What would you do if a married woman asked you out for dinner?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I usually like short women but this one is tall and elegant. Everything looks right and she seemed TOTALLY innocent... until she asked me out for dinner. That's when my perception of her started to change as she wasn't as innocent as she seemed.

 

She has the kind of presense that would be perfect for a Unicef ad. She's as classy as Audrey Hepburn... until we get in the bedroom. Her body is so sensitive that it makes me feel like a god. She has licked EVERY body part of mine with the precision of a surgeon.

 

Now life would be perfect if I could land a single girlfriend on top of my married friend... I'm working on it!

 

Methinks you are simply trying to get a rise out of everyone...pardon the pun. Wonder how much of this is fact and how much is fiction...ever thought of writing one of those gothic romances (also known as bodice rippers)...you certainly have a way with words!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Women cheat because they can, it's as simple as that.

 

I don't know about other work environments, but in most offices there's quite a bit of sexual tension going around.

 

I'm not the most handsome guy around but women LOVE talking to me. It takes me aboutfive seconds to communicate my sexual energy to them. One glance and they know they've just met the devil in person.

 

Your screen name and your allusions to the "devil" are quite interesting....Roméo A. Dallaire is a very well-respected Lieutenant General in Canada who described his ill-fated UN mission in Rwanda in the book called "Shake Hands With the Devil".

[Sketch]

RS:

As far as I can remember this thread was never about the appropriateness of extramarital affairs.

The thread is titled: What would you do if a married woman asked you out for dinner?

I think this may lead to some confusion if your intent was not to get a discussion started regarding views on extramarital affairs. You opened the door to answers ranging from:

--I would go.

--I would go for sure! I've never even been to dinner with a woman much less a married one. Maybe I will have sex...oh joy!

 

--I wouldn't go.

--I wouldn't go because it is wrong on multiple levels.

 

--Let me hear more background on you and the woman as well as your situation before I give an opinion.

 

--You are an a-hole for even considering this! You make me sick!

 

 

The whole thread (like most on infidelity) seems to go in a circle.

The OP is engaged in behavior that they want "advice" on...

...and when there is dissention, two arguments seem to emerge.

 

Group1 is usually labeled: Hate filled-judgemental type

Group2 is usually labeled: Victim of circumstance

 

((Both group 1 & 2 repeat arguments until exhaustion.))

 

 

I think the OP has summarized his point of view well with this:

RS:

As for "violating" someone else's wife, let's not even go there. When we're together, my * * * * gets hard and her * * * * * gets wet, end of story.

[rs.dallaire]

Methinks you are simply trying to get a rise out of everyone...pardon the pun. Wonder how much of this is fact and how much is fiction...ever thought of writing one of those gothic romances (also known as bodice rippers)...you certainly have a way with words!

 

Yes, I am guilty of using sarcasm in my posts...

 

I've read a number of threads on this board where people have such an unrealistic and ultra conservative way of dealing with issues. I can understand how watching porn and getting a lap dance might offend a spouse but for everyone here to condemn the slightest devious behaviour and consider it a deal breaker is just beyond me. I know of plenty of loving fathers whose behaviour isn't perfect, just as I know plenty of lazy people with seemingly good morals.

 

That being said, some details were changed to make sure the story remains anonymous (and the timing was disguised as well), but this story is very true.

[Sketch]

RS:

people have such an unrealistic and ultra conservative way of dealing with issues.

Why is it unrealistic?

[rs.dallaire]

RS:

 

The thread is titled: What would you do if a married woman asked you out for dinner?

I think this may lead to some confusion if your intent was not to get a discussion started regarding views on extramarital affairs. You opened the door to answers ranging from:

--I would go.

--I would go for sure! I've never even been to dinner with a woman much less a married one. Maybe I will have sex...oh joy!

 

--I wouldn't go.

--I wouldn't go because it is wrong on multiple levels.

 

--Let me hear more background on you and the woman as well as your situation before I give an opinion.

 

--You are an a-hole for even considering this! You make me sick!

 

 

I think you forgot:

 

--What's wrong with this, you two can be friends, no?

--You should invite the hubby along, maybe he's a great guy.

--Did you know that Martin Brodeur had an affair with his sister in law, divorced the mother of his children and now lives with his children's aunt?

--I go for dinner with married women all the time. I'm gay.

[Sketch]

I listed several examples of possible answers. Should I have attempted to list every possbile answer in existence?

[rs.dallaire]

I forgot nothing. I listed several examples of possible answers. Should I have attempted to list every possbile answer in existence?

 

I was being facetious.

[rs.dallaire]

RS:

 

Why is it unrealistic?

 

Without religion, fidelity is going down the crapper.

[Batya33]

I haven't read the rest of this thread but it's interesting that it seems more acceptable to judge people who believe in keeping marital vows as "ultra conservative" rather than judge those who cheat on their spouses - when that is done it seems that that is presumptively "old fashioned" or "unrealistic."

[Sketch]

Rs:

Without religion, fidelity is going down the crapper.

 

Why you think religion should have any bearing on an individuals ability to be faithul/monogamous is confusing to me.

 

Are you saying it is impossible for a secular person to be honest and faithful to their partner?

[LifesontheUp]

You never replied to the above. Why? These things do happen in real life.

[rs.dallaire]

RS:

 

Why is it unrealistic?

 

The "unrealistic" comment is not a personal comment but rather an observation of how dysfunctional the system has become.

 

When over half of marriages fail, I think there's a problem...

[rs.dallaire]

I haven't read the rest of this thread but it's interesting that it seems more acceptable to judge people who believe in keeping marital vows as "ultra conservative" rather than judge those who cheat on their spouses - when that is done it seems that that is presumptively "old fashioned" or "unrealistic."

 

Sorry to have offended you. I did not mean to judge anyone by using the term "conservative". Had you called me liberal, I would've said "thank you".

[annie24]

Sorry to have offended you. I did not mean to judge anyone by using the term "conservative". Had you called me liberal, I would've said "thank you".

 

ha, now i am offended, because i consider myself very liberal, but i don't consider breaking marital vows a liberal point of view or way of life.

[rs.dallaire]

Rs:

 

 

Why you think religion should have any bearing on an individuals ability to be faithul/monogamous is confusing to me.

 

Are you saying it is impossible for a secular person to be honest and faithful to their partner?

 

If you think back to the last century, what kept couples together?

 

1. Money. Women didn't work so no financial independence.

 

2. Religion. Only a minority of people practice their religion. It is no longer immoral to divorce.

 

I bet you the divorce stats will explode in the next 20 years.

[rs.dallaire]

ha, now i am offended, because i consider myself very liberal, but i don't consider breaking marital vows a liberal point of view or way of life.

 

I don't understand why you would take this personally and be offended. This is just more liberal than where you're willing to go.

 

I'm not offended by your position. Why would you be offended by mine?

[annie24]

If you think back to the last century, what kept couples together?

 

1. Money. Women didn't work so no financial independence.

 

2. Religion. Only a minority of people practice their religion. It is no longer immoral to divorce.

 

I bet you the divorce stats will explode in the next 20 years.

 

i agree, i know what kept my grandparents together wasn't love so much as social convention, money, and divorce was just not acceptable. my grandmother seemed so much happier once my grandpa died. she never talked about him afterwards even, she just seemed relieved. she also thought he had been cheating on her, but she stayed married, because there was really no other option back then.

 

so, all the more reason, why get married these days then? women do not require a man for money anymore, most religions allow divorce, divorce is socially acceptable.... so there is no reason to even GET married anymore. so i figure that if someone does it, they should REALLY mean it, and abide by it, as it isn't something that must be done anymore. i mean, why do it, if you aren't wanting to stay faithful to the one person you promised to stay faithful to?

[annie24]

I don't understand why you would take this personally and be offended. This is just more liberal than where you're willing to go.

 

I'm not offended by your position. Why would you be offended by mine?

 

i'm offended that you would equate liberal with cheating and lying to your partner. i don't consider that a liberal value, i consider that an immoral value. i think it's all fine and good to have multiple partners if your spouse agrees with it, that's the liberal in me talking. but lying and cheating and potentially exposing your partner to deadly diseases? that's not a liberal value, that's just wrong.

[rs.dallaire]

You never replied to the above. Why? These things do happen in real life.

 

I remember this one time, in band camp, I was having sex with this married woman when her cell phone rang. She would never receive any calls so this had to be an emergency.

 

Turns out it was her neighbour telling her that her house had exploded. Can you believe that? Had she been home, she would've been dead.

 

This other time, in band camp, I was enjoying oral sex from this married woman when she expressed her concerns about becoming pregnant. I reacted like a gentleman and agreed to anal sex.

 

Don't forget, there's always two sides to a story!

[rs.dallaire]

Here's an interesting post!

 

While most people no longer practice their religion, the Western world remains primarily Christian. Young people nowadays still feel pressure to get married because everyone else does. While people aren't "forced" to marry, there remains a very strong social pressure to do so.

 

I understand what you mean by "they should REALLY mean it" but I also understand all of these young folks who thought they really meant it but realized a few years down the road that they made a mistake.

 

There are benefits to being "stuck" together for a lifetime. The love may not be what it used to be but the bond that's created after several decades of being together is undeniable.

 

The norm is slowly changing and yes, the Western world has become "less moral" than it used to be. In my experience, cheaters are essentially confused individuals. The harm being caused is all in our perception of the act.

 

How many of us have lied to our parents at least once if not several times? How come lying to the people who love us the most isn't "immoral"?

 

Most folks on this board make it too simple of an issue. It's far more complex than just "lying to your hubby".

[annie24]

well, you don't have a choice in who your parents are. but, there is a choice in who your partner is. and lying to your parents about being at the library studying when you were really making out with your bf/gf is different than lying to your partner about who else you are sleeping with. i never made a vow to my parents not to lie to them, sorry. and that is just teenage rebellion anyways. cheating on your partner, you are potentially exposing them to STDs and potentially getting them sick - and they have no idea! it is different when you are 20, and meet someone in a bar and have a one night stand. you should be able to have unprotected sex with your husband or wife and know that you aren't going to get an STD. if i can't trust that my husband is faithful, then i will not have sex with him. simple as that, and that doesn't make for a good marriage.

 

i agree that far too many people rush into marriage only to realize a few months/years later they are miserable. that is a shame. maybe because there is a different kind of societal pressure that tells young people that getting married is simply what you are supposed to do, right after graduating from college, and right before buying a home. i am very disappointed when i hear a young woman, like a poster on the forum, who said that she wants to get married, but her bf doesn't, so that has ruined her dream of buying a home. i said, 'buy the home yourself!' another person said they didn't want to go to italy until they go there for their honeymoon. i said, 'go there yourself now, have a blast, when/if you get married, you can go back to italy again.'

 

i don't want to succumb to the societal pressure to marry just any guy and get it over with. i'd rather wait 20 years and meet the true love of my life, the one i will stay faithful to and be happy with, even in the tough times. i feel sad when i see my friends who want so badly to get married, they stay in awful relationships.

[rs.dallaire]

The part about buying a home is interesting. A few years ago, a single person with a reasonable income could afford a decent home. Now, especiaily in urban areas like NYC and LA, good luck. Homes have become so expensive that in a lot of cases, it takes two to pay for the mortgage. Because of this reality I know of several women who stay in their marriage because they can't afford to divorce. Sounds like the 50s again!

 

Which brings another interesting point I forgot: some of my female friends cheat on their husbands because they can't afford to divorce.

[Sketch]

Rs:

If you think back to the last century, what kept couples together?

 

1. Money. Women didn't work so no financial independence.

 

2. Religion. Only a minority of people practice their religion. It is no longer immoral to divorce.

 

Both of your opinions regarding fidelity seem to suggest, "Because something is possible, it is thereforeeee, probable."

 

1~ Financial indepenence has nothing to do with religion, but even though you brought it up out of the blue, I think you can see that women today have the ability to support themselves.

Now, if you are suggesting that an independent woman, with the ability to support herself, is not capable of a committed/faithful relationship...well, I am sorry to hear that you feel that way.

 

2~ Lack of religious values/morals does not mean people all of the sudden have no values or morals. Without religion people still know right from wrong and morality still exists.

 

3~ You should not put so much credence in society's ability to determine right and wrong behavior. Just because society has accepted a behavior does not mean the behavior is acceptable. Racism comes to mind...

 

 

4~ Only a minority of people practice their religion? Where did you get that information?

 

1. George W. Bush was re-elected

2. Massive uproar over Terry Schiavo life and death struggle by conservative Christians

3. Introduction of 'Intelligent Design' as an alternative to evolution in certain schools

4. Among healthcare reform and immigration legislation -gay marriage is one of the major issues for presidential candidates

 

I realize that much of the U.K. and France are "Freethinkers", but I would contest that the majority of American's still cling tightly to their religious ideologies.

[annie24]

The part about buying a home is interesting. A few years ago, a single person with a reasonable income could afford a decent home. Now, especiaily in urban areas like NYC and LA, good luck. Homes have become so expensive that in a lot of cases, it takes two to pay for the mortgage. Because of this reality I know of several women who stay in their marriage because they can't afford to divorce. Sounds like the 50s again!

 

Which brings another interesting point I forgot: some of my female friends cheat on their husbands because they can't afford to divorce.

 

there are cheapie divorces to be had, you can file the paperwork yourself, for just a few hundred dollars.

 

i am single and bought my own place. i'm not going to wait to be married for something i want to do. plus, real estate prices are tumbling, so now is the time to buy.