glorybe05

Anyone else got any suggestions...I'm really not sure how to proceed from here.. thanks people..

I saw him again last night @ choir (our lives make it quite difficult to avoid each other - we both do choir on a tuesday, band on wednesday and club on friday - and obviously church on sunday)... It was nice in some ways as he acknowledged i was around but there was random flirting goin on (he sits behind me on the back row with the other guys -who are older - like 50's...they were all havin a bit of a laugh and one of them was mockin me so i jst made a comment of 'dont make me come back there..he replied with 'G* make room she's coming back..G* then shifted in his seat n went 'there's room').. I dont wanna be readin into stuff all the time, and i sound like i dont have a clue wat i want...as wen we broke up n he said he was gonna back off n give me space i didnt want him to...but now that everythin has become 'normal' i really dont know how to deal with it.. I still like him a heck of a lot and am not ready to do the flirting thing. I can't avoid him as it would mean pulling out of things that make my life what it is, but i cant cope with it just goin on like nothings happened either. i dont wanna appear neurotic to him as i am holdin out hopes that we might get back together.. but i dont want him to think that im just over it like that either... I wish men would just make a decision n stick to it!!! Argh..my only blessin is that we dont have band tonight! Maybe i shud jst become a hermit...

Hi people... I'm new to this board today and i wish i'd found it earlier! The advice is really decent - really wise - not just wishy washy 'because u want to hear it' stuff - so I thot I would post my situation for some advice.... I've been seeing this bloke since last October.. We know each other through church and only started meetin individually in Oct. A very important factor here is he's incredibly shy - my friends all commented @ the start that the fact he was meetin up with me on my own was huge as he hardly meets up with anyone outside church.. (theres a lot of stuff gone on in the past thats really affected him but i dont have time to go into it all....) Between Oct and January this year, we would meet up pretty frequently and he was mainly the one initiatin contact... In January a group of us from church went to Centre Parcs for a week... at the start of the week on our first evenin, there was a bit of pressure put on him from random friends - non subtle hinting.. He said to one friend that he was feelin the pressure.. So i made sure everyone backed off... I didnt see him that next day until the evenin when we went round to the guys chalet to cook dinner... To cut this bit short, he started playin footsie with me under the table - (up to this time neither of us had admitted we liked each other in the physical contact sense - just plenty of flirting and obviously spending time together..) Then the day or so after we were all at the swimmin pool n we ended up gettin cosy in the hot tub..then later that evenin while out for a meal with everyone he does the footsie thing .... I invited the guys back to ours for coffee and we sit holding hands for two hours watching telly... We went home the next day and this is where everythin gradually changed..... We didnt really talk to one another - he would come back for coffee to my place but was beginnin to get distant wiv me. Then around valentines day...id sent him a card - anonymously - knew he would know it was me neway but hey... We went out a few nights after the big V... N he thanked me for the card.... We had a lovely evenin with a lot of flirting and loaded comments but no contact... Then we just gradually went into a place where we got more distant... He didnt wanna meet up as much bt was still flirting with me (we both lead at a youth club - im 25 he's 26) at club n on way home... Partly due to centre parcs and ongoing flirting as well as past issues ( they involve a mutual acquaintance who i feel G has a paranoia bout our r'ship as he'd liked this girl years ago and the other friend had said to him ' oh dont bother with her - she's a psycho' and then proceeded to go out with her... Me n other male in question before me n G started meeting had been friends for 4 years and i previously held a torch for him....I've only known G for 2 yrs) So yeah - cos of past issues etc i wrote him a letter at end of July setting out straight all my feelings etc for him n explainin situ between me n other male - that theres nothing between us.... We ended up meetin up a month ago - he came round mine and that night we started a relationship...we spent 4 hrs holding hands and cuddling and then we kissed for the first time too - this all again was initiated by him..... We were talking bout meetin up and doin something the next weekend (i was away for a week leading at a childrens camp)..... Anyway.. i received a text from him the next nite sayin we needed to talk wen i got home from camp..so i arranged to meet him the next nite before i went away to find out wat was goin on...... He told me that he'd thot about it all and that he just couldnt do it... Said that he really likes me and does want a relationship but just doesnt think he has the time (he's also a very private person and my friend says he's never had a G/f before...) and he felt to carry on he would just muck me about... He said he would pull back and give me space to deal with stuff and apologised for hurting me...then left.. I obviously was gutted as i was beginnin to fall in love with him.. But i thot fair enough - if he's not into it then im not gonna make him!! So we didnt communicate for 3 weeks..even though we saw each other at church every sunday - i just avoided him.. THEN on saturday - we were both @ a mutual friends wedding and we said hi to each other... At the evenin reception wen he arrived (id been there for the meal etc before) he was smilin at me n chattin/jokin like nothing had happened.... Later i was goin round our table offerin people drinks n wen i got to him he said he'd come with me.. so i said ok - didnt wanna appear rude - and kinda wanted to make things 'normal' again... We had banter at the bar etc with him diggin at me for being a typical stubborn female insistin buying the drinks.. We also danced 4 dances together n he seemed quite happy to be there... N also made a point of sayin bye to me later wen we left... Also at church the next morning he said hi n smiled wen he saw me, n i caught him lookin @ me a few times in the service.... Im just not sure wats happened - its caught me off guard as i was doin well at not being in contact and now it hurts a bit again.... He's not an arrogant person - he's really sweet/shy etc - a lot of insecurities and usually takes him ages to work out wat he wants - its hard to explain but i know he's not playin games - just dont think he knows wat he wants. I'm just more confused as we've made contact again but i dont know if i was ready for that and i stilll obviously want the relationship back!!!! I'm very confused and wanted to know wat people thought?! any insight from shy males to his behaviour or how i should now respond would be greatly appreciated... Really sorry for the huge post - tried to explain it without being too detailed!! Look forward to hearing from people! XX