Men and their obsession with women's appearance...

[Batya33]

Call me superficial but I bet if she asked all the guys she slept with if they wanted a relationship a lot of them would say no to her because of her weight. But maybe she did have a sex phase at that point and just wanted to enjoy whatever she could.

 

This reminds me of another female who's on the obese side. She had a steady BF and after they broke up she slept with tons of guys. Many one-nighters. We had coffee one time and she complained to me all the guys just wanted to have sex and leave. She mentioned to me about having issues with men. I'm being on the simplistic side and guessing if she didn't weigh so much some of those one-nighters would have sticked around longer or even tried for a relationship.

 

And if you had said that perhaps she would have wondered or expressed that maybe you would find more women interested in you if you were bigger in the private regions, yes?

And no I am not overweight, never have been, just surprised that someone would think as you do. Yes, typically it is easier - especially in major cities - for thinner women to meet men than an obese woman - but I have no idea if it is easier for a thinner woman to find a match than an obsee woman because it only takes one.

[Lily04]

To be honest, I think this is a big reason why I am so hung up with my own looks and those of others... but in order to love myself and have confidence, I need to displace these superficialities becuase it's only making me bitter and depressed. Granted, I am a relatively goodlooking girl, i'm 5'10" could probably model if i wanted... but because I am so perfectionistic and I know many males are this way, I am never satisfied with myself and can get really down, depressed, jealous and even suicidal..... it's NOT a healthy mindset. So forget about men and looks, and just live your life the way you want... its not wroth it.

[SadAsianMale]

And if you had said that perhaps she would have wondered or expressed that maybe you would find more women interested in you if you were bigger in the private regions, yes?

And no I am not overweight, never have been, just surprised that someone would think as you do. Yes, typically it is easier - especially in major cities - for thinner women to meet men than an obese woman - but I have no idea if it is easier for a thinner woman to find a match than an obsee woman because it only takes one.

 

Obese women have less dating opportunities than a fit female. Attitude is great but the majority of men will ask a fit female probably 95% of the time than an obese woman.

 

I'm not slighting anyone on weight. I've been on the overweight side myself and I know how the opposite sex looks at you. My best dating period was when I was in the best shape of my life because I had more opportunities. Girls found me better looking on the outside and it gave me great confidence.

 

And just to let you know if I did have a better job or I was better looking I would have more women interested. I don't mind admitting that.

[Lily04]

Being fit isn't everything though. I think haircut makes the most difference of all, personally... lol. then again, i may be slightly biased as i had a *horrible* one for a while and still have difficulties with hair...

[Batya33]

and my point was that they might have fewer dating opportunities in certain major cities but it only takes one if the goal is a serious relationship leading to marriage.

 

I think the biggest turn off is a person who is overly focused on his or her looks. Like the first meet I had once with a former child actor who met me for coffee from a dating site, told me what his percentage body fat was (very low, definitely lower than mine although I am thin) and when I offered him a piece of my biscotti, broke off the tiniest bit and proceeded to talk all about his diet and fitness routine.

[SadAsianMale]

I think the bar scene has lost some of the business to the internet. A lot of hot guys will go trolling for sex with girls not on the attractive side on the dating sites because it's easy for them to get sex.

 

Unfortunately now that I said that someone will come cursing me for being so shallow and superficial. Oh well.

[Batya33]

I think people have different standards if they're looking for sex/a fling as opposed to something serious.

[Lily04]

Honestly... I think Batya is right here. The thing is that in my city where I live, practically EVERYONE is fit. Hardly anyone is fat. A few people are on the 'heavy' side or greater than their ideal BMI weight but most people are thin. Also there's a higher-than-average (apparently) % of hot girls here...yet women still have difficulty finding boyfriends. Why? because there's obviously more that goes into it than just looks alone... and because most men are not goodlooking here. It's disadvantaged for girls...

 

But for girls, being fit is just assumed. Everyone is fit in major cities. Almost everyone has a gym membership if you can afford the lifestyle here. but there's so many other requirements to looking good: nice hair, dark features, nice skin, no blemises, nice eyes that are almond-shaped... etc. etc. it's like being 'thin' isn't good enough anymore... I want to get a boob job for that reason LOL........ its sad but true...

[SadAsianMale]

and my point was that they might have fewer dating opportunities in certain major cities but it only takes one if the goal is a serious relationship leading to marriage.

 

I think the biggest turn off is a person who is overly focused on his or her looks. Like the first meet I had once with a former child actor who met me for coffee from a dating site, told me what his percentage body fat was (very low, definitely lower than mine although I am thin) and when I offered him a piece of my biscotti, broke off the tiniest bit and proceeded to talk all about his diet and fitness routine.

 

I agree, it only takes one. But if one has more choices/opportunities it's easier to find someone in the dating pool.

 

Fat people have it tougher. You can say it's all in the mind/attitude but I don't believe it.

[Batya33]

But you're presuming that "looking good" - the long list you provided - is linked to success with men as far as finding a serious relationship. I don't think the link is as strong as you believe but it sounds like you might sometimes use it as an excuse not to get out there (as in "since I am not a 10, why bother?"

[Lily04]

But you're presuming that "looking good" - the long list you provided - is linked to success with men as far as finding a serious relationship. I don't think the link is as strong as you believe but it sounds like you might sometimes use it as an excuse not to get out there (as in "since I am not a 10, why bother?"

 

is this addressed to me? I do not use it as an excuse not to go out... that is usually provided by school lol. But I tend to dismiss it as the reason for why I can't find men sometimes..."I'm not hot enough" etc.... if we assume that that is all men care about, then it seems accurate. whether that assumption is correct or not, i'm not sure.........

[SadAsianMale]

I think most guys get really turned off by boob jobs. And the guys that do support you for the boob job aren't boyfriend material. So please don't get one.

[Batya33]

I agree, it only takes one. But if one has more choices/opportunities it's easier to find someone in the dating pool.

 

Fat people have it tougher. You can say it's all in the mind/attitude but I don't believe it.

 

Yes and I agreed with that.

[rocio]

But for girls, being fit is just assumed. Everyone is fit in major cities. Almost everyone has a gym membership if you can afford the lifestyle here.

 

Statistics Canada did a study on this and found that people in urban areas were, on average, much more thin than those in rural areas. I don't remember the figures, but it was something like 3 times as many obese. The explanation they offered was that people in rural areas don't walk in their everyday life. That makes sense to me. Growing up in a small town, the only walking we did was from our front door to our car. Walking anywhere would take hours. Living in downtown Montreal, I walked everywhere. I probably walked a couple of hours each day, just getting from work to school to home to the coffee shop to the store..

[MetallicAguy]

Quite a few of my other guy friends are quite shallow. I mean the minute i say "im hanging out with a female friend of mine", the first question is " is she hot?".

I don't really know if they truly are shallow, but that is a common guy question in response to a statement like that. I think the majority of the male population is guilty of that at one point or another haha.

 

The reason why a lot of us ask that is because guys tend to think on more sexual terms; its our nature.

 

Of late, Ive been feeling really disappointed in the male gender. Somehow, it feels like all they want is a Hot girl or a girl that looks awesome. One of my friends was complaining about how her bf keeps telling her that she needs to do her nails, and wax etc and how shes not too careful about it.

Well in a sense, we do, -- its been proven by science. But these days there are many guys who don't "need" a physically attractive girl, but would much rather date a girl who has an attractive personality. If you can't find a guy like that then maybe you are meeting the wrong guys and may need to lower your standards.

 

Also noticed that an old crush of mine has added all the hottest girls in the office on his facebook list, and the worst part is these girls dont give a damn about him. (or me). The're the self centered indifferent "im so hot; i can get any guy" types.

That's pretty lame. Well hey...we want what we can't have, right? lol.

 

so do I have to always look fantastic to get someone's attention? What if i dont have the inclination to?

You don't have to be stunning. You've probably heard something along the lines of this before, but dont change for somebody else; be true to yourself. If most guys aren't seeing you in the way you'd like to be seen, don't get upset because there is a guy, or guys out there who will see you that way. You gotta have some faith.

[CaptainPlanet]

I think some of us need to accept that it is not the other genders fault we were born unattractive.

[Lily04]

Statistics Canada did a study on this and found that people in urban areas were, on average, much more thin than those in rural areas. I don't remember the figures, but it was something like 3 times as many obese. The explanation they offered was that people in rural areas don't walk in their everyday life. That makes sense to me. Growing up in a small town, the only walking we did was from our front door to our car. Walking anywhere would take hours. Living in downtown Montreal, I walked everywhere. I probably walked a couple of hours each day, just getting from work to school to home to the coffee shop to the store..

 

possibly... I find walking doesn't make you that fit, myself though, unless it's at a very face pace over a prolonged period of time (i.e. speed walking). the rate most people walk at (very, very slow as a turtle) won't do anything for you though. I find people in cities do walk a bit faster than average, though.

[Lily04]

I think some of us need to accept that it is not the other genders fault we were born unattractive.

 

hmm i dont think that's true. I bet many people on here (or in society in general) are attractive people but always feel like they're not because they're constantly bombarded by images of perfection and shallow expectations... there was one time when I hated seeing pictures of myself because I always felt like I wasn't 'hot' enough, thin enough, etc. and put up a pic of a contestant on America's Next Top Model as my Faceebook display pic. She actually looked quite a bit like me, and I got comments on it (from people I guess, who obviously don't watch the show) asking if it was me and how I was able to do that (it was a scenic/movement type of pic.) Anyway...........I did it not just because of that but because I like the artistic photo but after a while you get sick of it.... and just have to appreciate yourself for other attributes. In a few years you'll become old and get wrinkles, etc .and what are you going to do then? You can't always get plastic surgery......I wouldn't mind a boob job because I think breast size is very importannt to men and sexual satisfaction and I am a mere size A and I've read multiple posts about how men cann't seem to be attracted to their gf in bed, regardless of how attractive her body and face is, because she is too small and so they don't get turned on... plus I feel sort of self-conscious about it.

 

I think there comes a point where you can work towards improving yourself -- become thinner, get a nice haircut, makeup, etc. but realize that there's some things you can never change and just accept yourself. Yes, guys like pretty girls but theres some things about your appearance you simpyl cant change so why fret about it? and if it DOES bother you, then just remove every picture of you until you CAN learn to love yourself...andhopefully learn to love the reflection of you as well.

[CaptainPlanet]

I am not a very good looking man. Lots of women I have a lot in common with won't ever go out with me because of the way I look.

 

Is that their fault ?

 

This has nothing to do with society or men and women being good or bad. This is about people who aren't very attractive trying to blame someone.

 

I do blame some women for being emotionally spoiled, over sexed and thereforeeee realtionship stupid, these women favour excitement almost always falling for 'players' who know how to invoke those feelings but offer little else.

 

I do not blame the good looking girls for not wanting to go out with me.

[SadAsianMale]

I do not blame the good looking girls for not wanting to go out with me.

 

I notice you are only 24. Get a good career and all the hot looking ladies will give you a second chance.

[SadAsianMale]

I am not sure if that was designed to be a jab at me. If it was, lol, well done.

 

You win.

 

This was in no way to make fun of you. From the brief posts I read of you you are ugly and no hot looking chick will go out with you.

 

I'm just suggesting to get a good career to improve your odds.

 

But are you only interested in hot chicks or will an average one do?

[CaptainPlanet]

This was in no way to make fun of you. From the brief posts I read of you you are ugly and no hot looking chick will go out with you.

 

I'm just suggesting to get a good career to improve your odds.

 

But are you only interested in hot chicks or will an average one do?

 

Yeah sorry I was being very neurotic. I am trying to get a good career.

[SadAsianMale]

Yeah sorry I was being very neurotic. I am trying to get a good career.

 

One day you can laugh at how you failed with the women. You can also pass this advice to other men who have trouble with dates. Good luck.

[doyathink]

I think you have to be one shallow individual to only consider looks...and looks alone. Honestly, most of the really good looking guys I've gone out with, don't have much of anything else to offer. You can't make it through life on just a great face.

 

Both sexes can be shallow, I know I have been at different points in my life.

[Lily04]

I am not a very good looking man. Lots of women I have a lot in common with won't ever go out with me because of the way I look.

 

Is that their fault ?

 

This has nothing to do with society or men and women being good or bad. This is about people who aren't very attractive trying to blame someone.

 

I do blame some women for being emotionally spoiled, over sexed and thereforeeee realtionship stupid, these women favour excitement almost always falling for 'players' who know how to invoke those feelings but offer little else.

 

I do not blame the good looking girls for not wanting to go out with me.

 

I don't think the OP (or myself) was "blaming" anyone, I think we were just questioning mens' way of thinking. I myself do not "blame" men for focusing more on a girl's physical appearance than other factors (and even this claim seems to be disputed...) I'm just saying that that's the reality, and it does put more pressure on me. I am relatively goodlooking... you'd sort of have to be, i guess, to be mistaken for an America's Next Top Model contestant lol... but at the same time, I *still* feel insecure abouut my appearance. Part of it is society, NOT me being unattractive and blaming men. I think society IS to blame for some disorders, however, like anorexia nervosa and bulimia, where perfectly beautiful and healthy girls may feel the need to lose even more weight even when they're fine... are they doing this because they're unattractive and ugly? No... look at people like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen who had it... or many other celebrities (Nicole Ritchie, etc.) Many attractive people simply feel unattractive for various reasons... the point of this thread though is just questioning whether males prefer physical beauty over other forms. I think they do, and whether that's unfortunate or not is a whole other issue. The OP seems to think it is... I think she has some valid points for that, and not necessarily because she's ugly and ranting about it (as you may suggest)