Tired of seeing sexy images of women everywhere I look!

[JadedStar]

Yes, you can ignore the industry and refuse to change yourself to try to look like the plastic mold like these women do.

[Cassie]

Treese, you do realize that in some cultures (Danish, for instance), the majority of women are topless when you walk through the beaches and parks? This is in no way meant to be sexual; they are innocently sunning themselves.

 

How would you handle yourself in that type of situation?

 

And believe me, you could probaby streak naked down the street in Denmark and the guys would barely show acknowledgement

 

The point is, more nudity is not necessarily a corruption of morals in society. In some African societies and tribes as well, the females are required to be topless until they are married.

 

I'd be more concerned about the violence in television and media, to be honest.

[shoppingGirl]

You know what I get sick of? It seems like on all the sitcoms they pair up an ugly or fat man with a smoking hot chick. There is so much more pressure put on women than men...I think we need some more sitcoms along the lines of Roseanne....show some real women!

[Treese]

Treese, you do realize that in some cultures (Danish, for instance), the majority of women are topless when you walk through the beaches and parks? This is in no way meant to be sexual; they are innocently sunning themselves.

 

How would you handle yourself in that type of situation?

 

And believe me, you could probaby streak naked down the street in Denmark and the guys would barely show acknowledgement

 

The point is, more nudity is not necessarily a corruption of morals in society. In some African societies and tribes as well, the females are required to be topless until they are married.

 

I'd be more concerned about the violence in television and media, to be honest.

 

I'm not Danish and I don't live in Africa, so I'm really not interested. I live in America.

[Night Pumpkin]

I can't speak for everyone, but I almost never find the pictures on those magazine covers appealing. Fake beauty is never appealing to me. I usually only look to those covers for a funny story that I can have a chuckle about. LOL.

[Cassie]

I'm starting to hate who I am and what I look like, when I used to be proud. What do others do to get past it?

 

I think it helps me when I can understand the motivation behind these types of advertising. Commercials especially want you to feel inferior - if the audience is convinced they're not good enough, they'll run out and purchase products to help them try to achieve that unattainable image. And this equates into billions of dollars in revenue for these companies. The industry knows exactly what it's doing and what they're preying on.

 

The starlets we envy in Hollywood spend buttloads of money on their features in terms of expensive (and risky) plastic surgery. They also have on-hand stylists, personal trainers, nutritionists, fake hair, fake lashes, fake nails, etc.

 

It makes me sad to hear you are affected to the point of despising yourself or second guessing your unique beauty. What is it specifically you'd like to change about yourself, that you feel so unhappy with right now?

[Treese]

I think it helps me when I can understand the motivation behind these types of advertising. Commercials especially want you to feel inferior - if the audience is convinced they're not good enough, they'll run out and purchase products to help them try to achieve that unattainable image. And this equates into billions of dollars in revenue for these companies. The industry knows exactly what it's doing and what they're preying on.

 

The starlets we envy in Hollywood spend buttloads of money on their features in terms of expensive (and risky) plastic surgery. They also have on-hand stylists, personal trainers, nutritionists, fake hair, fake lashes, fake nails, etc.

 

It makes me sad to hear you are affected to the point of despising yourself or second guessing your unique beauty. What is it specifically you'd like to change about yourself, that you feel so unhappy with right now?

 

 

I think the problem that I have is the fact that after seeing these images (probably 50+ times a day), everyday, from television, music videos, advertisements on the sides of websites, movies, magazines, Victoria's Secret commericials, posters at the malls, signs on the sides of buses, etc...it's all drilling into MY OWN mind that maybe what God has blessed me with is wrong. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I believe it's slowly brainwashing me. How pathetic that must sound. It never stops...it never wanes. It's a constant pummeling of images that I can't seem to deal with anymore, and I was wondering if it's just me that it affects?

[randomgirl1456]

I was just thinking about this today... feeling down on myself of course. I'm from South America, and it's summer here now. In my country, a music festival is being held, it's the most important event of the national showbiz, I'd say, in the whole year. A lot of artists perform at night at this big and famous amphitheatre, and everybody in the showbiz industry is present, so there's alot of gossip and celebrities... Worst and best dressed, who said what to who, etc. A tradition is to choose the Queen of the festival. When the Festival first started, they chose the most charismatic woman, the one who stood out for her words rather than her body. Of course gorgeous women were usually elected... some years ago the Queen was Celia Cruz. But these last few years, things have changed, and unknown models try to make a name to be elected as queen... They are chosen by the press, the male journalists pick the girl who'll be queen. What do the girls do duing their "campaings"? Well, they dance around in lingerie, they all have huge breasts, tans, and are tight... men drool over, and the one who dares to show more skin is usually the one they choose. This sickens me.

 

I hate that society is so obsessed with looks. I should be at my prime, as I'm 19, but I don't feel beautiful. All this perfect images plastered around make me feel like a frog. It doesn't help to know they're airbrushed, I've seen this perfect girls in the flesh... sure they might have a tad of cellulite, but they are toned, tanned and surgically enhanced to perfection anyway. They dance around in their bikinis, or lingerie... I hate that men drool over this. My boyfriend is also very considerate, he doesn't make comments or ogle when I'm present, and he's always trying to make me feel sexyand beautiful (he actually egts very turned on by me or so he says).

 

Even though he says he has a preference for amateur porn (it doesn't bother me, they show real girls, so his expectations from women's bodies won't get so distorted), porn doesn't really bother me. It depicts explicit sex, these secual acts turn men on, sometimes more than the women. But this soft porn media, this is what bothers me. Because even in professional porn girls aren't really perfect... they usually have ugly faces. But the media shows hints of this and that, a little cleavage, a very short skirt... and the cookie cutter look. And because it's not explicit, it's acceptable and hip, so it's everywhere. And this scares me... it has already distorted my self perception, it has already made me think I'm unattractive, so why wouldn't it eventually make me unattractive to men?

 

My boyfriend says those girls are hot, but that he knows normal girls aren't like that, that you don't see these models everyday in the street, so why worry? That natural girls are more of a turn on because they are available. However, I once asked him "Oh, but you would like it better if I looked like a Playboy playmate, right?"... He smirked and said nothing. Of course I started ranting about my insecurities and he got mad. This was irrational of me, but haven't we got reason? I know it's a concer we shouldn't have, but how not to have it, if we are bombarded by these images of perfection everyday, and movies reinforcing the idea that to find love and be successful you have to be thin and pretty? Even though I'm not overweight, i hate that movies never show the overweight girl get the buff guy! (Have you noticed how average guys ALWAYS get the hottest girl?).

 

I just hate all this. And yes, guys have pressure too, but not nearly as much as women. Guys can at least just lose weight and start lifting weights. They get buff... at the very least they can make up for physical flaws if they have money. They can be sexy when they get old. But a woman? She has to look young the most time she can, sure, she can lose the weight, but no amount fo exercise will get her bigger breasts, or a different body frame... guys can improve their image just by going to the gym, most women have to run to the surgeon's office to achieve the perfect body.

 

Sorry for the rant and not saying anything helpful.... I just have to say i agree with you. And no, I don't go drooling over every perfect guy who walks by... I just seem to have eyes only for my boyfriend (honestly). But I just have to accept it... Newsflash: no amount of "get over it!", "those images are airbrushed" or any of that sort help... there has to be some sort of plan of action that I still don't figure out.

 

The only good thing about my body right now is that even though I'm not really thin nor toned, and actually a bit chubby and well, not at all model material, I still have a waist to hip ratio of 0.7... yay, not only does it look better, I also have some health benefits. Still, I'm not Queen of the Festival material... I lack the implants, fake tan, height and muscle tone it takes... and of course, the confidence it takes to dance around in lingerie while your breasts bounce so much they hypnotize all the men in the audience...

[Treese]

Thank you so much for your input. Women like you are the real deal, and your man hopefully appreciates you. My heart goes out to you and all the other women (and men) who are struggling with what is happening with the human race today. It's pathetic and scary to see what we're all doing to ourselves, and what's really sad is that women FALL right into it... complying and conforming. They continue to take off their clothes, get those surgeries, and spend hours on tan/makeup to try and emulate those ideal images of fake models. I appreciate your thoughts.

[JadedStar]

However, I once asked him "Oh, but you would like it better if I looked like a Playboy playmate, right?"... He smirked and said nothing. Of course I started ranting about my insecurities and he got mad. This was irrational of me, but haven't we got reason?

 

This sort of thing right here is what destroys so many relationships. This question should never have been asked of him. Women often ask these loaded questions that a guy is not going to be able to get out of easy unless he rehearses the exact right response and that is wrong to expect. Then when he smirks and says nothing you go off on a rant.

 

Sure it is awful when we feel we dont measure up to the perfect people and i don't diss you for being concerned but why does your b/f have to get beaten up for this? It is NOT his fault and i hear all too often these insecure women who try to badger their guys into saying the right things and doing the right things when they are out but all this conditioning does is keep him a good little soldier in your presense. It often leads to resentment and makes them even more eager to look at these forbidden images when you are gone.

 

Women who have insecurities to this degree create self fulfilling prophecies for themselves ALL the time and they go from one failed relationship to the next and most never identify the issue might be THEM and how they handle their lack of self esteem.

 

You have identified you have a problem with these women. YOu know you are insecure with your looks. Now what are you going to do about it? Badgering your b/f with this on a weekly basis and whining about how you look and asking him loaded questions IS NOT a positive course of action.

A positive course of action is seek therapy and learn how to love yourself and learn how to control what you say to your b/f because you are going to ask him if he'd rather have a plaboy bunny one time to many and he might surprise you and say YES anything to not be asked these quesitons anymore.

 

I am not saying you are this bad, but i am saying you will be if you don't curb this soon. If i were a man i would break up with a woman at the first signs that she has these irrational insecurities because there is no way i will be told what i can look at or what i can do just because she feels ugly. I would feel insulted that i had to live like that and her assuming i like others better because if i am dating her then i obviously liked what i saw and would be furious at the constant mind reading and her telling me i like these other women better.

 

Ladies just realize if you were the guy and the tables were turned you would break up with yourself in a heartbeat. These serious insecurities make you miserable but you can't reasonably expect that another person should have to bear the brunt of this constantly. It's not fair.

[Treese]

There are men in this world who are dealing with this same issue (some have expressed it on this thread). It's a problem that unfortunately isn't going away. Yes it's true that we are straining our relationships with the problem, but this problem is far bigger than just destroying relationships. It's affecting the mental health of women, men, and affecting the social-emotional development of youth; there are statistics that are proving it. My issue was originally focusing on wanting to know how people who deal with this COPE with it. I know there are plenty of people who are affected...but what are the solutions? Apparently it's not that easy to just say, "Oh I'm ok inside and out, I just need to learn to love myself". If it were that easy, we'd all be doing it.

[JadedStar]

Apparently it's not that easy to just say, "Oh I'm ok inside and out, I just need to learn to love myself". If it were that easy, we'd all be doing it

 

It is not easy but it absolutely IS necessary and it is attainable. The solutions are therapy and self help books to turn this mindset around and learn how to love yourself. The solution sure isn't to say "its not easy thereforeee i do nothing".

 

Your mindset is very much one of defeat. So, because there are gorgeous people all over you think it okay to just bow down to this and be a slave to your irrational fears?

 

You would rather say to me it is not easy to learn to love yourself, thereforeee I will take the easier route and continue as is living in this dysfunctional manner that is extremely miserable not only to MYSELF but to the people who love me.

 

Wow. That is so defeatist.

 

I will tell you this, there are far more things going on affecting the mental health of men and women than just glamorous models. I know you can't honestly blame this industry for the sorry mess that society is in? How about also looking to broken homes, parents on drugs, kids allowed to run wild with no supervision because mom and dad are on the social tract, people wanting everything the easy way....

 

I've got problems like everone else but I refuse to sit around moaning about the covers of Cosmo and Glamour as a source or cause for my issues in life.

 

The reason my last post and this one is a bit on the brunt side is because I hear a lot of complaining but very few of the people complaining are even TRYING to come up with solutions. For as bad as i feel that you guys feel so insecure i can't help but feel even more sympathy for the boyfriends because men already have a tougher time with saying and doing the right thigns and they are just being set up to fail with the types of questions and conversations about this that is thrown at them. It's not fair.

[Treese]

Trust me when I say that I am well aware of the challenges that our societies are facing. Divorce is at its all time high, yes. Fatherless families, all time high. Violence all time high, just to name a few...all affecting the human psyche in some way, shape or form. In my profession, I am a member of many national organizations, and attend many conferences endeavoring to better aid our society as a whole. Had I PERSONALLY been struggling with these factors, then my thread would have addressed them individually. The fact is, I'm in a relationship with a man whom I love very much, and he loves me very much as well. I am in a transitional period in my life where the everyday normal things in life which might not affect many people ARE affecting me, and I was merely seeking for other's points of view. If your recommendation to me is that I need to look within myself, and learn to love myself so that this particular challenge doesn't eventually consume me, then tell me how you would see that happen? What steps would you recommend to a woman or man who is facing this negativity which affects our mindset whether it be occasionally or obsessively?

[JadedStar]

Mind over matter is the best course of action that I can recommend aside from therapy. A heavy dose of both is best.

 

I conquered this in my 20s by refusing to nurture these irrational thoughts and when they DID enter my head i made myself be very cognizant of it and forced my mind to think of something else, something more positive. When i started feeling shaky or nervous and inadequate i would tell myself that i was being very irrational and replace that thought with something more pleasant and productive. Telling myself everyday that these thoughts were not going to consume me.

 

OVer time you learn how to redirect your thought patterns. It is not quick nor is it easy. Takes a long time of training yourself to NOT allow your mind to dwindle on negativity. A positive thought and a negative thought cannot occupy your brain at the same time. OVer time as you force the negative thoughts out and replace with positive you will find that this comes easier and before you know it you have employed a totally new mindset for yourself.

 

You can only be upset over these things if you allow it to dance around your mind. YOU control your thoughts. It seems like we don't sometimes but we do. Tenacity and cognizance of the problem and constant awareness to keep it in check will yield positive results.

[Treese]

Thank you very much for the help, it's very appreciated. I'll give it a go, and hopefully over time it will steer my thoughts in a new direction. I envy your resilience and how you don't let it affect you.

[JadedStar]

Thank you very much for the help, it's very appreciated. I'll give it a go, and hopefully over time it will steer my thoughts in a new direction. I envy your resilience and how you don't let it affect you.

 

It did when I was younger. I got sick of those debilitating thoughts and just figured either i control this or it will control me.

 

It seems like the cosmo industry is what causes this but really that is only a symptom. If it were only the airbrushed models than a person wouldn't feel intimitated when out with her guy and a pretty girl walks by. It is far more than just the industry. It is just a feeling of competition and inadequacy with ANY person we feel looks better. And that is not realistic because there is always going to be someone prettier.

 

I say it is a symptom because most of us are impacted by childhood events and teenage events that mold who we become. Feeling healthy and secure is hard to do when one starts trying to accomplish it in their 20s. It happens as early as the toddler years. Healthy and secure people often can point back to healthy and secure parents. Parents who nurtured their kids and instilled a very healthy environment emotionally.

 

Sadly, most parents are not highly skilled or emotinoally healthy themselves and they are not able to do that. Parenting is tough and most of us were surely not pros. My own parents included. I am not saying we start blaming our parents for our issues..not at all. I am saying if we begin to become more aware that the reasons we suffer these insecurities is not so much the glamour world as it is that we were already on our way to being very insecure anyway that can at least help us understand where we are coming from.

 

It's not always the parents etiher. Our friends and situations in our lives influence how we feel about ourselves.

 

We really begin to feel empowered, however, when we say "hey look, i think i might have become this way due to XYZ but i am not going to keep giving into these fears because they make me almost physically sick". Mind over matter. Do not allow the irrational thoughts to take up valuable real estate in your brain. It wno't happen overnight but you will eventually find that controlling your thoughts is a huge stride in the right direction.

 

Good luck!

[Cassie]

My issue was originally focusing on wanting to know how people who deal with this COPE with it. I know there are plenty of people who are affected...but what are the solutions?

 

I agree so much with Jaded Star, it's all about how your mind is processing things and how this influences your reactions. You need to drill deep into your subconscious and figure out what is affecting you so negatively. Are you jealous of these women? Disgusted? A bit of both?

 

This is sort of a generic answer but - something which helps me immensely in any struggle I encounter is deep meditation and yoga. After diligently practicing both for extended periods, I feel so peaceful and no longer envious of others. In fact, my heart reaches such a plateau that I'm merely filled with insatiable love. It's a bit hard to explain, but it truly opens your eyes in a new positive fashion.

 

Instead of resenting beautiful women, I was able to appreciate the value they could offer to me. And everyone (in my opinion) has something of value to offer - its merely a matter of being open to all the possibilities.

 

These women struggle with heartbreak, divorces, etc as much as us "regular janes" do. Look at Carmen Electra, Pink, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan .. the list can go on. Extraordinary beauties with mass amounts of money and they're miserable and / or going through breakups and divorces, severe family problems, drug addictions ....

 

We're all human. If we can look at others with love instead of through envious jealous eyes (and I know it's so easy to fall into that defeatist mindset!), it can truly transform your entire life. Once you reach that plateau, you literally become overwhelmed with the beauty of yourself as well and learn how to never, ever take your unique beauty for granted. Everyone has precious value.

 

I hope this makes a lick of sense or might be helpful.

 

{{{warm hugs}}}

[lyra]

treese, you should read "the beauty myth- how images of beauty are used against women" by naomi wolf. it discusses this topic in depth and with well-researched statistics. it is incredibly engrossing (and isn't anti-male either). and keep in mind it was written in 1991, so some points she's making aren't as pertinent to 2008, and others have reached proportions she couldn't have estimated.

[Bunney]

Really, who cares about these girls in the media? They don't bother me and never have. So what if they look nice, everyone knows that these images are photoshopped, lots of make-up, etc. Guys want the real thing! I don't think they are 'plastered all over movies, magazines and videos' - but maybe that's cause I rarely watch TV and like to read science magazines. I rather take focus on the real important things in life. Who cares about those girls?

[Treese]

treese, you should read "the beauty myth- how images of beauty are used against women" by naomi wolf. it discusses this topic in depth and with well-researched statistics. it is incredibly engrossing (and isn't anti-male either). and keep in mind it was written in 1991, so some points she's making aren't as pertinent to 2008, and others have reached proportions she couldn't have estimated.

 

Thank you! I'll be sure to check this book out. I appreciate your help

[Treese]

Really, who cares about these girls in the media? They don't bother me and never have. So what if they look nice, everyone knows that these images are photoshopped, lots of make-up, etc. Guys want the real thing! I don't think they are 'plastered all over movies, magazines and videos' - but maybe that's cause I rarely watch TV and like to read science magazines. I rather take focus on the real important things in life. Who cares about those girls?

 

I work with a guy who is in his 40's that made a comment awhile back ago about how women these days don't take care of themselves in society and that's why they don't look like the women in magazines and such, because those women DO. This really offended me , but at the same time, made me wonder just how many men really think that what they see in magz and television is real? Are they living in a fantasy each time they see it, but then over time start to believe it's real? I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm not sure how they think. I know that when I see a guy who is displayed as a "perfect 10" in a magazine, I wonder if it's real or not, but that's just me.

[sourpeach]

it makes me sick too. what makes it even worse is that to be honest, these women are most times not even attractive. too skinny, no hips, WEIRD looking faces, no rear end.. and then males have the nerve and stupidity to say "look at the curves on her!".. what curves? oh, they mean the breast implants. right. because rocks are so much fun to grab onto during sex. sorry, but these women are nowhere near perfect. i keep asking myself a lot lately, "when did skeleton become sexy?"

 

another thing that really bothers me is how unnecissary most of the nudity and hyper-sexualization is. in tv and movies, women strip naked for the slightest plot reason.. which really could have been avoided. we don't need the extra 3 minutes of movie time to watch the girl scrub her boobs in the shower. directors or editors could just cut to when she gets out, with a towel on.. you know.. the point at which the PLOT actually might advance a little. problem is, hollywood gears its movies toward a young male audience. and this is the garbage they like.

 

the human behavior and evolution society published a study in 2000. they took a bunch of guys and made them look at playboy mags, turned out that after looking through the mags and at the pics of the girls, the men were less committed to and less satisfied with their REAL partners. isnt that sad? men really suck. it is really a sad, sad thing that hundreds of thousands of of years of human evolution have passed, yet men still can only think with their genitals.

 

link removed

 

read this is you want to do some thinking. it doesnt only refer to big women, the part in particular i like is when he mentions that the new "ideal" is like a "super mongrel", white women who have a black woman's features, asian women with big, open eyes, black women who are light skinned enough to pass for white. it really is ridiculous. i think he even says that it's become near impossible to be attractive now without surgery.

 

another thing, some cable channel.. spike tv, tv for men. they do this "model dating" show where they interview single models about what they want ina man. and really... no man wants to DATE them, they just want to have sex with them to say they scored. they probably wouldnt even come back for seconds. same thing with the porn stars. men dont want to date models or porn stars, they want to date good virginal plain jane and get their kicks from the porn stars and models. men want all of it, and frankly, they dont deserve ANY of it.

 

i wish i could find the link or remember the woman's name. i think it was lilly.. tilly... i dont know. some feminist author and researcher went around college campuses asking girls about their sex lives and whatnot. most girls said that they feel like they are just "bad porn" - not sexy enough to meet the standards that males today have. if you're not up for the girl-girl lesbian scene with a man watching, you're a prude, and bad porn, and not desireable. it is really ridiculous.

 

i need to stop now, because i am making myself upset. i suggest you download and read the APA study on the sexualization of girls and women. it really is a good read, even if it does make you a little angry.

[Mavh25]

I get pretty annoyed by this to, mainly because of my low self esteem.

 

I try to remind myself that with a good photo editing kit, lots of airbrushing too I could look just as good.. anyone could. Its fake though.

 

Its the naturally beautiful ones I'm threatened by more so.

[onceuponatime]

I feel the same way. I'm so tired of all those fake women. Seeing them can make me feel horrible and ugly, and I struggled with anorexia for a while when I was younger. I know my man doesn't look at them, and he tells me I've beautiful so many times I day I couldn't count. But, still, those women completely peeve me off. How can girls compare themselves to that?

 

My sister is 12. She weighs 80 pounds. She's 5 foot 5.

After watching MTV, now all she can think about herself is that she's fat.

She stopped eating for a while, until I was able to convince her that she wasn't.

She still struggles with her self image. AT TWELVE. She weights EIGHTY POUNDS.

 

This is not the way it should be.

[15 Storeys High]

Blaming others for your own insecurities is the turn off, not what you look like. There's a lot of bitterness and jealousy evident in this thread. It's unattractive. I hate it when women slag off other women to make themselves feel better. There are thousands of images of blokes all buffed up, looking supposedly perfect, but you don't see * * * * * iness from normal blokes about it. Many women like to blame their negative feelings on everyone and everything but themselves.