What would you do if a married woman asked you out for dinner?

[Sketch]

Homes have become so expensive that in a lot of cases, it takes two to pay for the mortgage. Because of this reality I know of several women who stay in their marriage because they can't afford to divorce. Sounds like the 50s again!

 

You know of maybe 4 people among 514,000,000 that engage in a certain behavior and suddenly make vast generalizations.

In the cases where it takes two people to pay for a mortgage...you can not afford a home, do not buy one.

or-

Go find some random guy, setup a sham marriage that only you know is a sham, buy the house, feel trapped in the marriage that you never wanted, then lament to people on an internet message board about how you are trapped in a horrible situation that you never saw coming and have no way out of!

Woe is me...nobody knows the trouble I seen...

 

For the women who were in love, got married, bought the house, then fell out of love...okay get a divorce. Can't afford it!? Can't afford what, getting a job, selling the house, splitting the assets, and renting a 1 bedroom arppt. until you can afford something better?

 

They can afford it, they might not like it, but they can afford it. If anyone is going to have trouble affording it, it is the man. Alimony, child support, half of your assets, sometimes even the house...

 

Can't afford a divorce, that's a laugh and a half. In the few cases this argument might be applicable it is far from being a reasonable excuse for the average woman to avoid getting a divorce...or to be cheating.

[rs.dallaire]

I am not making the personal statement that financial independence makes it harder for a woman to remain faithful in a committed relationship. I am making the observation that that is the case.

 

A lot of your values are actually driven by your religion. In terms of universal values as to what is right or wrong, I think only one rule qualifies: do not hurt others. It is a lot easier said than done though. Humans are competitive by nature and no matter how hard you try you'll end up hurting someone.

 

In the world of social analysis, practicing your religion means attending a service (other than a celebration) at more or less regular intervals. The items that you described above are reflections of Christian values, not evidence that people practice their religion. As far as I know, all of these issues divided your country in halves.

 

The mere fact that gay marriage is considered an "issue" would've been unimaginable a few decades ago, where both Republicans and Democrats would've told you to get back in the closet (and fast).

 

The world is changing. Some people would want it to change slower and some people would want it to change faster. That's the way it should be.

 

Now, all of this is not making cheating right. My point was that cheating happens more because the world is changing and it is changing faster than you think.

[rs.dallaire]

there are cheapie divorces to be had, you can file the paperwork yourself, for just a few hundred dollars.

 

i am single and bought my own place. i'm not going to wait to be married for something i want to do. plus, real estate prices are tumbling, so now is the time to buy.

 

I didn't mean the cost of the divorce itself but the cost of living after the divorce. In most urban centres, owning a home and paying for daycare is more than the average salary can afford.

[rs.dallaire]

You know of maybe 4 people among 514,000,000 that engage in a certain behavior and suddenly make vast generalizations.

In the cases where it takes two people to pay for a mortgage...you can not afford a home, do not buy one.

or-

Go find some random guy, setup a sham marriage that only you know is a sham, buy the house, feel trapped in the marriage that you never wanted, then lament to people on an internet message board about how you are trapped in a horrible situation that you never saw coming and have no way out of!

Woe is me...nobody knows the trouble I seen...

 

I guess you have it all figured out then.

[annie24]

i think that cheating has ALWAYS been going on, this isn't a new phenomonon. I think it's actually less acceptable now than it was before. in many societies, it was not uncommon for people to have lovers on the side, as long as they didn't leave their wives. (ie, think of geishas in japan.) but now, with so many awful diseases out there, new ones have emerged (HIV appears to have entered the human population sometime in the 1950s), and there is now DNA testing to see if the baby really isn't yours, the stakes for cheating have gone up.

 

if i were cheated on by a husband, i would find the meanest divorce lawyer in town and clean him out. sorry if that sounds awful and mean, but i would likely do it.

[annie24]

I didn't mean the cost of the divorce itself but the cost of living after the divorce. In most urban centres, owning a home and paying for daycare is more than the average salary can afford.

 

yes, it is expensive to now have to have your own place, own expenses, etc..... if you want to lead the single life, you have to pay for it.

[Sketch]

My point was that cheating happens more because the world is changing and it is changing faster than you think.

Was gonna make a long response to individual points, but I think this statement speaks volumes alone.

 

This is where I disagree with you. You think cheating is actually occurring more.

I think you are only hearing more about cheating because information is more readily accessible and exchanged.

 

The world is changing, but I think the most significant change in the last 25 years is not a shift in society's core values or religious dogma, it is simply the access to information that exposes the differences of society's values and religious ideas on a grand scale.

 

50 years ago if June Cleaver cheated with the neighbor...no one knew, because there was no cell phone to check, email to spy on, or internet message board to seek advice and share your story...

 

Today you hear more about cheating and you hear it more often, but you also hear more about priests molesting altar boys, Congressmen who get caught in bathroom stalls soliciting gay sex, soldiers dying in the war... you hear more about everything in general.

 

This can lead to the perception that these activites must be happening more often since we are hearing about them more often, but that is not necessarily true.

 

A lot of your values are actually driven by your religion.

So if I am atheist or agnostic I am morally inferior to someone of faith?

A lot of people's values may be driven by their religion, but religion is not needed to attain or uphold those values.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

every new generation thinks they invented sex (and/or cheating)... marriage has always been around, and so has cheating, but cheating has never been the ideal to strive for.

 

cultures cycle, cultural morals change... periods of liberalism alternate with periods of conservatism... witness the roman empire where sexuality and hedonism were rampant... and victorian times when sexuality was repressed... and everywhere in between.

 

but the institution of marriage has survived them all, and fidelity has been something that people strive for, even if they do fall short... just study history and it will be obvious...

 

i think you are desparately trying to turn your desire to cheat with a married woman you find attractive into some kind of universal truism that cheating is acceptable and inevitable and the concept of fidelity is dead... i.e., if fidelity in marriage is not a viable state, thereforeeee you are innocent of blame and yippee yay, having your little affair is ok, and you and she are just forward thinking and embracing the inevitable.

 

please don't be blind to the fact that you are straining for logic here in order to justify your own actions. people get married (and stay married or get divorced) for a whole variety of reasons that may or may not have to do with cheating. it is not so simple, nor simplistic.

 

people do what they want. if you and your adulterous lady are doing what you want, then so be it. but just because you are currently enjoying adultery, it doesn't mean the entire institution of marriage or fidelity is impossible or outmoded.

[catwalk]

If I was you, I'd hit that.

 

If you were my boyfriend, I'd tell you to go get some from her, but not get caught (you don't need the husband ripping your arm off or something)

[mrmaximum]

if i were cheated on by a husband, i would find the meanest divorce lawyer in town and clean him out. sorry if that sounds awful and mean, but i would likely do it.

 

Call me vengeful, but I wouldn't blame you one iota. Cheating is foolish, A fool and his money, right?

[Rum]

I gotta agree with Post #209 by BeStrongBeHappy, among so many other posts by others in this thread.

 

I see 2 things, that rs is trying to convince us AND himself that what he's doing is fine, and the rest of the world has it upside down.

 

And that he is a troll. He's sucking us all in with his story and trying to tell us it's all great, when he can't see that he's been suckered by the "other" woman.

 

This thread was so fun to read earlier but now it's so much bull and contradictory statements that it doesn't float anymore. Too bad, i liked it at the start. Guess i got wiser.

 

Bye to all.

 

--Rum

[rs.dallaire]

Well, with Christmas fast approaching I think guilt has taken my friend over.

 

Our exchanges have been more cold. Good thing we don't have to work together!

 

If I should not go out with her again it wouldn't be the end of the world.

 

Thanks everyone for contributing to this thread.

[LBP]

I think you have an interesting answer.

 

Are you still going out with this lady you mentioned?

 

Well, I am quite late in responding... If you're referring to the cheater, no. If you're referring to the lady I know in my workplace, yes indeed. I see her often and consider her a friend. I also consider her husband a friend.

 

Bit late in the game to bring up but there you are...

[rs.dallaire]

To the risk of disappointing many of you, my friend and I are still seeing each other. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my situation and here are some of my observations.

 

The guy who married this woman is nuts. While I am not insensitive to her incredible beauty, I would never have been stupid enough to marry her. After a few dates, it is clear to me that his girl is very "fun" but also totally unreliable. She may be beautiful like an angel, she is extremely selfish and dare I say it, not a very good mother.

 

It's been a few weeks, and no I'm not in love with her and no I still don't want her to leave her husband. She thinks I'm a real gentleman who stimulates her brains, I think she's a beautiful woman who can entertain me every now and then.

 

I don't think the affair is justified but I think we are a good fit for now.

[LBP]

How... I don't even have words to describe it.

 

Cold? And you have to admit that you're being selfish as well assuming all that you've said is true.

 

I'm trying to come up with the literary comparison for your situation but it's sitting just beyond my grasp...

 

There is a great deal of dramatic irony here. Quite intriguing.