Tired of seeing sexy images of women everywhere I look!

[Treese]

Brianna, you hit the nail right on the head with everything you say here. I like how you use the words, "visual promiscuity". Most men won't think there's anything wrong with having the ability to leisurely view a woman's naked body, but to me, it's a form of cheating. He should only want to be viewing mine...not other women's.

[Cimmie]

I think it's safe to say that a society that considers lap-dancing a 'normal' form of entertainment is pretty messed up.

 

The influence of pornography on this culture is immense. I observe the most outrageous (as well as more subtle) forms of misogyny around me on a daily basis, on the streets, in work, and from other women. We live in a porn saturated society. And one of those very insidious myths that young girls have been fed is that to be a feminist you have to be a left-wing, shaven-headed, man-hating lesbian. Yeah right. As the gorgeous Gloria Steinem once wrote 'you're either a feminist or a masochist, baby'.

 

Real men are educated and thoughtful enough to see what the women they love have to put up with. I've met feminist men (few and far between, but they do exist) who are mature, loving, supportive, fabulous brothers, partners and fathers.

 

Treese, I think the one thing you need to remember is that you don't have to buy into this crap. There are many vested interests in keeping women in their place, keeping them docile little consumers of the latest miracle-in-a-bottle or plastic surgery - an insecure woman is easier to manipulate. She is also a pain in the ass to be around.

 

'The Beauty Myth' is worth checking out. Also Germaine Greer's 'The Female Eunuch'.

[Treese]

Cimmie, I love your way of thinking. Thank you for this!

[Girl79]

This thread reminds me of this ridiculous ad I saw in a magazine a couple days ago. It was a picture of a blond woman with HUGE fake boobs and a tight dress showing massive cleavage. She was holding a cup full of New York Fries. The ad said something like, "not everything is fake" and the ad was for the fries. I mean seriously, W T F? It's out of control and it's disgusting.

[feeling_low]

****Can I just suggest something here?***

 

don't know if this has been mentioned previously as I only read the 1st page.

 

I do fully understand where you are coming from, I've been feeling exactly the same way and thought i was the only one.

 

but....there was something I did recently that has made me feel 100% better about the whole thing!!

 

Ok, for every photoshoot you see in these adverts/magazines etc you know for a fact that so much trouble has gone into it - planning what it will be like, a make-up artist, great clothes and a great photographer.

 

Now, what I did was put myself into that very position. Having my own professional photographs done and having my make up done made me feel so damn good. It's absolutely fantastic looking at my pictures seeing that I can look damn hot too....with work of course!

 

I would strongly suggest that you do it too. Have a revamp of your clothes, maybe change your hair style, give yourself a make over, then get yourself to a studio for some super sexy pictures.

 

It will be costly, but it is so damn worth it. I loved it, felt like a star and love the results.

 

It may sound odd but since having them done, I find it easier looking at the pictures of everyone else. They are not going away, if anything - it's going to get worse. It's been proven that sex sells again & again....so I wouldn't have hopes of things changing. If there is something you can do to feel better about yourself, however, then do it.

 

A lot of the stress I felt when I saw all these girls were because:

1)I felt insecure about my own looks, felt inferior to the women in the images and seeing them all the time made me feel worse

2)I felt that by looking - my bf was effectively cheating on me.

 

so much of my stress was through my own insecurity. Having professional sexy photos done made me feel so good about myself - and my bf loved them!!!!!

 

So basically - focus back on yourself, not everyone else - calm down, have a think on how to treat yourself and then I do suggest the photoshoot. even if you don't want to 'bare all' then even just a few glamorous shots in nice clothes will do the trick. However for ultimate body confidence I found getting my pics done semi/naked made me feel fantastic.

[ceejay86]

I do agree with how women are portrayed these days, what happened to normal women on adverts???

 

But my problem is the real women, ha, check out my post 'my boyfriend is going travelling to south america, will he be faithful' i just wished they were on a separate planet sometimes haha

[NeedWiseWord]

Did you know, a study was conducted a few years ago at some major university, and 81% of serial killers/murders/rapists etc.. admitted that hard core pornography was in their top three favourite interests. Porn = Absolute scum. its messes with your brain. it is actually dangerous. DO NOT TOLERATE IF FROM ANY MAN. All u women out their are far better than the men u are with, if they view this absolute sh!t. Personally, if i caught my bf looking or anything to do with porn, i would dump his pathetic sorry ass instantly. but thats just me. I hate wat this worlds become in terms of sex and women expolitation advertising societys views etc etc etc

[Treese]

i can relate too how you feel! there is alot of pressure too look good these days.

 

i never used to worry too much and yet now i wont be satisfied until i have a body worthy of the front cover of mens health magazine.

 

Thank you for sharing that. My boyfriend tells me that he would be devastated if he knew I was looking at "perfect" sexy men on covers of magazines, in movies etc...at least HALF as much as what men are able to see women in that way. At this point, imagine if the male images you see were tripled in society..then you're getting close to how much competition the women are feeling at this point. I hope, for your sake, and many other men, that it never gets that way. Unfortunately...we're starting to see more and more of male nudity in movies, and men in general. Just yesterday I saw a commercial on television of a half nude man who was ironing in his kitchen while talking on the phone. He was all "buffed" up, tan and what most would consider being "perfect". The advertisement was for a car. Tell me...what does ironing clothes half naked have to do with a car?

[Treese]

Go to "the photoshop effect" on YouTube and you'll be amazed at what is happening.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Women are objectified in order to keep them submissive. This society is so afraid of change. Imagine if women didn't hate their appearances; we'd be successful, happy, and assertive.

 

If our only choices are sexy or nothing, the 90% of us who don't naturally look like goddesses will just have to sink into the abyss.

 

Women need to support each other and stop fighting each other and ourselves.

Watch "Killing us Softly"

[xItalianxPrincessx]

i absolutely agree with the original post. i hate all of that garbage so much and it makes me very insecure. i felt like distancing myself from my bf would make me feel better too but the lil bit i did made me only more upset and paranoid. we have to learn to just love ourselves and if our SO has a problem with looking at that garbage then maybe he has unrealistic views of what women should look like. m bf realizes that the mags esp, and movies and tv shows are full of fake, digital images and he praises me for my body and the hard work i put into it. that doesnt mean that i dont get jealous tho, but that is something i need to work on for myself. eventually i hope to not care at all, but im a long way away from that right now. i think more photoshop and fake pictures should be shown to the women so we know that these women who have professional chefs, and personal trainers and the best plastic surgeons money can buy are still imperfect and still have the same pressure on them only they have more since they are actually in the spot light. it made me feel alot better after i googled photoshop and watched some youtube videos and saw b4 and after pix of photoshopped images. its natural for men to look at appeasing women but its not fair if they are going to comapre. thankfully my bf knows whats real and whats not and knows that the celebs in hollywood only look that good bcuz they have the money and time to spend all day working out and eating perfectly. as long as your SO knows they love you and love you for the inside and out, theres nothing we can do but stop looking at and focuses on the garbage and live ourlives . also we need to open and educate urself to the videos, etc that show us how easily these facades are created bcuz its not real and only there to make money in those industries.

[amipushy]

Detach yourself from the situation- Its not about you.

[Treese]

It seems that I have slowly erased my self worth. I have forgotten what is good about me. I have forgotten to love what I have that is ME. I have forgotten what it

means to feel good about myself. I took some of the words that he said (not intending to hurt me directly), and have turned them into a personal hell for myself. I assigned myself

the job of seeing to it that he has "perfect", even though that is impossible for me to achieve. I compare

myself to those images, and burn inside of my belly with agony because I'm not like them. I have caused myself to believe that because he sees the images, then that's what he wants and will never be happy with anything "less" than perfect (me being "less). He knows this, and yet he still continues to look, for his own pleasures. I have (somewhere along the line) made the decision that I have to be "perfect". I had assigned myself the DUTY of insuring his total gratification.....his satisfaction.....his complete pleasure when none of it truly is my duty. It is his own. I had somehow decided that because his culture has influenced him to view these images, that I must accept it. I had decided that I have to compete with the images that HE chooses to view.

 

Truly, how is it that what he views is now MY problem???

 

Truly, if he desensitizes himself by looking at the barrage of images...possibly desiring them more than me...then how is that MY problem?

 

Truly, if he sees these images and causes his own self to become immune and blind to what I have to offer because of his own overdose of "perfection".......then that is HIS problem and HIS loss.

And INDEED I shall move on to another who will appreciate what I have.

 

Abandoning ME

I took past hurts, past unkind words, past judgements made upon me, past distrusts, and created a cesspool of self-damaging thoughts.

I have created a bank of destruction designed to abolish my own self. I did this by creating deep rooted beliefs from those past hurts, words, judgements and distrusts. What a tragedy it is that I FAILED to create a bank of GOOD thoughts; instead I have allowed them to be

trampled upon and discarded in the cesspool. I abandoned myself.

 

The Obsession

I put him first in everything I did...my thoughts, my actions, my everything. Even when he didn't perceive my actions as so.

Over time, it has developed into an obsession to be his everything, driven by my own plummeting self-image. An obsession to have his total and complete attention.

The attention is what I needed to seek in order to affirm his acceptance of me. To affirm his contentedness, his satisfaction, his gratification, his pleasure. Everything. As I

came to believe that I had to "share" this attention with others...images, videos, papers, and women around him.........I sank into untold misery and hopelessness. How could I compare to so much? so many? so often? I forgot that it wasn't

my responsibility to insure his satisfaction. He is in charge of his own. And if he needs to get his satisfaction by viewing MANY women, and not me.......it is of no fault of mine. It truly is his choice. Do I have to like it? No.....but what I CAN do is separate myself from that

feeling of holding myself responsible. I can let go of the pain induced by my supposed "deficit". And I can view his actions as character flaws that I do not have to embrace.....I do not attract to.....I do not like in any way.

I can see him as being a different man than what I had hoped. His pedestal comes down, and my self-respect goes up.

 

The New Day

I can't be responsible for his actions anymore. I can't own the damages he does by viewing them (his desensitivity of the female body).

He disrespects me everytime he chooses to look at them, he sends me a message (indirectly) that I'm not enough for him.......he needs more....but now IT'S DIFFERENT in how I choose to react to the damage of it all. I choose ME. I choose to stop giving a man the power over me to hate who I am. I choose to stop giving a man the power to make me hate what I have to offer. I choose to stop giving a man the power to make me feel insignificant. I choose to love what I have, and know that it's a wonderful gift for the ONE who can see me, and identify it, and won't need to look at others for his satisfaction. I choose to stop comparing myself to other women, and I choose to stop feeling shame for not being what I'm not designed to be.

 

It's a new day for me, and for the first time in years I am free of that crippling path to self-destruction (literally).

 

Thanks be to my twin x

[ZeldaPrinces]

Weldone Treese, you are incredible. I can't stand it how men feel that those women are more attractive, that if they had my personality but their bodies they would prefer them. Honestly appearance is NOT WHAT MATTERS!! It IS men's fault if they chose to comment or like that type of women. Not all men are like this so its obvious that it can be helped. I don't hate my appearance but I don't trust any men. I am not just a piece of something to look at. If a man with a great personality had a body and face like a model I WOULD NOT CARE!! Why Would I want someone better looking?

 

But what is the point in women dolling themselves up to try to look like what the movies show? These women on shows, in magazines, their bodies are impossible to copy because they aren't real. The proportions are wrong. The world is turning ugly! Men and many women too, need to stop focusing on peoples appearances!!! They mean NOTHING, they are no window to the heart, to the soul. What is inside is what matters. How could a man look at other women in a perfectly happy relationship? Because he ISN'T WORTHY OF YOU! YOU are who he should care about, YOU are the only women he should look at it that way!!

 

I am sick and tired of hearing about men looking at porn and magazines and masturbating in a MARRIED FAMILY! Is your wife not GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!?

And 'imagining your wife doing what the porn star is doing' is ridiculous. Instead of looking at the porn stars, just imagine your wife doing that position.

 

Sick world. And sure there are women like these men. But the majority of men are like this, whereas the majority of women are trying so hard to please these men by trying to appear 'perfect' when its impossible.

[ZeldaPrinces]

Originally posted by Brianna:

 

["i do feel it is affecting people's emotional attachments to each other. at least for women it is. it is impossible for me to feel particularly attached to a man that i know is fantasizing over other women on a regular basis."]

 

I know what you mean. I can't connect with any males anymore because of how scared I am. I hate it.

[Treese]

I agree with you completely. It's an ugly world and it's only getting uglier. It's up to our own selves to know in our heart the wonderful things that lies within us, as well as what lies on our outer shell. It's up to us to believe that we DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT him looking at other women (i.e. porn, magazines, etc.) If the man in our life isn't happy for what we have to offer, then it's time to find one who IS. We don't have to SETTLE for men looking at nude images of other women for their own mindless pleasures...we are BETTER THAN THAT. It's disrespectful towards us, at best, and it communicates the message, "You're not good enough". We ARE good enough,.... we just have to believe it, and shed the one that makes us feel like we're not.

[free2Bme]

I also find this very frustrating and upsetting at times.

 

But trying to find a man who doesn't look, wel that seems like a huge challenge, I'm not sure I have come accross many men who don't look so I like many others am just learning to 'put up with it'.

[bulletproof]

.

Truly, if he desensitizes himself by looking at the barrage of images...possibly desiring them more than me...then how is that MY problem?

 

Truly, if he sees these images and causes his own self to become immune and blind to what I have to offer because of his own overdose of "perfection".......then that is HIS problem and HIS loss.

 

I can't own the damages he does by viewing them (his desensitivity of the female body).

He disrespects me everytime he chooses to look at them, he sends me a message (indirectly) that I'm not enough for him.......he needs more....but now IT'S DIFFERENT in how I choose to react to the damage of it all.

 

 

Where is it written that looking at porn desensitizes anyone? I am a woman, and I read erotica, and if anything it has heightened my sex drive and desire for boyfriends I've had. It doesn't cause me to become immune or blind to anything. I think your assumptions are what's defeating you, not his actions.

 

As far as the original post regarding media portrayals... first off, there are loads of guys in magazines like People and Us Weekly. They have a Sexiest Guy of the Year, for god's sake. Personally, it doesn't bother me to see beautiful or sexy images of males or females. Sometimes it makes *me* feel more sexy. As for the things I don't like to look at on t.v., one of which is the advertisements that promote blatant wastefulness of resources and horrific levels of materialism in this country- I don't have to watch them. That's why I don't have a t.v. Here's a suggestion: turn it off!

[Treese]

Where is it written that there are advertisements that promote blatant wastefulness??? It likely ISN'T.......but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that people become NUMB to seeing the same thing over and over again. I, for one, and happy to not be with someone like yourself. Get on with whatever YOU want to do.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

You can't deny that this society is geared towards MEN staring at/getting off on looking at WOMEN naked/scantily clad/submissive in ads.

 

That leads to desensitization. Porn is an aid, an expression of sexuality and lust, but society turns women against one another with porn.

 

Don't lie: You read erotica, like porn and like sexual images (as most of us do). But you know that it is a lot more difficult to find things geared towards women. Ok so we see a half naked guy every now and then. Go count the number of female nude scenes compared to male nude scenes in movies. HA! Probably 20 to 1. We are being almost forced into pseudo lesbianism because all we see are pictures of sexy women.

 

She, as well as anyone, can turn off the TV and stop looking at magazines but you cannot turn off the SOCIETY you live in. It is called oppression.

 

She is absolutely right.

[bulletproof]

Where is it written that there are advertisements that promote blatant wastefulness??? It likely ISN'T.......but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that people become NUMB to seeing the same thing over and over again. I, for one, and happy to not be with someone like yourself. Get on with whatever YOU want to do.

 

Have you ever even paid attention to most of the advertising on television? Buy this new thing, buy that new thing. Throw our your old things. Buy new cars, buy disposable items, waste money, waste gas, buy clothes. Buy fast food. And so on, and so on. We live in the most materialistic and likely wasteful culture on the planet. And that's written in plenty of places.

 

Seeing the same thing over and over again does not necessarily make anyone numb. There are loads of repetitious activities that don't make us numb. There are no studies that prove porn desensitizes people, period. You can certainly assume that it does, if you like. But it's not a fact.

 

You never answered the question- why don't you just turn off your t.v.? Don't buy magazines. Ignore public advertising you don't like. It's not that hard to do. Between tivo, ipods, dvds, and everything else, we can pretty much choose all of our own media, more or less commercial-free if we wish to.

[bulletproof]

For me to agree that it's oppression, I guess I'd have to feel oppressed. Which I don't. I don't find it difficult at all to find erotica geared towards women. There's a whole big world out there, all reachable via the internet and plenty of other sources. And if I couldn't find what I wanted, I'd likely create it instead of complaining about it.

 

I'm not entirely sure what turning off SOCIETY means, but the fact is that I can choose to live my life any way I want. I don't have a t.v. because I'm not interested. I choose what I read, what I look at, what I listen to.

 

I definitely do not feel "forced into pseudo lesbianism", whatever that may mean. We are not being forced into anything because we all have and make choices every single day. I disregard mainstream media for other reasons, and I live well without it. I don't blame it for my problems.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

You're missing the point entirely. Mainstream media influence doesn't extend simply to the television you choose not to look at, or the magazines you choose not to read.

Mainstream media decides the structure of society- despite what you may "choose". Hence the idea that you can't negate a patriarchal society by turning off a television set.

 

And yes, you can find pictures of naked men- if you search. My point is that you have to search harder than if you had a penis and wanted to see some boobs.

 

And if western culture objectified men for sex instead of women, us girls would be much less likely to watch girl on girl porn than we are now. Since boobs are all we see, we start to like them, as if we were lesbians when we aren't. The opposite would happen to men.

 

Choice is choice, but society rules.

[bulletproof]

You're missing the point entirely. Mainstream media influence doesn't extend simply to the television you choose not to look at, or the magazines you choose not to read.

Mainstream media decides the structure of society- despite what you may "choose". Hence the idea that you can't negate a patriarchal society by turning off a television set.

 

I'm not trying to negate a patriarchal society. However, I do make other choices that have nothing to do with media that do minimize society's effect on my life as an individual. I choose my friends, my jobs, my hobbies.

 

And yes, you can find pictures of naked men- if you search. My point is that you have to search harder than if you had a penis and wanted to see some boobs.

 

And why do you think that is? Men make porn. thereforee, they tailor it to their own needs. If they're heterosexual, they focus on women. If they're gay, it's men. If you feel there is a lack of porn focused on meeting women's heterosexual needs, then maybe more women should make porn.

 

And if western culture objectified men for sex instead of women, us girls would be much less likely to watch girl on girl porn than we are now. Since boobs are all we see, we start to like them, as if we were lesbians when we aren't. The opposite would happen to men.

 

I don't watch girl on-girl-porn unless I want to. Are you being forced somehow to watch it?

 

I think an actual lesbian would take issue with what you're suggesting here.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I doubt a lesbian would take issue with this because I'm not in any way criticizing lesbians or any GLTB people. I'm not talking about people who are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or anything else- by birth. (My stance in life is very tolerant and I hate the way this garbage culture views people who aren't white and male.) I'm talking about straight women who feel societal pressure to be comfortable looking at porn geared towards men.

 

There are constantly discussions about the phenomena of women, let's saying, "tweaking their sexuality" to fit the patriarchal society - it affects all of us in some ways.

 

I guess that's where we draw. You don't seem to think it infiltrates our lives if we just avoid tv and magazines, movies, etc. I think it's already everywhere and we need a change.

 

But- such is life. haha