Tired of seeing sexy images of women everywhere I look!

[bulletproof]

I'm talking about straight women who feel societal pressure to be comfortable looking at porn geared towards men.

 

This is what I take issue with throughout it all- nobody can pressure me into "feeling comfortable", or, in the case of the o.p., feeling uncomfortable [about how she looks]. There are all sorts of societal pressures on women. To get married, to have children, to fulfill certain roles in the workplace and in relationships. But I will not blame anyone else except myself if I'm succumbing to pressure that I don't feel comfortable with, period.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Not everyone has the skills or the environment necessary to overcome oppression. I think maybe a little sympathy is in order- she feels insecure and isn't the only one. I lean more towards the side of women coming together to make each other feel better than just expecting them to get over it and avoid the pressure all together.

[bulletproof]

Not everyone has the skills or the environment necessary to overcome oppression. I think maybe a little sympathy is in order- she feels insecure and isn't the only one. I lean more towards the side of women coming together to make each other feel better than just expecting them to get over it and avoid the pressure all together.

 

I never said "get over it". I gave actual steps to take for her to feel better, the primary one being to stop immersing herself in what makes her feel bad. There are so many forms of media, literature, lifestyles out in the world. She doesn't have to feel obligated to take any one path, only the path that makes her feel strong. My definition of women coming together is not women coming together to commiserate and ultimately complain, but coming together to create their own media, etc., and bring real change by doing. And who says I was born with the skills or environment to overcome anything? We are all given different gifts. Ideally, the o.p. should take others' experiences and advice and try to learn. Sympathy is great, but ultimately, it helps very little.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I only expressed the concept of sympathy because your words were coming off as cold and superior- like she's foolish for being bothered by this.

[bulletproof]

That is how you interpreted my posts. There is no tone here because we're typing. She made some factually incorrect statements that I attempted to set straight. She was putting them forth as fact and that is misleading to others that are looking for help in a similar situation. I think everyone is entitled to their feelings, and to expressing them, but what they are not entitled to is using false information to support how they feel.

 

I don't believe in censorship and I take it pretty seriously when I see others that do.

[littlestar]

I think when it comes to advertising there are sexy men and women everywhere.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Haha fine, then, the letters you typed- once combined- were a touch assaultive. I suppose this Socratic argument has gone on long enough.

 

I'm a feminist- I would guess you are, too. I encourage the epiphany moment like the OP had here that brings sexism into focus. Many people don't really understand how skewed things are and just take it as is.

 

I don't disagree with your stance to stray from mainstream media or produce one's own media, but I believe "commiserative" conversations are the starting point for change.

 

Without these irritating revelations and complaints for change, people won't realize a change needs to be made. But I agree, movement needs to be made from then on. One has to live equality, not just talk about it. But the talk starts it.

[RLW]

replace "women" with people. guys have to deal with the same thing. or maybe other dudes arent as self conscious as i am. either way, i don't let my genital herpes get me down!

[Treese]

That is how you interpreted my posts. There is no tone here because we're typing. She made some factually incorrect statements that I attempted to set straight. She was putting them forth as fact and that is misleading to others that are looking for help in a similar situation. I think everyone is entitled to their feelings, and to expressing them, but what they are not entitled to is using false information to support how they feel.

 

I don't believe in censorship and I take it pretty seriously when I see others that do.

 

As for my "factually incorrect statement", please see the information below which is FACTUALLY CORRECT and are supported by statistics.

 

Five stages of addiction to porn:

 

1. Early exposure. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see the stuff when they are very young, and it gets its foot in the door.

2. Addiction. Later comes addiction. You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked. You can't quit.

3. Escalation. After a while, escalation begins. You start to look for more and more graphic porn. You start using porn that would have disgusted you when you started. Now it excites you.

4. Desensitization. Eventually, you start to become numb. Even the most graphic, degrading porn doesn't excite you anymore. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again but can't find it.

5. Acting out sexually. At this point, many men make a dangerous jump and start acting out sexually. They move from the paper and plastic images of porn to the real world.

 

 

My biggest complaint is the fact that both MEN and WOMEN are having to look at sexual images in everyday life....on the side of a bus, large billboards, advertisements selling phone service, etc. It's everywhere, and you can't turn THAT off. Seeing images of "perfectly" created bodies (both women and men) takes a toll on the human psyche (and if you don't believe it, see all the previous posts and more to come, I'm sure.) I'm sure there are MANY men out there, as well as women, who don't want their partners looking at nude media of other people, or don't want them going to clubs to see strippers, and getting lap dances, etc. In my mind, (I don't know about your morals or values "Bulletproof) it sends a message that your partner isn't ENOUGH for you, so you have to seek sexual pleasure from others. I'm not saying that there aren't couples out there who support it either, I'm saying that the world seems to be obsessed with it (especially in the marketing world). What kind of messages does this send to our youth? Do you know that they now sell thongs and padded bras for 8 & 9 year olds? It's getting ridiculous, and it's time that we change things. We're spiralling out of control as a society, and I believe that wholeheartedly!

[15 Storeys High]

You can't change society. You can only do what you can do. I choose not to be obsessed with sex or obsessed with people that are obsessed with sex. Just live your life.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Ya, don't. It's not so bad! Plus you can wear nice sweaters and walk by the lake!

 

hahaha

[crosstownTraffic]

This is a great thread.. I thought I was the only person who's completely disgusted at how insensitive the media is to women's feelings and that yes, porn has come to dominate our society.

I have to blame the advertisers for starters. The day they put Victoria Secret ads was a cold day for womenkind. Yes, they are advertising bras and underwear but they are also promoting the notion that guys can FREELY look at women in various stages of undress and we have to BE OKAY with it!

Like one poster said, her own bf said this...

 

 

 

Thank you for sharing that. My boyfriend tells me that he would be devastated if he knew I was looking at "perfect" sexy men on covers of magazines, in movies etc...at least HALF as much as what men are able to see women in that way. At this point, imagine if the male images you see were tripled in society..then you're getting close to how much competition the women are feeling at this point. I hope, for your sake, and many other men, that it never gets that way. Unfortunately...we're starting to see more and more of male nudity in movies, and men in general. Just yesterday I saw a commercial on television of a half nude man who was ironing in his kitchen while talking on the phone. He was all "buffed" up, tan and what most would consider being "perfect". The advertisement was for a car. Tell me...what does ironing clothes half naked have to do with a car?

Actually I hope the amount of ads with guys who are "buff" and dressed scantily goes up 10 fold cuz it seems to be the only way we are going to show men the treatment they have heaped on us for the last several years!

So.. when guys feel the need to start going to plastic surgeons to get buff pectoral muscles or ripped ads, then they are goign to start knowing how devastating it is to one's self-esteem to constantly be compared and found less attractive to these models who probably got there half the time via a surgeon's knife!

Now... you stop and think abouit all the things that we are supposed to do to be "beautiful" and I find it a bit horrific, not to mention brutal and at least painful... breast jobs... pierced "parts" that emulate porn stars, our pubic areas stripped bare cuz that is what all the porn stars have done, and god forbid you do not try to emulate a porn star otherwise our men will be turned off by what women naturally are...

you know.. I've thought for a few years that the world's gone a bit crazy.. and if all we are to hope to achieve it to look identical to some movie star who's done an incredible amount of things to her body & looks just so she can stay in the running, than there's no hope for any of us to think we can have a normal life, where the men admire us for just being "us"!

You know it's very funny though. You go and rent an old video or see a magazine back in the 80s and the women looked very different back then.. Different because boob jobs were not the rage... as were alot of cosmetic things, like botax that have become common place.

And people were so much more laid back and relaxed in their relationships, I feel with the opp. sex...

yes, men did crave the latest hollywood beauty, but not in the sense that goes on now... where the woman you were involved with, just never measured up to that..

Of course, there was no internet back then.. only playboy or hustler, which in a sense was alot healthier an outlet than these darn porn sites... after awhile you probably would get tired of looking at the same playboy bunny if you had no one else in your life and crave a woman in real life. Now it seems men can hardly get off the pot to ask women out for dates, cuz why bother..

All you gotta do is come home, and masturbate to the latest porn site you've found and your satisfied.

It's become a sad, twisted world indeed....I hate it!

[crosstownTraffic]

Well. bulletproof.. actually tell me where I could easily find men in a stage of being scantily dressed on the internet that would not be a gay porn site! I'm not being sarcastic here.. being a str8 woman, I like to see men.. who are attractive, and since guys get to get their cake and eat it too, sometimes I like to see naked men myself.

But if you try to google naked men, half the time, or really 90% of the time it will lead you to a gay porn site!

But yet.. near-naked women can be seen in almost every media we have now.. It's not JUST the r-rated movies.. it's the commercials, main-stream tv shows even early on in the evening..

I just wonder what kind of message we are sending our children, and just how bad their morals will be when they grow up? That is, if they even have morals by then.....

well, you know, the strange thing, is.. it's not just how people look, it's how they act now too.. I could go on with that notion but afraid I'll probably be censored for commenting on the various sex acts that are now seen as "common-place" which were once so taboo you wouldn't think of suggesting your partner did it...

Nope.. I find society to be really misyognist now.. whether you want to acknowledge it or not.. We are definitely NOT respected more, we are respected less.

I sort of have a theory about it.. it's sort our punishment by the ole boy mentality or the boys' club mentality for suceeding in the business world. Yeah, we get to have better jobs or jobs only men had before, but we sure are not respected more by our partners... No... I've never seen women treated so shabbily by society as we are now.

Open your eyes ladies.... this is not a pro-women world right at the moment in our media and advertising....

[Treese]

I couldn't agree with you MORE "Crosstown traffic". What you say here is so true. It's terrifying to think where it is ALL heading. I don't want to see the end product. A world with no limits, no morals, nothing.. such a tragedy..and we will have done it ALL to ourselves.

[bulletproof]

Is there such a thing as porn addiction? Sure. But that's not what we were talking about. Anyone can be addicted to anything; alcohol, drugs, porn, the internet, food, video games. I was disputing that there is a proven connection between people watching porn and becoming desensitized, and I was not referring to addicts. I was referring to the general population, as I assumed you were as well. Most people watch porn and don't have a problem with addiction or desensitization, period.

 

Your biggest complaint is invalid because men and women don't HAVE to do anything. Don't like the ads on t.v.? Turn it off. Don't like it in magazines? Don't read them. Don't like it on billboards? Look the other way. It's not hard to do, unless that is what *you* are obsessed and focused on. There are plenty of beautiful things in the world to look at and focus on instead.

 

If men or women don't want their partners to engage in certain adult activities, then that's something they should take up with their partners. It is not the govt. nor the media's responsibility to keep people communicating in their relationships. Same goes for kids- there might be a padded bra for an eight-year-old, but it doesn't mean I have to buy it for my daughter. I'm glad I live in a country where I can make my own choices and decide to buy nothing if I so choose. I don't have to purchase items or buy into any theories I don't like, regardless of whether they are put in my line of sight via media, etc. I'm stronger and smarter than that.

 

You're exactly right when you say that in your mind, it sends a message that your partner isn't enough for you. That's exactly where it is- in YOUR mind. It's the individual's perceptions that need changing, not the entire world surrounding that individual.

[bulletproof]

I addressed the issue of porn geared towards women and the availability of it. Men make porn. thereforee, men make porn they want to see, which is either about women if the maker is hetero, or gay men if the maker is gay. The reason there is so little porn geared towards women is that women aren't creating it, period. So you can blame your own gender for that lack, or start making your own porn. Do you honestly expect men to make porn for women? I certainly don't expect women to make it for men.

 

The message we are sending our children is embodied in how we raise them as parents, not in how we allow the media to raise them. I think it's very easy to point the finger at the external stuff instead of exactly where it should be pointed, which is inward. I hear many people complain about t.v. in particular, but suggesting that they get rid of their t.v. seems outrageous to them.

 

Not sure what sex acts you're specifically referring to, but I think anything that's consensual and legal is okay between two adults. I'm glad I have more freedom now to suggest what was once taboo, instead of living like a repressed fifties housewife.

[Treese]

Bulletproof?? You will NEVER get it...because of the fact that you happen to be included in that part of society who accepts what is happening for your own personal reasons and are blind to the damages that are happening from it. My argument ends here with you because there is no changing the world...you being a part of it.

[BellaDonna]

This thread has run its course.