Do girls like shy guys or outgoing guys?

[sleuth]

*sigh*

 

It seems like most girls in my school seem to prefer the out-going type,

which I never really understood, because pretty much everyone of the

out-going types are assholes who are completely, umm..."assholic", haha, to everyone else and it sorta saddens me to see that they are the ones that are getting all of it.

 

I hope that maybe some day I can share my pathetic existence with someone else.

And I know this post sounds rather "emo", just excuse my cynical personality.

Uhh, just rambling...I'm going to post it anyways.

[MD Geist]

You'll be suprized. The last girl I wanted was into shy guys. In fact all the women I wanted to date in the past wanted to be with shy guys

[bostonbruins24]

No one is denying that nonshy men have it easier meeting women but it is an overgeneralization to say women prefer outgoing men.Non shy men will approach more women and not take a rejection personally where usually a shy guy will moan about a rejection for days/weeks.

[Rickster]

I've read quite a lot of this thread from start to beginning. I'll pluck out some of the things I can relate to myself.

 

Well I personally like shy guys. I don't know why I just do. I think it's nice when they build up the courage just to ask you out. I am not saying that I like to see them go through all that because I am shy i'm just saying it's nice.

 

I recently told this girl about my feelings for her. Somehow, I don't know where I got all the courage to do this, and this girl appreciated my courage to do this and she very well knows I'm a shy and probably introverted guy.

 

 

I like guys who can be unwrapped like presents.

 

These guys seem shy or aloof or a little introverted at first, but if you poke a bit, you soon see that a sense of humor lives underneath. After awhile they relax and warm up and let their personality unfurl.

 

I think it is true. I may be shy and introverted at first. But when you get to know me, I can let myself loose. It's just a matter of when I feel more comfortable speaking to that person. There were some other posters who said that shy guys care to listen and are opinionated. In fact, I think that shy guys prefer building strong and closely knitted relationships with people rather than a whole network of acquaintances because for a shy guy, getting to speak to anyone is something they don't get to do so often, and so they'll feel quite affectionate towards the other person. I find this reflects upon myself. Sometimes I find myself not wanting to express my feelings because I care and respect the other person too much and I consider how they would feel or react if I said something that would hurt them. But it doesn't mean I have nothing to say.

 

I think it is unfair to say it "seems" girls prefer "outgoing guys". First of all, what is "outgoing". Does that mean guys who choose to be seen in places like clubs and pubs? It only seems as though girls like guys who are "outgoing" (whatever that means) only because people see these guys chatting to girls fluently, but it does not say anything about whether girls like a guy like that.

 

To conclude that story previously, due to the fact that that girl herself is quiet, she rather a guy who would initiate a conversation and be more open and talkative so that it could accommodate her quietness. This is from her own words.

[DaBladeRoden]

There is a difference between being shy versus being introverted. One person avoids social situations out of fear and anxiety even though he or she wants to be active in social situations. The other person chooses to spend his or her time in solitary situations than social situations. I really doubt that women find it attractive that a guy is scared of other people. How is he supposed to protect her, if he is afraid of people half his size? On the other hand, there are a lot of introverted guys who are quiet, yet they don't have any problems dealing with people or pursuing women that they like.

 

What if the guy puts himself into social situations, but he scarcely talks to people when in them?

[steve33]

What if the guy puts himself into social situations, but he scarcely talks to people when in them?

 

 

Doesn't really benefit you to do that given 95% of women expect you to do all of the work and risk all of the rejection. You'd honestly be better flirting on the internet t han going out and not talking.

[stingray]

Hence, "nice and/or shy guys" finish last.

Nice guys don't finish last its just the bad girls that make them feel that way.

 

I think we are looking at this completely the wrong way and I hate the fact some of us will change to get what we want. Why do we always tend to conform to the norms of society?

 

I consider myself not really to be a shy guy but I do have that shy sort of aura around me. I use it to weed out the girls that would probably not be interested in me anyway. I want a girl to try to get to know me on a deeper level instead of me pursuing the entire way.

 

Its fun this way because she just has to show me a little interest and then I will start pursuing. I do tend to overthink my decisions though to the point everything is a calculated move to gain a calculated reaction. This is my FLAW...

 

I am confident though and I am pretty independent and I don't take from anyone even if they are a friend. No one has really dug beneath the surface to see that because when I am with that person I lose that headstrong mentality and naturally become sweet and nice.

 

My friends like to call me a sweet because of that since I carry both personalities...

 

And I don't care if a girl accepts me or rejects me because of who I am because I will not change willingly. This is who I am and I am satisfied with who I am despite the fact that most girls don't like my type of guy. This is who I am and I wont change to conform...

 

My ex says I am a mans man and definetely likes to be the man in the relationship...Actually, I think I am a good mix of both...

 

 

I think a lot of people who THINK they're shy are ACTUALLY something else.

 

When I was a shy person, I had this deep seated belief that shyness was a 'sweet' trait - that women would somehow find it a compelling quality if they just got to know me.

 

I also believed that it was one of my innate QUALITIES - that I was stuck with it.

 

Later I came to learn that shyness is actually composed of two things:

 

1. Selfishness

 

The ONLY thing you have to offer the world is not your fancy car, your money, or whatever else. The ONLY thing you have to contribute to the world is your own unique personality and your own unique talents you can share with others.

 

By being shy and avoiding contact with others, you are not sharing yourself. You are being SELFISH.

 

As a shy person I used to think I was being shy so as not to bother others, but actually shy people are being SELFISH when they do not share themselves with others.

 

What do YOU think of selfish people?

 

2. Untrusting

 

Shy people don't share themselves with others because they FEAR being judged or ridiciuled or hurt by others. Shy people ultimately approach the world and everyone in it with the attitude "I don't know if I can trust you not to hurt me so I will be guarded and defensive and distant to stay safe."

 

What do you think of someone who is being defensive and doesn't trust you?

 

In all likelihood YOU AVOID selfish and untrusting people. So if you're shy and you feel uncomfortable around others, it is likely that they will feel uncomfortable around you, the same way a dog growls at people who are afraid of dogs. Its a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle.

 

But the moment you realize this and start to question your need to be shy, and start trusting that the world and the people in it are out to HELP you and WANT you to share yourself, your life can change.

 

This is an important thing for shy people to think about.

 

Shyness is only a sweet quality in a BOY, not a mature MAN.

I COMPLETELY disagree! You can not generalize everyone like that and besides shyness can be the result of many different situations. I think instead of helping people out of the shyness you are destroying their self confidence. Theres NOTHING wrong with being shy...

[bostonbruins24]

God,what a subjective post!All shy people are selfish and untrusting? I don't agree with that at all.Where did you form this hypothesis ?From your own subjective experience?

[bostonbruins24]

God,what a subjective post!All shy people are selfish and untrusting? I don't agree with that at all.Where did you form this hypothesis ?From your own subjective experience?

[ellandroader]

God,what a subjective post!All shy people are selfish and untrusting? I don't agree with that at all.Where did you form this hypothesis ?From your own subjective experience?

 

I agree....biggest bunch of b*llocks that I have read.

[Armando929]

I personally don't like the stereotype that women have of shy men in that they're "weak". I think that thought right there is weak.

 

If a shy guy is defined as somebody who is quiet, not out and about all the time hopping around in different clubs looking to get laid, or approaching strange women he has no clue about, then I guess I am a shy guy too.

 

But you see how limited that vision is??... I admittedly am in a bit of a dating slump I guess right now and because I'm not the most outgoing guy, its definitely harder to get somebody interested in me. But that does not mean that I am "weak", "insecure", or "lacking in confidence". It just means that there's nobody out there at the moment that is really worth a damn. Any girl worth anything already has a boyfriend, and if she doesn't she has her eye on another. Nothing I can do about that. Truthfully I pay it no mind because I'm a busy guy and I don't have time to dwell on why a woman won't give me a second look.

 

A truly good woman worth her salt IMO would take the time to get to know a "shy guy" and find out who he really is as a person and not just judge the book by its cover. I admit that in the beginning, I'm not all that loose around a woman I don't know very well. I find myself even at 28 years old a little awkward and yes, nervous... But thats because I'm just not 100 percent comfortable around a strange woman I don't know. However, once I get to know her a bit and find out what she's about, then I open up. It doesn't make me a "shy guy" with insecurities. It makes me a challenge. And a woman should want that, or she has poor taste. Simple as that.

[LightbulbSun]

I don't get why girls don't like shy guys. They say they like 'mysterious' men...well, what's more mysterious than a shy guy? I agree with the above poster, it's like a box of chocolates you have to unwrap. As Forrest Gump would say, you never know what you're gonna get.

 

Most of the time, the outgoing guys tend to be jerks anyways, so I don't see why a girl would pick an outgoing jerk over a quiet, shy kind guy. I dunno...girls are strange.

[danny30]

Shy people are not selfish. They just don't have the same social skills as outgoing people . I have bad experiences with close ones lying to me and friends betraying me. That's why I have tougher time opening up. Please don't categorize all shy people to be untrusting. It depends on the person and their background. It's like saying rich people are better people than poor people just because they have more money.

[Bartok]

They say they like 'mysterious' men...well, what's more mysterious than a shy guy?

Mysterious often means introverted, not shy. I've started seeing an outgoing girl recently that loves my more-quiet-than-average nature. However, unlike the shy man, I was willing to take initiative to get things started.

 

And I am more attracted to outgoing women - but I think it's because it would be the yin to my yang. I'd like to think that if I was an extrovert rather than an introvert, I'd be attracted to the opposite, but I can't confirm that, of course.

[killerkitten]

Im a quiet shy kinda girl and i would say that i would like a guy who was fairly confident and talkative but not in an over the top way like not a loud mouth type...if that makes sense

[LightbulbSun]

Now that I think about it, it's probably better not to embrace your shyness and to work on overcoming it. I think everyone's shy, or a little unsure of themselves. Even the extremely outgoing guys.

 

I've been viewing my life right now as a chance to improve my social skills, and to break out of my shell. I basically went from hiding in my room for three years, to going back to college this summer, and I'm now ending my second term and have made a few friends (after, again, not seeing anybody except family members and certainly no friends my own age for 3 years.) I'm nowhere near being a party beast, like some of the people in my college who are 8 years younger, but at this point in my life, that really doesn't bother me. I've gotten past the age where I want to go out clubbing and get drunk. If I make friends who like doing that kind of stuff, we can do other things that I'm interested in (or I can make friends who like doing the stuff I like doing.)

 

As far as the original question is concerned, I think all women like outgoing guys, but some might like quieter guys (who are good listeners.) I think they all demand that you have some sense of confidence, though.

[bruinsy81]

You shouldn't embrace your shyness but depending on the severity one has to be realistic.Most shy men will never be able to turn into the type who can meet women in a club setting so should look for other avenues.

[dolcedolore]

I have been attracted to all sorts of people, but for me, there is something very special and enduring about shy guys. I would consider myself a feminist, and I don't buy into that complete that every woman needs to be "saved" and pursued by some man. I personally will never be interested in a man who finds himself more "masculine" and more in power by looking down on me and feeling more superior. Cringe. Okay, that was just in response to a lot of the posts I happened to see on here. Back to the subject...

 

I'm not extremely outgoing, but I am definitely not shy and I'm good at making conversation, especially in one to one situations. Again, there's something interesting about most of the shy guys that I see. Honestly, shy guys don't get that much attention, and so when a girl does show them some, they seem to really appreciate it. I'm generalizing here of course. I would say that it takes more patience with shy guys, but it's definitely worth it. I seem to feel more comfortable around shy guys. Shy and weak are not synonyms. Shy people tend to be more loyal and in my opinion, that takes more courage than someone who constantly has the ability to approach many women.

[LightbulbSun]

You shouldn't embrace your shyness but depending on the severity one has to be realistic.Most shy men will never be able to turn into the type who can meet women in a club setting so should look for other avenues.

 

Dude, meeting women in clubs never forms into a good relationship. I'm just talking about people who have approach anxiety regardless of where they're approaching women.

 

And the best avenue (I've been told) is to meet women through similar interests. If you're interested in books, join a book club. If you're interested in music, meet women while doing that.

 

But you'll never meet those women if you go to those interests and hide in the corner, away from everyone. That's what I meant by working on your shyness.

[rami]

Never mind friend.And never ask what other want ,but ask what you want .just be who you are and sure one day you will find that girl whish will accepts and loves you

[Gladiatus]

Never mind friend.And never ask what other want ,but ask what you want .just be who you are and sure one day you will find that girl whish will accepts and loves you

 

Which is why so many people are single.

 

Being yourself is the most dangerous advice you can give anyone! It means that shy people stay shy and never changes which eventually will result in an unhappy life.

 

I don't understand why so many give that advice...no offence to you personally of course.

[justagirl09]

I think it depends on the girls personality. I am a tad shy...not as shy as i used to be but its still there. I definitely like outgoing guys but not cocky guys with an attitude.

[redsoles]

Depends. If shy at first its okay.. but if he's shy even if we get to know one another.

then that is THE biggest turn off.

I like to talk and make conversations with people..

if this person likes me and can't even talk to me, its bye.

 

Outgoing guys are great as well.

[SeiveD]

Which is why so many people are single.

 

Being yourself is the most dangerous advice you can give anyone! It means that shy people stay shy and never changes which eventually will result in an unhappy life.

 

I don't understand why so many give that advice...no offence to you personally of course.

 

Eh, I don't think so. Being yourself is important, if you try to stretch yourself beyond your means or into being someone you really don't want to be, it can become stressful, or at least make you unhappy. This isn't to say people aren't dynamic, though.

 

Fear is generally something that can be overcome and diminished, but not everything is. For instance, let's assume I'm dating someone that wants to go to a football game with me once a week. This probably isn't the greatest idea, I don't care about football. I probably never will. So every week, I will spend an hour or two bored out of my mind, wasting my time. Unless I can find some way to make it enjoyable, which will undoubtedly involve completely ignoring the game and doing something else.

 

However, being able to overcome shyness and find a few friends, maybe get a girlfriend. The results would easily be enjoyable and beneficial. Even if I was no longer shy though, I probably wouldn't spend my time meeting new people after I'd developed a few meaningful friendships. The activity in and of itself still doesn't entice me at all.

 

Heck, I'd go to a football game once a day if it'd get me a 69 Plymouth Road Runner. But only for a time, if I had to keep going for the rest of my life, I'd probably just find another way to get it altogether.

 

I'd not be too thrilled with a friend who felt the need to drag me out of my house every night to go to some party or the bar or something, either. Not because of being shy, just because it's boring and draining. (And besides, the bar doesn't sound like the place to meet the kind of people I want to know anyway).

 

Not everything is black and white, of course. But personally, I wouldn't spend my time every day doing something unpleasant, to little or no avail. Being myself, to me, suggests that I'm going to do my very best to keep myself happy with life, and not push myself to do things that don't help with maintaining or achieving that, and in the end only take away from the quality of life.

 

So being myself is very important. And you know what? I don't want to end up alone, I'm strongly motivated to not let that happen. And it's completely 100% me if I decide that one feeling, a motivation within me is more important than another. Short term discomfort followed by long term quality versus long term discomfort. Which do I pick? It's not easy to overcome this obstacle(which is why there's a forum about it here, I guess), but I don't plan on giving up.

 

That's my 50 cents. Curse you, inflation!

[redsoles]

Outgoing, but you can't help who you love.