Do girls like shy guys or outgoing guys?

[charley]

I think shy guys are shy because they care to much what the woman thinks.

 

I think outgoing guys are confident because they don't care as much what the woman thinks.

 

I want to become less shy and more confident with women and am working on it.

 

However, I don't want to become to confident with women because I don't want to become a jerk.

[deckie1985]

My girlfriend has NO attraction to shy people. She wouldn't even recommend one to a friend. She prefers and outgoing guy who can smile and chat in public around other people, and throw out witty comments. She definitely prefers that over a guy who sits in a corner and says nothing.

 

A man who sits in the corner and says nothing is not shy..... thats just a vegetable....

[rmpavlock]

I think it depends on the girl. For the longest time I've liked guys who are more outgoing because I tend to be quiet, but recently I've been dating a guy who tends to be a little more shy. I'm realizing it's easier for me to relax and open up around him more than it was with other people. It's really nice.

[deckie1985]

When you're shy you show less arrogance, and greater maturity due to the fact you're less likely to let an inflated ego overrun your potential convo. A woman who 'dislikes' shy or reserved people is someone who most likely thrives over a tough guy with a nice car and money.

 

"It's the quiet ones you gotta watch out for..."

[PrincessJOA]

I like hanging out with outgoing guys, but I prefer dating shy guys because at least, they'll listen

[glorybe05]

I have been interested in two guys over the past 2 years.. One is very confident and sure of himself - we have a wicked friendship - a very unique bond...and the other is extremely shy.. but out of the two the one ive begun to fall in love with is my shy dude..because he ends up more real.. I can be myself around him - and its a lovely feeling. He's also never had a girlfriend before which many would say is odd (he's 26, im 25) but i think its nice - he knows what he's doing..and i find myself able to lead and be led which is a nice mix..we're learning with each other... (we're currently not dating at the mo, but i dont think this willl be the case much longer - im not being naive in saying this - i can read the boy like a book....)

[deckie1985]

Again with the whole 'one guy is confident, the other is shy.' Confidence can be found in anyone.... people mistake shy people for having lack of confidence in themselves which is totally wrong. It's like confidence to approach a woman is the only confidence that exists to you

[glorybe05]

He does have a 'lack of confidence' ... this much he has actually admitted to me.. he has problems accepting himself/accepting how people see him - all down to bullying issues when he was younger and his living arrangement at the moment.. I'm not making a generalisation statement when i say he lacks confidence - i happen to know him well...he does lack confidence mostly in the female sense but he also doesnt do a lot of socialising outwith church where i know him from (he lives with his parents and tends to go with them a lot...) I know what im talkin about..

[TheRedQueen]

I am an extrovert, and for some reason I am rarely, if ever attracted to extroverted guys. I love shy and quiet-ish men. I have a tendency to think that shy men are more introspective than outgoing men, I know that's not fair and definitely not necessarily true but it is what I tend to think anyway.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

I dunno i dont really prefer both but guys that are way to loud sorta annoy me cause they tend to think there all that.I like guys in between

[deckie1985]

Sometimes the shy one is more of a worldly person than the outgoing types who never grew up. Not saying ALL outgoing people are immature, but sometimes I noticed that the quiet people I know have more life experiences than those who only have photos of themselves partying and drinking on their profiles

[Tex1907]

Sometimes the shy one is more of a worldly person than the outgoing types who never grew up. Not saying ALL outgoing people are immature, but sometimes I noticed that the quiet people I know have more life experiences than those who only have photos of themselves partying and drinking on their profiles

 

So you are saying that those who party and drink are immature?? Not necessarily the case. Many people like to have fun after they work for many hours each week and enjoy partying. I am one of them. Also you are saying partying and drinking is associated with being outgoing?? Im am extremely shy and I party just about every weekend, so I think it is safe to say that that is inaccurate.

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

I think shy would be considered pretty boring ......and I think people in general like people that are outoing .......Why? Because outgoing people are connected and make things happen......Remember in the dating game, you snooze you normally lose.

 

Kuhl

[darthpeladus]

I've heared from many girls, that many girls like shy guys... Sometimes the girls that told me that were the ones who like shy guys, and sometimes it was just general speaking...

My g/f told me a couple of times she likes me beeing shy.

It took a long time for me to be able to speak with her (before we started going out, of course) and it was really hard to me, even if I really wanted to.

And at the end, when I was decided I HAD to make a move and ask her out, she came to me and said she wanted to tell me something, we went to a quite place, and then she asked me "Can I kiss you?".

 

She keeps saying to me how good I look and how cute I am, and more things, cause she wants me to believe more in myself and to make me self confident

 

For the record: she is also shy. Not as much as I am, but still...

[deckie1985]

So you are saying that those who party and drink are immature?? Not necessarily the case. Many people like to have fun after they work for many hours each week and enjoy partying. I am one of them. Also you are saying partying and drinking is associated with being outgoing?? Im am extremely shy and I party just about every weekend' date=' so I think it is safe to say that that is inaccurate.[/quote']

 

I suggest you reread what I wrote without skipping lines....

[Salucious]

Again with the whole 'one guy is confident, the other is shy.' Confidence can be found in anyone.... people mistake shy people for having lack of confidence in themselves which is totally wrong. It's like confidence to approach a woman is the only confidence that exists to you

 

I agree, I am a shy person. I've been to a therapist for it and my slightly anti-social tendencies. He told me flat-out that shy people will ALWAYS be shy. However it happened when the person grew up, or whatever. Of course, he said that there is nothing wrong with that (he mentioned to me a few of his adult patients had problems being shy). But deckie is right, shyness shouldn't be confused with low self-esteem/confidence. I don't let people walk over me, but I'm not big on social situations; and I don't normally start conversations with girls. I honestly am not usually intimidated by women.

 

So the important thing is that shyness shouldn't be a "bad" trait. What I'm kind of confused about is that girls say they like outgoing guys, but what does that mean? what would I have to do to be considered "outgoing"?

[meant_to_love]

Someone earlier said something bout they "like a guy who can be opened up like a present" I would say I feel the same way.

 

I like the quiet, shy, mysterious, intellectual, introspective type of guys. I admit its easier talking to guys/being friends with guys that actually more outgoing. They actually talk to me, make jokes and make me laugh and everything.. but when it comes down to it I like slightly the opposite for a boyfriend. I was the very shy type myself until a couple years ago and Im now about half shy/half outgoing.

 

Ive had one boyfriend (who I asked out). He worked with me and I liked him cause he had the cutest smile when i got one out of him and he was really quiet and mysterious. I found out he had some personal problems and did drugs, but he was really smart, opinionated and kept a lot of deeper things to himself that he slowly let out. He was really wonderful.. but I sadly I couldnt convince him of it.

[mjctraider]

I have to say that I find it rather interesting some of the posts here and it seems as if it's a 50/50 split. Hard to imagine I first posted this almost 3 years ago.

 

In that time I have become more outgoing and I guess in some sense I'm really not a shy guy, more like shy at first and then outgoing once I feel comfortable around people.

 

Another interesting thing I have noticed over the last few years is that I've gotten just a tad bit more confidence talking to girls. They don't always have to start the conversation, but I still have a long way to go to feel comfortable talking to girls that I don't know or have feelings for.

 

Although I find it rather interesting that when I am around friends I can be very talkative and kind of a jerk, but as soon as there is a girl that I like or they leave I become the nice shy guy again.

[Tex1907]

I suggest you reread what I wrote without skipping lines....

 

You only posted two lines, so there are no lines to skip. I always read previous posts throughly before I commment on them. If you are upset that my opinion contradicts yours then I suggest you present some evidence to prove your argument. I still think that most of what you said is inaccurate.

[corvetteguy]

I'm a shy guy, but i am very confident in my beliefs, altough not to the point of arrogance i don't think.

 

I'm 6'4, 180lbs, and pretty good looking imo XD

 

I'm 18 and i've had 3 , i don't know what to call em, more than crushes, but you get the idea. Anyway they all so far have failed due to me procrastinating. First one, i waited 4 YEARS, all of highschool pretty much. And when i finally asked her, she had i boyfriend. I knew that beforer hand but i had to say something. Anyway she acted all weird after, and even though she said she was fine with me, and told her friends that, i don't believe it.

 

Second one I waited a year, actually it overlaped with the 4th year of the first one lol. Anyway, over that year she went from being shy like me to suddenly discovering she was hot and became arrogant and * * * * * y. Was pretty bummed by this point, since these endings happened 2 weeks apart, prom was coming...

 

thrid one was this year, my extra year. I met this girl in an odd way. She is my dad's friend's daughter's friend. Anyway i met her years ago, but hadn't seen her since. We met again at my dad's friend's wedding, and omg, i was blown away. She even wanted to dance with me. She is extremely outgoing and she even sings as a job, in public events and such. So after the wedding, even though we had a great time, the shyness took over, and i assumed she probably did that with eeryone since she goes clubbing and stuff, which i'm not into, but thats ok. Anyway, i hear from my dad's friends wife, (lmao at chain of communication here) that she had waited for me to call for 3 weeks, and this guy asked her to go skiing, and she said yes. So i'm like oh ****, and i tried to contact her. So i finally did and shes like "ya, i think your a really sweet guy and all, unfortunaly i'm seeing someone right now..." that stuff.

 

Moral of the story is don't wait.

 

Also, my oppinion, and even though i don't really believe it, its just a feeling, but i always felt the reason crazy outgoing guys that get all the chicks say whats on their mind cuz they are too dumb to realize it sounds stupid XD. Like seriously i hear some guys talk, and i am blown away when it actually works and the chick goes out with him.

 

Its sad cuz i don't wanna be like that, but i also don't wanna be alone forever, and waiting is killing me. When you have so much time to think you start creating situations that don't really exist in your head. When i think about going out with a girl, i'm all in, i'm in for life lol, at least at that point in time. I have been trying to teach myself that maybe girls arn't intense like that, and have a more passing interest, and i don't wanna miss the boat.

[corvetteguy]

OH crap, jsut realized i am thread digging. XD Found this thread on google.

 

Ohwell, its a pretty timeless question anyway.

[kp123]

I think a lot of people who THINK they're shy are ACTUALLY something else.

 

When I was a shy person, I had this deep seated belief that shyness was a 'sweet' trait - that women would somehow find it a compelling quality if they just got to know me.

 

I also believed that it was one of my innate QUALITIES - that I was stuck with it.

 

Later I came to learn that shyness is actually composed of two things:

 

1. Selfishness

 

The ONLY thing you have to offer the world is not your fancy car, your money, or whatever else. The ONLY thing you have to contribute to the world is your own unique personality and your own unique talents you can share with others.

 

By being shy and avoiding contact with others, you are not sharing yourself. You are being SELFISH.

 

As a shy person I used to think I was being shy so as not to bother others, but actually shy people are being SELFISH when they do not share themselves with others.

 

What do YOU think of selfish people?

 

2. Untrusting

 

Shy people don't share themselves with others because they FEAR being judged or ridiciuled or hurt by others. Shy people ultimately approach the world and everyone in it with the attitude "I don't know if I can trust you not to hurt me so I will be guarded and defensive and distant to stay safe."

 

What do you think of someone who is being defensive and doesn't trust you?

 

In all likelihood YOU AVOID selfish and untrusting people. So if you're shy and you feel uncomfortable around others, it is likely that they will feel uncomfortable around you, the same way a dog growls at people who are afraid of dogs. Its a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle.

 

But the moment you realize this and start to question your need to be shy, and start trusting that the world and the people in it are out to HELP you and WANT you to share yourself, your life can change.

 

This is an important thing for shy people to think about.

 

Shyness is only a sweet quality in a BOY, not a mature MAN.

[ilovepoemsalot]

Well, of course girls prefer outgoing guys! But why? Because girls like being pursued. Just because you're shy doesn't mean you can't get an outgoing girl to like you, it just means that you have to do something about it. You can't expect to sit around shyly and have girls instantly like you!

 

So take some initiative and try not to be the shy guy for three seconds, and then you're allowed to go back to your regular self.

 

You could've fooled me. Whenever I've pursued a girl they've never been interested.

 

Yet if I sit back and think no girls like me, then on the rare occasion, there'll at least be a girl online that'll show some interest.

[Mavh25]

I like shy guys, I've never been hugely outgoing myself so its hard to mould with someone who is that much of an opposite.

 

Having said that, my boyfriend is quite outgoing. But that just confirms for me that a very very outgoing person would be bad for me, because I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to socialising with new folk.

 

I like the shy guyssssss the ones I know are so grounded and just lovely.

[kimimaroraed]

Ok, I'm a shy guy who have a crushed on this girl. I think this girl has a strong personality and i think she like guys that are dominating. I'm a shy guy in terms of showing my feelings to her maybe she is not interested in me. But is there someone there thinks i can still make her mine eventhough i have a hard time being close to her? and can you give me some advice/ tips that i can use to have a chance on her... tips that a shyguy like me can do, not tips for aggresive guys who can act directly.