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  1. Thanks Laurafrances for sharing more background on your situation. It sounds to me like it wasn't really your cat that ended your relationship so much as it was your boyfriend's inability to empathize or compromise with you. Granted we're only getting your side of the story, but based on your perspective, it seems like you were more than willing to try to work with him to come up with a solution and he wasn't open to even discussing it. To me, that's the real "incompatibility" here, and one you may someday feel fortunate to have realized before you ever lived with him. If it wasn't t
  2. Wow... For a community that's typically so empathetic in its responses, I'm blown away by how many of these replies seem to be unfairly vilifying the author's boyfriend and showing more compassion for her cat than for a human being. Cat allergies are a real thing. They impact about 15% of the population (and about 30% of those who suffer from asthma). In most cases, they're not—contrary to what's been suggested by some in this thread—easily preventable by simply popping a pill. Even allergy shots provide little to no relief for nearly half of patients who try them and permanent relief to
  3. Aw, thanks. :) So many others helped me during that tough time so long ago... I feel like the least I could do was try to return the favor! This community is so awesome.
  4. I'm doing great, thank you! :) I actually entered a new relationship about five months ago after close to four years of being happily single. Toward the end of my single phase, I'd started to wonder whether I was still even capable of having strong feelings for someone... so it's nice to know I most certainly am. It's early, and it's not always perfect (no relationship is), but we both truly CHOSE each other and can see a potential future together. Hard to believe this thread is approaching its 11-year anniversary!
  5. I think you handled it beautifully and with great dignity and respect for yourself and for him. I'm reading this almost two years later haha... I'm going to assume/hope you've long since moved on from him by now! :)
  6. Just stumbled upon this thread today and discovered a couple replies I hadn't seen yet. Incredible to think I wrote that initial post more than a decade ago! I did not marry any of the women referenced in this thread. I've been happily single for almost four years. Plenty of first dates, a handful of second dates, some fun random hookups, but nothing serious for a while, and I'm very OK with that. :) I think as I've gotten older, I've become so much more comfortable with myself, embraced my independence, and realized it's OK not to settle or force a connection that's not really there. I'm f
  7. I think you expressed yourself very eloquently and rationally! It's totally normal after four days to be hoping you find your way back together and scared of the possibility you won't. As time goes by, you'll find more answers and the distance from your ex will allow you to seek clarity and reflect. Just be patient, and remember: nothing will change overnight, and whether you end up back with him or not, you'll be OK! I think it's OK to share your written thoughts with him if you feel you want to express them now, but at a certain point, I always find it helpful to cut off contact as muc
  8. Sometimes having to go to work when you're going through something difficult like a breakup can be a blessing in disguise. It forces you to take your mind off what you're going through, at least in fleeting moments. I know it might seem impossible now, but if this is indeed the end for you two, she will eventually move on and you will too. You will not be obsessed with her, or the breakup, or your guilt surrounding it for the rest of your life -- it will get better with time. Give yourself that time... Bury yourself in other things that used to make you happy, even if you can't find t
  9. Thanks for sharing your story, and sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. I think a lot of the feelings you're experiencing now are common when you end such a serious, meaningful relationship, particularly when it's your first one and you don't have prior dating or sexual experience on which to fall back. I'm sure you miss her dearly and it hurts like hell, and you're feeling lonely and vulnerable right now. That's totally normal! It's great that you have the perspective to realize going back to her in this state would likely result in you eventually feeling the same
  10. Every situation is different, but if he broke up with you, I think it's often best to let him come to you. If you go to him, you risk either pushing him further away or pushing him back together with you before he's ready, which could lead to even worse heartbreak down the road. If he has already definitively ended the relationship, he's probably trying to move on and it would be best to start trying to focus on doing so yourself too. If he has requested time and distance to figure out what he wants, it's generally best to give him that... even if the ultimate result is not a reconciliati
  11. I definitely know of cases where the person who initiated the breakup returned soon down the road to attempt to reconcile. I will say that in my personal experience, when I've seen relationships go this route, they typically don't end up working out... but nothing's an absolute and every situation is unique.
  12. Great perspective evam... Thanks for sharing! Best wishes on whatever's down the road.
  13. WOW... Thank you so much for the incredibly generous post!! It means a lot. I had absolutely no idea when I started this thread 7+ years ago what it would ultimately become, but I know the other users here were so helpful to me when I was going through an intense breakup, and I guess staying involved is sort of my way of giving back. Plus, so many of the stories here are relatable in at least some aspect, and I know first hand how helpful it can be to hear from others who've been there. Thanks again!
  14. Thanks for sharing. Don't get too down about it... You had an experience, and the resulting feelings taught you something about your state of mind and what you want right now. It's natural to feel that way after an experience like that, particularly so closely removed from a serious relationship. Chalk this up to learning something about yourself and what you are and are not open to going forward. You're far from the first person to become newly single, sleep with someone, and feel a bit uncomfortable about it afterward. I say this from experience.
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