What would you do if a married woman asked you out for dinner?

[scotty77]

We went for dinner yesterday and had a fantastic meal. My friend looked stunning.

 

After a couple of drinks, she became really flirtatious.

 

To make a long story short, we had quite a bit to drink and ended up at my place. We didn't go all the way but almost.

 

She left in a cab at 11 pm.

Have you found out the status of her marriage?

[rs.dallaire]

Have you found out the status of her marriage?

 

She hardly ever mentions him. I think we were both on the same page without actually talking about it. She felt that I respected her and was not judging what she was doing.

 

Honestly, I really don't expect much out of this. Since she's not available, it almost feels like I had a date with an escort. I have no expectations beyond the time that we had together.

[LifesontheUp]

She hardly ever mentions him. I think we were both on the same page without actually talking about it. She felt that I respected her and was not judging what she was doing.

 

Honestly, I really don't expect much out of this. Since she's not available, it almost feels like I had a date with an escort. I have no expectations beyond the time that we had together.

 

So what are you going to do when she asks you again? Or is that a stupid question.

[LifesontheUp]

I agree with you Melody. I've seen way to much going on of the extramarital kind where I work. You seem to be sensible and have set good boundaries in your relationship.

[rs.dallaire]

So what are you going to do when she asks you again? Or is that a stupid question.

 

It obviously wasn't her first extramarital experience as she handled herself like a pro. I had a good time and would see her again.

 

She is objectively the prettiest woman I ever had in my bed (or should I say my couch).

[LifesontheUp]

It obviously wasn't her first extramarital experience as she handled herself like a pro. I had a good time and would see her again.

 

She is objectively the prettiest woman I ever had in my bed (or should I say my couch).

 

Well, I'll just mention the old saying "if you play with fire you'll get burnt".

 

Perhaps you should go back and re read what the poster LE DHUY NHUT said.

[Hope75]

Wow,

 

I'm surprised you went through with it. I got the feeling that you decided it was more trouble than it was worth.

 

If you aren't her first, and aren't her husband, do you get the feeling that you are 'nothing new or special', and how does that feel?

 

Are you comfortable being intimate and not getting attached? Are you capable of that?

 

What happens if her hubby finds out? How will that affect your work situation, since you have to work with this woman?

 

Yikes!

[Sketch]

I am curious...

What is the motivation to interact with a married woman?

 

 

Pure physical attraction?

 

Is it loneliness?

 

Is it boredom?

 

Does it feel good, so why not do something that feels good?

 

Is it fear of intimacy, thus the pursuit of an opportunity for sex with someone where there is little chance of a relationship developing?

 

Is it because of the taboo factor and it is more exciting than dating someone single?

 

Maybe a combination of the above, or is it something different altogether?

[Melody77]

I agree with you Melody. I've seen way to much going on of the extramarital kind where I work. You seem to be sensible and have set good boundaries in your relationship.

I appreciate it!

 

Well, I see I was right. She was not about 'friendship'. I'm not judging anybody. I REALLY think that, in some cases, it is probably easier for a person to have an affair than to face a divorce and leave their husband/wife.

 

It's great that you're having a good time but no matter how strong you think you are, NOBODY can controle their feelings. You might not fall in love with her but since you work together you're going to see her every single day. Unlike an escort, like you compared it to, she will be part of your daily life. Unless it really was a one night stand, she's becoming your 'girlfriend' and in that case, I don't know how you can avoid falling in love with her... And what if she decides to do the same with someone else in the company??

 

Again, my point is that there is a really good chance that you end up being hurt. If you just want a 'good time' with someone, there are plenty of girls that are okay with that, and you don't have to see them again... I suggest you go on myspace. lol

 

Just be careful.

[rs.dallaire]

I'd been debating for a while whether I should go or not. Ultimately, I could either eat dinner by myself at home and jerk off or I could meet my new friend and see how it goes.

 

I think having fun and getting hurt often go hand in hand. I realize this is playing with fire. In fact, any relationship can potentially hurt you. It happened to me a number of times, often in seemingly "healthy" situations.

 

Do I feel special with this lady? Considering how 99% of males would be excited to just speak with a beautiful woman like this, I am flattered that she thought I was attractive and interesting.

 

Do I want anything more? No, not at all. Do I wish she leaves her husband? Definitely not! She is not a "transitional cheater", she is a "pathological cheater" and a thrillseeker. She is beautiful and she is great company, but that's as far as I'll take it.

 

As for us working for the same company, we are both executives in two distinct divisions and had it not been for a company event, I would never have met her.

 

I may be disappointed the day she decides to stop this but the pain would be nothing next to what I felt after my previous relationship went down the crapper. I'd been with someone for a few months and she mentioned all along how I was the most awesome guy on earth and how she never connected with anyone like that. I was litterally showered with compliments almost daily. I was the only man she had admired other than her grand father. And on and on and on. That was music to my ears and I ended up falling for her. One minor fight and we were through. Now THAT was frustrating and it took me forever to recover from the shock. I just couldn't believe how someone could change their mind so quickly after spending so much energy to convince me that I was Mr. Right.

 

Being dumped by a married woman? Hey, I expect it so bring it on... I'd be disappointed but I wouldn't be wondering for weeks why in hell things didn't work out.

[Batya33]

I would avoid the "all relationships require risks" analysis/justification. Of course they do. You have to evaluate the risk case by case.

[rs.dallaire]

I would avoid the "all relationships require risks" analysis/justification. Of course they do. You have to evaluate the risk case by case.

 

I agree. I just meant that I know that I'm not going to get anything good out of this, just like I don't expect a hooker to have sex for free.

[LifesontheUp]

So what happens when you get emotionally attached to her and start thinking of her leaving her husband for you?

[rs.dallaire]

So what happens when you get emotionally attached to her and start thinking of her leaving her husband for you?

 

I would not want her to leave her husband just as I would not want to have sex with a hooker outside the professional relationship.

 

If she fell for me and considered leaving her husband, I would tell her that she needs to spend time by herself to figure things out. If she does not make every possible effort to save her marriage, guilt will eat her out for years.

 

I might consider dating her again a few months after her breakup.

 

I think a lot of the people on this board are a lot more "serious" than I am and I truly respect your views. Just like you I'm looking for true love and a lasting relationship. That's not always what life has to offer though. I don't lose track that I want to be in love and I never forget that love won't be found with a married woman. I am single and until I find the right woman, my goal will remain to become intimate with as many beautiful women as possible.

 

I know it sounds cynical but I'm actually a very sentimental person. In the right situation, I will open up again.

[Rum]

This is a fascinating thread. We are watching (reading) the very early stages of an affair live before our eyes.

We have the player who willingly will move forward with a married woman, we have the married woman looking for something in her life that she doesn't have, and we have the husband at home unaware of what is going on.

 

I've been cheated on, so it's too easy for me to attack rs, but i won't. For one thing infidelity seems to be looked upon differently in other countries.

Also, it seems SHE is looking for it, so is a player herself. Too many times it starts out as accidents (friendship) then moves on out of control.

 

Right here it seems both are being 'players' and just want some fun, no attachements. This says she's been around before, and maybe even her husband is 'playing' elsewhere.

 

So since everyone is playing and having fun, we'll continue to stand by and follow this fascinating story, LIVE.

 

thanks rs. this is better than any reality TV out there.

[Batya33]

If she has kids please at least think about the role you will play in the devastation for the kids when they find out.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

just because you don't see him and know him, her husband is a very real person...

 

people who engage in affairs are infantile in their self centeredness and willingness to ignore everything else but their own need for stimuation, and like an infant in not recognizing and ignoring the consequences of behavior on other people besides themselves.

 

so you are showing that you are very willing to trade a little fun for you for the potential to totally destroy other people's life (the husband and children).

 

just recognize that when people rationalize to themselves that an affair won't matter or hurt anything, it's not your higher man talking here, but the spoiled toddler deep inside who just wants to play with the pretty toy and doesn't care who he has to bash over the head to get that toy...

[Batya33]

Not only is the husband real but you will in effect be absorbing his bodily fluids/stds/infections/viruses each and every time you have sex with his wife.

[rs.dallaire]

Over 50% of marriages end up in divorce.

 

Conservative stats indicate that almost half of married people cheat.

 

I don't feel attacked by your sarcastic comments and invite you to do your own math. People just aren't happy anymore. The traditional culture asks for a lifetime commitment while the popular culture offers temptations every street corner. That just doesn't work anymore.

 

She hunted me down and she's the married one. We are all adults and we are all responsible for our actions and emotions. If I see a perfectly happy married woman and play with her emotions, then yes I'm a selfish jerk.

 

But if the married person is the hunter and/or if the married person confides in me and says that she has feelings for me, then there are two people playing.

 

If I were married with children and things were a bit stale between me and my wife, I'd prefer that she sees someone on the side without telling me then for her to file for divorce and traumatize the kids.

 

Let's face it - those of us with a lot of professional and personal opportunities are unlikely to be happy in an exclusive relationship beyond a certain amount of time. All of the rules of self-decency are quite nice but in the real world, it is much different.

 

Don't take my word for it - just look around you. Try to understand without judging and you might find the answer.

[Batya33]

I'm not sure what there is to understand about you choosing to use a married woman to get off rather than someone who is single. As you mentioned, your other alternative was to stay home and jerk off. If you can look yourself in the mirror and justify participating in breaking up a family (are there children?) just to have an alternative to jerking off then sure, so be it.

 

You are similarly judging those who wouldn't participate in this situation and not understanding where they come from.

 

I agree that she is the worse of the two of you from a moral/human perspective because you are not breaking any vows.

 

You can throw around all the stats you want. Maybe you need to look more closely at the STD stats since you don't seem to be concerned with the potential and serious harm you could be causing to others just to satisfy lust. Children are far more likely to be traumatized by mommy getting some on the side than by two adults who decide to separate and don't have the baggage associated with adultery and sneaking around.

 

As far as who hunted who, oh, please. As you wrote, we're adults here and thereforeeee there is always a choice - who started is irrelevant. What's relevant is your choice to continue.

[rs.dallaire]

We are both using each other as far as I'm concerned. As for STDs, how about using condoms?

 

I'm not judging those who wouldn't do this and I'm not sure where you got that. In fact, I think your position is very respectable even though I feel differently about it.

 

People of my parents' generation were on a mission. People of my generation simply want to be happy and it is this quest for happiness that is causing all of these couples to break up.

 

You can bash me all day, the problems in their couple existed before I came into the picture. If you think she won't screw another guy just because I turn her down and tell her how I am a decent and respectful man, you are wrong.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Just because a married woman wants to cheat, doesn't mean you have to take her up on the offer. Unless a person as separated and filed for divorce, they should be off limits. A person who embarks on a relationship with someone they know full well is married and has not taken the steps to end their marriage is not behaving with integrity. You don't have to be part of the problem and get yourself entangled in the deception of her husband.

 

 

 

Then you must be one in a million because I don't know of too many people who would be happy with that arrangement. Given what you intend to do with this woman and this statement above, as well as your comments about falling for women who seemingly worshipped the ground you walked on and then being bitterly disappointed when they didn't worship you afterall, it sounds like you just need your ego stroked and your emotions are quite shallow. Fine, some people have shallow emotions, so find another single, unattached person with shallow emotions instead of messing around with somebody else's partner.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

We are both using each other as far as I'm concerned. As for STDs, how about using condoms?

 

I'm not judging those who wouldn't do this and I'm not sure where you got that. In fact, I think your position is very respectable even though I feel differently about it.

 

People of my parents' generation were on a mission. People of my generation simply want to be happy and it is this quest for happiness that is causing all of these couples to break up.

 

You can bash me all day, the problems in their couple existed before I came into the picture. If you think she won't screw another guy just because I turn her down and tell her how I am a decent and respectful man, you are wrong.[/QUOTE]

 

Of course she will, but that is her character defect. Just because she has no conscience, doesn't mean you have to aid and abet.

[rs.dallaire]

I think we've all been ahead of ourselves at some point or another in our lives. We are emotional beings and can sometimes act in an unpredictable manner. Now, the most emotional decision you can make is to get married to someone "until death do us apart". Not only is the decision driven by emotions, it is also driven by cultural pressures to get married and raise children. Even stronger and irrational than cultural pressures are religious beliefs, which can never be ignored even if one claims to be agnostic.

 

Marriage is a tricky concept as you morally should only get one shot at it. We all have our own idea of a marriage and as with anything that you do for the first time, you often do it wrong. Either you realize the concept isn't for you, either your partner doesn't seem so right after all.

 

I have a number of female friends who've married in their mid-twenties and had a couple of kids pretty quickly. What happens when they hit their thirties, are bored to death and wonder for how long they'll remain beautiful? These women, who were once passive about their happiness, can now take action.

 

She can decide to stay in the marriage and work on things. However, the perspective of being bored for the rest of her life is unbearable, especially for women who are financially independent and attractive to men. Whether they are right or not, they think about how wonderful it would be to feel those strong emotions again.

 

Women with next to no opportunities will remain in their marriage. It'll be boring but their relationship becomes stronger with time since the alternative isn't much brighter.

 

Women who have opportunities but still act with complete integrity are extremely rare. If you are married to one of them, congratulations. I can only pray that God puts one of them on my path. Of all of my female friends, who I love and respect, none of them belong to this category. They have all at one point or another, and at various levels, lacked integrity big time.

 

And then you have those who are truly unhappy because they see all of these opportunities and they just can't take it anymore. Whether you like it or not, most attractive women belong to this category. So they can get a divorce. But they promised they'd remain with their partner until death do them apart, right? So she should spend the rest of her life miserable? Now, that's already quite a predicament. Add in a couple of kids. Now what?

 

Some people can work on it, some people lack motivation and others were simply mismatched. If they divorce, they'll break their family for good. If they have a sideline, it might buy them some time, it might buy them some air for a bit. Would it be worse to break the promise of marriage (and definitely hurt the family now) or would it be worse to bend the rules (and possibly hurt the family later)? That's a predicament I personally wouldn't want to be in, and that's something that millions of people deal with.

 

Whether you like it or not, sex rules the world, period.

 

As for integrity, imagine Angelina Jolie offering you a blow job and imagine yourself telling her "No thank you, I would never want to hurt Brad".

 

My own parents, who have stayed together for my happiness, have been bored to death all of their lives. They had opportunities to stray but belong to the last generation of people who "couldn't divorce". I know this sounds terrible but I hope they cheated on each other, just because good sex is so enjoyable that everyone deserves it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Hmm, a rather provocative post. It sounds to me that the circles you run in have the same "belief system" as you so that is why you extrapolate and paint the rest of humanity with same brush. Sure, there are certainly plenty of people in this world who think like you and all the people who seem to be in your orbit...but I can assure you that there are plenty of other people who don't believe in sham marriages with a bit on the side and who would sooner be out of a marriage that is empty so that they could go find real opportunities elsewhere. Divorce is far better than "staying for the children" and cheating. Buying time never works well, the misery just continues and the affairs are just a bandaid solution which lead to emptiness, drama and ultimately devastation all the way around, especially to the children...the ones who the adulterer is supposedly trying to protect. You can twist and turn this any way you want to justify your actions to yourself...but I don't think many outsiders would agree...except perhaps all those charming friends you have.