!

 

Rob

[dumPI]

Hi Anonymous,

 

We are now just over 4 months into this relationship and I can honestly say that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her wholeheartedly, and everything that I doubted when I was with my ex, I am sure about this time. If anything, the only thing that worries me now is ever losing her! Which I guess is a different kind of worry or doubt, I guess some may see it as a good thing that I love my new gf so much I'm scared of losing her!

 

 

I think this is what this all is about. Once the sparks are over (it took you 3 years with the last gf/it takes some months or less for others) either you understand it as a new stage in those feelings who tie us to our partner (call it love, being in love, whatever) and settle depending on your expectations (is this love? Do I love her or is this just caring/missing/scared to leave her/...?, views on love, timing, etc or you quit.

 

Now after 4 months you are still at the honeymoon stage like OP was with the girl after the one who motivated this thread. He ended that too. Will you? Aren't you just chasing a feeling maybe as a product of something missing when your first highschool love dumped you?

 

I'll explain my story here. I was head over heels on one girl which was my first real love. Though we saw each other, we never had a RS & ended up marrying my best friend. I thought I would never get over her. It took me 2 years. In the end I didn't even think it was love I had for her. I was technically obsessed but it felt so good.

 

Now I had my last girlfriend (the reason why I came to ENA). It lasted 7 months. On the first 3-4 months I didn't have any doubts at all. Later I started doubting just because I didn't feel what I've felt before for other girls. Analyzing my behaviour in previous relationships I decided that the problem was my expectations on what love is (as I tended to fall in love with girls at first sight and think that was real love) and how things started with this last girl (as friends).

 

I also had those fights: is it love? is it just caring? is it just that we hung out too much?

Shouldn't the answers be: "WHO CARES! I feel well with her" (why labeling everything when feelings and emotions are constantly up & down) ... or "Isn't just the fact that I am having those questions proving me that I love her? (should I have those questions if it wasn't the case?).

 

I am a person afraid of committing because I see how serious are marriage & relationships, afraid of hurting others & afraid of making mistakes in relationships. Was too romantic not long ago (romantic movies, poetry, in love with love). Does all this impact my feelings? Of course it does.

 

I know my ex had the same fight going in her head. It was easier for her when I was around in her country but those feelings increased more for both of us when we went LDR. I worked through them and concluded that my expectations on love were not real. She broke up with me just "not feeling it". And I think this is about emotional maturity & maturity in relationships. Maybe this last RS, being 31, was my epiphany on that. My exgf, being 18, has a long way to go before/if she finds it.

[robhill311]

I think you are right to an extent that initial feelings fade, and once the honeymoon stage is over it grows into a deeper love. But I have to say, with my last girlfriend of 3 years, there was no "real" honeymoon stage. Sure I cared about her and I even thought I loved her but I think I knew deep down she wasnt really right for me. I can promise you that I am feeling feelings about my new gf that I've never felt for anyone before. I would marry her tomorrow if I could. I worry about her if I dont hear from her, I miss her when I dont see her, and I feel empty and lost when we are apart. I've been in a few relationships before and I can assure you that I have not felt this way about anyone before.

 

I think you make an excellent point about unrealistic views on love thatthings like movies, music, love songs, poems etc give us. We want what we see/hear in these. But love in the real world isn't like that. It needs to be worked on and isn't something magical that you are fated to get whilst bumping into someone on the street. Have you seen the film "500 days of summer"? That makes similar points about unrealistic movies etc.

 

Truth is, I dont think we ever truly know what we want until we get it, and it comes along unexpectedly and makes us feel things we have never felt before. And until we get that, we wont feel satisfied with what we have and will continually doubt and search for something more. Unfortunately people often get hurt in the process (I've been hurt myself numerous times).

 

Just some thoughts anyway!

Rob

[dumPI]

I think you make an excellent point about unrealistic views on love thatthings like movies, music, love songs, poems etc give us. We want what we see/hear in these. But love in the real world isn't like that. It needs to be worked on and isn't something magical that you are fated to get whilst bumping into someone on the street. Have you seen the film "500 days of summer"? That makes similar points about unrealistic movies etc.

 

I agree with you on that. I've seen it a couple of times. What amazes me is that we (or maybe some of us) keep trying to find love that way. I mean people chase the butterflies and love at first sight much more than love out of friendship and deep knowledge of the SO (plus attraction).

 

We all have seen & experienced how attraction goes and leaves (either the attraction the exes had for us or the one we had for others) so it's a changing thing. Every dumper posting in this thread expressed how much they cared, loved the person they were dumping and how wonderful that person was. Still it was over. That was my point when I wrote that some people are always chasing a feeling. I once read a link removed about that at BaggageReclaim (female oriented website about dating and RS).

 

Anyway I wish there was any real reason for why this happens (as break up are devastating for both) other than: that's life, love ends, or not everybody is supposed to match (when they did match not so long ago).

 

Just my thoughts

[learning2relax]

While I agree with the concept that "it either is or it isn't" I disagree that this is always the case. Each relationship and it's circumstances are different - just as each person is different. There is no one answer to anyone's situation or circumstance or question. There are varying opinions, experiences shared and perspectives.

 

That said - you also may want to explore within yourself, if you are one that broke off what appeared for all intense purposes to be a good or viable relationship.....were there circumstances (past and/or present) that were in play that may have had a hand in the conclusions you arrived at? Or put more simply, do you know what factors may have caused you to lose interest and breakup?

 

Yes, everyone has doubts about things or choices in life - and that is healthy and normal. But have you explored the reasons for the doubts before and after? What do you think contributed to them prior to breaking things off and what is causing you to question that decision now? If it is fear of being alone or not finding someone else (after the fact of course) than you probably made the right choice and should stay the course and explore possible issues around the symptom of co-dependency or self doubt (insecurities). If you were in the relationship and constantly questioning and analyzing each interaction (in person, email, phone, etc...) and attempting to take your "pulse" on if you feel "it" for the person, well then perhaps there were other factors at play that were causing you to do this vs. just being present and enjoying the relationship and allowing it to take it's natural course where you came to a natural conclusion in time that has more logical, circumstantial and possibly tangible reasoning.

 

For instance, if you were in an LTR or marriage that ended with your SO's betrayal, and you have not fully worked through the process of moving past the hurt, loss and having come full circle to acceptance and possibly gratitude (not everyone gets here but I think that it would be a blessing to have someone that betrays you end it albeit the approach they took was cruel) then you could have unresolved issues and fears that are lurking underneath the surface and as a result, you end the relationship without possibly truly understanding why you did this. In this particular example, was it because you aren't ready to explore a level of intimacy that could match or surpass what you had with the ex that betrayed you because the risk of that kind of loss again would be greater than you could bear? And mind you, all of this is happening sub-consciously. So you, in an effort to evaluate the relationship and how it is going, question each interaction and ask yourself if you are feeling the way you should be feeling. I think that this alone (over analyzing) counter intuitively creates doubt - that doubt manifests itself and grows with more analysis. To the point where you are more focused on the analysis and doubt than on actually allowing yourself to enjoy what is unfolding between you and the other person. Therefore, by simple conclusion, you aren't feeling it because you can't feel it because you have analyzed it to death. A kin to saying a word over and over again until the word itself doesn't sound right any more.

 

Again, this is just a different perspective. And there could be a myriad of examples besides the one that I provided above. So while one conclusion as other's have shared "it is broken for a reason so let it be." I just want to highlight that there is also the possibility that something from within you that is causing your doubts (again, before and after) may be an alert or flag that the symptom of "not feeling it" can be the bi product of a root cause that exists within yourself or your own psyche. One that you may have the opportunity to explore in order to grow and do better in the future - whether a second chance with your ex or within a new relationship altogether.

 

The other point that I want to highlight is that when we are focused on events of the past (after they occur) than we are not living in the present therefore are not truly engaged in what is taking place in the moment. If you are so busy focused on the future, you are doing the same thing. And I don't know about you but I have learned that I suck at fortune telling. If I live in the present and allow myself to be fully engaged in what is taking place, nature will take it's course naturally. This may end up with my being in a truly happy and committed relationship, friendship, profession, etc.... It applies to all things - not just relationships.

 

Food for thought....

[gardnergirl2]

I know this thread is old, and the person who wrote this will probably never see my two cents. But I couldn't agree more. I didn't come from a background of arranged marriages, but I totally feel the same way. My ex boyfriend is one of those 40 yr old men who will most likely never marry. Other people have told him that he expects perfection and he simply doesn't deserve it. Those are not my words. He believes in that concept of t "the one" . I just dont. But, I could not have said it any better than this poster, so I won't try.

[gardnergirl2]

I am in my 40s too. And yes, it hurts so bad. Thank you for those two quotes. They mean a lot to me right now.

[italiannmf24]

Yes - it is possible that you made a mistake in ending the relationship, but right now, your emotions are doing all of the talking and thinking. Before you jump aboard again and attempt to put the pieces together, make sure that you're in a clearer, better state of mind; this essentially means that you need to take more time before jumping to any conclusions of whether or not the break-up was needed or not.

 

Give YOURSELF time before getting into anything again, even if it's with your current ex.

[usuario]

hi Oprah Anonymous82,

 

I got into this forum today and (like many others here) this story is very (if not exactly!) similar to mine. Although I am myself not very eager in writing in these forums, I make an exception here for you. I want to thank you for your very intelligently written pieces, your clear analyses and your discipline in keeping on answering and helping out others. As another person here said, it is one of the best reading materials on this topic I found, and trust me: I Googled a lot and I am good at it! I am going to bookmark this forum, as I am sure I can use it for many years to come!

 

Keep going strong Oprah and again many thanks!

[Anonymous82]

Thanks usuario! I still get the email notifications when someone posts in this thread, and it's amazing to see people reading and exchanging thoughts in it more than four years later!

 

It's been quite a couple months for me. About six weeks ago, I told one of my best friends, whom I've known well for nearly 15 years, that I had developed feelings for her... and was surprised to discover she'd been feeling the same way! We've begun dating, and it's all been so surreal and, for the most part, amazing. It's early on, and I have no idea what's in store for us, but there definitely seems to be a very strong connection above and beyond what was already a very strong friendship. I feel pieces in place here that correspond to things I felt were missing with girls I've dated in the past.

 

Anyway, I really appreciate you choosing this thread to make your first post here. Best wishes to you with your situation... I hope the posts from so many people of varying perspectives in this thread helped you find comfort.

[Ms Darcy]

Haha, anonymous82 it is so funny to see how your love life changes over the years. Good luck.

[Anonymous82]

Thaaaanks!

[lostforever26]

Wow sounds like my x (as of yesterday). I know its years on since the incident but I see the threads still quite active.

 

She ended it with me, all of a sudden, for basically no reason (well apart from it was our 1st ever row in a year of being together).

 

It came out the blue, where it was only last week she was saying how much she loves me and misses me (as we always have said to eachother). Then yestesterday it was like she all of a sudden text saying "Something doesnt feel right, I think we should break up". Countless times she told me how sorry she is via txt and even after saying how I felt she said its for the best.

 

I decided to write all my feelings and thoughts down, and send it as a facebook message to her, I made no questions for her to answer, even said at the top, she doesnt have to read or reply to it.

 

She replied though saying she maybe has made a mistake but needs time. Said it all makes sense what I said and she cant sleep and feels upset.

 

Then I replied to say she can have as much time as she needs and its no problem. But then she replied to that saying..... once again that maybe its for the best that we weren't together.

 

The only reason I replied to that is because I know shes taking anti depressants and so really cant be in the best of mental states. I basically wanted it to be the final closure. To make sure she knew that upon making the decision, I dont want to sway her in any way, but she must know, that with a final answer of it being over, I cant be in contact with her ever again as I just wont be able to get over her if she keeps popping up with updates on facebook, or if theres a temptation at any time (like if im drunk) to text her. Also I cant have her doing what you were thinking of doing, and when im nearly over her, getting in touch and saying shes made a mistake, so we get back together, and then it means when things go back to normal she may realise she doesnt want to be in the relationship again and end it again.... Causing me more than double the time I could recover. Shes yet to reply, so im guessing, shes weighing it up and realising that if she says its over for final, then life for us both will be like we never existed to eachother.

 

Maybe I can see that some people may dump and regret losing someone who they later feel is "the one". I think even not by ending and having nothing to do with eachother, but ending it and being friends or people who meet up now n again, could give a better idea so you will still know what they are like when you occasionally meet up.

 

But yea, back into the topic a bit more, perhaps my x could be like you. Where she loves me, but just doesnt see a future with me anymore, but is in 2 minds to end it, cause although she thinks it wont work out, she loves me too much and doesnt want to see me hurt

[slloth]

I am in a situation closer to the OP except I CAN see myself with her. I can see myself growing old with her (yeah I know). I actually couldn't imagine anyone else I would want to grow with. She's without doubt the best friend I've ever had and no one will ever know me like she does. She was the one who was able to break the code and peer inside of me. My life has totally changed because of her. I'm also in love with her and I think she's beautiful and sexy.

I broke up with her in January and by April we where back together. She told me if I ever break up with her again that its for good.

Well it happened in the end of June. I was in kind of a funk the last month of our relationship. I get in to these funks and either we work through it or I end up ending it. If we work through it then everything is fine for a couple months then I start to get down again.

I suppose she does deserve better but that doesn't really help. Part of me wonders if she was ready to move on. But a much bigger part of me thinks she is still deeply in love with me, would take me back and spend life together. I don't know. The last thing I want to be is the hopeless ex who disturbs her.

 

This is very hard. I don't want to f#&k up her life anymore yet I can't deny my adoration and love for her entity.

I'm just a bastard. A hard person to love I imagine. We were together for almost three years.

[Anonymous82]

lostforever26, it sounds like you've gained a lot of perspective on your former relationship as a result of the breakup, which is good. I think you're doing the right thing by giving her some time and realizing you would need some assurance that she's not making a mistake if she decides she wants to get back together.

 

slloth, you seem to always want her back after you break up with her, but it's easy to confuse the sadness of not being with someone with the sadness of not being with her specifically. I think it would be helpful to try to figure out exactly what it is that makes you want to get out of the relationship once you're in it so you can assess whether those reasons are temporary or permanent.

 

Best wishes to both of you!

[slloth]

 

slloth, you seem to always want her back after you break up with her, but it's easy to confuse the sadness of not being with someone with the sadness of not being with her specifically. I think it would be helpful to try to figure out exactly what it is that makes you want to get out of the relationship once you're in it so you can assess whether those reasons are temporary or permanent.

 

You make some very good points. And I have thought about these ideas (over and over...). I may be in denial but I really don't feel like I just want "someone" to fill this void. I feel at this moment that I miss her. I feel I will never meet someone I love more than her. And someone who I am as compatible with. I fear if this goes on I will be living with this for the rest of my life.

I just sat there dumbly and watched walk out the door. Just like the old cliche that is a line in so many songs. I literally watched her walk out the door and let her go. I didn't chase her. I didn't protest. And just like that she was gone.

It felt as though I was outside of myself up above looking down on us breaking up. It all happened with in minutes. She did most of the talking and I was just dumb and barely said anything and let it all happen. I'm such a coward. Whatever she thinks of me now is probably deserving.

There is one thing she said which stuck with me and I disagree with. It's not really important but I still wonder if she said it more because she was upset or she truly believed it. I don't know.

I still can't believe we aren't together and as she said never will be again. I guess I am in denial.

 

Thanks for the advice. I don't mean to hijack the thread but it seems like the right place for this.

[Anonymous82]

Sorry to hear you're struggling with your decision. Have you given thought to the reasons you feel the need to break up with her when you're together? Can you say with confidence that if you were to get back together with her, you wouldn't eventually feel the need to break up again? Until you can, I think you'd be doing her and yourself a disservice if you were to continue the cycle.

 

Hope everything works out for you!

[slloth]

You're right. Thank you so much. It's nice to have a different perspective.

I never want to hurt her again. I love her too much.